


Jellybean

by NattieFOURLarry



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Adoption, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Small Town, Beards, Bottom Harry, Businessman Louis, Cats, Cute, Declarations Of Love, Dominance, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Falling In Love, First Kiss, First Meetings, Forbidden Love, Hatred, Heartache, Heartbreak, Heartbreaking, I Love You, Idiots in Love, Innocence, Innocent Harry, Kissing, Lies, Louis Lies, Love, Love Confessions, Love/Hate, Lust, M/M, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining, Non-Sexual Submission, One Night Stands, One-Sided Attraction, One-Sided Relationship, Pining, Please Don't Hate Me, Realization, Sappy, Secret Relationship, Secrets, Sleeptalking, Top Louis, True Love, Unrequited Love, Unrequited Lust
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-30
Updated: 2018-09-30
Packaged: 2019-06-24 03:14:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 150,801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15621294
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NattieFOURLarry/pseuds/NattieFOURLarry
Summary: I've lost the battle with my sanity, am officially knocked off my feet and tumbling head first into his depthless eyes. It's like my whole world appeared out of the blue, brought me to a place filled with eternal peace and happiness, everlasting sunshine, and warmth. It's the epitome of contentment, the end all. And it's right here before me, basking me in its glow, encompassing my spirit and mind. I can't remember a moment without it... without him, without any of this. And I never want to escape or be saved. I want to lie in it all day, be forever enveloped in this feeling.He's the missing piece that I've been searching for.





	1. The Suit

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!!!
> 
> So welcome..  
> This one is a MONSTER. It's long...stupid long and I really hope you stay for the *entire story* and just ..enjoy right!?  
> That's what I hope for at least.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy Jellybean!

It's a chillier morning, especially in the shade, even more so with the sun just barely peeking through the line of trees just beyond.  It's the coming of Fall, the changing of weather, the tourist season coming to a close until Spring. It's a beautiful time of year, the Fall, probably one of the prettiest especially with the foliage and sweet smells of pumpkin. But the cold is unfortunate. The cool air calls for less foot traffic, less visitors, less exposure.

The town dies or something close to it.

The natives become restless, their skills unutilized, the emptiness practically insufferable as the quiet settles, the once teeming streets and historical sites transform into that of a ghost town (and a semi-permanent home for the dead).

It's demoralizing, it's a time for most to get so transfixed on their thoughts and unnecessary fears, it brings out the worst in them. Unintentionally of course. Always. Because who wants to admit they're slowly losing their mind or deemed _the_ town crazy? No one. Especially in a small place such as this. Especially in Harper's Ferry. Especially with the hope for next season (and the not so crazy-crazies).

It's the same year after year, cyclical, predestined...so it's more of a shock when folks still _react_ and grouse to whoever will listen. I'd think by now they would realize the inevitable is just that, inevitable. So why harp on it or even find the time to speak of it? Why must they insist on complaining? They're not the ones worrying over adoptions. They're not the ones caring for elderly felines. They're not the ones dependent on donations.

Their selfishness and complacency masks their true selves, makes them ugly, portrays a less than ideal first impression. It's maddening so I have to remain optimistic, go beyond the depression and negativity, push through the bitterness. It's difficult at times, certainly trying on my patience but it's for them...it's for those who lack a voice, those just looking for a warm bed and loving home. It keeps me focused, gives me happiness and purpose, makes the cold less daunting, and the dead of winter tolerable.

And it's the reason I never left. It's the reason I cannot back away.

A light breeze from the south brushes against my bare arm then, causes gooseflesh to rise on my skin, stirs the thinning coat of fur on the cat sleeping on my legs.

I peer down at him, take in his pink nose and soft purs as he sleeps fitfully, note the slight wheeze hitting the back of his throat. I delicately pet his head, keep him at ease, give him as much peace as I am able to offer. He's just not well. There's nothing to be done except wait and pray for a miracle.

Pray for more and hope someone takes notice.

With calculated movements, I slowly stand deciding it's time to head back to town. The others will probably be awakening demanding attention and to not have them fed within the hour is practically a death sentence. So I hurry back before they notice I took him out because they will, they always do.

I make my way down the trail, find the unconventional exit that only natives are aware of, take the short cut to the shelter, bypass the library, bar, and Inn. I find Brett, the town drunk, lying across a wooden bench outside the bakery with a tattered pea coat acting as his blanket. Just like always. The usual. I shake my head as a smirk tugs at my lips.

“Hey, Brett.” I say in greeting as I snuggle the cat closer. “I thought you'd be home by now?” I stop before him, take him in, find the whiskey bottle lying on its side against the cobblestone. “I thought the five shots last night were sufficient.”

“Mmm... possibly.” He grumbles. “I wanted a buzz.”

“I believe you've achieved just that and then some.” I stifle a laugh.

“I can blame you-” _Hiccup._ “For that!” He shoots his arm in the air, points a dirtied finger in my direction. “You have a heavy hand.”

“And a heart bursting with affection!”

“Yeah...yeah, get on with it then.” He turns over. “I have some sleeping to catch up on.”

“Why not go home though? You're probably one hundred feet away.” I eye the two story home in front of me.

“Be off then...you…cat person...man...” _Snoring_.

“Alright?” I shake my head and enter the bakeshop. “Good morning!” I say to attract the attention of the owner who happens to be a transplant, a person looking for a change of pace.

“Good morning!” She appears from the back with a smile. “W-what can I get for you?” Her accent is distinct, her face sweet, her slight stutter endearing even though she tries her best to conceal it.

“Just a plain bagel.” I cradle the cat with one arm. “For the man outside.” I point my thumb over my shoulder.

“Brett? He's been there since I got in! Thought he'd b-be gone by now.” She reaches behind her, takes the bread from the shelf. “Any butter?”

“Uh...yeah whatever to sober him up.”

“Sure. I'll g-give it a quick toast too.” She says and silently gets to work. I take a closer look into the display case, note the finely decorated desserts, admire the care she took to prepare them, the apparent skill she possesses to create such beautiful designs. The lady has talent. “The cat.” She starts disturbing my thoughts.

“Yeah? Isn't he a cutie?”

“Nice try, sweetheart. Please don't bring him in here next time? It's a health h-hazard.” Her cheeks turn pink as she hands me the bag.

“Sorry. It won't happen again.”

“Thank you! Enjoy your day.” I nod and am about to walk away when I realize I didn't pay her.

“Oh I didn't-” I say as I reach for my wallet but she shakes her head.

“Nope, it's on me. You're helping that man.” She tucks a stray piece of hair behind her ear.

“Oh…are you sure?”

“Yeah no worries! Hopefully that will sober him up.”

“Me too. I'm hoping he can sober up for _good._ ”

“Don't we all? Anyway, I have some orders that n-need to be delivered. See you later!” She hastily turns and disappears to the back. I remain in place for a moment, pick the loan five dollar bill from my pocket and place it in the tip jar on the counter, and head back out into the street.

“Here.” I drop the bag by Brett's head. “Don't thank me just stay away from the bar tonight.”

“Yeah...yeah.” He repeats himself and blindly reaches for it.

“I mean it. I won't serve you.” I half joke to keep the conversation light.

“You wouldn't dare.” He mumbles as he shoves a piece of bagel into his mouth.

“I am daring so don't even tempt me.” I snuggle the cat who is starting to stir awake. “Anyway, see you...not tonight. Maybe tomorrow or next week. Or maybe try and impress the baker. She's sweet.”

“Natale!? She'd never consider.” He is nearly finished. “She has eyes set on someone else anyway.” He waggles his eyebrows at me.

“...huh?” I mull that over. “Who is it? The doctor? Or maybe the bellboy from the hotel? Or the conductor…?”

“No, jackass. You.” He crumples the bag into a ball and shoves it into the pocket of his dirtied coat.

“Ah. I see.” I run a hand through my hair. “Well that's unfortunate.”

“Why! You'd make a nice couple.”

“Uh...no I'm not looking for anything right now. But I think you two would be even cuter together! So get going!”

“Easier said than done.”

“If you don't try you'll never know or regret it if someone else were to end up dating her. If you like her, talk to her. Done.”

“Again, easier said than done.” I roll my eyes.

“Alright well I tried. Have a good day.” I turn away from him and continue to the shelter.

“I would like a corn muffin next time too!” I flinch as something whacks my back. “Toasted!”

“What!?” I look at my feet and find the crumpled bag. “I didn't deserve that.” I pick it up. “You'll never catch her eye if you continue acting like this.”

“I’m working on it.” He slumps back down onto the bench and resumes his nap.

“Try harder next time…” I whisper more to myself and dispose of the trash.

I make my way down Main Street, find the town finally waking up, spot a smaller group of tourists with backpacks and cameras preparing for the Trail. It's what they do when they come. Hike the mountainous terrain for several hours and return to only resume the following day. It can be quite beautiful especially when the foliage is just right.

“Look at that!” A child. I turn towards the voice and find a girl pointing to the cat. “May I please pet it!? Daddy!” She tugs on the hem of her (I can assume) father's sweater. “It's so cute!!”

“He is, right?” I ask. She slowly approaches. “I have more at the shelter too. Just as cute...just as affectionate!”

“Honey, not now.” The man states and holds her back.

“He's friendly.” I confirm. “He wont-”

“We're dog people. Come honey. Let's go.” They hurriedly walk away in the opposite direction seemingly ignoring my comment.

“...uh.” I look down at the feline and there he is wide awake and greeting me with his big blue eyes. “Hi, bud. You didn't hear that. Everyone is a cat person, some just don't know it yet.” I kiss his head, round the corner and continue on my way.

The shelter is at the edge of town in all of its disheveled glory. It's not like the other historic buildings and homes, in fact it was an afterthought, it was meant to be a carriage house or something temporary at the time it was constructed. Basically it wasn't meant to be a permanent fixture or it would have been brought up to code years ago before we settled in. It's unfortunate actually.

“There he is!” Dani approaches me the moment I enter, her mannerisms frenzied, her facial expression displaying her concerns. “I thought he escaped again!” She reaches for him but I hold back.

“Really? I love this little guy why on Earth would I be so careless?” I kiss his head again. “Me and Lu-Lu just wanted to escape town for a bit.” His purs are reverberating against my arm proving his contentment.

“Lucas needs to be kept inside and warm! He's not well!”

“I _know._ ” I reel in my temper. “He...he needs the fresh air. It may-”

“No, Harry. You know it's going...to happen eventually.”

“It can be prolonged. We can give him a few more months!” I attempt to fight a losing battle. “I thought...I wanted…” I unwillingly hand over Lucas. He looks sad now. “He's in pain I think.” I confess.

“He is. You remember what the Vet said.” She places him in his condo.

“Yeah, he reminded me of the tab.” I groan as I begin to unlock the cages, releasing the other felines. “And proceeded to give the diagnosis, and medication to give him a semblance of comfort but I refuse to give in. We have to have hope-”

“I get it. But we have to think rationally here...is it worth our resources?”

“Yes!!” My tone is clipped. “Yes…” I calm down. “They're all worth every penny and-”

“We are a shelter, not a hospice.”

“I...I…” My mouth closes unable to contest. “I know.”

“Let's take care of whose here, alright?”

“The Fall is coming. We're at capacity...I thought we'd-”

“We're fine. We have at least a month still, okay? Let's just feed them and give them what we can.”

“Sure…” I agree solemnly and begin the process of feeding. There's a board, rules to follow, allergies to consider, prior health issues that need treatment. It's a painstaking task, probably the most difficult to do twice a day, but I am here for them. We're the foundation, Dani and I, the sole individuals who care for these cats, to save as many as we can in the process. We even scout local kill shelters to rescue those who are viewed as “unadoptable” and take them in, teach them to play again. We give them a second chance at life when all others denied them the opportunity.

“Okay so...Liam! Slow down!” Dani picks up a Siamese with a bold personality. “He's a pig.” She pets his head. “He'll attack the others and take their share!”

“Not as bad as Nialler here. Right bud?” I scratch the Russian blue as he continues to munch down, completely disregarding my affection. “See? My pets do nothing for him.”

“He's hungry. His sole focus is to eat. Don't take it personally.”

“Oh but I will. My pets are world renowned! The best in the county!”

“What ever helps you sleep at night.” She winks. “You’re working tonight right?” She asks as she seals the food bags and places them back in the closet.

“Like always.” I rub at my tired eyes. “I wanted to get some sleep actually. Can you close up here? I'll come by around three for a few hours.”

“Absolutely.” She smiles. “You're on poop duty then.”

“Ugh...great.” I whine. “What about you? Are you working the front desk today?”

“Nope. I am tomorrow though so I can stay a little later tonight.” She digs through a cabinet. “Oh so apparently high profile guests checked in a few weeks ago. Have you seen them?”

“Uh...nope not at the bar at least. I really don't explore much especially with the shelter being as filled as it is.” I frown. “Why would they come here?”

“I honestly have no idea, they've been relatively quiet since they arrived. I noticed them yesterday and looked through the reservation book.” She shrugs. “Mrs. Winston is sort of losing her mind though so that's funny  to watch.” She laughs. “I'm surprised she didn't roll out the red carpet!”

“I'll keep an eye out for them. What do they look like?”

“One is sort of short, the other two... nothing special...I didn't get a good look but I'll come back with any news.” She continues digging. “Looks like we need more paper towels. Want to walk with me to the store? Then I swear I'll leave you alone.”

“Sure.” I secure the windows, ensure every cat is well fed and roaming the small room. “Be good little ones!” I croon as I pet Lu-Lu through the gate. “I'd take you home with me but that... wouldn't be fair. But I'll be back.”

“Ready?” She asks and I simply nod. “When is the next fundraiser?” We’re heading further down Main Street distancing ourselves from the central area of town.

“Well, I figured we could try and…” We both stop in the middle of the street as the unthinkable comes into view. Before us is a construction site, a temporary fence, bulldozers, mounds of dirt. “What…? When did this happen? Why haven't I noticed?”

“What's going on?” A crowd has gathered, obviously this is catching the attention of the people. “You can't just...build on historic ground. It's a landmark!” I walk further up to the fence and find a man in a hardhat and reflector vest.

“Sir?” I ask. “What's happening? Why are-”

“We're modernizing the area, refurbishing existing buildings, constructing a new apartment complex.” The man's response is clipped, well rehearsed, unenthusiastic. My mouth drops. “Read the sign. It's all there.”

“B-but-”

“And that little shop is next.” He points past my shoulder towards the general vicinity of the shelter and small cluster of homes. “Well we're renovating those buildings, but that smaller one is being demolished.” My eyes widen in horror.

“Wait…” Dani approaches then. “Wait but how?”

“You can't do that!” I shout at the man as I grip onto the fence. “You can't! That's-” Ours!!

“We have the permits, the ordinances, Certificate of occupancy. This plot of land is ours...well technically the developer’s.”

“Who!? Who is that!?” I continue to shout as my blood boils. "They can't just waltz into a historic village and tear down these buildings!”

“Ones that do not pass code are unfortunately on the list. So sorry, _sir,_ we are here to follow state and county law to avoid any fines.” The man turns back around and walks away.

“What are we going to do? We'll never afford rent.” I hear Dani but I'm too busy reading the sign affixed to the fence. _LT Development LLC._ “Luxury apartments? For who!? We're country bumpkins! Not high class blue collar workers looking for stainless steel appliances and an indoor pool!”

“We're on the border of D.C. It's for commuters probably. A way to live a suburban life without the suburban price.” I say.

“Maybe we can move-”

“No! We're not going anywhere.” I rub at my face feeling the exhaustion settle. “We'll go to town hall and demand answers. It's the best we can do.” I finish reading the billboard. _Completed Spring 2019._ “Right at the start of the new season. They know what they're doing.” I mumble.

“What if we're not out in time?” I release the fence and face her.

“We won't have to be. We'll figure it out.”

“This is serious. We have to have a plan B.” We continue to the store as the crowd disperses.

“We won't need a plan B, you'll see.” I reassure. “We'll fix up the house, make sure it passes inspection then the developer will have no choice but to leave us alone.”

“How!? Can you even use a hammer?”

“I...I know people.” I cringe.

“Who!?”

“Brett is a handyman. He can do it.”

“He's drunk half the time!!” She is losing her cool. “Look, Harry. We have to think about the cats. This developer is going to tear down the shelter, build some gaudy monstrosity, become richer as we peons scramble to make ends meet!”

“It could bring more to the town we don't know but I don't want them to touch the shelter. As long as we have the house we're fine! So let's not get ahead of ourselves-”

"They'll raise the rent though! Even if we fix it, it's going to be too expensive!” We're outside the store.

“Can you have a little faith here?” She turns on me.

“You're not going to work yourself stupid and use your _own_ money to pay the rent and tend to the cats. That's unfair to you. You don't deserve it!”

“It's not that important! I work to support them anyway.”

“You'll be trapped here forever if you continue!” I shrug.

“It's my livelihood.”

“You need to make something of yourself.”

“I'm content doing this, why argue with me? And what does my choice have to do with the shelter?” I watch her expression and it's obvious I'm failing to get through to her so I try a different approach. “I'm feeling the hurt too but if we let that overshadow our pride, they'll win! So we should consider putting our negative energy towards figuring this out and making it work rather than concern ourselves with how I  should live my life.” I reach out to her, place my hand on her shoulder. “There is a light at the end of the tunnel, we just have to walk a little faster to get to it.”

“Why are you so damn optimistic all the time?”

“Because I'd go crazy if I wasn't?” I smile.

“I think we're all a little crazy...if I'm being honest.”

.

.

.

.

I sat with the cats for hours, probably took a nap on the floor even as they walked across my back and scratched at my clothing. It's soothing. _It's crazy_. But the moment I went home I knew we'd be in trouble. I obviously kept my doubts hidden from Dani because she would absolutely lose her confidence if I spoke openly of my fears. I think she depends on my optimism, my ability to see the positive in most situations, including ones that involve the shelter.

We worked hard on this place, have had a lot of success in our mission to _save them all_ but what if it's coming to an end? What if this is it?

What if _LT Development LLC_ is our down fall?

.

.

.

.

The bar is packed, filled to capacity with locals and tourists alike, the conversations obviously focused on the new development and the fate of our town. I of course tune it out to keep my sanity intact, plaster on that grin everyone seems to rely on.

“What can I get for you?” I ask an unknown face as I place a napkin on the bar top. He must be passing through.

“Singapore sling, mate.” The man requests as he adjusts his wrinkled button down.

“A what?” I give a quizzical look. “What's that?”

“What kind of bartender are you?” He quips giving me a slight attitude. I roll my eyes at the order.

“He happens to be the best in town!” The librarian, Ann, speaks up from next to him. She places her empty glass down. “Another Merlot? When you get a chance that is.” She winks and turns back towards her husband.

“Oh I bet...the best in town.” The random man puffs out his cheeks and eyes me with equanimity. It's chilling to the bone. “Pretty soon this dump will be replaced and all of you folks with it. It'll be interesting to witness. Really.” The stranger turns on his heel and disappears into the throng of people. His face was forgettable, his attitude even more so.

I disregard the conversation entirely and pour the red wine.

“Thanks, honey. What was that about?” Ann asks. “He had some nerve.” I shrug not wanting to dwell on it.

“Who knows. Maybe looking to let off some steam.” My shirt sleeve is tugged to the right and I look to see another random person eyeing me. “Excuse me, sir.” I pull back. “I'm in the middle of-”

“I had a concern-” This person starts.

“Sir. Give me a moment.” I turn towards Ann. “Would Peter like anything before I am distracted again?” I smile as the weight of the man's stare rests heavily on my shoulders.

“He's good. He has to drive!” She picks up the glass. “See you in a few.” I turn towards the patron who has yet to remove his gaze from my face.

“What can I do for you?” I ask.

“So what is it that you do here?” He starts. His question is baffling. I look over to his group and note a third man facing away from me.

“If you haven't noticed, I bartend.” I state the obvious as I clean off the excess water on the counter. “So let me do my job. What do you need?”

“I was only asking because my friend over there asked for a drink and you quite rudely turned him down.” I sigh at the remark and walk away from him. “Hey! You with the curls and suffocating jeans! I wasn't finished!!”

“Yeah but I am.” I mumble avoiding the confrontation. “Do you think you can take over? I need a moment.” I ask the bar back.

“Uh...uh yeah sure!” The kid stumbles as he balances a bucket of ice in his arms.

“Thanks, Ben. Just refill glasses if anyone asks. I'll only be a minute.” I reassure and head to the back in a hurry wishing I was any place but here. I run a hand down my face, unbutton the top two buttons on my shirt to cool off, and lean heavily against the facade of the building.

I didn’t notice just how warm it became... couldn't believe how quickly the atmosphere changed with a just a few new faces amongst the locals. It was unexpected. It's like the dynamic of the our small village is already changing and the construction workers didn't even break ground yet. I fear for the future, fear the change it will bring, fear the unknown...but I suppress it for their sakes and move on.

I take a few deep breaths and head back.

“Alright sorry.” I find the bar back struggling with a few glasses. “I'll take those.” I approach him.

“Thank you!” The boy hands me them.

“Any trouble?” I ask.

“Nah...just the usual. Brett and his shots!” He laughs nervously.

“Ugh! What a sneak!” I search the counter and the faces of those seated at the bar. “Where did he-”

“Hey! I wasn't finished!” That troublesome patron is back. “I needed...I asked for a drink!” He seems belligerent, possibly too drunk.

“It looks like you've had enough.” I state and point to the exit. “Please leave?” I ask kindly wanting to avoid another conflict.

“But I want my-” The third man comes into view now, holds his friend back.

“Not now, Stan…it's not...worth it…” His voice is failing him it seems as he finds my face, looks directly into my eyes, surprises me with the intensity they hold. “Uh...let's go over there.”

“Interesting.” I whisper and turn my attention towards- “Brett!!” He's slumped against the counter with a finger in the air. “Come on, man!” I round the bar and pull him to his feet. “What did I say? You have to impress the baker, not drink yourself stupid.”

“Nat...ale will never...never.” He shakes his head.

“You don't know that for sure!” I scan the faces, look for hers in particular but come up empty handed. “Well...she might…See past all this.”

“How with your shirt half open?” He grips the collar.

“None of that now.” I continue to search and luckily spot her then in the corner talking to what appears to be a friend. “She's over there. If you didn't have that last drink you could have spoken to her.”

“About what? My nuts and bolts?”

“Uh...well I'm sure you'd think of something interesting.” I hide my concern.

“Time for a nap!” The man stumbles out into the night making no other attempt to drink or start a conversation with the baker.

“Go home!” I shout after him but he flips me the bird instead. “Right! Bye!” I say with a smile. As I walk the floor I clear some empty glasses and beer bottles to distract my thoughts. Today brought too much excitement and really I want it to end.

“I thought that was Ben's job?” I turn towards the voice and spot the blue eyed man before me. He's smaller than I expected, wearing an eighties inspired tracksuit, too expensive sneakers, and a fancy baseball cap. He isn't even trying to fit in.

“Doesn't bother me.” I respond. “We all work together.”

“I see...well uh…” He shoves his hands into his pockets, shifts his weight, looks visibly uncomfortable.

“I have to get back to work so if you're not going to order anything I'll just be on my way.”

“I’m fine actually. But thank you.” He smiles.

“Okay-”

“Hey, Harry! I need another drink!” The voice catches my attention along with a loud crash from behind the bar.

“Oh no!!” I hurry over to find Ben on the floor surrounded by broken glass. “Ah...that's not good.” I sigh and help him clean up the mess.

.

.

.

.

“They have every document! There isn't a state law preventing them from building!” Dani says as she reviews the feeding board. “They literally covered their butts.” I'm on the floor with the felines as she continues. “I don't know what's going to happen. If they take their time to build those apartments, we could at least have until next Spring to raise money and fix this-”

“Zayn!! Stop attacking her!” I grip the black cat with care and pull him away from the white feline. “Leave her alone!”

“-house and be up to code.”

“Yeah.” I reply as I subdue the cat not really paying close attention. “What was that, huh?” I kiss him once and let him go. “That's the best option...” I walk to Lu-Lu whose in his condo. “We'll raise money and make it happen!”

“Exactly. I just fear the rent will be too high-” The knock at the door disrupts our conversation. “I'll get it.” She offers and walks to the front. “Hi! How are you?” She greets. I ignore the exchange and continue petting the cat.

“Hey little man. How are you feeling?” I open the gate and pick him up. “Oh have you put on some weight!? We'll have to make an appointment with Dr. Cowell...He'll be proud.”

“You have a visitor.” She pokes me, interrupting my cuddling.

“Hmm?” I turn around and follow her to the entryway. “Oh.” It's the blue eyed man from last night. He's no longer wearing the tracksuit or hat though. It's actually far worse...much flashier than I'd thought possible. “You'll never fit in here wearing that.” I say, as my manners escape me. I inspect his three piece suit and shiny boots closely, take in his properly styled hair and the shadow of a beard on his cheeks. Without the hat obscuring his face, I can see the brightness of his irises as well. They're quite remarkable if I'm honest.

“Good afternoon to you too.” He walks further in, inspects the cracked floors, water stained ceilings, and outdated...everything.

“What can I do for you?”

“I was admiring your lovely town and stumbled upon your business. Do you mind if I take a look around?”

“I guess?” I say. “We know it's not in the best condition but please understand we're in the midst of getting it repaired.” I defend the state of our shelter.

“This is probably hazardous to your health. I wonder if there is asbestos behind these walls...” He runs his finger along the seam. “Mmm…” He mumbles something under his breath but I can't catch it.

“What was that?” I pry. “I have a right to-”

“Nothing of importance.” He whispers as he continues to inspect.

“Who are you?” I demand. “Why are you here?”

“I’m Louis T-...just Louis.” He replies. “And...I'm here on business.”

“Alright well, _Just Louis_ , if you're not here to adopt a cat I'm going to have to ask you to leave.”

“Well that's not very welcoming of you. Do you treat all of your guests like this?” He turns around.

“Only those who hide their true intentions. Now please leave.” I demand. His stare is captivating though... intriguing. “Sir-”

“I see. Maybe I will pay another visit when you're not as... perturbed?” He adjusts his tie, faces Dani. “Have a good day.” His gaze lands on my face once more. “You as well.” He lingers a moment longer, stares directly into my eyes, then leaves quietly...save for the clattering of his boots.

“Wow...what was that!?” Dani asks as she runs to the door to peer out the window.

“I….I don't know.” I look down at the cat feeling at a loss.

.

.

.

.

“I'll have two beers.” The grounds keeper approaches the bar.

“Absolutely. Tap or-”

“We'll take bottles.” He smiles at me then his date, Dani.

“Coming right up.” I wink at her.

“Tony and I plan on heading to Virginia for the weekend.” She tells me.

“Sounds great! I'll watch the shelter. It's fine.” I offer without question as I hand them the bottles. “Taking the train?”

“Yeah.” Tony says. “Just looking to get away from the drama.”

“I second that.” Dani smiles.

“It's been too stressful. Did you see they broke ground?” The man asks.

“I haven't paid close enough attention…” My voice trails off as that stranger from earlier comes into view. He's an annoyance and improperly dressed. He'll certainly stand out now.

“It’s impressive just how quickly they're working.” The groundskeeper continues. “I wonder why they decided to come here.”

“Certainly random.” I mumble as the man stares.

“Harry didn't you say you thought it was for commuters?” Dani asks which snaps me from my reverie.

“Yeah! Sorry yeah. It was just a hunch though.” I shrug and wipe down the bar. “Hey Ben. Can you get me more ice?” I find the kid walking the floor.

“Yes, sir!”

“I'm so happy your hired him. He was suffocating at the hotel.” Dani says. “They had him running the most stupidest errands.”

“Me too. We all need a change once in awhile.” I look to my left and note the man is gone. “Oh…” I must make a face.

“You okay?” My friend asks.

“The man, what was his name...the guy that came by earlier…”

“Lewis or something?”

“Oh I've been seeing him around.” Tony pipes in. “Supposedly he works for the city or the county...he's a surveyor or something along those lines.”

“Then why prance around in overpriced suits and outrageous boots? Dani did you see his shoes? They were silver with black chevron's across the toe. They even had a small heel.”

“Maybe he has a good sense of style.” The grounds keeper takes a swig from the bottle.

“Maybe he's trying to stand out unnecessarily.” I add.

“Maybe he's trying to impress someone.” She says. I look to her then.

“And who would that be? It's certainly not something we appreciate.”

“You never know.” She smiles a toothy grin and turns to her date...or boyfriend. That's a question for later. “Want to sit down?”

“Yeah sure.” He turns to me. “See you later.”

“Have fun!” I wave and tend to the other guests.

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I am back on the trail the following morning sitting in my usual place watching the sunrise. I went against Dani's wishes and brought Lu-Lu with me for company. He has a check up this afternoon so I want him to appear as healthy as possible.

“Right little man? We need you strong not holed up in some cat condo.” He boops my nose. “Yeah you like being free, huh?” He boops me again on the chin. “See? Why can't you do this in front of Danielle? Prove her wrong? Convince her you're not as sick as the doctor claims? I know you've got some strength left. I can feel it.” I grip him to my chest. “The fresh air is working I think.” He purrs into my hand. “And we'll stop that mean old contractor from destroying your home...and that man…whoever he was. Don't you worry. Soon everything will go back to the way it was, bring us back to the schedule we're accustomed to, leave the questioning to a minimum and the fear of change at bay.” I take a deep breath. “Do you hear me, Lu? Everything will be fine.” I say. “Everything.”

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“Toasted corn muffin with butter.” I smile.

“You are a good man.” Brett rips the bag open eyeing its contents. “Smells supurb.”

“I need your help.” I begin as he eats.

“You're bribing me now?”

“Possibly.” I confirm.

“What did you need?” Crumbs are flying as he shovels the food into his mouth.

“Can you like...take a breather?” I ask with amusement.

“Who cares? I'm eating.”

“Yeah but your getting crumbs stuck in my cat's fur.”

“Then quit taking him out all the time!”

“ _Anyway_...Dani and I need to bring the shelter up to code or else that contractor will demolish it. We can't afford a new place and really, we like our location. So could you help us fix it?”

“What do I get out of it?” He asks. A piece of crumb is hanging on his lip as he continues. “Will I be paid? Will there be-”

“An endless supply of corn muffins? Absolutely.” I smile.

“I meant to say...never mind.” He wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. “I guess.” He shrugs.

“Really!? You'll help!?” I can't help but shout in excitement. “Oh my God this is great!! You have no idea how wonderful this is. I can't wait to tell Danielle! The cats will be so happy...I'll be happy!! Well now I am so very very-”

“Take it easy. I'll need to come down at some point and check the place out. It could be beyond my knowledge or repair.”

“Sure! Give me a day and time and I'll be there for sure!” I snuggle Lu-Lu closer. “Thank you...really thank you!!” I lean into him for a hug but he scoots away. “Uh...sorry.” I run a hand down my face. “So...let me know.”

“Yeah yeah…” He lies back down on the bench and passes out.

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“I guess we can have him work on it.” Danielle says as she places Lu-Lu in a crate. “It'll give him something to do.”

“Exactly.” I mumble as I scratch underneath Niall's chin. “Get him away from the booze too.”

“Was this your plan the entire time?”

“I don't know...inadvertently I suppose. We all deserve happiness. He certainly needs it.”

“What about you?” She asks.

“I am happy.” I continue to pet the cat.

“Are you really?” She pushes. She picks up the crate. “Are you _really_ happy? Or is that your optimism speaking?”

“Yup.” I smirk. “Let me know how the vet goes.” I hear a knock. “You should go answer that.”

“Fine...Always changing the subject…Oh, hello.”

“Hello. How are you?” I hear his voice and immediately join them.

“I’m great-”

“You again.” I roll my eyes as I find _that man_ standing in the doorway in another flashy suit.

“Me again, yeah.” He responds with a slight nod.

“What did you need?” Dani questions.

“Take Lucas to the vet, I'll handle this.” I eye the man skeptically.

“I'll text you.” She says. “Bye.” She offers him and leaves. I shove my hands into the pockets of my shorts.

“What's going on? Why do you keep coming back here? Who do you work for-”

“Well... I'm not supposed-" His hair, his eyes, his clothes. It's too much.

“I saw you at the bar last night too.” I approach him. “What are your intentions?”

“Well-”

“Are you following me?”

“Not exactly…” He stifles a smile.

“And who are those people you hang around with? What are you surveying? Where did you come from?”

“Surveying?” He asks. “The men who you see me with are my colleagues.”

“I was told you work for the county.”

“So now you're asking about me?” He licks his lips.

“What!?” I throw my hands in the air. “No! You keep showing up randomly and I live here and work here and-”

“I said I was here on business so naturally you'd run into me, no?” I note the way he carries himself, find he is far more confident then I suspected. “It’s inevitable.”

“Yeah it is and we don't...take kindly to strangers who...who-”

“Who what? Live outside of a box?”

“No! I don't live in a box.” I'm losing my temper...why? I never do.

“Um, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yes you do.” He takes a few steps closer and now I can really appreciate his appearance, his strong jawline, and crooked grin.

“N-not really.” I pinch the bridge of my nose. “Look, what do you want? You keep showing up and it's freaking me out, well sort of, because I don't know why and I'm just trying to live my life.”

“I have my reasons.” He adjusts his tie.

“And what are those? I mean, you're starting to get a reputation.” I lie.

“As what?”

“Uh…people see you around...and uh... you're-”

“Right. You're asking about me. That concludes _that_ issue.” He clears his throat.

“What!?” He's putting words in my mouth that are completely false. “I have not _once_ asked about you! You're the one who keeps showing up at my places of employment being all creepy and whatnot.”

“I am the farthest from creepy actually.”

“Fine. I'll settle with meddlesome.”

“Not that either. I just…” He seems lost in thought. “I’m determined.”

“Determined to what? Watch them bulldoze my shelter!?” I'm nearly shouting! Me!!

“Well speaking of the shelter...why Jellybean?” He questions.

“Huh?” I look at him long and hard, attempt to uncover the mask he's wearing, attempt to make sense of anything that is happening.

“The shelter, it's called Jellybean. How do cats and Easter candy relate?” When did I lose my control?

“But I wasn't finished yet. We were just in the middle of a conversation-”

“And I want to redirect it away from me being a so called creep.”

“A meddlesome creep.” I bite my lip and look away.

“Right. So please explain.” I sigh.

“Its easier if I show you.” I relent. “Come here.” I wave him over. “We're a free roaming adoption center so be careful when you open the door. Lu-Lu isn't here, whose known to break out, but the others may try and escape too. It's a gamble.”

“Must be miserable then.”

“What?” I look over to him and his eyes are strikingly beautiful, almost too blue. “It's their nature I suppose.” I slowly open the door and sneak my way in. “Alright little ones, we have a guest.” I shoo them away. “Make it quick.” He slips through the door and shuts it behind him.

“Oh shit. I... wasn't expecting this many.” He backs into the door as he spots all the cats surrounding him. “Uh…”

“We have about twenty.” I sit down next to Eleanor, a white domestic long hair, and scratch at her head. “She's our newest member.” I pick her up and place her in my lap. “She was rescued from a hoarding situation in North Carolina. It was terrible. We just got her coat white again.” I frown.

“Yeah? Do they all have a sob story?” He is still pressed against the wall.

“Mostly yes, however sometimes there isn't one at all.” I check out his boots again and find the chevron pattern. I want to poke fun at him but I hold back. “They're sometimes dropped off in boxes right at the door.” I shrug at the unjustness. “But that's why we're here.”

“Mmm…” I absently pet her head as I stare blankly ahead.

“Yeah, I actually don't want to know at all. So I make up my own tale.” I say. “Like for instance, Niall here-” I point to the Russian blue. “-Zayn, the black cat, and Liam-” I find him in the corner playing with a toy mouse. “Once sang in a band.” I snort.

“... they're animals.” The man's tone is flat.

“It's meant to be outrageous.” I continue. “And those three over there-” I point towards three tabby siblings. “-they were the instrumentalists.” I can't help but laugh. “Sandy, Dan, and Josh.”

“That’s certainly one for the books.”

“It's better than thinking of the deplorable conditions they suffered through.”

“Do they all have human names?”

“Yeah, so when I talk about them in public people think they're my children.” I laugh. “I'll look less-”

“Like a crazy cat...man?”

“Ugh...yeah. I guess.”

“So what does this have to do with Jellybean again?” I look up.

“Are you afraid?” He's smooshed against the door still, his features displaying his unease.

“No! Never I just uh…” He touches his coat. “Don't want to dirty this.”

“They're not dirty though. We take good care of our pets.” I reassure. “Here.” I stand with Eleanor and hold her out to him but he practically jumps to the side with his hands out.

“Uh...no I'm good thanks!” He chuckles nervously. “Yeah that's good just stay _right_ there.” I take her back.

“You are afraid.” I laugh feeling my composure return.

“Think what you want.” He adjusts his tie.

“Okay...sure.”

“Have you lost track again?”

“Ah! Yes I did. Sorry!” I turn the cat over onto her back to reveal her paws. “The pads of their feet resemble jellybeans. Hers more so. See?” I hold her out to him and I swear his jaw tensed.

“Oh. Cute.” He struggles. “Really...cute.” His eyes find mine.

“Yeah it is.”

“Can we…I need fresh air.” He swiftly leaves the room then, gently closes the door behind him.

“Huh?” I look around the room. “What was his deal, eh?” I say to the cat who is simply staring at me. “It wasn't your fault. You're beautiful. He's just...a suit.” I kiss her head and place her on the floor. “Have fun everyone. I'll be back soon for dinner.” I follow the man out into the entryway and spot him by the window. “I didn't know you'd be so afraid. I wouldn't have taken you in there. But really they're friendly.”

“They're walking around! I thought they'd be in cages.”

“Uh...a free roaming adoption is just that…. _free roaming_ as in they _walk around_.”

“I obviously missed that fine detail.” He runs a hand across his forehead, expertly avoids his styled hair. He seems visibly shaken up.

“I'm certain I mentioned it.”

“I may have been distracted.”

“Oh.” He remains a moment before his cellphone rings.

“I have to take this…” He pulls the phone free, eyes me once more. “Bye.”

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.

.

“He just left?” Dani asks as we walk towards the store.

“It was the strangest encounter. I think my stories scared him off.” I smile. “Hopefully he'll leave for good.”

“Oh my God you didn't tell him about the...you did…” She sighs.

“The band story is cute alright!?”

“It's ridiculous. You're ridiculous!” She playfully slaps my arm.

“You're just jealous you didn't come up with it first.”

“Uh no…”

“Uh yeah!”

“So what was he like?”

“Who? Mr. Suit? He's afraid of cats.”

“Oh! Really?” She shrugs. “Anything else?”

“I can't get past the visual.”

“How so? Think he's cute?” She pokes my arm but I just give her the death stare. “Ah sorry.”

“It’s just so outrageous. _He's_ outrageous.”

“I don't understand why his clothing affects you this much. Maybe the person underneath is understanding, kind.”

“It's his presence, the clothing merely adds to the package. Makes him appear more... supercilious.”

“How? He's doing a job just like how you do yours.”

“I don't like him.” I conclude and walk into the grocery store. “So you'll be with Tony all weekend?”

“Yeah! I'm looking forward to it.”

“Are you guys like...official?” I whisper the question.

“Well, we're exclusively dating. No title yet.”

“Ah. I see.” I head to the vegetable section. “Mmm...kale.” I pick up a rather large bag.

“What about you?” She comes into my periphery.

“Yeah?” I ignore her. “Oh cucumber!”

“Harry, you need to-”

“Nope I'm good.” I pick up a few more items and head to the cashier. “How was Lu-Lu? What did the vet say?”

“We need to pay him or he will stop seeing our cats.”

“Ah I knew that was coming.”

“Harry, we need to talk-”

“About?” I smile at the cashier.

“You know.” She pushes. “You know what!”

“Uh…” I pay the lady. “Have a great night.” Dani follows me out.

“Harry wait!”

“I am waiting. Waiting for you to stop getting on my case.”

“Hey watch it.”

“You keep insisting I am not happy when I actually am! Not everyone needs to be in a relationship. It's sometimes _not that important_.” I smile sweetly.

“It's not that!”

“Then what is it?”

“I think you're pushing this guy away because-”

“Shush! No more. Goodnight. See you Monday.” I give her a swift hug and head home.

.

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.

I brought Lu-Lu home with me.

I don't care. I need him.

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.

Today I'm off, off from the bar that is, so I take this golden opportunity to go for a hike. I need to take it easy, find my center, calm my nerves, and just escape for a few hours.

I rarely do this, found I haven't needed a reprieve in quite some time since I mainly kept busy and lived life without unnecessary worries weighing me down. But now it's all changed. Our every day routines are no longer _ours_ and as each day passes, the less control we have over the situation.

Yes it's just a modernization to the area, yes it's a way to bring a new class of people, yes it's meant to make Harper's Ferry more than a tourist attraction. But it's just that...a developer is transforming a once historic village into a cookie-cutter neighborhood. The charm will be lost forever including every single villager that made it what it is today and who gave these streets life.

We're being pushed away for fancy facades and overpriced apartments.

And here I'm thinking we're all anticipating the cold weather, the quiet, the settling in. No. Now it's something graver, the situation beyond our knowledge. Now we'll be living in a panic as our future remains uncertain.

“Ridiculous.” I continue. “Absolutely _ridiculous_ .” I have a life here, am part of this town. I grew up here! And now a suit is going to take that away?! Demolish my shelter and everything I have come to know? “Absolutely not!” I shout and trudge on ignoring my burning calves. But how do we fight back? _Who_ do we fight is the question? What if this is a losing battle?

If we decide to retaliate, will we be the ones penalized?

.

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.

“You'll need to add more outlets.”

“That's easy enough.”

“Yeah, every three feet. We'll need to see if your fuse box can handle them though, if not, tack that on.”

“Alright.” I jot that down.

“There's water damage in the corner here. I'll need to check the roof.” Brett says as he skirts around the cats.

“Roof!?” Dani places her head in her hands. “That could be thousands of dollars!”

“Uh...more like tens of thousands. Depends how bad it is.”

“Oh _great_. At this rate we could probably build a new house!”

“We won't have to, Dani. It'll be fine.” I reassure even though my hope is beginning to dwindle.

“Yeah so I'll check that out too.” He continues on, pets a cat or two in the process. “Alright that seems to be all. How many items are on the list?” He asks.

“Uh…” I look down. “Here.” I hand it over.

“Sheesh.” He makes a face. “I'll...give you a quote. Give me a few days. I'll try and find my best connections but I'm not going to lie, this is going to be...expensive.”

“Is there anything we can do on our own to save money?” Dani asks.

“Paint.” Brett shakes his head. “You need licensed contractors to do these repairs especially if they're for the county. They'll be ruthless and with the developer in charge well... that'll probably be more difficult.”

“Why!?”

“Because it needs to pass their inspection _first_.”

“So great they'll probably make sure we fail!”

“Alright alright. It's fine. Just uh...figure it out.” I pinch the bridge of my nose. “I'll handle the developer when the time comes.”

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It has been a week and sleep is still evading me.

This isn't something I'm accustomed to! I'm a sound sleeper, a relatively easy going person, worry free! What happened!? Is my stress buried so deep it's affecting my subconscious... subconsciously? Is my restlessness that apparent? Is this what anxiety does to your body? Is it this debilitating?

Because really, I want it gone.

I give myself a once over in the mirror and try my best to look alive and somewhat perky. I even wore a fancier shirt I found hidden in my closet to distract the patrons from my bloodshot eyes.

“I feel more deflated than anything.” I resign. “I hope this is convincing enough.”

“Harry! You're late! What happened!?” Ben greets me as I approach the bar.

“Nothing I just... couldn't get up.” I admit.

“Want me to bartend tonight? Will that help?” He sounds hopeful.

“That's...sure.” I agree. “I'll train you so some nights you are able to fill in. How does that sound?”

“Yeah! Good!”

“But I'll still need help with the back of the house-”

“Anything! Sure!”

“Okay perfect. Thanks.”

“And nice shirt!” I can't help but grin.

Ben is shockingly attentive, great with the crowds, organized, well liked...full of the life I cannot seem to grasp on to at the moment. He kept up with the orders, smiled, didn't break a glass. It was a success I think.

“Okay your parents totally gave you some pointers.” I jest as we clean up.

“I watched the bartender at the hotel sometimes.” He wipes down the bar as I straighten the liquor bottles. “I took some of his fancy tricks.”

“Ah! So you did cheat!”

“No! I swear I mean...I've always liked everyone here and you seem to really enjoy it and...I like it is all.” He shrugs.

“Nothing wrong with that. You definitely proved yourself tonight.” I commend. His face visibly brightens.

“Thank you! So much!”

“Any time. Really. I think I need the help more than I'm willing to admit.”

“Yeah! I'll be there I can guarantee!”

“Alright great.” I take a quick look around. “You can head on home. I've got the rest.” I give him half of the tips from the jar.

“Oh my God! HALF!?” Ben's face lights up. “This is more than I make in a month!”

“Well, you did most of the work. I think it's well deserved.”

“Wow... you're the best.”

“I uh...nah.” I wave him off. “Have a great night.”

“You bet! Bye! And thanks again for the opportunity.”

“No Ben, thank you.”

A few minutes later, as I'm straightening out the glasses, I hear a tap on the glass.

“We're closed!” I announce and continue to clean but it comes again. “I said we're-” I look towards the door and it's _that guy...the guy_ , the suit without the suit, the surveyor who has seemingly disappeared for the past week. It's given us a sense of hope I think not seeing him. Like, the apartments were a joke and now we're going back to a life we understand. But we know it's just wishful thinking.

And it hurts.

I open the door then and really take in his appearance.

“What's wrong? You look exhausted.” I note the tired eyes and downturned mouth.

“That's because I am.” He swipes at his smooth face. “I traveled all day.” I take in his wrinkled t-shirt and blue jeans. He's even wearing tattered Vans.

“So why not go to bed then?” He just shrugs. “Okay...Where are you staying?”

“The hotel.”

“Oh...you just missed Ben. He could have walked you back.”

“I’m not lost!” He barks.

“Woah there what's wrong with you?”

“I said I'm exhausted. How else do you want me to prove it to you?”

“You're the one who came here. So if you're as tired as you claim, leave.” I say. “In fact, just go because I myself am in need of a good night's sleep and you're robbing me of that.” I push him out of the doorway and slam it closed in his startled face. I practically stomp away as the weight of his gaze presses me down, as my anger bubbles in the pit of my stomach...as some foreign sensation overtakes the anxiety I felt earlier.

“Wait, please! I’m sorry! I wanted to-” I don't give him the chance to finish as I round the corner.

“Goodnight.” I mumble and walk up the two flights of stairs disregarding the half cleaned bar.

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.

“I hate to burst your bubble. But he's back.” I state as I order Brett's corn muffin. Natale’s face falls.

“Ah... I see.” She hands me the bag.

“Do you know who he is? Do you know anything?” I practically beg.

“Nope.” She shakes her head. “I know Tony tried to pull some information from him but he's vague, keeps to himself m-mostly.”

“Yeah... he's an interesting character that one.” I sigh.

“Why does he keep s-showing up?”

“I don't...know. Does he ever come in here to bother you?” She shakes her head. “Does he annoy anyone else?” I ask. She shakes her head again. “What?” My eyes widen in horror.

“I only see him when he works. He's in the library a lot reading over legal texts or occasionally in the h-hotel when I drop off bread at the restaurant.”

“He is up that early?”

“I guess.” She looks away. “He doesn't seem...I don't know what it is.”

“Seem what?” When she doesn't answer right away I press further. “What doesn't he seem like?”

“It's stupid. Never mind.”

“I'm sure it isn't.” I insist. “The guy follows me I have a right to know.”

“It's just a h-hunch, Harry. It's not like... something he told me.” She clears her throat. “He doesn't seem like a b-bad person. That's all.” I roll my eyes.

“He hides behind his suits and fancy hairdos.”

“Could be. But we'll never know.” She finds my face and smiles.

“...yeah I guess.”

“Anyway, I'll see you later?”

“Yes! I'll be working tonight.”

“Great! I'll be there too.” I pause a moment as a thought comes to mind.

“Why don't you...give this to him?” I motion with my head towards the man on the bench.

“Me!?” She points to herself. “I d-don't know…” She shakes her head. “He always seems angry.”

“Maybe if you spoke to him you'd find he's just sad.”

“Sad!?” She takes the bag. “Why?”

“He's pining I believe.” I smile.

“Oh...is that so?”

“Mmm yeah. He puts on a tough exterior but everyone has their reasons. They may fear how others perceive them.”

“That's silly. You have to get to know that person... understand them. B-be able to see past their barrier.”

“Exactly! So give it a shot. You never know.”

“Alright. But if this doesn't work out…”

“It will! I have a good feeling.” She follows me out to the street.

“You know something?” Natale asks.

“What's that?”

“Maybe you should remember...that too.” She returns the smile then shakes Brett awake.

“Yeah...maybe.” I turn away then, head up the street.

“Here you go…” She says.

“Its about time-...oh it's you.” His voice softens.

“It is.”

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.

“He showed up!?” Danielle asks.

“Yeah! It was so random. He looked awful too.” I take Lu-Lu from the condo. “And he was all snappy and rude.” I pout. “I didn't want him to come back.”

“I guess him being here makes the situation...real. Like...it's actually happening.”

“Yeah or he's just trying to show off.” I snap.

“Show off what?”

“I don’t know! His stupid clothes? He seems to enjoy making a statement, a statement _no one_ understands.”

“Because we’re so normal?” She jokes.

“We are. Compared to him? Absolutely…and those stupid boots.” I cringe.

“Harry this isn’t you. Why are you acting like this?”

“Like what? The man needs to tone it down a little bit…or a lot.” There’s a knock at the door.

“I think you enjoy talking about it.” I go to answer it.

“He’s the source of my amusement.” I swing the door open revealing three men. “Uh…can I help you?”

“Yes, we’re here to take measurements?” One of them says.

“Oh we already found someone to do the repairs.” I confirm. “It’s not necessary.”

“No we’re here to measure the plot of land and need access to your backyard.”

“Wait what?” My face falls, any and all hope I thought I possessed is now gone. “But we’re-”

“We still have time!!” Danielle says. “You…wait…you can’t come in here!!” The men push past me towards the cat room.

“Wait! Don’t open that door!” I have Lu-Lu tucked under my arm as I race towards the men. Dani tries to stop them but her small stature is no match. “Please wait!!” One of the men opens the door and it’s like my life flashed before my eyes as the cats pour from the room. “No…no no!” I accidentally let Lu-Lu go to attempt to hold them back from the wide open door. “Dani!”

“We have to close-”

“Just keep them back!”

“Lucas, come here boy! Don’t…don’t- Shoot!!! He got out!!” She runs after him. “Lu-Lu!” I shout as the door slams closed. “Look at what you've done!!!” I shout at the three men, the random men, the _suits_. “What is your problem!?” I attempt to round up the cats.

“Is this legal?” One asks. “Where are your certificates?”

“Who cares?! Don’t you see I’m struggling?!”

“I can’t find him, Harry!” I hear her. “Oh my goodness…Niall buddy…Josh no! Come back!”

“Take two at a time and get them in the cages.” I order. “And you three-” I point to the strangers. “Don’t move.”

“You can’t-” Another tries to speak.

“NO! Shut up! A sick cat just escaped! This is your fault. I don’t care about the lot size or your stupid project. You can give me _ten minutes_ since you’ll be the ones destroying our town.” I glare at them individually. “So stand _over there_ out of our way.” Dani comes rushing back for two more cats. “Are they okay?”

“Yeah…they seem to be. They’re confused.” We manage to secure the cats in their cages, pet a few heads, whisper sweet nothings in their ears, calm their nerves. Anything to subdue the anxiety. “Oh my goodness…that was stressful.” She’s panting.

“I have to find Lucas.” I head to the front. “You’re wasting your time.” I see the three men.

“How so?” One asks.

“When you return this place will be up to code and you won’t have to tear it down.”

“Well we'll see about that...in order to turn this place into a _habital_ residence, a major overhaul is required. So good luck.” I eye the man, walk up to him, am practically nose to nose with him.

“We won't need luck. We'll succeed and you'll be the ones walking around with your tails between your legs.” I swiftly turn away. “I'm going to find Lucas.” I grunt and walk out.


	2. Masked

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Lu, what do I do? What's going on? Why am I so confused?” He looks into my eyes. “What drew you to him?” I pet his back, expertly avoid his ears. “Why did he read up on cats if he hated them? Why?” I'm staring longingly into his face as the questions remain unanswered. “What do I have to do?” I whisper to myself. “What will make this go away?”

I'm losing hope.

I've searched every corner, every store, every hidden street that could possibly exist in Harper's Ferry and Lu-Lu is no where to be found. He had a good head start, used his small stature and speed to run as far away as he could, escaped to explore on his own and be free. And it's killing me. My fear is choking the very breath from my lungs, my longing to hold him close breaking my heart because I need him. He brings me comfort, peace, such affection and if I cannot bring him home I'd be absolutely devastated, so heartbroken I'd most likely quit the adoption center all together.

And he is such a sweet, misunderstood creature, so adoring. How he was meant to be terminated is still a question. But Dani and I found him, saved him, gave him that second chance to live life even though he has an illness. We are here to protect him, make his time comfortable, hold him close when he's in pain, whisper in his ear, rub his back. It's all he needs really. All of them! They need time, patience...a chance!

This is too much though.

He cannot survive out on his own. He needs his treatment, his daily medication, his condo...his bed. He needs me!! Or so I like to believe.

I collapse onto a nearby bench to regroup. I'm losing my composure as tears flood my eyes, watching the control dissipate before me. I was always meant to be strong, be the one with the level head, be there to support others. But not right now... nothing will make this go away unless my cat is back in my arms purring against my chest.

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“Any luck?” Dani asks over the phone.

“No... nothing.” My voice isn't hiding anything... I'm miserable. “I'll circle the hotel but that's the last of it.”

“We'll try again tomorrow.” Her sadness is palpable. “It'll... it'll uh be okay.”

“How are the other cats?”

“Okay. They're walking around now.”

“Did those men leave? Did they get their stupid measurements?”

“Yup. They did.”

“I didn't mean to leave you there. I just...if I didn't escape I would have either punched one of those guys or broken down. Either one would have been equally as terrible.”

“Showing how you feel isn't terrible. You keep everything bottled up inside. Letting loose is good for your mental health and you need to do that once in awhile.”

“But I-”

“Don't even argue with me. I know you're sad so stop trying to mask it.”

“Someone needs to stand up to all of this, put on a brave face, look at the glass half full, be positive! I can't give in...I can't and I won't.” I take a deep breath. “I'll bring Lu-Lu home, you'll see.” I rub at my eyes one last time. “See you in a bit.”

I hang up the phone and walk towards the hotel.

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The Stephenson's hotel is the largest building in town. It sits across from the national park and is within walking distance to the train. Most travelers stay here due to its accessibility to transportation and the entrance to the Appalachian trail. But it also has a pretty view of the mountains and Potonac River.

“Harry!” I find Ben standing in front by the side entrance. “Ready for tonight?”

“I think so.” I run a hand down my face.

“Think so? Still tired? Why is your face all red?”

“Oh uh...allergies?” I lie. “Yeah allergies.” I nod.

“Now? Isn't it-”

“Yeah! So annoying.” I sniffle dramatically for effect. “Anyway...did you happen to see a cat roaming around here?”

“A cat!?” He makes a face. “No way! They're mean! And they walk all over your furniture and step on your face after they've used the litter box and-”

“They're great companion's too.” I reassure as I scan the tree line. “Their purs are soothing...and help you relax.”

“Really? Why don't you have a cat as a pet then? You said you're having difficulty sleeping.”

“Because I have-”

“The shelter has about twenty. I think his hands are full.” I turn towards the voice and can't mask my surprise.

“I see...but isn't it sad when you have to let a cat go? Like when it gets adopted?” Ben asks.

“No...it uh...it's rewarding.” I say. “But it's been difficult lately.” I continue searching without paying much mind to the _suit_. Although...I take a glance at his feet and snort when I note the sparkles and squared toe.

“Why difficult? I thought the adoption center was doing good?” The boy asks.

“Uh...yes and no.” I walk further away towards the park. “Where are you?” I whisper.

“What are you looking for?” That _man_ asks me but I dismiss him.

“Come on, Lucas. Come home.”

“Harry is something wrong?” Ben stands next to me and looks into the forest. “What-”

“A cat escaped today. It was an accident...we had visitors and they left the door open. Lucas ran out the moment he could.” I bite my lip. “I've been searching all afternoon.”

“There's something I have to show you.” I hear the suit speak but I disregard him again.

“I don't even know where he'd be!” I grip a chunk of my hair in frustration. “I checked the trail, behind the bakery, my apartment. Everywhere! He isn't here.” I turn away from the boy to hide my reddening face. “What am I going to do?”

“I can help you.” Ben says. “We can search all over.”

“But I-”

“Did you hear me? I have something you need to see!” I sigh and reluctantly look towards the man.

“What? Your shiny new shoes? No thanks.” I huff.

“No. Actually... it's...it's inside.” He diverts his gaze, grips his fingers.

“What could you possibly have that I'd want to see? Did your so called colleague take a glass from the bar? Because forget it then. We have plenty.” I roll my eyes and face Ben again. “Alright we can start at the steps and work our way back-”

“Just...come inside!” His voice holds a hint of warning and a slight tinge of... _distress?_

“Why!?” My temper is depleting. My once endless supply of patience is disappearing before me.

“Because I found Lucas.” He looks directly into my eyes then, makes me gasp. And not just from their intensity.

It's something else entirely.

“That's great!” Ben smacks my arm. “Wait there's a cat in the hotel?” He sobers. “Don't tell my parents. They will flip!!” He begins to pace. “We'll have to wash the comforter... fumigate the rug...make sure-” I rush past him.

“You did!?” I finally feel a spark of happiness in my gut for the first time in what feels like weeks. “Why didn't you-”

“Follow me.” He turns around and saunters back towards the entrance.

What is it though?

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“This is it.” He slowly unlocks the door and bends down, places his hand at the opening. I see the sweet pink nose first, the familiar little legs, the fluff.

“Lu-Lu!!” I rush to his side, hear the mews. “Oh my goodness!” The man pushes his way into the room preventing the cat from escaping again.

“Come in.” He says from past the threshold.

“Why? I was just going to pick him up and leave-” and walk away... very far away.

“Please?” Why does he sound desperate? Why am I fearing this encounter? I just want my cat!!

“I suppose.” I resign and follow him inside. My eyes are diverted to the ground, momentarily transfixed on the grain of the wood flooring, seemingly ignoring the man ahead of me.

“Just this way.” He says as we round the corner and it's quite the sight.

“Woah.” I gasp as I take in the room before me.

“Yes, it's lovely... _very_ lovely.” I walk into the living space and am instantly taken aback by the sheer size, the charming decor and elaborate draperies, the... surprisingly refreshing scent filling the air. It's a delicate smell, invigorating to my senses, very appealing. Where is it coming from? Could it be the old Victorian furnishings?

“How do you afford this?” I find him leaning against the sofa holding _my_ cat.

“I work hard.” His eyes are downcast as he absently pets Lu-Lu’s back.

“Don't we all though?” I grasp onto the oak server, remain a good distance from him. “I work just as hard as anyone else.”

“You do. I've witnessed it first hand.” He finally finds my face and I can feel my heart slamming in my chest in response. Those irises are so enchanting, especially in this lighting. I'm finding it difficult to look away. “You’re impressive and uh... well respected by everyone.” I tighten my grip as the butterflies in my stomach come alive. He's actually complimenting me?

“I try.”

“You do and it's been difficult for you I know and-”

“More than you'll understand. Probably one of the most difficult experiences I've had to date.”

“-you're handling it gracefully. But I-”

“Look, thank you for finding my cat. I hope he wasn't any trouble but I need to go.” I really just don't care what he has to say!

“Why?” His hand stops.

“Because I have a life to live? I don't know.” I can't be in here anymore.

“Afraid to be seen with the enemy? Is that it?”

“Enemy? I never said-”

“Oh please. I see the looks, the hushed conversations, the assumptions. I'm not as ignorant as you may think.” He puts Lucas on the ground who then scurries behind the couch.

“Oh no…how will we get him out now?” I groan as he disappears from view.

“Well? Are you that apathetic to any topic other than your cats?”

“What?” He rolls his eyes.

“Can you stop diverting from the topic of conversation?”

“What are you-”

“Let me be frank, are you ashamed to be seen with me?” He asks and it pains me almost.

 _Almost_.

“Okay now look whose assuming things?” I quickly check out his clothing, his posture, his confidence. “It's the…” I gesture towards the outfit. “You don't fit in.” I cringe at the comment.

“So now I have to conform to be liked? That's absurd.”

“Look we're not accustomed to it. We're used to seeing families on vacation not men prancing around in glittery shoes with...are those spikes protruding from the heel!?” I snort. “Sorry for the rude awakening.”

“So now you're making fun of me?” His hands are clasped in front of him, shoulders slightly hunched.

“No it's called honesty.”

“You're being disrespectful.”

“Again, I'm simply being honest.”

“If you're this forthright, why do you lie in front of your friends?” He crosses his feet at the ankle and must witness my face fall. “Well?”

“I do no such thing.” I say. “I am-”

“A liar when it benefits you, yes.”

“No! I do _not_. You don't even know my first name-”

“Harry.”

“-let alone if I _lie_ which I-” I do a double take. “How did you-" My eyes widen.

“A patron said it at the bar.” He finally looks away and I feel instantly lighter, not as oppressed by the intensity of his stare. I can breathe which is a relief. He stands straight up, adjusts his  white tie and canary yellow jacket. “I guess we should...uh...” He pushes the couch away from the wall with relative ease and reveals Lucas lounging against the wall. “Come here.” The man kneels, places his hand out to the feline and he... actually listens. He slowly pads over to those outstretched fingers, accepts the pets and gentleness, allows to be coddled and held close. I cannot believe it.

“I thought you were afraid?” I question as he expertly holds Lu-Lu.

“I read up on them, found what they like and-OWE! Damnit.” He puts his finger in his mouth to stop the bleeding and I cannot help but simply...stare? “He doesn't...like that so it seems.” I look away quickly, gnaw at my bottom lip.

“Y-yeah he hates being scratched behind the ears.”

“Most cats enjoy it, as per the book.”

“Maybe he has an underlying injury that bothers him when you touch it.” I quickly glance at him. “I got my fair share of bites and scratches too. You learn their quirks. Not every cat is the same.”

“Just like people. They're not all the same either.” He confirms.

“Yeah but they're able to express themselves with words.”

“When given the opportunity, sure.” I steal another glance his way and shift uncomfortably in place when I find his eyes again.

“Alright...so I think-” I point my thumb over my shoulder.

“Ready to leave so soon.” He continues to pet Lucas then. “Right. Um, well here's your cat.” He slowly makes his way over and holds Lu-Lu out to me. “He's a munchkin breed. I'm surprised he is still at the shelter.” He lingers a little longer than I would expect.

“He...he isn't well that's why.” I cuddle him close in my arms.

“I see. So adopters fear the upkeep?”

“No, his life...well...He uh…”

“Is he dying?” The man asks. I nod once unable to say it. “What is he suffering from?”

“Cancer.” I whisper.

“Well I'm very sorry.” He takes a step back.

“Me too.” I kiss his head and am struck with an intense smell, _the_ smell. “Woah.” I gasp and instinctively take another deep inhale.

“What's wrong?” He's closer than I thought, his tone softer.

“I...I...uh it must have been the fresh air. Lu-Lu smells good.” I admit.

“Was he outside long? I found him around noon. When did he escape?”

“...at noon.” I mentally slap myself. “Why didn't you return him then?”

“I had a conference call and didn't have time to bring him back. I'm sorry... I kept him here...um with me.”

“He was here the entire time!?” I'm sweating suddenly. What smell is that then? What was I…

“Yeah. He was trapped with me, the enemy, the person everyone detests. I hope my awkwardness didn't rub off on him.” His tone sounds bitter.

“No...no it wasn't that.” I like how he smells, the cat. The cat smells good. “I um... alright I have to go. Like really go because-”

“Come to dinner with me.” He blurts and I can definitely feel my legs turn to jelly. “You know, as a thank you.”

“Wait what? What are you thanking me for?”

“No, it's your thank you to me. I saved your cat.” He looks away hiding his grin.

“I ah...what?”

“Jesus, I'm trying to be subtle here…” He touches his bearded cheek, grips his tie. “That didn't go as planned. I'll just be blunt-”

“Sure you've been candid all afternoon. Might as well continue.” I want to slap myself.

“I’d like for you to come to dinner with me. As in...you and I...me and you...us.” If I wasn't leaning on the server I'd probably be on the floor.

“Why?” I nearly choke.

“I want to start over with...you.”

“Oh so this is a way to get an in?” My anger is pushing its way through. “You be accepted-”

“No!” The man puts his hands up attempting to defend himself. “No it's not that at all!”

“Then what is it?” I snap.

“I just…” He stumbles on his words. “I sort of want-”

“To not feel like an outsider?”

“You keep saying that and it's simply not true.”

“And here I thought I was too honest.”

“Yes when you want to intentionally hurt someone you only just understand.” He takes a deep breath, keeps his head low. “Other than that...you are a liar.” His voice is barely audible.

“I have ears. And no I'm not. Get over it.” I turn around and head to the door before I lash out at him.

“Do you remember my name?” He asks as I'm about to turn the knob. I close my eyes and attempt to resurrect our conversation, to remember his name, anything really. But...

“I uh…” I faulter. “I'm terrible with-”

“Okay well, that's great.” I hear his retreating footsteps. “Bye.”

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“I'm just happy he's okay.” Dani hugs Lu-Lu close. “I cannot believe Ben found him.” My chest tightens at the lie.

“Yeah. Me too. He wandered over to the hotel, probably smelled the bread or something.”

“Little chub always looking to eat!” She gently massages his back.

“Yup.” I look away and swipe at my eyes. “Alright well I have to go. Need to get some sleep before tonight.”

“Okay...oh and Harry?”

“What's up?”

“Whats wrong?” I wring my hands, struggle to find the right words.

“I uh…” I pinch the bridge of my nose. “Am I a good person?” I look to her and her face is masked in shock. “Really? Am I a kind individual?”

“Yes! Absolutely! You're selfless, fair to everyone here...a freaking hero to these cats. You are the face of this community.”

“I am?” I ask.

“My goodness yes. You're the foundation! You've maintained our positivity, helped us overcome the toughest seasons with just a smile and a good morning. How could anyone see you as anything else?”  I take a deep shakey breath.

“How about the tourists? Outsiders? Am I different towards them? Do I treat them the same?” She hesitates a moment. “Dani I need your opinion. I need to-”

“I think you are intimidated by them. Yes you're friendly, always cordial, however you hold back, become closed off almost like you're hiding something...like you don't want to reveal your true self.” I continue to listen. “It's natural to protect yourself in front of strangers, we're all like that to some degree but you more so.” She puts Lucas in his condo.

“What if I'm not myself at all? Like it's all an act when I'm in front of you and everyone else? But the strangers are the ones that see the real me? As if I no longer have to pretend?” I smash the heels of my palms into my eyes. “Because I'm exhausted and need a break sometimes?”

“Where is this coming from?” She questions. “Who did you run into?”

“It doesnt matter.”

“Yes it makes a huge difference! Because anyone here would say you're crazy for even considering this! Harry look at me.” She grips my wrists and pulls my hands away. “You're an inspiration, you stayed when your parents left, have a pragmatic approach to most situations, proved we can overcome anything!”

“Am I a liar?” I choke on the question.

“No!! You're not! Who said this!?” She holds me tighter.

“It doesn't-”

“Yes it does! It matters!”

“The suit. That man with the ridiculous shoes and perfect hair.”

“That _man_ needs to get his head straight and leave! His job should be done by now...why hang around!?”

“He said he's here on business, didn't say what but that's why he's around.” I swipe at my nose. “He asked me to go to dinner with him.” I whisper bypassing the entire conversation we had.

“Huh!?” The disgust in her voice is evident and far too heart wrenching. “Why!”

“He uh...said he wanted to start over? I don't know.”

“What did you say back?”

“I called him out. Said he wanted to only fit in, essentially use me to have everyone respect him and not be viewed as an outsider...to be accepted.”

“Oh...I see.” She looks away.

“And I insulted him to his face. I was so rude, too honest...was acting as if I was better than him. And...I fear that's who I really am? Like that's what people see me as.”

“That's ridiculous. He has every opportunity to be part of us! That's on him I think.”

“He called me a liar.”

“Okay this is ridiculous! You honestly believe him?”

“I do? I don't know why.” I run my thumb below my eye to swipe away the tears. “I feel like he can read people better than he let's on. Like he saw right through me.”

“I think you're overreacting. The man clearly is trying to get under your skin, make you question yourself, become uncertain.”

“No, I didn't feel like that at all. It felt... sincere. Like he was helping me?”

“Helping by insulting you? That's not-”

“I don't know...the more I think about it the more I feel like he's right.” I head to the door. “And I'm having difficulty handling it I suppose.”

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A few days later, Dani and I are in the cat room cleaning up the food bowls when we hear a knock at the door.

“I'll get it.” She says and rushes over. “Hi! How are... what's this?”

“An official letter from town hall.” The voice is foreign, doesn't sound like a regular.

“Official? Why...Oh no.” I hear the trembling in her voice, the gasp, the hiccup, the sob.

“What's going on?” I find her in the hallway holding a piece of paper and a woman with a downturned mouth and mound of frizzy hair sitting atop her head. “What's it say?” Dani covers her mouth and silently hands it over to me. I reach for it and it's there in black and white.

“We're...you're…” I look up at the woman. “Is this serious?” I look at the letter again.

“The seal is at the bottom.” She confirms.

“This cannot be true. We were given terms! If we brought the building up to code-”

“I'm sorry. But that's the order.”

“It was all a lie?” I'm light-headed suddenly.

“Sir…” The lady begins to explain but I look away only absorbing what my brain is willing to accept.

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“So what did that lady say?” Brett asks as I hand him a corn muffin.

“That the house was always meant to be torn down even if it were up to code.” I say solemnly. “We were led on, made to believe we had a chance.” I sigh. “It's like they don't even care about us.”

“No, they don't. They want money.” He munches down. “Only. Money.”

“Yeah and to make us miserable.” I pick at the dirt between the cobblestone.

“Do you have a plan?” He crumples the wrapper.

“Um...Dani thinks we should adopt the rest of the cats and call it quits.” I swallow back a sob. “And uh...yeah close up.”

“What's _your_ plan?” He pokes me in the bicep.

“Adopt them all and live in a cat house.”

“That's a bit extreme don't you think?”

“Yes it is but what choice do I have?” I shove the toe of my sneaker into the crack.

“Not mope around? Maybe consider leaving?”

“I thought of that briefly.”

“And?”

“Obviously it's not an option.”

“And why's that?” I shrug.

“Everything is here. Plus what will I do? Bartend in another city? Leave all of you guys? That's a dumb move.”

“Not necessarily. You could learn a lot out there, become more well-rounded, learn something new. Isn't there a saying? You learn something new everyday or something along those lines.”

“That's very insightful of you. Thank you.” I crack a smile.

“Well it made you laugh so there's that.” I look to the bakeshop.

“How are things with her?” I motion with my head.

“Well you brought the muffin today, what do you think?” I roll my eyes.

“I thought you were staying on track?” I ask. “I haven't seen you at the bar in almost two weeks!”

“There are ways my friend.”

“Yes but if you're serious you need to cut off those ways. Not be tempted.”

“It's easier said than done. Just like for you.”

“For me? Huh?” My palms begin to sweat.

“Oh stop it with the act.” My eyes widen. “You're not quitting this idea of adopting twenty cats and keeping them for yourself.” I let out a long breath.

“Yeah...you're right or leaving. Leaving is out so I guess I am as bad as you.” I nudge him with my elbow.

“Possibly.” We slump against the bench in unison and remain silent for a beat. “What happened to that guy?”

“You'll need to be a little more specific there, Brett.”

“The man...uh…whatcha-ma-call it.” He makes these grandiose hand gestures towards his face and chest.

“Ya...no. Sorry.”

“The dude who couldn't stop ogling you.”

“...come again?” I eye him from my periphery.

“There was a gentleman who used to watch you, come by the shop, stand in the bar with his friends but not engage in any sort of conversation because he was too busy.”

“Busy?”

“Yeah he couldn't take his eyes off you.”

“When was this? When did you see it? And...who?” I push.

“Well, Ben told Ann, who told Tony, who secretly told Peter, who then fibbed to Natale, who whispered to me-”

“Good God!! Who!?”

“Louis.”

“... Louis? Who is... _oooohhhh.”_ It all comes back to me now. _Just Louis._ “The suit.” I conclude.

“Suit?”

“Yeah, he wears those flashy suits and shiny boots. The man is ridiculous.” I say.

“He does?”

“Well, he'd trade in the business attire for tracksuits when he would go to the bar. Pu-lease. Who wears that anyway? I mean the guy looked utterly ridiculous with his stupid hairdo and stupid boots and ties and dumb smile and boots and-”

“Mmmm…what was that?” Natale interrupts us and I can feel Brett tense up next to me.

“I was telling our friend about that meddlesome man who we haven't seen in a while.” I quickly recap. “You know the guy with the hairdo and stupid boots and-”

“Yadda yadda... please don't rant again? You're giving me a headache.” Brett places his head in his hands. “You get him started and he doesn't shut up.”

“I do! I'm simply explaining-” I try.

“Yeah that's anything but simple there, sweetheart.” His voice is laced with sarcasm. I could smack him.

“Ugh!!” I groan. “What's up?” I turn to the baker.

“Nothing much. Just wanted to join in the c-conversation.” She tucks a piece of hair behind her ear.

“We're having dude time. No girls allowed.” Brett jests.

“Not really…” I confirm. “We were talking about ...I guess his name is Louis.” I look away from them then. There's this feeling in my stomach and it's making me uncomfortable.

“Are you okay?” Natale asks.

“Can I ask you guys something?”

“Yeah absolutely.” She responds.

“No way. We're getting too buddy-buddy today.” Brett pushes me harshly. “Too close for comfort.”

“Should I have said yes to the dinner?” I blurt.

“Wait what?” She crosses her arms as if in thought.

“Dinner? What dinner?” Brett pushes me again.

“Oh...you know it's getting late-” I look down at my wrist as if I'm wearing a watch.

“Oh no! Spill it.” Natale argues. “What dinner? You were invited to a d-dinner?” She looks to Brett then and her face visibly reddens.

“Uh... alright fine.” I run a hand through my hair. “The suit...ah I meant _Louis_ , asked me to go out to dinner with him.”

“When? Why? Where?” Natale starts.

“What? Who? How?” Brett finishes.

“Um…we've already established the how and who.” I look between them. “Before he left. He asked me…”

“Why did you decline?” She asks.

“I thought he only wanted to use me to fit in.” I shrug. “But now that I think about it, it wasn't his intention. He kept trying to explain but I kept... interrupting him.”

“I'm telling you, dude kept staring at you.” Brett confirms.

“Well now that you mentioned it, he did. Maybe he was just being amiable.”

“Maybe he wants a friend.” Natale says.

“Maybe he wants in your pants.” Brett pulls at the hem of my shorts.

“What!?” I slap his hand away. “No way-”

“Oh!! Now it makes sense.” She covers her mouth with her hand. “This is too adorable.”

“Wait what is!?”

“He thinks you're _cute_!” Natale clasps her hands.

“No!! I mean... couldn't be...no!” I grip my curls.

“Yes he does!! The googley eyes, the chapped lips-”

“What?”

“From licking them.”

“Ah...I don't know.”

“Yes yes yes!!!”

“Can someone turn the woman down? Is there a volume button?” Brett takes her arm searching for...the volume?

“No he doesn't. He wants to fit in! He doesn't care about me. And I don't want him to.” I confirm.

“Says the man who just got all red.” She calls me out.

“I had a hot flash.”

“Last I checked men don't get hot flashes.” Brett eyes me skeptically.

“Don't give me that look!” I bark. “I don't want to go out for dinner with him...I don't want to see his stupid face. He ruined our lives.”

“We can't confirm that. He's here on business.” He says. “Whatever business that is.”

“Yeah probably selling his shiny boots.”

“I think you secretly like them.” Natale says. “You always seem to d-draw attention to them.” I scoff at her assumption.

“As if.” I mock. “Please it's the last thing on my mind.

“Oh...I bet.” She says and I cannot help but groan.

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"Want me to dust the shelves?” Ben asks as I wipe down glasses.

“Yeah sure. Let me move these.” I start to remove the bottles.

“Alright great.” He dusts as I clear the way for him.

“So when did the suit….ah I meant _Louis_ check out?” I ask with as much nonchalance as I can muster.

“The suit! That's funny!” The boy cackles. “He does wear some interesting clothes. The maid told me he has a suitcase just for his boots!”

“Oh…” My heart begins pounding in my chest. “I see.” I clear my throat.

“Uh...don't tell anyone I told you that.” Ben says.

“I won't.” I put the last bottle down and begin wiping them off. “So uh.. what else...can you tell me about him? You know, just curious.” I reassure. “He practically took over the town! I have a right to know!” I force a laugh.

“He’s actually very nice.” I choke on my tongue. “Are you okay?”

“Uh...yup. I am.” I close my eyes and pray my face doesn't reveal my unease. “So you were saying?”

“Not much else to share.” Ben shrugs. “He's freaking loaded though.”

“Loaded?” I question.

“Rich. He has a lot of money.”

“Ah...that's not a surprise.” I nod in agreement. “But he left though right?” I ask just to make sure... absolutely.

“Not that I know of. Mom told me he has the room booked for the next eight months.” I accidentally drop the bottle I was holding. “Holy shit!” He yelps.

“Ah sorry!!” I jump away from the glass. “Oh no...I just made so much more work for myself.”

“It's fine. I'll get the broom.”

“Sure thanks.” I sop up the alcohol with a dirtied rag. “This isn't good.” I frown.

“It could be worse.” Ben helps with the mess.

“So he booked the room...for eight months? So he's never leaving? Well at least not for...eight more months.”

“Do you want him to?”

“I...y-yeah.” I struggle to answer because I don't know how I feel right now.

“Really?”

“Yes! He ruined the town.” I say to convince myself more so than Ben. “He came here and... destroyed our dynamic. Threw a wrench in our perfect neighborhood.” The boy stops working.

“You're not serious right?”

“What?” I look at him.

“Louis didn't ruin anything! He was trying to get to know us, be part of what we created here.”

“I didn't get that vibe.” I clean up the last bit of alcohol. “He came into my shelter, pointed out the flaws, made me feel insignificant, hated on my cats-”

“He was trying to help you! Not hurt you. And the cats? Didnt he find Lucas!? When did he make you feel bad? I'm so confused...are you sure we're talking about the same person?”

“The shorter man with the fancy suits and boots. Yes.”

“Dont forget friendly.”

“Nosey.”

“Hardworking.”

“Overly dressed.”

“Smart.”

“Transplant.”

“Really!? I'm surprised with your attitude!” Ben slams his rag down. “You're not like this...what happened?”

“Nothing happened. I'm fine.”

“No you're not. And you're hating on someone who really hasn't done anything to you personally!”

“Yes he has!” I feel my anger resurfacing.

“How could you think this-” I cut him off then.

“Because no one knows what he does! He might as well be the _owner_ of the apartment building!”

“I really think you're blowing this out of proportion!”

“I'm not!” I shout.

“Yes you are!!” He counters. “And I really think you should get to know-”

“I'm losing the shelter.” I nearly break in front of him. “I have my reasons to question this man's motives.”

“Wait what!?”

“Yes, it's going to be torn down. We received the official letter last week. The date is some time in February.”

“But....I…didn't know.”

“I know I can't blame him, but I can't help but think Louis had a say in this, that he somehow was involved. And I know it's ridiculous but it's just how I feel. So don't think poorly of me. I'm a little bitter that I'm losing a part of my life.”

“No I understand. I think we were all afraid...well are afraid still because who knows what those apartments will bring. But give Louis a chance! At least try to.” I take a deep breath.

“I don't know how easy that will be for me.” I admit. “It hurts though. Definitely hurts.” I touch my chest and turn away.

.

.

.

.

I'm outside the hotel waiting. Waiting for what? I haven't the slightest clue. But I'm here and it's starting to rain. So whatever my subconscious decided for me today better come to light soon or else I'll be soaking wet.

“Harry?” I look to my left and find Natale holding her bread order. I notice her slight struggle and take the bag from her grasp. “Oh thank you so much.” She immediately combs through her hair to smooth out the frizz.

“Not a problem.” We stand their awkwardly when she finally speaks up.

“Oh! My delivery...duh. Want to come in? Or I can take-”

“No!” I respond with too much enthusiasm. “I meant... I'll help you.” I smile.

“O-okay great. This way.” We head through the side door that opens up to the kitchen. “You can leave that here.” I lift the bag onto the work bench. “Thanks...now I just have to collect my pay from Mrs. Winston.”

“I see.” I nod once and shove my hands into my pockets, rock on the balls of my feet.

“Yeah so...uh why don't you come with me?” She asks.

“Sure.” I follow close behind as we walk the corridors of the hotel.

“It's a good thing you came! That bag was heavier than usual.”

“Oh...more guests coming?” I ask.

“I don't know actually. They put the order in two days ago... no reason given.” We're in the lobby then. “Maybe there will be a b-banquet of some sort.” I'm searching every corner, every face, inspecting every pair of shoes...for some reason. It's like I'm inadvertently looking for something...or someone. “I was afraid I wouldn't complete the order in time but I had Brett's help.” My eyes widen.

“Oh really now?” I look to her feeling a sense of pride. “How's that working out?”

“Good! I think. He's a difficult read. B-but I think... something is there.” She looks to me with sincerity, tucks that stray piece of hair behind her ear. “I hope.”

“Natale! Thank you... I'm so sorry about the last minute order. Mr. Austin invited fifty people for dinner!” Whose that?

“What's the occasion?” She asks as I continue to look around.

“He didn't say. Just made the request...and since he's been such a lovely man, I couldn't turn him down. He even offered to pay for additional help in the kitchen!”

“That's great! Its going to be a wonderful evening I'm sure.”

“Hi Harry.” I turn towards them then.

“Hi!” I slap on my grin that I've been having difficulty with lately. “How are you?”

“Great. Doing really well. Ben cannot stop talking about you and the bar. You really cut him a break.” I shrug.

“He's excellent help.” I say. “And he's a nice kid.”

“That he is... anyway...Oh! Mr. Austin good morning!” I continue to look around paying no mind to this _Mr. Austin_ when I feel a tug on my shirt.

“Whats up?” I look over at Natale and her face says it all. “What are…” I turn my head to the door and he's there. “Oh.” He’s Mr. Austin. I immediately look away as my face heats up at the realization. I can't even explain it, can't find the reasoning as to why the butterflies in my tummy decided to come alive _right now_. But it's a warming sensation, makes me feel content as if what I was searching for has been found. But it's just not possible.

“He looks so _good_.” She whispers but I can't do it. I don't want to see. “His shoes are as crazy as ever but...wow.” She nudges my arm. “You have to see.”

“Nope I'm good. A glance is enough. In fact-”

“Mrs. Winston.” I hear his voice and my palms begin to sweat. “How are you?” He asks and his voice is like silk, smooth, collected, grating, irritating-

“It's so nice to see you again!” The hotel owner says with delight. “You were gone for too long.”

“I know. I had to take care of things back home but I'm here for the next few weeks.” Great.

“Wonderful! How was your flight?”

“It was alright. Delayed actually due to the weather.” Too bad the plane didn't turn around.

“Was there turbulence?” I hear the baker.

“Yeah a bit actually. Hurt my stomach a little.”

“Baby.” I mumble and Natale smacks my arm in response. “Ow!” I snap.

“Sh!!” She warns with a glare.

“Are you feeling better, dear?” Mrs. Winston asks seemingly unfazed by our exchange.

“Yes...now I am.” Natale nudges me again then, pokes me incessantly on the arm. “I feel…”

And that's when it hits me...this feeling to flee, this feeling to escape his penetrating stare, this feeling of _dread_. It's strong too. It's pulling me in like quick sand.

I have to leave!!

“If you don't need me, I'll just be on my way.” I glance at Mrs. Winston and my friend, offer a “see you later” and practically beeline for the maze like corridors of the hotel to put as much distance between us as possible.

Why?

Why did I do that?

Why did I feel such a... sensation?

Why are my hands sweating!?

I get so wrapped up in my head, so lost in my thoughts that I forget to turn right at the end of the hall and completely miss the kitchen. I end up by the pool, nearly walk head on into one of the bellhops as my stupid mind continues to torture me with his voice. I can't even fathom how I'd fair if I would have looked him directly in the face.

It frightens me to even think of it.

“Sorry sir!” The man yells. “I didn't mean-”

“It's fine...I just uh...wrong turn.” I place my hand against the wall to catch my breath.

“Are you alright?”

“Yes.” I dismiss him. “I'm fine. Thank you.” I struggle to say.

“A-alright.”

“There you are!” I cringe at the voice. “Why did you run like that?”

“I uh...felt a little ill and needed a moment.”

“Oh...okay. I thought maybe you were nervous because of-”

“Nope. No I'm fine.” I stand up straight, run a hand through my curls and smile. “I'm better now.”

“Good.” She stands before me for a moment. “I need to head back.”

“Yeah me too.” I nod. “I'll walk with you.”

“Sure! Need to feed Brett anyway.”

.

.

.

.

I have Lu-Lu in my arms as I attempt to sleep. But it's no use. I can't relax. Its like the second this guy shows up, my life spirals out of control. And I can't understand why!

I can't stand his clothes, his perfection, his stupid face, his cloyingly bright blue eyes, his raspy voice...his...very soul!! The man is ripping my life away from me for goodness sake and my brain is fantasizing about...that stupid dinner?

I grip the cat tighter then.

“Lu, what do I do? What's going on? Why am I so confused?” He looks into my eyes. “What drew you to him?” I pet his back, expertly avoid his ears. “Why did he read up on cats if he hated them? Why?” I'm staring longingly into my cat's face as the questions remain unanswered. “What do I have to do?” I whisper to myself. “What will make this go away?”

.

.

.

.

He's been scarce, hasn't been to the bar since his arrival and it's actually welcoming. I am able to focus on the patrons, smile with ease, laugh, and just be...me. I've completely disregarded our conversation and listened to Dani’s advice, decided that he doesn't know or understand who I am, and may assume what he wants. His opinion doesn't matter in the end so he can take his suppositions and shove them up his-

“Hey!” Dani bounces over to the bar with this ridiculous grin on her face.

“Hi, Dani! What's up?” I spot Tony close behind who looks a little unstable on his feet.

“Nothing really. How are you?” She pokes my chest. “Oh where did you get this from!?” She touches the collar of my button down.

“I uh...I don't remember actually.” I look down at the black material.

“It's _nice_! Are you trying to impress someone?” She winks. “Tony and I think you're on the prooooowl-”

“Alright!” I stop her. “No more alcohol for you.” I laugh.

“Yeah! Well... I'm _allowed_!” She pouts. “Tony can we go to the bakery? I want a cookie!”

“Dani, the bakery closed already.” Tony touches her arm.

“Noooo…I wanted something sweet!”

“Why not buy something at the grocery store? It's open all night.” I suggest.

“Nooooo ! It's not the same!” She stamps her feet.

“Yeah you're cut off.” I mumble. I walk over to Ben. “No more for Dani.”

“Sure thing, boss.” He says. “Oh! Did you get the invitation?”

“Huh?”

“The invitation. You know for the dinner at the hotel Louis is hosting?”

“You mean _Mr. Austin_?” I mock his formal tone. “No...why?”

“Harry!!!!” It's Dani.

“Hold that thought.” I turn back to my friend. “Yeah?” I fill a glass of water for her. “Drink this.”

“Can Tony borrow your shirt?” She pulls at the collar again.

“Hey watch it!”

“He needs it for the dinner.”

“What? What's going on?”

“You didn't _hear_ !?” She starts to giggle uncontrollably. “There's this _huge_ dinner happening tomorrow night and everyone is invited!!”

“Mmm...yeah look at that. When did you find out?”

“This morning. Well early afternoon. I was at reception when _Mr. Austin_ asked me. That's his name, Louis Austin. Did you _know_ that!? He asked me...ME!! Said I can bring a date! In fact he insisted on it!” She falls into her boyfriend. “Haaa! We're gonna go... should be fun!!”

“Awesome.” I give a thumbs up accompanied with a weak smile. “You'll have a blast…”

“Yeah!! Woohooooo!” She twirls around and face plants into Tony's chest. “Aaahhhh yeah I've had enough. Let's go…”

“Yup...see you later!”

.

.

.

.

“I'm not looking for an invite. _I'm not._ ” I say to Brett as we sit in his usual place. “I'll hangout with the cats.”

“Sounds like an awesome Sunday night...yeah...cat time.” He lays his head back, takes in the last few rays of sun.

“It is! I can get a head start on my chores, maybe clean my apartment-”

“You don't clean it?” Natale asks with minor disgust.

“I do...but I mean like really deep clean  You know, get on my hands and knees and polish-”

“The cracks in the floor? Nice.” Brett scoffs. “Just admit it, you're jealous. You're jealous that you were left out. Little Harry was left out...wah- _wah_.” He mock cries into his hands. “What will we ever do!?”

“Oh shut up!! Stop with the dramatics.” I slap his arm. “No more corn muffins for you.” I cross my arms and slump into the bench.

“Maybe you lost the invitation.” Natale tries to lift my already deflated spirits because really I feel awful.

“No, I didn't get one and I can see what he's doing. It's fine. It's one night, it's a dinner, it's nothing important.”

“Sure...sure.”

“Brett if you don't shut up…” I threaten him with another slap.

“What? You'll beat me to death because Mr. Sparkly-Pants didn't invite you?”

“No! It's just... everyone is going? And uh...I'm not but it's fine. Even if he invited me I would have said no.”

“I don't believe that.” Natale chimes in. “You would have went and s-strutted your stuff! Make him really check you out!”

“Uh...excuse me while I go vomit.” Brett pretends to gag.

“Shut up! Really, you could totally turn h-heads.” She hides a smile, tucks her hair behind her ear.

“Uh…” I watch her and recollect Brett saying something about her being interested in me. But that seems so long ago. “Nah. He would-”

“He was talking to your back yesterday. His eyes didn't waver.”

“Oooooooo.” Brett places his chin on his fist. “This I've got to hear.”

“Ugh…” I pinch the bridge of my nose.

“Really! I'm being serious. The moment he saw you...his entire d-demeanor changed. He became…”

“Douchey?” Brett asks.

“Oh shush! No he became soft. Like he was relaxed… found his p-peace.” I watch her speak. “He seemed to have really missed you. But then you ran away and his face fell...he was…” She shrugs. “I can only say... distraught.”

“He said his stomach bothered him. I’m sure it was the remnants of that.” I say trying to change the direction of this conversation. I really cannot think of this any longer. “Alright I'm going to go-”

“Jerk off? Enjoy.” Brett jests.

“Ugh! Ew!!” Natale covers her face.

“Yeah, to your face.” I slap a kiss on Brett's cheek.

“That was unnecessary.” He pushes me away.

“You asked for it!” I stand up and stretch. “Have fun tonight.”

“We'll miss you!” I sigh as I walk away.

“No you'll miss him, I'll be too busy eating...OW!!!!” I laugh at their banter and head home.

.

.

.

.

It was a mistake coming here thinking I'd sleep. Such a lie...so I head to the shelter.

.

.

.

.

“Yeah! Jump for it!!” I whip the feather toy around and watch as Niall jumps up to catch it. “Good boy!”

“Hey.” Dani says. “You'll hang out here?”

“Yup with these guys!” My smile brightens instantly. “Liam look here...look!”

“Are you sure you're okay?” I glance over and find her dressed in a light pink skirt and white blouse.

“Uh…” I clear my throat. “Of course! Really have a good time.”

“Sure...yeah.” She ducks her head, pauses a moment. “Nah I won't go. I'll stay with you-"

“Oh no! Absolutely not. Go, don't worry. I did this to myself. Don't feel sorry.”

“You didn't do-”

“Yes I did. I made my bed now I have to lay in it.”

“Stop...you're doing that thing again.”

“What thing?”

“Looking at the positive! There is nothing-”

“I'll survive! Louis is temporary. I'm a constant. Let him feel special for one night.”

“Damn you.” She relents. “Alright I'll see you tomorrow.”

“Have fun!” I wink and turn back to the cat. “Ready, boy?” I hold the toy up.

“Bye!”

Only when the the door closes do I allow the tear to escape.

.

.

.

.

There's knocking coming from the bar. It's incessant...it's obnoxious...it's probably Brett trying to piss me off.

“Go away…” I mumble into the pillow. But it doesn't stop!! The last knock is stupid loud, almost like a body slammed into the glass paneling so I force myself awake. “Ugh...this better be good.” I quickly throw on sweats and a wrinkled t-shirt and trudge down the stairs.

I slowly make my way over to the entrance, note whomever was here left finger prints on my glass and that's it. They're gone it seems.

I open the door and stick my head out.

“Hello?” I do a quick scan of my surroundings to make sure this isn't a prank and actually find someone seated on the bench facing the street. “Can I help you?” Their head is down. “Hello-”

“I waited.” The gooseflesh is instant, the nerves. “I _waited_ for you and you never came.” He slowly stands, holds onto the bench, reveals his black, pinstriped three piece suit with silver embroidered lapels and matching silver boots. “It wasn't the same.” He leans heavily against the lamp post, his drunkenness evident in both his speech and mannerisms. “It _sucked._ ” He covers his face then. “Why? Why…”

“Why what?” I ask as I keep my distance.

“...why do you do this?” He snivles. “Why can't...you...why can't you open your eyes and see?”

“I'm confused.” My hand is gripping the hem of my shirt. “You didn't include me so I thought-”

“You were meant to come! I wanted...you to...come.” He swipes at his eyes. “I wanted you…” He hiccups into his hand.

“Are you alright?” I ask stupidly because obviously he isn't and wouldn't have came here otherwise. When he doesn't reply I ask another question. “Why did you leave your own party? I'm sure everyone is looking for you.”

“Don't care.” He shakes his head. “I _don't_ care.”

“Then why invite the entire town? If you were planning on-”

“I wanted to prove to you that I'm...not cold hearted...and t-that I care.” I take a step back. “But you never showed up and it was all for nothing.” He attempts to stand on his own but quickly topples over onto his hands and knees. “ _Fuck_.” He slurs.

“Louis!!” I hurry over to him and grip his shoulder, catch the hint of alcohol immediately. His head whips up then, his eyes widen, his face reveals his surprise at the simple touch. He licks his lips.

“You... you remembered.” His smile is lazy, crooked, filled with a sadness I pray I didn't put there. “You...I thought you forgot to...to you know, hurt me.” He licks his lips again. “To make me feel bad, isolate me because…I invaded your space.” He closes his eyes, hesitates a moment. “You'll hate me in the end though.” He chokes. “Everyone will.” He mumbles but I dismiss it. He's clearly not in his right mind and for me to hold anything against him while in this state is simply unfair. “You...more so.”

“Let's help you up.” I say instead rather than dwell on it.

“No I...I've got it.” He leans into me, places his forehead on my shoulder, takes a deep breath.

“Do you?” I ask as I try to maintain a good distance between us.

“Y-yeah.” He cautiously places his hand on my forearm and lifts himself up only to lose his footing again. _“Fuck.”_ He turns away, twists out of my grasp and uses the bench instead. It pains me to watch him struggle and even though we may not be on the best of terms, I cannot turn away.

“Really let me help you.”

“I don't...no.” He shakes his head and I swear I witnessed a lock of hair move. “N-no. I...I can do it.”

“How did you walk here so drunk?” I ask as he lifts himself to his feet and leans onto the bench for support. “How did you not-”

“I sat here for awhile, tried to wake you.” He admits. “And drank that in the process.” He points to the ground and I spot the bottle of bourbon...well now empty bottle.

“Oh that's not good. Did you eat anything-” He shakes his head. “You didn't... alright, then what did you do? Did you leave when everyone arrived?” He nods once, keeps his eyes trained on the ground.

“W-when your friend... Danielle?” When he looks to me for confirmation I nod. “R-right. When she arrived with someone else I knew.”

“Wait so you assumed I would follow Dani? Be her guest?” He nods again.

“I fucked up.” He curses. “And...and now I'll never…” He trails off.

“I just don't understand…” My head won't wrap around any of this.

“It doesn't _matter_ anymore!” He shouts.

“But it does because you're here. You wouldn't have if it wasn't a _matter_.”

“This was all a mistake.” He rubs at his eyes. “I really fucked up.”

“Can you stop with the self-pity? We all make mistakes from time to time. Including you.” He vigorously shakes his head.

“No...nope.” He rubs his eyes. “I have to leave...if I don't I'll...do something _you'll_ regret. So...so have a wonderful _evening_.” He pushes off the bench with too much force, sails forward, nearly topples to the ground as his coordination fails him.

But I catch him instead, accidentally grip his waist to keep him steady, hold him close to my chest. I feel his heart hammering underneath his clothing as he securely wraps his arms around my neck.

I want to push him away, put that much needed space between us, not give off mixed signals. But it's there. The scent.

The scent I smelled on Lu-Lu's fur...the delicateness...the warming sensation. It's overpowering the liquor, filling my senses with such a luxurious feeling I cannot escape it even if I tried or wanted to.

It was him.

It.

Was.

Him.

He was the source... _is_ the source still and it's giving me the chills, suffocating me, destroying any chances I had of turning away. It's like my body wants to hold on to him, go against my rational self, fight my willpower that wants to release my arms but for some reason…

He tightens his hold, practically chokes me, shoves the clarity down my throat!

I push away a little too harshly as everything comes full circle, watch his facial expression turn from that of contentment to confusion to humiliation. It's all right there, laid out before me and my heart just won't give in. It's like I'm seeing through him, breaking down his walls, reading the fine print, exposing a truth I claim to be real. I don't even know him...

“I uh…” I look away unable to watch this grown man break down. I know it's my defenses protecting myself, protecting my well preserved heart and mind. It cannot let go...it _will not_ let go so it seems. “I don't know what…” I grip my curls. “Please stop crying?” He's holding himself, sitting against the bench, sobbing quietly. It has to be his drunkenness... right? It has to be. “Please I…” I'm at such a loss...but really I've comforted people in the past, well my friends, and he really isn't...a friend but I guess he could be? Eventually? “Alright...Um…” He just won't stop! Now his shoulders are quaking, his sniffles are audible, his sadness apparent. Why can't I find the decency to help him? Why am I being this adamant? This stubborn!? I dig deep, find my inner sensible self and squash down my pride  because I know I can't leave him out here. That will prove I am an awful person, a _liar_ even and I know I'm not. I'm just having difficulty opening up to an outsider who seems to be...I can't even think of the words. _Interested?_ “Come, let's get you inside. You need to sleep.”

“No.” His voice is thick with tears. “No I want to go home.”

“Well, not like this and certainly not on your own.” I grip his forearm and guide him inside.

“Harry-” His legs are wobbly, his feet uncoordinated.

“Nope. Let's go.”

“You'll regret this in the morning. I know it. Then you'll hate me more.” He says solemnly. I walk him to the stairs, can hear the unevenness in his footfalls.

“I'm not the drunk one. If anything you'll be the one lamenting when you wake up.” We reach the stairs.

“This is a bad idea.” He grips the walls. “You'll hate me more. I don't think I could...handle that.”

“Shush. Now lift your foot.” He struggles to remain synchronized. “Your usually so put together...now not so much.” I grip his waist from behind to steady him. “I think it's the boots.”

“M-maybe.” He whispers as we reach the landing.

“To the right and we're home.” I say. “Well...I'm home. You're just...ugh never mind.” I guide him to the couch and release my hands as quickly as possible. “I'll get you a blanket and pillow okay? Do you need anything else?” He plops down onto the cushions, hides his face, clamps his knees together.

“Sure.” He snivles.

“Sure what? What do you need?” I watch the top of his head, note how perfectly styled his hair is and how it falls into a flawless quiff. How does he do it? “Oh pain killers and water!” I rush to the kitchen, then to the linen closet. I even contemplate allowing him to borrow pajama bottoms. “Here. It's nice and clean…” He's gone. “Huh?” I look around the living room and he's no where in sight. “Louis?” I ask. “Where did you-” I turn my head towards the bedroom and he's there, lying on my bed with his face buried in the pillow. “Oh... that's...ugh.” I groan and trudge over. “This...that's my spot.” He's clearly passed out. “You didn't even take off your boots.” I scold to his sleeping form. “Where will I sleep!?” I plant my head in my palm. “Great.” I take the glass of water and pain meds and place them on the bedside table. “Sleep well I suppose.” I shrug and head to the couch with the blanket in hand. “He stole my bed.” I mumble as I lay uncomfortably on the cushions. “Didn't take off his boots...is probably getting the sheets all dirty.” I drape the blanket over my legs and torso. “So needy…” I fluff the pillow and close my eyes.

.

.

.

.

There's a tap on my shoulder.

And another…

And again!?

“What?” I groan as I'm stirred from my sleep.

“Finally.”

“That's unfair...I need more time.” It comes again. “No!” I flail my arm out and smack something.

“Ouch!!” Or someone supposedly. “You have exceptional aim...even half asleep.” I shy away at the voice. “Uh…” I open my eyes and he's leaning over me and I can _swear_ his hair is just as perfect as it was last night.

“How…?” I sit up slowly, never waver from his eyes. “...did you sleep?” He nods. “Good...uh...take the Advil?” Another nod. “Water?” A third nod. “You're a man of few words...only in the morning that is.”

“I guess.” I find his suit is still intact, albeit a little wrinkled but still impeccable none the less. He stands up straight and tugs at the vest, smooths his hands over the material. I take him in from head to toe.

“Do you ever take those off?” I question.

“Take off what?” He licks his lips.

“Those.” I point to his feet. “You seem to be attached to them.”

“I do like my boots, yes.”

“What if I said I shun people who wear their shoes in my home?” His face falls.

“You’ve already succeeded in ostracising me from your town, so I guess it wouldn't matter.”

“I didn't...do that. People make their own assumptions.”

“Care to elaborate?” He grips his fingers.

“No. I can only speak for myself.” I throw the blanket off and stand as he simply... stares? Is he watching me? “I have to go to the shelter. Dani is off.” I head to the kitchen. Why did I tell him that?

“How about you? Do you ever take a day off?” I pour a glass of water.

“Not really.” I shrug and take a sip.

“Oh. Why don't you? Take a few days to just recoup?”

“Nah. It keeps the crazies away.”

“Crazies?” I chuckle to myself at the admission.

“Yeah. We uh…” I grin. “I have this theory that during the off season-”

“You have a nice smile.” My face feels hot suddenly.

“Uh...um…” I turn away from him, hide my reddening cheeks.

“You should do it more often, genuinely that is.” I hear his approaching footfalls, the clapping of his heels against the floor. He's close... closer? Closest he's...ever been?

“I do.” I wrap my arms around my torso. “So yeah the off-season…” I attempt to recover but it's a difficult feat. “Um…” I can smell him again too which isn't offering any help.

“What about it?” His voice is soft, his tone...smooth. _Like silk_. I gulp.

“We uh…” I continue to falter, feel his presence seeping into my bones. Why can't I focus? Why can't…. what's wrong with me? I close my eyes, take a deep breath, concentrate on the task at hand. “I have to go.” I turn away and head to the bedroom.

“To the shelter?” He follows close behind.

“Yes, I said Dani is away.”

“And you were about to explain why you never take a day off.”

“Why does it _matter_?” I stop in front of my dresser. “Why do you care what I do with my life?” I gather as much strength as I am able to, turn towards him him, stare into his eyes, ignore the swirling sensation in my stomach. “What are you trying to do?” I ask with uncertainty.

“Make conversation, get to know you. Well trying to at least... You're making it difficult or _I'm_ making it... difficult rather. I don't know.” He shakes his head, shoves his hands into his pockets. “But that's my goal at the moment...in a roundabout way that is.”

“Uh…? Why?” I rummage through a drawer.

“Well, it's certainly not to conform.”

“Then why?”

“You're oblivious.” His voice has a hint of humor to it.

“No I just don't read into every word you say.” I'm holding clean clothes. “Look I really need-”

“I know and I'm coming.” He nods. “I'll wait in the living room.”

“You are?” I don't hide my shock.

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Because I'm determined.” He gives me one last look and quietly shuts the door behind him.

“Determined to what!?” I whisper harshly to myself and quietly dress.


	3. Ignorance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I look away from him, distance myself from his intoxicating smell, clear my senses. “In what regard?” I ask even though I know exactly what he is referring to. I'm simply stalling, attempting to find the right answer, digging deep to find what that answer would be because I just don't know. A few weeks ago I hated him, couldn't stand the sight of his face but now? After what he's done? I don't know if that helped persuade my opinion.

"Oh it's chilly.” I shiver the moment we walk outside. “I keep forgetting summer is over.” I pout.

“Los Angeles stays pretty consistent year round.” Louis says as he adjusts his tie for what seems like the one hundredth time. I've come to determine it's a nervous tick.

“You're from California?” I cannot hide my surprise. “Why come to _West Virginia_ the dullest state in the US?” I accentuate to possibly persuade him to...leave.

“I live there, yeah.”

“Where in LA? Are you downtown? Do you see celebrities like all the time? Are they that glamorous in person?” He chuckles at my inane comment.

“No, I don’t see celebrities, _like_ all the time.” He mocks.

“Shut up!” I slap his arm as a reaction but immediately withdraw my hand when I notice his face. “…sorry.” I divert my gaze.

“No, I shouldn’t have… said that.” He clears his throat. “Anyway, the few times I _did_ see a celebrity it was uneventful.”

“Oh. Did you say hello at least? Did you ask to take a photo-”

“No, no photo. I walked past them, shared the same oxygen for approximately five seconds and moved on with my life.” He smirks.

“That’s lame.” I make a face. “I thought it would be more of a thrill.”

“No, sorry. They're just people, Harry.” He clarifies. “If anything, the paparazzi are more entertaining.” We make our way down Main Street and I spot Brett and Natale talking in front of the bakery. “But they completely disregard personal space, especially when they shove their cameras in my face- Hey!”

“Let’s go this way.” I grab his forearm ignoring his last statement and tug him to the left down a narrow alleyway.

“Huh? Isn’t the shop just over the small hill?” He points over his shoulder.

“Y-yeah…but uh…” I don’t want to be seen with you. I inwardly cringe at the thought, curse myself to the ends of the Earth. “This is a different part of town I figured I could show you!”

“Um…it’s the garages and public parking lot.” He eyes me.

“Well how am I supposed to know what you’ve seen? You’re holed up in your fancy hotel suite on conference calls all day!” I force a laugh. “I didn’t…whatever…”

“I’ve seen the town, all of it, from top to bottom, back to front. I know its layout probably better than you do.” I snort. “Uh… _most_ people here rather.” He corrects himself.

“Why’s that?”

“Well, you see-” He bumps into a woman rounding the corner, nearly loses his balance. “I’m so sorry!” His hands fly out in front of him the moment he recovers.

“Hey watch it!” I turn my attention to the woman…and it’s Ann, the librarian. I recognized her instantly from her red hair. “Ah! Harry, how are you, my dear?” She smiles sweetly. “You too, Mr. Austin. Sorry for snapping.” He waves her off nervously. “We had a wonderful time last night by the way. Thank you for the invitation and wine.” She winks. “Lot's of...wine.”

“Of course, it was my pleasure.” Louis nods his head once and diverts his gaze.

“I didn’t see you there.” She says to me. “What happened?”

“Oh…see he-” Louis tries to speak up.

“Cats.” I cut in.  He looks at me curiously obviously wondering why I'm defending him. And really, me too because why did I feel it necessary to do such a thing? Defend...him!? “They needed me.” I'm losing my touch.

“You and those cats! Have a little fun! You’re too young to be holed up in that shelter.” The librarian scolds.

“Yeah well…uh it won’t be for much longer.” I turn away. “So I'm trying to take advantage.”

“Why’s that?” She pries. “What’s happening?”

“Oh, you didn’t hear…I’m surprised Ben didn’t tell anyone.” I take a deep breath. “It’s being torn down in a few months.” I keep my voice neutral and tears at bay, squash down any emotions really.

“What! Why!” I avoid her eyes. I’m tired of the pity honestly.

“It’s not up to code.” I confirm. “They didn’t give us a chance to fix it. So now it’s going to be some playground or whatever.”

“Awful. Just _awful_. Who are these people?! They’re destroying a perfectly good town and for what? To rent apartments to a higher class of people? Harry, I am terribly sorry. How is Dani handling it?”

“The same I guess. We try not to dwell on it.” I look over to Louis who is stone faced, quiet, a little tense. “And uh…put all of our attention on the cats, you know helping with adoptions and such.” His mouth is in a straight line.

“If you want, you can bring two of your _best behaved_ cats-”

“Three?” I suggest with a smile.

“…three, and have them come to story time. I have a bunch of children from town who come with their mother’s. Maybe that can promote adoptions.”

“That would be…incredible. I really do appreciate it. You don’t mind? It won’t be a bother?”

“Not at all. You deserve it.” She smiles. “I’ll call you next week and we can set up a date.”

“Great! Thank you Ann, really thank you.”

“Of course. Have a great day! You too, Mr. Austin.” The moment she's out of ear shot I turn to Louis.

“Wow! That’s awesome…I have to tell Dani. She’ll be so happy.” I say as I continue walking. He follows suit but he is too quiet, still tense. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, of course. I’m fine I just uh…feel sorry about the shelter is all.”

“Have you grown to love cats? Is that it? Has Lu-Lu succeeded in changing your mind?” I nudge him with my elbow. “He tends to have that affect on people.”

“Absolutely. He’s adorable.” He smiles but it doesn’t reach his eyes.

“He is a good boy.” I spot the shelter in the distance. “They all are in their own unique way. You just have to get to know them.”

“Mmm.” He mumbles.

“Alright so feeding time can be intense. Just warning you.” I smile in an attempt to brighten his mood.

“That’s fine.” His entire disposition changed though.

“What’s going on? Did I say something?”

“I’m fine, Harry. You don’t have to worry about me.” We reach the shelter and I unlock the door. “I’m the supposed enemy, my feelings shouldn’t matter.” Well he was at some point but I’m not so certain anymore.

“Um…if you say so.” I walk in without another word. “I’m warning you…this could get ugly.”

“How so?” He asks as we enter the cat room.

“You’ll see.” I smirk and begin unlocking the cages.

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.

.

“Wow…” We’re seated in the corner with Lu-Lu in Louis’ lap watching the others play. “I wasn’t…they’re pigs.” He makes a disgusted noise mixed with humor. “I suspected cats were gentle eaters.”

“Not them, no. They’re like little Hoover vacuums. They suck up the food and wonder where it went the moment it’s gone.”

“…now I can’t deny that.” I look down at Lucas.

“He seems to really enjoy your touches.” I point out Louis’ hand massaging the feline’s back.

“Mmm…it was something I read.”

“Why did you read about cats? What was the reasoning?”

“Do you want the real reason or the alternate version?” His cheeks flush slightly as his fingers glide over Lu-Lu’s soft fur.

“There are two versions?”

“Yeah.” He takes a deep breath. “I’ll start with the second. I think that’ll be easier.”

“Oh for you?” I ask.

“No, you.” He clarifies.

“I see…alright well…try me?” He nods once.

“I wanted to learn about cats to overcome my irrational fear.”

“So you _were_ afraid.” I poke him in the shoulder which in turn makes his face redder. “You were smooshed against the door last time and it was…hilarious!” I begin laughing. “And you were just trying to play it off all cool…and yeah…wow. _Don't want to dirty my clothes._ Good one!” I continue to chuckle but sober the moment I realize he isn’t joining in. “Um…okay.” I clear my throat. “What’s the _other_ reason?” He peers over at me and I...stare back.

“I don’t think you’re ready for it honestly.” He whispers, intently watches me, most likely gauging my reaction. “Yeah, I’ll hold off for now.”

“What! Ugh buzz kill.” I slump into the wall. “So not fair! Tell me!”

“No, my mind is already made up.” He shakes his head.

“Will you _ever_ tell me then?” I whine.

“Yes in time, if I feel you’re ready to hear it.” He releases Lu-Lu.

“I cannot believe you led me on like that! Ugh this isn’t fair!”

“Life isn’t fair, Harry. I need...” His voice trails off. “Is he okay?” He points to Lu-Lu. “He doesn't look stable.”

“Huh?” I look over and see the cat shaking. “Lucas?!” I shuffle over to him and scoop him up. “Kitty? What’s wrong?” The shivers turn into deep, body wracking chills. It isn’t normal. It's nothing I've witnessed before. “Oh my god. I have to take him to the vet! I don’t…I don’t know what’s wrong! He's never done this before!” I stand up with him in my arms and begin pacing. “I don’t understand…he was fine…He was FINE!” I feel the tears stinging my eyes. “I just…is this it?!”

“Hey! It’s okay! We can go right now…to the vet, have him examined.” Louis reassures but he doesn’t know…he has no idea!

“We can’t! We haven’t paid the Vet in months because we're short on funds…we can’t…he won’t look at him!”

“What?” Louis questions. “How do you…? Give me the cat.”

“The vet already told us! There's nothing he will do.”

“ _Give_ me the cat, Harry. I’ll speak to this vet of yours.” He takes Lu-Lu from my arms. “Lead the way.” He instructs.

“Uh…” I swipe my nose with the back of my hand. “What?”

“Let’s go. I will not ask again.” His voice is adamant, a little domineering.

“Um…uh yes…?”

It's sort of…

.

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.

.

What was that?

.

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.

.

“Hi Harry…what’s wrong?!” The vet technician finds my face probably all red and blotchy, tear stained and anguished.

“H-Hi…Nick…uh…um-” I cannot speak, cannot _think_ , cannot take my eyes off of Lu-Lu who continues to shake. His eyes are closed, seems to be slightly lethargic and struggling to breathe.

“Lucas needs to see the vet immediately.” Louis holds the feline close to his chest.

“But the bill-” Nick tries but Louis interrupts.

“You would turn a sick feline away?  A feline who is need of medical attention? A feline who is on the brink of dying? What kind of establishment are you running!? Take me to the veterinarian immediately. I do not have _time_ to deal with your pettiness.”

“Excuse me sir, but-” The technician attempts to speak up.

“No, you excuse me. You haven’t the slightest clue who you are dealing with, so I suggest you take that rather large stick out of your ass and help this cat or I will ensure your certificate is revoked.” Nick stands there wide eyed, mouth agape, and so stunned I’m shocked he’s still standing.

“What is going on!?” The vet stomps in.

“Dr. Cowell! Please you have to help!” I cry. I’m standing at the reception desk, watching the man look between myself and Louis and back to Nick. “P-please! Lu-Lu…he’s…I don’t know!” I sob in my hands.

“Harry, you must understand our services are not free-”

“I’ll pay for it.” Louis speaks up. “I’ll pay-”

“He owes more than the visit, _sir_.” The vet practically spits. “It’s nearly five thousand-”

“That’s _fantastic_. Take Lucas and give him a full exam.” He hands me the cat and proceeds to pull his wallet free.

“Louis you don’t-” He gives me a pointed look and I immediately back away. _Woah._

“Hope you take American Express.” Louis hands over his credit card.

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.

I’m holding Lucas close, barely paying attention to the show on the television, hardly focusing on life.

After today’s events, I just wanted to come back home, keep my cat close, and not talk to anyone for a while. The vet said he was severely dehydrated but I cannot understand how that could cause trembling and irregular breathing. I’m starting to believe it’s something more substantial…something involving his overall health…something confirming his life is hanging on by mere threads. And it hurts…it hurts because we’ve worked so hard to save him, to give this feline a chance. But a stupid illness has to be his demise. It’s unfair.

“Is he okay!?’ I hear Dani coming up the steps. “Where is he?!”

“Right here.” I hold him out for her to take.

“My little baby!” She folds Lu-Lu in her arms. “How did you bribe the vet to look at him?!”

“Uh…” I close my eyes unable to deny Louis was with me all day, that _Louis_ paid for the insane bill with just a swipe of his credit card, and without hesitation too. “The bill was paid for in full.” I look for Dani’s reaction and it’s exactly what I suspected it to be: shock.

“How? Who?”

“Our dear friend, Mr. Austin.” I mumble.

“He did what?! Why was he…wait he came…what was he…” She is flabbergasted, completely losing her mind. “Explain!” She demands.

“Um…do I have to? Can we just say he was there and paid?”

“No! I want to know the details…every…single-”

“Hey, I’m back.” Louis comes into view then, kicks off his sneakers.

He remembered.

“Oh great.” I groan to myself, place my head in my hands.

“You paid…?” She asks him. “You paid Lucas’ vet bill?”

“I did?” He says. I look over to him, take in his track suit pants and white long sleeved cotton shirt. His hair is tousled too, freshly washed, probably soft to the touch rather than stiff from hair gel. He looks...normal, well...not as flashy... more like _us._

“Why?” She half whispers. I sort of miss it. “What compelled you to be so generous?”

“I…” He pauses. “In time, I will explain.”

“I see…well I cannot thank you enough. We took advantage I believe and this is our consequence.” She sighs. “Wow, so he’s okay. My goodness, Harry your voicemail had me in a craze.”

“I’m sorry. I know you were with your parents …I didn’t mean to scare you.” I say solemnly.

“He held it together I thought. “ Louis says. “Lucas was a trooper too.” He pets the feline’s back gently.

“Please let us pay you back?” Dani asks.

“No, absolutely not. Think of it as a gift.”

“A very pricey gift!”

“Danielle, it's okay. I wanted to help.” Dani holds the cat even closer and nods.

“Can I take him? I have a heating pad he can lay on.”

“Yeah. Yeah sure.” I sigh into my hands. “I’ll uh…go to the cats tomorrow.”

“Okay. Thank you again for everything.” She says to Louis. “I really cannot even begin to express-”

“It’s fine. Please no more thanking.” He says. I glance over at him again and find his hands in his pockets, his mouth in a grin. _He looks like us._

“Sorry. Sorry. I’ll go. Leave you two…” She clears her throat and I give her _the_ death glare. “Right, bye!” She quickly disappears around the corner.

But there's silence.

Deafening silence.

Unanswered questions.

A chilling sensation crawling it's way up my spine.

Where do I begin?

What do I say?

“Are you working tonight?” Louis asks and I'm thrown back into reality.

“It’s…what’s today?” I ask because really who's keeping track?

“Monday.”

“The bar is closed Sunday and Monday.” I state.

“So…that would be a no?” He quietly approaches me.

“Yes.” My chest thightens.

“Alright.” He nods once, keeps his hands in his pockets and feet planted firmly in place.

“Yup.” I stare blankly ahead at the television. “Don't you work a regular nine to five?”

“Yes and no.”

“Well it can't be one or the other.” I am hardly engaged in the conversation because my mind is...not focusing.

“My schedule varies from week to week. Day to day sometimes.”

“So today was…?” I glance at him.

“Booked.” My face falls. “I had a conference call...well, three actually with two clients and my team back in California. I wound up cancelling them.” He grins.

“What?” I question. “How could you risk your job for cats!?”

“And you.” He mumbles but I squash it down along with the butterflies in my stomach.

“But seriously though? That's a dumb move.”

“It was my choice, Harry. I wanted to and did so let's not dwell upon my decisions.”

“But you could be-”

“No, it's...fine really. I'm sure my staff...I’m sure they're relieved.” I look away from him.

“If you say so. I better not receive a phone call in a week saying you lost your job and need a place to crash.”

“That's a guarantee.” His voice has a hint of humor in it.

We fall silent for a moment.

“Why don't you sit?” I eventually ask to be hospitable _only._

“I was… I’m going to-”

“You’re leaving?” I ask. A spark of sadness slinks it's way in suddenly.

“I wasn’t planning on it.” He tentatively sits down next to me, remains at the edge of the cushion, eyes me with trepidation.

“Okay cool.” I squeeze the bridge of my nose, attempt to think of the right words to start with because now I have to ask. “Why did you do it?”

“Do what?” He remains still.

“Paid the vet? Why did you do it? Why did you _really_ read about cats? Why did you invite me to dinner? Why did you come to the bar drunk?” I rub at my eyes to hide the tears. “What are you doing?” I ask him again. “What are you so determined about?”

“If I tell you, I’ll have to kill you.” He smiles and sits further back, rests against the cushions. “And I don’t want to because…” He sighs.

“Because why?” I sit up and face him, see the real Louis, find the bits and pieces shaping into something I can understand and begin to appreciate.

“I enjoy your company.” He confirms with a shrug. “Plain and simple.”

“Oh…that’s all? You like spending time with me? As a friend?” My heart betrays me at the mention of…friend.

“Uh…yeah sure. _Friend_.” Louis’ face is stone again, unreadable, expressionless, filled with a whole lot of nothing. He also has his defenses it seems.

“Okay.” I nod and get comfortable once again.

“I have to go.” He stands suddenly.

“Go? But you said-”

“I know _what I said_ … but that was under different circumstances.” He’s gripping his soft fringe, pacing the length of my home. He seems so small without his boots, so fragile. So normal. _Like us._ “God. I’m fucking doing this all wrong.”

“What are you trying to say?” I keep my gaze trained on his face.

“Everything. The words I’m keeping buried here.” He touches his chest with both hands. “The words I am so willing to share with you. The words I fear will make you hate me...even more.”

“Hate? Even more…?”

“Because I haven't the slightest clue as to how…what you’re…” He rushes over then, sits next to me on the couch. “How do you feel? What’s going on up here?” He gently taps my temple, moves impossibly close. My heart is slamming in my chest, my hands are sweating, my mind is transfixed on the body sitting mere inches from me.

“How do I feel?” I watch him lick his lips, find him reaching for his tie that he is no longer wearing. “About what?”

“Me. How do you feel about me.” His eyes are shining, expecting, waiting.

“I…” I look away from him, distance myself from his intoxicating smell, clear my senses. “In what regard?” I ask even though I know exactly what he is referring to. I'm simply stalling, attempting to find the right answer, digging deep to find what that answer _would_ be because I just don't know. A few weeks ago I hated him, couldn't stand the sight of his face but now? After what he's done? I don't know if that helped persuade my opinion.

“Harry, stop pretending you're this ignorant.” He inches closer, licks at his lips.

“You keep doing that.” I point out to by myself time.

“Yes and I can't seem to stop either.” He does it intentionally this time, leans in towards me ever so slightly.

“Why?” I glance at his glistening pink mouth quickly then his eyes.

“Because you stare at them more than you're willing to admit. And when I catch you, I cannot help but react.”

“I do not stare at your lips.” I say to defend myself. “I only would-”

“Harry, just please?” He moves an inch closer then. “What are you feeling? Can you give me a tiny hint?” He indicates as such with his fingers. “Something to grasp onto?”

“Louis I-” I accidentally lean towards him, feel a pulling sensation guiding me forward. “It’s difficult to... find.”

“What is?” He whispers.

“The truth.” My voice is as equally hushed.

“Find it. It has to be in there.” He leans further in, closes that small distance between us.

“I…” I shut my eyes. “It's…” A loud crack of thunder disrupts the moment suddenly. “Oh!” I pull away then, regain my clarity that has since glazed over in a moment of weakness. I'm sweating all over too. I can't decide if it was my nerves or fear.

“Fuck.” He whispers and wraps his arms around his torso.

“Yeah it scared me too.” I choke.

“The thunder doesn't frighten me.” I can feel his discontent radiating from him, can sense the sadness.

“Oh.” I hide my face and move a little further away. “Well I sort of am.” I pick up a decorative pillow and crush it to my chest. “I have to text Dani and make sure she made it home.”

“I'm sure she's fine.” He sits back into the cushions and stares at the television.

“Yeah I know but-” Another clap of thunder fills the room. “Ah! Yeah...let me just turn the volume up…” The rain outside begins to pick up too. “It was supposed to rain!?”

“Yes, it was in the forecast.” He grunts from his place on the couch.

“Oh...I guess I didn't-”

“I have to go.” He quickly stands again and rushes to put his shoes on.

“You'll get soaking wet!” I watch him.

“Good, maybe it'll cool me down, wash away these incessant thoughts I cannot seem to rid myself of.” He barely looks my way. “Bye.”

“Wait...wait!” I watch him turn the corner and disappear.

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.

.

He...we...what happened? Was he about to kiss me? Was he speaking to me through his actions? Was he opening up to me in his own way? Is he too afraid I'll deny him? Am I too afraid to admit I wouldn't?

Am I too afraid to open up to him?

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.

.

A week passes and I haven't seen Louis.

I am assuming he is working, catching up on the meetings he cancelled, making up for lost time. But how could he do this to himself? How could he cancel those meetings understanding the consequences? And for what? The cats? I mean yes they're important, probably more important than any job but he seems to be...in a seat of authority, have some sort of control over a substantial amount of people. One small mishap could potentially lead to a mistake or a major setback. I just hope he knows what he's doing and doesn't come back to me to point blame.

“Lucas seems to be doing better.” Dr. Cowell states as he looks the cat over.

“Good. Dani and I have been keeping a close eye on him.” I reassure. “He's eating normally and plays with the others too.”

“Great. I'll continue with this current medication and see if there are any improvements.”

“Sure. Thanks.” I pick Lu-Lu up. “See you in a month.” I walk to the front desk. “All finished.” I say to Nick.

“Oh! Okay good. Let me just…” He clicks around on the computer and pauses. “Uh... That's strange.”

“What is?”

“It's been paid…”

“Huh? How?” I ask with concern.

“It seems the man who covered the bill last time set up reoccurring payments for future visits.”

“Whaaaaaaaat?” I'm in shock. “Why?!”

“I don't know! He's your boyfriend. Ask him!”

“ _Friend_.” I snap.

“What a generous friend you've got there. Can I borrow him? I've got some bills and _other needs_ that require attention.”

“No! Go find your own…” I glare at him and leave the office to call Dani.

“Hey!” She answers on the first ring.

“You won't believe this.” I start. “Louis not only paid for Lu-Lu's bills but for all _future_ visits too!”

“Seriously!?”

“Yes!! I still can't believe it. It's crazy. I can't even-”

“He must be really fond of you.”

“... of the cats you mean. He read up on them to get over his fear.”

“I bet... _his fear_. Sure, Harry.”

“Yeah! I didn't tell you he cancelled his meeting's last week to be with Lucas after the incident.”

“...sure, Harry.” She repeats herself.

“Oh shut up!!”

“Isn't it obvious what he's doing?” She asks. “Don't you understand?”

“I... _no_ .” I lie because I am starting to and it's frightening. “And if he's _doing_ what you say, why haven't I seen him? Why did he drop me like fifth period French? Leave me in the dust?”

“Well what happened the last time you guys were together?”

“He ran out like the place was on fire.”

“What caused him to?”

“My fear of thunder.” I lie. “He got all weird when I admitted to it.” Lie.

“Okay I'm certain he didn't leave because of your fear of thunder.”

“Yes he did. He bolted out that door so fast-”

“Harry, what really happened?” I make it back to the shelter and hang up, take a deep reassuring breath.

“I think he wanted to kiss me.” Dani turns around with the phone resting between her cheek and shoulder.

“What?” Her mouth is tugging into a smile. “He _what_?” She practically jumps.

“Louis I _believe_ wanted to kiss me. But don't tell anyone okay? I don't want to assume things.”

“Why didn't you guys go through with it?”

“The thunder...it sort of snapped me awake. Like he had me so close...and…” I look at her face and it's filled with amusement and delight I seriously want to scream. “What?!”

“It's just…” She shrugs. “About time.”

“About time for what?”

“That you stopped being so obstinate on denying his feelings.”

“I am...not...feelings? What feelings? He doesn't feel anything towards me.” I say to make it less of a truth.

“God, Harry! Open your eyes please!?”

“What!! What am I-”

“Tell him thank you.” She turns around and reads the food board.

“When?”

“Now.”

“I don't even know-”

“He's at the hotel. Has been all week.” Her back is to me still.

“What if he's busy?”

“He will absolutely make time for you. Just go? Thank him and see what happens.”

“Nothing. That's what.” I say. “He'll probably kick me out.”

“I highly doubt that.” I put Lucas back in his condo. “If anything he'll be surprised you made the effort.”

“I don't understand. Did we not have a discussion about this man calling me a liar? The man who said I am dishonest in front of my very own friends? What happened with that?”

“He got to know you, we got to know _him_. He isn't a bad person, Harry.”

“He has too many secrets! We still have no idea what he does! Why he's _here_.”

“Well if you took the time to talk to him you wouldn't have these concerns!” She faces me then, grips my shoulders. “Give him a chance. You need it...deserve it goddamn it! Give yourself that opportunity.”

“But I...what if…” I run a hand down my face. “Alright.” I resign. “I'll...stop by.”

“Good.” She releases me. “Have fun.”

“Why didn't he seek me out all week!?”

“Shut up and go!!”

“Ugh…” I groan and make my way to the hotel.

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“Harry! Nice to see you.”

“Hi, Mrs. Winston. Is Mr. Austin here?” I ask with a hushed tone.

“Yes! I know he has a flight this evening...but I'm sure he's still here.” He's leaving without a goodbye I suppose.

“Mind if I go check?”

“I can buzz him if you'd like.”

“That's fine. I'll uh...just knock.”

“Sure, dear.”

I make my way up to his room, take the stairs, drag my feet as I do. I'm unsure, am no where near prepared for what I'm about to walk into, worried about what Danielle told me. It's like everyone knows, that our interaction is that transparent. And yet here I am completely clueless, unaware of what is actually unraveling before my very eyes.

I'm stupid I suppose.

I knock once and my hands begin to shake.

“Just a sec!” I hear him rushing to the door, hear those boots against the floor. My heart jumps in my chest then, my fear cinching my throat closed. He's going to be dressed to the nines and I don't know...I don't know what to do if I end up... enjoying it. What if I do? What do I do? I look down at my washed out jeans and ratty sneakers.

“Oh, hello.” My head flies up and it's bad. It's the worst. It's probably the prettiest suit and boot combination to date. But I...I can't…my heart can't take it? His eyes are crystal blue, his face smooth, his hair perfectly styled. I can't even deny how impeccable he looks, not to mention the way he smells. “Um...can I help you?” I shake my head.

“Y-yea...yes.” I divert my gaze from the royal blue suit. “Wow.” I whisper and sneak a glance at his feet, feel my fear choking me because I...I can't-

“What is it? I have a flight in a couple of hours and need to wrap up a few things.” I shake my head.

“You were going to leave without a goodbye?” I say losing my train of thought.

“I said bye, the other night.” He clarifies and doesn't continue.

“Um...barely you just sort of left without much of a reason.”

“I had my reasons. I simply chose to not share them with you because after all you’re so forthcoming with your feelings.”

“I am! I don't _know_ you though!”

“Well great, so I'll just spill my guts to you, while you continue to shut me out. Sure. That sounds _fair._ ” His tone is wrong, his facial expression _wrong_.

“You're the one who said life isn't fair, _Mr. Austin_.” I snap. “So take it or leave it.”

“Sure.” He slams the door closed in my face.

“Oh.” I sigh. “Alright...fine…” I continue to speak to the door. “Thanks for helping Lu-Lu.” I turn away and walk to the end of the hallway feeling a little sorry. I guess it's what I deserve. It's not like I was friendly to him but really what did I do? Not kiss him!? What if I wasn't ready to? What if I didn't _want_ to just yet? What if I wanted to hold his hand first!? He's from California...maybe they work at a faster pace than us country folks, are physical from the beginning and worry about substance later on. But we actually _court_ and take our time, learn to read one another and understand our every intention. It's what _we do_ . Not just jump into bed together or kiss because we feel like it. It's something I've changed about myself, learned to do, it's what I enjoy now. And I respect and appreciate those boundaries so if anything he should too. But it seems he only wanted the exterior, the physical attributes, which makes me believe my _interior_ , the real me, wasn't good enough for him.

And that pains my heart I suppose. I thought...well was starting to trust in him, believe in his actions, hoping for more.

I was expecting more.

I sigh one last time, take a long look at his door and decide he isn't worth it.

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.

.

.

“Harry!!” I take a few dirty glasses from the bar top.

“Hey, Ben? Can you get these cleaned for me?” I ask.

“Absolutely!” He runs right over.

“Harry!!!!!” The patron yells again.

“Brett!” I move to his side of the bar, find his arm wrapped securely around his date. “How are you guys?” I eye the baker who has a slight pinkish hue to her cheeks.

“Really well.” She smiles. “There was a b-band playing in town and wanted to stop in before we called it a night.”

“Ah I see. Very nice.” I smile. “I heard the developer will be making some improvements to the shop?” I feel a pang of jealousy in the pit of my stomach but ignore it.

“Yeah! I'm getting a brand new store front and awning! It will say my shop n-name in elegant script and wow!! I'm so excited.”

“It's much deserved I think.” I say.

“Agreed.” Brett slurps at a glass of club soda.

“Yeah! So c-construction starts in the next two weeks so Mrs. Winston said I can work out of her kitchen.”

“Even better! Good for you!” I cannot help but gush my happiness for her because at least _someone_ is benefitting from all of this.

“Supposedly they're fixing up the facade at the library and reconstructing the train station.” She says.

“It looks like Harry got the shaft.” He slurps at the beverage.

“Ugh why am I friends with you again?” I groan.

“Because I'm awesome.”

“In your own world, for sure.”

“Alright Brett I'm tired, let's go.”

“Fine…” He says. “See you tomorrow.”

“Have a great night guys.” I wave them off. “Oh another happy couple in the books.” I mumble to myself and head back to the guests.

“Oh Harry I thought you'd want to know,” Ben starts. “Mr. Austin is arriving tomorrow.” My brain shuts down at the name.

“I think we need more ice.” I tap my bottom lip with my pointer. “Yeah ice and...some more whiskey.” I walk away without another word. “Be right back!”

.

.

.

.

“Harry, look at this.” Dani rushes over to me as I toss a toy mouse up in the air for Zayn. “It says something about a ten thousand dollar donation? I don't understand...”

“Huh? How? Did we win one of the contests I entered?” I read the letter, search for the organization that funded the program. But there's nothing. “It was anonymous. All of it. I don't get it...why?”

“Did one of the mothers from the library have anything to do with it?”

“Could be but to donate this much? It's astronomical. Only a person with a deep pocket could afford this.”

“Yeah...I _wonder_.” Dani has a tone but I overlook it.

“Anyway, this could be enough to cover most of our expenses if not all of it.” She takes the letter back.

“Yeah, absolutely.” She looks lost in thought for a moment. “Why don't we finance half and see if we can rent out a new space?”

“You'd be willing to?” I ask as a speck of hope flickers in my chest. “I thought you wanted out?”

“It's not that I want _out_ , I just couldn't handle the stress of adopting every last cat but since we're only down to six, I feel more confident making future plans.”

“So we could potentially adopt these guys, take a couple of months off then start up again!?” Now I'm excited, now I have a purpose, now I don't feel as empty as I did.

“Yeah I don't see why not! Let's do it!”

“Okay! Great!!”

“Now that you're in a better mood-” I stick my tongue out at her. “-Have you heard the news?”

“What news?” I gently pet Zayn's head.

“He's back.” She spits out.

“Who?” I play dumb.

“Seriously?”

“Yeah who is back? I have no idea.”

“Louis.” My heart jolts at the mention of his name.

“Oh wonderful.” I keep my tone flat, neutral, lacking any and all optimism I feel stirring in my gut.

“We haven't seen him in probably a month. Don't you miss-”

“No! I don't _miss anyone_.” I rush out. “He was only looking to jump into bed with me.” I add with a touch of sadness. “No thank you.”

“Jump into bed!? I thought he was a gentleman? Just tried to _kiss_ you?”

“He was a sniveling pig. Invaded my personal space.” I blurt as I continue petting the cat.

“He was probably afraid and reacted on instinct!”

“And so was I but no one seems to care about that.” I hide my face. “He just got so angry over nothing.”

“Do you want to talk about it maybe?” Dani asks as she sits next to Josh. “I can help...sort of.”

“He just...he wanted to know how I felt... _God_ please don't tell anyone this?” I beg. “I'm just so unsure about everything.”

“Are you still hating on him? Do you still believe he had something to do with the construction is that why?” I run a hand down my face.

“I don't know. Sometimes? Like I still believe he does but then he throws a party for the town. It's strange...it's like he's trying too hard to fit in...be one of us almost like he plans on _staying_ . Which is insane because why the hell would he leave California for _here_?”

“I see...well, he has his reasons, he keeps reminding us-”

“Yes but he _never told anyone_ . That's when I believe he is indeed part of the developer team or _something_. The guy hemerrages money!”

“Yeah he's got quite the endless supply.” She sighs. “Then I'd ask him to lay it out there, give him an ultimatum.”

“What kind? Tell me or I won't kiss you? He won't even look at me.”

“You never told me what happened when you thanked him. You just sort of dropped him like a bad habit.”

“He slammed the door in my face.”

“What!”

“Yup. We of course argued and he proceeded to slam the door.”

“But why? What caused it?”

“Because I denied him. End of story. He asked me how I felt and I couldn't give him an answer, was diverted by the random thunder storm, changed the topic of conversation.” I look away. “He just left without a reason and when I asked him what it was later on, he said he won't tell me because I'm not opening up to him.”

“Well I could see him being upset over it.”

“But he hasn't told me anything either just that he enjoys my company... _as a friend.”_

“He said FRIEND!? What's that!!”

“No I did! I assumed he meant friend and I think that ticked him off.”

“But Harry, how are you feeling? What's going on up there?” She taps my temple, in the exact spot Louis did.

“That's just it I don't know! I'm so confused.”

“I think you really need to try and speak to him. Get some clarification.”

“But he slammed the door in my face! That sort of confirms his feelings.”

“Something is obviously bothering him and if you'd hear me out I can try and help.”

“Ugh...do I have a choice?” I drop my head in my hands.

“He likes you.” The hairs on the back of my neck stand straight up. “He likes you a _lot._ I mean to the point of it being borderline adorable.”

“Ugh...just...no.”

“No? Well tough...so yes, he likes you, can't keep his eyes off of you, helps the cats because of you. He obviously paid for Lu-Lu's bills because you _love_ that cat! I mean you love them all but that little guy is your buddy.”

“He said he wanted to overcome his fear. Not date me.” I deny it, build my walls, construct my barriers. “He's just looking for attention, knows I have an in with everyone-”

“Ugh you're not listening! You're so stubborn.”

“No! I'm rational.”

“You're an idiot.” She smacks my head.

“Hey!! What the hell!”

“Ohhhh Harry cursed!!”

“No! See this man is all wrong for me. He makes me curse and act all erratic.”

“All of the signs are right there.”

“I _know. Alright_!?” I slump against the wall in defeat. “I know.”

“So what's wrong?”

“I'm afraid to give in, petrified of what's to happen if we do...hit it off.”

“Why?”

“He lives far away. Has a very important job. Makes a lot of money. Has this huge secret that no one seems to know about. Dresses like a clown.” I groan. “His boots are ridiculous.”

“Maybe you can make it work. Don't think of the negatives. Remind yourself of the positives like how you normally do.”

“This guy brings out the _glass half empty_ mantra in my head! I'm always positive!! Not with him though. Too many variables.”

“That's just it, there are none. He's being quite forward actually. There's no guessing.”

“Ugh…okay that's enough. My small town brain can't take it.”

“Just _please_ talk to him?”

“Why!? He knows where to find me!”

“He's in your territory. You have the upper hand!”

“I'm afraid to get the door slammed in my face again. That killed my ego.”

“Just...do it! And wear your best outfit too.”

“What's wrong with…” I look down at the fur laiden denim and dirtied sneakers. “Grrr...this is the worst idea.”

“And don't forget to leave the top buttons undone.” I stare at her with disgust.

“What!?”

“Oh yes. Show some skin.” She winks.

“Who are you!? Where did my friend go!?”

“Out the door and up the street.” She pushes me. “Go shower. Smell pretty. Wear your most fitted pair of jeans and for goodness sake, strut your stuff!!”

“You're insane.”

.

.

.

.

I feel like such a fool.

I look like one too.

I'm wearing a silky black button down that I tucked into a pair of dark wash jeans. I then decided on a black pair of high top Chuck's and black belt to top it all off to keep it fancy yet borderline casual just to be safe. It's ridiculous really, probably a waste of time, but it's worth a shot. I am giving him a second chance, a last chance really so he needs to decide what he wants because...well because...I think I've found my answer, maybe, possibly...oh who knows anymore!

I'm slowly making my way over to the hotel contemplating my opening line. Dani said to give an ultimatum...but for what? What does he have that I want and vice versa? What could I bribe him with? And for what?

Why am I coming here? What am I trying to mend? What do we have to fix when there wasn't anything broken in the first place? What does Louis have that I am chasing after?

What's wrong with me!?

“Harry! I haven't seen you in a few days.” Mrs. Winston greets me. “And my, you look handsome.” She croons and I may die right where I stand.

“T-thanks…” I clear my throat.

“Did you style your hair too? Is that colonge!?” Oh about that.

“Alright I'll just uh…” I quickly turn around and head towards the stairs.

“Have fun!!”

“Ugh…” I groan. “Thanks.” I wave to her without turning around and ascend the steps quicker than normal to get this over with. “Alright...it's fine... I'll be fine... I'll just-” I stop in front of his door and my palms are slick with sweat. It's so pathetic! Why can't I keep it together?!

The door swings open then.

“Oh!” I gasp when I find one of the men I've seen at the bar on countless occasions.

“Well...look at what the cat dragged in.” The guy says. I try and recall his name but I come up empty as per usual. “Hey, Lou. Your booty call is here.”

“What!” My eyes widen in horror. “B-booty call?”

“Go fuck off.” I hear him from inside and it's like my heart is beating truly for the first time. It's rhythmic, it's giving me life, it's making me...feel again and I'm not too happy about that.

“Who is it?” I hear the third and final voice and can confirm these are his colleagues or friends...or both. I don't know but they were together at the bar.

“I uh…” I slowly back away feeling worse than I did. I knew this was a mistake.

“Who is it?” I hear his voice again and I freeze in place. “Stanley, do me a favor and…” He peers behind his friend's shoulder and it's all over for me then.

I've lost the battle with my sanity, am officially knocked off my feet and tumbling head first into his depthless eyes. It's like my whole world appeared out of nowhere, brought me to a place filled with eternal peace and happiness, everlasting sunshine, and warmth. It's the epitome of contentment, the end all. And it's right here before me, basking me in its glow, encompassing my spirit and mind. I can't remember a moment without it... without him, without any of this. And I never want to escape or be saved. I want to lie in it all day, be forever enveloped in this feeling.

He's the missing piece that I've been searching for.

“Harry?” My insides melt as his voice projects. It's so tender and warm, a stark contrast from the harshness I heard the last time we spoke. “Why are you here?” I divert my gaze to his smooth cheeks, take in his crisp cream colored suit vest and matching slacks, make my way further south to find a pair of glittering gold boots to top it all off.

“I...I um...I don't…” I shake my head to clear it but it doesn't go away, nothing does. My usual tricks are no match for these feelings apparently.

“Isn't he the bartender?” Stan points out. “He is! Hey buddy, ever learn how to make a Singapore sling? Because really it's a classic.”

“That tastes like shit and you know it.” A third man comes into view. “He was sparing your taste buds.”

“You need to appreciate the good stuff.”

“The good stuff as in any alcohol straight up.” The man counters. “You and your fruity drinks. Do you have a vagina underneath those jeans?”

“Oli! God, fuck you. Both of you!” Louis shouts. “Get out of here and get some sleep. We have a busy day tomorrow.” His hands are in tight fists at his sides. I believe he is trying to appear menacing. “I knew I should have left you at home.” But all I see is cute. _Cute. Cute. Cute._

“Oh take it easy there.” Stan runs a hand through his hair. “We were just fucking around with the local. It's like he lives in a bubble or something.” He turns to me then. “Do you know what strip clubs are? A lap dance? Fart and dick jokes?”

“...uh?” I've lost the ability to speak.

“Sixty-nining? Tossing a salad-”

“Stan! _Fuck_ off. Oli? Please? Just go away?” Louis begs. “I'll call you first thing in the morning to set up the meeting. They're…” He glances at me then back to his colleague. “I'll call.”

“I'll sure to be up at the ass crack of dawn.” Oli gives him thumbs up and redirects Stan down the hallway. “Let's go their Chief.”

“One more question…” Stan tries but Louis kicks his shin. “Owe!!! Jesus!!”

“Now fuck off!” He takes a deep breath, watches his _colleagues_ walk away, then faces me. “What?” He asks rather breathlessly.

“Um...I uh…” I close my eyes, pinch the bridge of my nose. “I came-”

“Any time today, really.” I flinch at his tone.

“Do not speak to me like I am one of your friends.” I quip.

“From what I recall, you wanted to be just that _, friends_ , so I'll speak to you as such.”

“Can I get a chance to explain?” My anger is seeping through, the barriers I once possessed have disappeared and are now buried underneath these unwarranted emotions that I cannot suppress. I'm a jumbled mess on the inside.

“You’ve denied me the opportunity on countless occasions, so I'd say it's fair.” He folds his arms across his chest.

“I really just don't understand what I did? You ran out on me, didn't give an explanation, left me wondering? Left for a month when something didn't go your way?”

“I didn't run if that's what you're thinking.”

“Well, it is because you left without a goodbye, left me clueless and empty when here you are hiding yourself from me. It goes both ways. You want me to be honest? Then you need to be too.” I recap that little speech in my head to ensure I made my point. “I said _friend_ because I don't _know_ what you're thinking either, okay? Your actions may be apparent to you but you're a mystery to me, to all of us really and very difficult to decipher so excuse me for lacking the ability to read your mind.” I take a deep breath.

“I felt my actions were quite clear, Harry.” He says with as little feeling as possible.

“I've tried my best, alright? Can you give me that much?”

“I just…” He looks away, stands in the doorway, keeps his distance. “I think I've gotten over it.” My heart sinks, well plummets actually. “So really any explanation is unnecessary at this point because it doesn't matter anymore.”

“W-what?” I choke.

“Yes, that's it.” He dismisses me.

“Oh, well that's...okay.” I recover. “Okay. If that's what…sure.”

“And uh…” He keeps his eyes trained on the ground. “Yeah, I have nothing else to add.” My stomach hurts, my limbs are numb.

“S-sure yeah.” I stifle a hiccup and turn away before my face gives away my sadness. “Bye.”

“Goodbye.” I hear but push it aside, well try to. Nothing seems to be working though.

Nothing!

I'm wide open, so vulnerable, so afraid and I can't help but shed my tears.

.

.

.

.

It's all I see.

His face.

It's always there in my thoughts and the feeling that consumed me when I saw him that final time. I was alive for those few short seconds, so certain I'd be able to get through to him and sort out our differences, make amends. But he moved on already, probably ran back home to escape this pathetic town and my stupid life to live amongst the celebrities and sun.

He was so easy to dismiss me too, so ready to deliver his hurt and make me feel like I've taken something of his, robbed him of his secrets. But in the end I know nothing about him, know nothing about his line of business, or what I supposedly meant to him. So how could I be this upset? This bothered? This pained? Why is my stomach in knots and heart aching? Why do I feel as if I've lost my most prized possession? Why am I this empty?

Was I expecting too much? Was I so convinced he'd forgive me for _not kissing_ him, that being dismissed would be this crippling? That his response was the last thing I thought I'd hear?

How could I matter to him when he only cares about his himself?

.

.

.

.

“It's Halloween, Harry. Where is your costume?” Ben asks as he approaches in a Winnie the Pooh suit.

“Uh...here.” I dig through the drawer below the register and find a set of pink bunny ears. I put them on. “There. I'm a rabbit.”

“You're so lame.”

“No, I have to work. I can't deal with the extra bulk and neither can you. What if you break something and cut yourself?”

“I'll be _fine_. See?” He attempts to pick up a glass but it slips through the material of the costume and crashes to the floor. “Oops.”

“Great.” I whine.

“Quit it! I'm trying to have fun!”

“I know that but we really have to focus on the crowd. They will be rowdier than we're used to.”

“Alright fine…” He walks away with hunched shoulders.

“I'm looking out for your safety! Don't get mad!!”

About an hour or so later the bar is packed with the normal patrons and a few others I can assume came with them. Mostly everyone is wearing a costume...okay fine everyone except me and now Ben are wearing costumes.

“See!? They are all dressed!!” He points to the crowd.

“Yes but they're not working! Please don't argue with me okay?”

“Grrr you cranky man you!”

“If you don't stop I'll make you go home.” I snap.

“Where did the fun Harry go, huh?”

“Not now Ben, please? Just stop worrying about me and focus on them.”

“But I do worry that's the issue...” He remains adamant.

“I know...and I wish you didn't because I'm just being a baby. A big _baby_.” I turn away to clear off some of the tables. It's like he wants to push my buttons or challenge me or...just get a rise out of me because really I've been...dead? So unresponsive and boring...It's weak. I am weak. I get turned down by one person and this is how I act. We barely had a connection, didn't understand each other in the least and this is how I end up?

“Harry!” I get pulled to the right.

“Huh!?” I'm facing a human sized cat. “Oh Dani my goodness.” I touch my chest as I stare at her made up face. “Nice costume.”

“Thanks! I put it together yesterday. I even have a tail!” She turns around and sure enough...

“How did you get it to stand up?”

“A wire hanger!” She laughs. “Ain't it cute!?”

“Yes! Yes it is. Great job, really.” I look around her. “Where's Tony?”

“Here!” She pulls him over and he's…

“A mouse!? Ugh original.” I roll my eyes.

“We're adorable.” She smirks.

“She forced me to do it.” He sulks. “I wanted to be the Dude from The Big Lebowski.”

“But then you'll need Donnie and Walter.” I say.

“Yeah! Me the Dude. You Walter.” He points to me. “And she could be Donnie.”

“So you can tell me to shut the fuck up all night!?” Dani questions.

“Uh…” Tony looks away.

“Well, that would be Walter who tells Donnie that because he was always out of his element...supposedly.” I shake my head to clear it. “I actually really need to get back to work-”

“You better come by later!”

“Um...maybe. The bar will probably be a big mess so it'll take longer to clean.”

“Oh come on! Let it wait for tomorrow.”

“I can't, I have to tend to the cats.” I groan. “Because you'll be inebriated and unable to wake up on time.” I'm just... exhausted I think.

“No! Well...not really...no. But I want you there!” Her voice is getting too whiney for my liking.

“Dani, stop I have to work.”

“You're not fun anymore!” She pouts.

“I've been hearing that a lot lately.” I sigh. “But I-” I point my thumb over my shoulder.

“It's Louis’ fault. He did this. I'm going to kick his fucking ass-”

“Hey! Watch it!” I scold her for the foul language. “It's...fine let's just forget it okay? I'll get over it eventually.”

“When!? It's been a _month,_ Harry. A month and you're still walking around with that damn frown! Find another guy to fuck already-”

“Wow...Tony please like...stop her from drinking?” I turn to him.

“Sorry, man. I'll uh...sweetie. You're being belligerent.”

“I am not!! I miss my friend.”

“Ugh…” I sidestep her and forget that entire exchange. She's speaking too openly, too honestly, too harshly and it's beginning to wear me down. I mean, I'm already worn out but she is just driving that nail in deep. “Stay focused.” I remind myself and do just that.

I'm clearing the tables, wiping down the surfaces, avoiding plastic weapons, tails, and any spiked objects as I make my way through the crowd. It's going to be a mess later that's for sure.

“Booty call!” Someone shouts and I freeze. I can't help but turn towards the voice, find I cannot locate the source or who it came from. Everyone is masked or heavily made up so to confirm who said it will probably be impossible. So I let it go, continue on my way and pray the remainder of the evening isn't a complete bust.

.

.

.

.

“Hi! How are you?” Natale says as I enter the bakeshop.

“Really well! How about you?” I plaster on my grin.

“Good! Business has skyrocketed over the last few weeks. It's insane!”

“Awesome! You're very talented. It's about time people started to notice.”

“Yeah...or it's the fancy storefront!” She smiles. “Oh speaking of...The d-developer hired Brett to help with the train station platform!” She tucks a loose piece of hair behind her ear.

“Oh! Good for him.” I say with slight enthusiasm mixed with a pang of jealousy.

“Right? He couldn't believe it.” She smiles again. “So what's up? What can I get for you?”

“Actually I just wanted to talk.” My tone is betraying me, losing that bravado I had just a moment ago.

“That's fine. I'm all ears.”

“You don't have any orders to worry about? Like do you have a few minutes?”

“Yeah I do. Want some coffee?”

“Sure, that sounds great. Black please.”

“Coming right up.”

We sit in front of the shop with our drinks in hand, coats buttoned up, and scarves wrapped securely around our necks.

“I can't believe the weather.” I start with unable to dive right in.

“I know. It feels like J-January, it's so cold.” I can feel her eyes on me.

“Winter came too quickly. I was hoping for a few more weeks of Fall.” I shrug. “I like the smell of pumpkin. It's warming.”

“It is.” She pauses, takes a sip from her cup. “You didn't want to discuss the weather though right?” I hesitate.

“No...” I shake my head. “Not even close although I wish that was it honestly.”

“Ah...well...let's hear it.”

“Why did you leave New York? Was it a difficult decision for you?”

“Not at all. I hated it.” She says. “It was so dirty and loud and...crowded. The pastry chef market was saturated...or the baking industry in general. I could never afford to open my own sh-shop there. So I came here after doing research.”

“And you were happy with your choice?”

“At first no, I was having d-difficulty fitting in.” She looks straight ahead. “People knew you weren't from this area, like they could sense it from a mile away.”

“We are a little uneasy towards newcomers. It's not your fault.”

“Yeah but, you were not like that actually. I felt the most c-comfortable with you.” She smiles. “You made the transition easier for me.” I'm actually quite surprised, flattered even. I don't lie.

“Well, I'm happy my sincerity didn't go unnoticed.”

“If anything you're the friendliest person here! I know that to be true because I experienced it first hand.”

“Now I wouldn't say that-”

“Yes! It's true.” She bites her lip. “And Danielle can be a real bitch sometimes.” She turns beat red.

“What!” My mouth drops open.

“Ugh...d-don't tell her...that.”

“She...can be a little snooty absolutely.”

“Yeah because her father is a Reverend and owns the Inn? The very place she didn't want to work?” She rolls her eyes. “Whatever. _Anyway_.” She clears her throat. “It's long overdo but thank you, Harry. Really. You're incredibly kind and just know it's appreciated.” Her smile widens. “Look at that, I didn't s-stutter...ugh never mind.” She buries her head in her hand.

“You know no one cares that you do.”

“Yeah I know but it's still a pain.”

“People who are shallow enough to agree need to get their heads examined.”

“Yeah! You're right. It's who I am unfortunately.” She says.

“Don't be self conscious over it. It's not as bad as you may think.”

“Probably.” She shrugs. “So are you looking to leave? Is that what this conversation was about?”

“I haven't decided yet. I may just go to D.C. or something, still stay here but travel there.”

“I see. Why's that?”

“To get away. I need to get away I believe.”

“But you love it here. Was it the cat shelter situation? Because damn that would have drove me n-nuts.”

“Yes, that was a big part of it but I think some of the memories are just unpleasant.” I sit back on the bench. “And it's stupid to constantly harp on it but I can't help it. It's like a rug has been ripped from beneath my feet and I can't stop falling.”

“How so? Why can't you regain your f-footing? What's preventing it?”

“I don't know. I can't put my finger on it.” I say truthfully. “It's right there on the tip of my tongue but I'm always out of reach.”

“Mmm...well, maybe you should take a few days off. Just go for a really long train ride and see where you end up.”

“I was thinking of doing that. Taking a cross country train ride to no where and just sight see.”

“Have you ever left?”

“No...I mean I went to neighboring states and cities but that's it.”

“Have you ever been to Disney World?”

“In Florida? No. I haven't. Isn't that for kids?”

“Oh my God. No!!! It's so magical and happy and filled with laughter and ah! It's incredible!!”

“Wow I guess you like it?” I snort.

“Love it. I used to go all the time with my parents. The best trip ever. Hands down.”

“It's too far for now but maybe in the future.”

“Oh take me with you!” She jokes. “I can fit in a suitcase, no problem.”

“Sure absolutely!” A smile tugs at my lips.

“But in all honesty, go. Experience the world. Dont let this place suck you d-dry.”

“It's more suffocating then anything. Other than that I love it. It's home.”

“It is home.”

“That's why I can't leave I guess.” I'm feeling that pain in my chest again. “It also brings a lot of hurt too.”

“I could see that.” She looks at me. “I can see it in your eyes.”

“I thought I masked it well.”

“No, sorry. But it's right there-” She pokes my cheek. “Your dimple has disappeared.”

“Yeah...it has.”

“Why? If you don't mind me asking.”

“No it's alright.” I take a deep breath. “Well-”

“There you are!” I look up and find Dani stomping over. “I've been looking all over!!” She eyes Natale who simply takes it. “We have an adopter for Lucas and I need your expertise with the medication.”

“Lu-Lu!?” My heart speeds up, my brain becomes mush. “No...wait but-”

“Yes!! We have a willing and very able adopter so please stop chit chatting and help me.”

“Of course I'll uh…” I turn to the baker. “Thank you.” I smile.

“See you later.” She waves.

“Why were you speaking to her?” Dani asks the minute we're out of ear shot.

“Why _not_ speak to her? She's a friend.” She rolls her eyes.

“Oh please. She used to worship the ground you walked on.”

“...um alright? I made her feel welcome when _no one else_ did remember?”

“Vaguely. I only recall her batting her eyes at you and finding any excuse to touch you.”

“Can we not continue this conversation and discuss the adoption instead? I mean this is huge.”

“Ugh, whatever. You may not be...happy about it but...they're very much in love with Lucas.”

“That frightens me but sure.”

“Just...hear them out.” We approach the shop.

“Who is it?”

“Go in.”

“What is going on, Dani? I honestly have no time for this right now. Is Lucas finding a home or no?”

“Get in there!” She opens the door and pushes me in with her hidden strength.

“Ugh!” I tentatively walk to the cat room and hear a soft voice speaking from inside. I look over my shoulder to find Dani by the door with her hand on the the knob as if ready to bolt. “I don't...what's going on?”

“I'll be back later.” She says and leaves.

“This isn't going to be good.” I slowly open the door.


	4. Boobs and Butt Cheeks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And that maybe it aches to relive the moment when we were on my sofa, the moment where we could have kissed, where I so foolishly pulled away out of fear when my own feelings were developing. I wish he kissed me, proved his feelings rather than expected me to read into everything he did.

I sIowly open the door and my heart sinks.

There on the floor, sitting next to Lu-Lu, are the two men from the bar, the two _men_ from the hotel, the two _men_ who are supposed friends of Louis. The two men who are here to potentially adopt one of my cats.

I want to lash out at them, curse them to the ends of the Earth, wish them the worst possible karma to strike them down because how dare they! How dare they believe they can make amends by adopting one of our precious felines , a sick one at that, and believe they could take care of him better than I can! Who do they think they are!? They're not even petting him the right way!

“Is this a joke? Am I on candid camera?” I ask. It's difficult to hide my annoyance, my obvious shock, my hurt because why are they here!?

“No, but it would appear that way.” Stan says as he scratches towards Lucas' ear. I hold my tongue and watch the cat bite his finger. “You little shit!” He pulls his hand back and Oli erupts into a fit of giggles. “Ugh fuck you!” Stan says to his friend.

“Excuse me! Watch your language.” I walk further in and pick Lu-Lu up, put as much distance between us as I can. “What are you doing here!?”

“Adopting. What's it look like?” Stan says.

“You're not adopting any cat from me.” I deny them instantly.

“Yes, we are according to Danielle. Which by the way, can I have her number?” The man questions.

“No!!” I hold back Lucas.

“Look, we were sent here to adopt this particular cat.” Oli says. “The adopter will take wonderful care of him, take him to the vet, administer his medication, be caring.” His voice is surprisingly friendly, sincere. “It's a guarantee.”

“The adopter must be here to complete paperwork. Their _subjugates_ cannot be the ones to sign off.” I growl.

“Now that's a kick to the balls.” Stan says. Yeah and Louis not being here is a kick to my ego.

“Look, we understand your last meeting didn't go as planned because trust me we were subjected to the repercussions.” Oli says and my heart jumps in my chest. “Being under the knife Louis is wielding is terrifying.” He shakes it off. “Anyway, so please make an exception-” I adamantly shake my head.

“No.” My answer is firm. “If _Mr. Austin_ wants a cat, he needs to get off his butt and come here himself so I can turn him down to his face.” I turn away dismissing them.

“He cannot be here right now. There's-”

“Why!!” My voice betrays me then, cracks unexpectedly. “Why can't he be here? Is it because he's over it? Is that why? Or is he too good to _be here_?” I snap.

“He's...he has a lot of work to do.”

“I don't care! Then he can't adopt a cat. So just forget it!!” I pinch the bridge of my nose, feel the hurt bubbling in the pit of my stomach, find the pain making its way up towards my heart. He probably didn't want to look at me anymore which could explain his absence. But this just proves he only cared for the cats, never cared for me, never _cared_ in general. He was over it from day one, used me for his physical needs, wanted no part in...I suppose a future. He wanted to bed me that one night and take off for the hills.

“He was severely behind! You have to understand!” Oli’s tenacity is impressive but I refuse to believe it. “He was not supposed to stay here, in fact...his...his...ugh! He was only meant to be here for a few weeks at most!”

“He's a big boy, can make his own decisions...can decide when to _leave for good_ ! He doesn't _have_ to be here! So why stay!?” I shout. “You know what? I don't care anymore. Just go? Please just leave and don't come back? Leave the town for good? Let us live in peace?”

“That's... just not possible now.” Stan's been awfully quiet. It's actually a shock. “You'll realize soon enough.”

“And watch us be replaced is that it? Those were your words if I'm not mistaken.” I snap. “Get out of here!”

“Not without the cat. Danielle told us-”

“Well I'm denying. You are not taking Lu-Lu. Good bye!!”

“It'll be one less cat on your hands!” Oli says.

“ _No_. Leave! Or I'll call the cops.” I hold Lucas close to my chest, feel his purs.

“But-”

“It's enough.” Stan says. “We tried.”

“You need to reconsider.” Oli pleads. “You must-”

“If you're this afraid of your very own boss, I pity him for being such a difficult man. Taking ones issues out on others is an unacceptable way to expel your anger.”

“Well one should know. You're doing the same thing by taking your anger towards Louis out on us!”

“I am not angry!” I'm hurt, there is a big difference. “I've spoken enough now get out of here.”

“Not without that cat.”

“Oli, stop. It's enough.” Stan says.

“I hope you're satisfied. You just prevented an adoption, probably your most important one of all because you didnt get your dick rubbed.” The man turns towards his friend. “Let's go. I'd rather deal with Louis’ rage than this asshole’s idiocy.” Oli quickly leaves the room.

“Good job there, booty call.” Stan huffs. “See you _around_.” I watch them leave, feel my stomach twist into a knot, find my eyes are filled with tears, and heart breaking in my chest.

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.

“You cannot do this, Harry! This is our mantra, our goal! _Save them all_ not wallow in your broken ego!” Dani yells as I hold Lucas close. “I am going back to the hotel and begging Mr. Austin to reconsider.”

“Nope. You're not.” I shrug.

“I _am_! I can't believe you...how could you do this!?”

“Because I don't want _him_ taking care of _my_ cat!!”

“Or anyone!? Is that it? You will refuse anyone who would consider him? Why not take him yourself then!”

“I can't afford the medical bills! Don't you think I would!?”

“Then let Louis take him.” Her voice is strained. “Please. He'll have a loving home, warmth, the funds to support the vet visits. Harry please!! You may hate this man-”

“...I don't I'm just hurt.” I whisper into the receiver.

“-but he is a great match. Lucas loves him, went right over to him? Trusted him.” A tear falls down my face. “You can't deny it anymore, alright? Just... I'll speak to him and bring Lu-Lu myself-”

“No!” I choke. “No... I'll... I'll bring him.” I hold back a sob. “I want to say goodbye.”

“It won't be goodbye. It's a see you later! I'm sure Louis will allow you to visit.”

“I don't think so.” I shake my head. “He'll probably call me a stupid hick and kick me out.”

“Oh stop. Let me try. I'm on his floor okay? Give me a few minutes.”

“Sure.” I whisper and hang up.

.

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I gathered all the documents, put Lu-Lu in his cage along with his medicine, his favorite food, and a stuffed mouse. I allowed him to say goodbye to the other cats (which there is only Niall, Zayn, and Liam left by the way), let him roam around a few more minutes, and said my own fair wells which consisted of a lot of tears and soft touches. I'm going to miss him dearly especially his rambunctiousness, his cute little mews, and jelly bean toes. He brought me so much joy, comfort, and unrequited love I know it'll be difficult to replace. Lu-Lu was my buddy, my sidekick, my escape artist and I cannot even fathom my life without him especially at a time like this, at a time where I need his comforting more than ever. I'll have to depend on something else for a while, focus on the three cats left and pray they find their happiness too, maybe consider a hobby when it's all said and done. This will undoubtedly leave me broken and even emptier than I already am. It's sad.

I'm sad.

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“Hi.” I see Dani in the lobby. “Mrs. Winston understands there will be a cat here?”

“Yes she said it's fine.” She takes my hand. “It's okay. He'll be in excellent care.”

“I h-hope so.” I swipe at my face.

“You know he has the resources Lu-Lu needs so what's the problem?”

“What if he dies alone?” I choke. It's a half whisper half sob. I sound like a blubbering idiot.

“No, no. Don't think those things. Lucas will be held with love and comforted. Don't-” She stops. “Harry, look at me?” My eyes are admiring the grains in the wood floor. “Please?” She begs but I am transfixed on this one- “Harry!” She shakes me.

“What!?” I snap.

“Did you hear me?”

“Yeah I did and told you how I felt. What more do you want?”

“I want you to feel like you've made the right choices! Not feel regret when something doesn't go as planned.”

“My decisions have always been for the better. But now? It's wrong. It's as if everything is sorted out for everyone else and I...how did Brett put it...got the shaft?”

“I see where this is going... Harry it's not true...Look-” She looks down at her watch. “We'll discuss this after. Let's drop Lucas off and get a quart of ice cream and watch The Golden Girls.”

“With cheesecake?” I ask.

“Of course! Can't miss the chocolate cheesecake.”

“I'm not taking you away from your time with Tony?”

“Nope. He is working the late shift.”

“He won't be mad?”

“Harry, no. Stop.”

“Fine.” I shrug and follow her to the stairs.

We ascend the steps and make our way to the _dreaded suite_ in silence. I grip onto the crate the closer we get, feel the pressure weighing down my shoulders, attempt to scrounge up my courage or _anything_ I am willing to grasp onto. But I'm failing miserably. My positivity is out of order at the moment along my sanity along with it.

There is no reprieve in sight.

“You're home, Lucas.” Dani says the moment we're outside the suite. “You're finally home-” The door swings open and I cannot help but look away as a sudden hollowness forms in my gut.

“Yes, he is.”

“Hi Mr. Austin.” Dani's voice is too perky, too _excited_. “Special delivery!” I refrain from rolling my eyes.

“Great. Thank you for reconsidering. Stan informed me there was some paperwork to be signed. So why don't you come in?” He pauses. “Both of you that is.” He adds. But my body can't take it, my mind more so. I physically cannot stand up any longer, my legs are unable to hold my weight or bear the heaviness on my body and mind.

“Come, Harry. You know the medication better than me.” She touches my arm and reluctantly pulls me inside the room. I wish to plant my feet firmly to the ground but this woman is stronger than I expected. Or maybe it's my subconscious moving me forward? I don't know.

And of course the scent is stifling, sucking me dry, leaving me breathless and spent yet unsatisfied. I am consumed in him, tied taught around his existence, feeling the ache of loss, and the pain of resentment. I want to punch him. I want to touch him. I want to curse him out. I want to kiss him.

I despise that I want him and more so that he doesn't want me in return.

“You can put him down.” Louis says. My eyes are diverted, remaining towards the ground and away from his feet. “Here is fine.” I gently place the carrier on the floor.

“So we have his medicine, a few days worth of food, and a couple of toys.” Dani says. “I recommend you feed him the same or similar food to not disrupt his digestive system for the next few days. If you decide to change-”

“Yeah I've read a few books regarding feline care. I'll make progressive changes, introduce him slowly.”

“Exactly. Cats are all about their environment so-”

“He'll be fine I think.” Louis says. I hear the cage door opening then. “Hi, Lucas. Welcome back.”

“Oh he likes you!!” Dani gushes and I just want to scream, vomit, cry, run far away! “Good... alright well his medicine-”

“Three times a day, right? I remember from  the vet visit.” His voice seems distant. “I'll be sure to follow up with the veterinarian and transfer his file to a new office in California.” I nearly lose my footing, feel my knees go weak, find my body losing its strength.

“Perfect. Alright...well... I think that's it.” Danielle digs through her purse. “Just sign along the bottom line and we'll be on our way.”

“Thank you.” There's momentary silence. “Here you go.”

“Great...wow, Mr. Austin thank you. We never thought Lucas would be adopted... but you've given him a second chance and it's much appreciated.” Where's my second chance?

“Absolutely. He's special... I'll be sure to make his time comfortable.”

“When do you plan on taking him home?” Dani asks.

“I'm leaving tomorrow evening, so then most likely.”

“I see. Well, have a safe trip!” Dani says. “Bye, Lu-Lu! Love you little boo.” Before I collapse I turn away and head towards the door.

“Lucas, over here...Lucas, hey this way.” I hear Louis speaking but I quicken my pace.

“Harry, watch out he's following you.”

“I wonder why that is.” I mumble and leave the room without a glance.

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It's nearly six in the evening and I've been hiding in the trail since the adoption. I couldn't go back to the shelter just yet. It's still too surreal, too hurtful on my aching heart, too heavy on my weakened emotional state. I'll eventually go back of course, we still have three boys left waiting...and I cannot let them down. They're on the mend, practically there, so close I can taste it. But for right now, I'll sit here and really contemplate my long term goals, my wants, likes and dislikes, and just be self centered for an hour or two.

So far though, I've had little to no luck. It seems the deeper I dig, the more hallow I find I've become from years of masking my sadness, the craziness, and any emotion in between.

It's difficult to imagine that I was once a positive influence on the people of this town, that I made others feel welcomed, watched them smile and become a better version of themselves. It has been completely stripped away from me it seems, my usual light-heartedness has since disintegrated into ash as if it never existed. And it only took one time to let my guard down, one _time,_ allowed myself a single taste of reality and it sucked me dry. Now what's left is a void, a gaping hole waiting to be filled again. Waiting to be filled with something meaningful, long lasting...maybe it's love.

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“Where are you going?” Dani asks as we prepare to move the three cats into my apartment.

“I haven't decided.” We position the cages in the living room, push the couch underneath the window to give them plenty of space.

“Oh...is this a soul searching trip?”

“I think so.”

“Okay, you need it.”

“I agree. I do.” I nod.

“It's too cold for the beach.”

“I was thinking New York. it's beautiful this time of year.”

“You can see the tree in Rockefeller Center!!”

“Yeah and visit the cathedral and display windows at Saks and Macy's.” I add with slight enthusiasm.

“Have you been talking to Natale?”

“She told me the best places to visit and eat. So yeah I'll...go there for a bit I suppose.”

“Sounds great!” Dani smiles. “And you're sure about having the cats here?”

“Yeah absolutely. We can save on rent and use the donations for our next place. And with Lucas gone...you know even more money can be saved.” I sigh.

“Of course makes sense.” She's quiet for a moment. “Does this have to do with Louis-”

“Not everything revolves around him believe it or not. I've been looking to get away for a while.”

“He has been gone-”

“ _Good_.” I pet Zayn's head.

“Harry stop!”

“No!! I _won't stop_ until I'm finished!” I pet the cat's fur. “Everyone else is allowed to show their weakness except for me. I _always_ have to display a brave face, show the positive in any situation, give my two cents, remind you of the light _at the end of the tunnel_ . But you know what? I've had it. I can't hide it any longer. I need a brave face now, a shoulder, a hug, _anything_ to make myself feel better.”

“I'm not asking you to. I've told you to let it go once in awhile but you insisted. Convinced yourself otherwise when we all knew you needed a break!” She comes over to me then. “Please just hear me out? Don't get angry don't...think I'm going against you.”

“I'm already at rock bottom. So go for it.”

“You do lie.” She whispers.

“What?” I can't deny the hurt in my voice, cannot sugar coat it.

“You lie for us. You lie to make us feel better, stronger, accepted. You lied for all the _right_ reasons because we needed to hear it. And it's seems you're the one needing comfort right now...but you deserve the truth. Always the truth because you're a wonderful person.” She grips my shoulder. “You came alive with him, exposed your true self, your sass, your fight, your anger even and it was refreshing. You spoke your mind, aired your concerns, gave _that man_ a piece of your mind and it's what you needed.”

“I...I hurt though. I caused pain. There is nothing I am proud of.”

“Well, yes but you've learned to express yourself. That's a personal achievement.”

“While hurting someone.” I actually really care about.

“I suppose. But now this time is for you. Take the opportunity to find yourself, your center, your happiness.” My happiness is...across the country I think.

“Yeah I guess.”

“When do you plan on leaving?”

“Next Saturday.” I whisper and continue gently petting Zayn.

.

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.

I arrive and it's warmer than expected.

I only brought a backpack, fedora, a pair of jeans, three shirts, sunglasses, my beat up Chuck's, and a name. I do not plan on staying long, just for the weekend, but I'm on a mission. I'm here to figure this out, sort out my feelings, maybe salvage a relationship and apologize too. I know he's over it...but this will bring me a semblance of peace, closure, may help me move on from him and possibly open new opportunities for myself. And really what is he over? Is he over me? Over his determination? Over the fact that we didn't kiss?

These are the questions that need answering so that's why I'm here, in Los Angeles, California probably making the biggest mistake of my life, trying to win this man over or something close to it. There isn't a guarantee, in fact he may turn me down, laugh hysterically in my face, make me regret wasting a plane ticket to come here. But again, I need this for myself not for Louis or anyone else. I said I was going to be self centered for a little bit so this is me doing so.

I have to rebuild myself, start from the ground up, be an inspiration and not hurt myself in the process. It'll be painstakingly slow but I'm willing to take the time, the care, and of course be patient throughout it all.

And it starts now.

I walk out into the sun and it feels marvelous against my skin. It's instant too, so enriching to my senses, a break from the chill back home. But I have to unfortunately keep it to a minimum, remind myself everyone thinks I'm in New York admiring the Christmas tree and related decor. So coming back with a tan might raise some suspicions.

I'm heading along the drop off area of the airport figuring I could walk to downtown when a yellow car honks halting me in my tracks.

“Where you headed?” The man asks through the window.

“Huh?” I look around ensuring he is speaking to me.

“Yeah you kid in the hat. Where are you going? Do you need a ride?”

“Um…” I check my phone and the distance to downtown is nineteen miles. “Woah.” My face falls. “I guess yeah.” I hop into the vehicle and the man speeds off down the road the moment my door closes. “I have to buckle!!” I struggle to grab the strap, am tossed across the backseat as the car makes an obscenely sharp right turn. “Aahhh!! Slow down!” I shout. “Are you all crazy drivers!?” I grip the handle on the door to steady myself.

“Not really.”

“Ugh...good.” I clutch my stomach.

“Where are we heading?” The man asks when he finally decides to obey the rules of the road.

“Um…” I scrunch my eyes closed as a wave of nausea hits. “I'm actually...I'm looking for someone and I am unsure of the address.”

“That's not going to help me, kid. I need an address, landmark, any sort of cross street.”

“I don't have one though.” I whisper. “Only a name. Maybe you know them?”

“There are nearly four million people in this city. It's highly doubtful.”

“Four... _million!?_ ” I choke. “Oh I made a huge mistake.” My forehead is sweating suddenly. “Millions...there are millions of-”

“You’re certainly not a local. Where are you from?”

“Um…” I find his eyes in the rearview mirror.

“Yeah that accent of yours gives it away.”

“Accent? Yeah I guess I do have one.” I fix the fedora on my head. “West Virginia.”

“West Ver-ginia?”

“Um...yeah.”

“Where exactly?”

“In an historic neighborhood, Harper's Ferry.”

“No kidding.” He smirks. “Well, this place certainly isn't Harper's Ferry. You may need a map.”

“I have my phone.” I'm looking out the window towards the beach. “Wow…” The palm trees are so beautiful and _tall_ , the sand so white, the water so blue...and inviting.

“So where to?”

“Louis Austin.” I say but shake my head. “Sorry, I... don't know the street he lives on.”

“Yeah that's not good enough. Do you have a hotel?”

“Hotel?” I knew I forgot something! Was I this ignorant in thinking he'd take me in? Allow me to...stay with him? I am an idiot. “I don't...ugh I'm a mess.”

“Nah, that's alright, I'm sure you can find something along the beach. What's your budget?”

“Uh...fifty a night?” How much did I bring?

“You’ll be lucky to find a hostel that cheap…”

“I have a credit card. Does that help?”

“Yes. Yes it does.” The man continues driving. “Louis Austin you say?”

“Yes!!” My heart flutters in my chest. “Yes that's his name.”

“Dont know him.” He shakes his bald head.

“Oh…” I instantly deflate.

“But-" My eyes brighten. “There is a company... I think the owner's name is Louis. Louis T…I always forget the last name. It's English, very English.”

“I see.” I disregard him as he continues speaking and occupy my time by looking out the window at the pretty view.

“We're here.”

“We are?” I ask as we idle by the curb of a small hotel.

“Yeah, it's off the beaten path but you'll save some money.”

“Oh okay. How much is it?”

“Well, the app says it's...two hundred a night.”

“Lord... alright fine.” I shrug. I exit the vehicle and am about to shut the door when the man clears his throat. “What?” I turn around.

“That'll be fifty two dollars.”

“Seriously!?” I grunt.

“Yes, there's a flat rate of forty two bucks from the airport and another ten for the advice.”

“Nothing is this expensive in my home town.” I count out the money and unwillingly hand it to him.

“This is LA kid. Get used to it. Enjoy!” The man speeds away leaving me in the dust, literally.

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.

I settle into the room. It's a decent size, has two double beds, a view of the building next door and walls adorned with outdated artwork encased in cheap gold frames. It's probably not the best place, and most certainly not the Stephenson's Hotel, but it's better than...well I didn't have a plan so it beats anything else.

I ignore the messages on my phone and look at a map.

I honestly have no idea where I'm going so I find the address for the Chinese Theater and figure I'll start there.

“Excuse me, ma'am.” I ask the receptionist. She's quite short, has deep purple hair and a spike protruding from her chin.

“Do I look like a _ma'am_ to you?” She snaps.

“Well, fine...let me rephrase that. Good afternoon _little girl_ , can you please give me the number for a taxi service?”

“Hmph...where are you from Hick town Minnesota?”

“West Virginia actually.”

“Certainly sound like a hick to me…”

“Well you happen to resemble a two cent hooker but you don't see me being a disrespectful snot.” I smile and walk away without the number. I want to slap myself. That wasn't nice...but she deserved it I suppose. Again though, insulting others will certainly not set me on the right path.

I shake my head to clear my thoughts and take a look at the map again. I am only five miles from the theater, that's a good walking distance, a way to save some money but what if I get too sweated? What if I find Louis and I'm a ball of _gross_? What do I do then? I'm supposed to be impressing him not scaring him away. Impressing? That's what I'm doing?

I search for the closest car service and call.

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The crowd is unbelievable. I've never seen this many tourists in one location or surrounding me in my life. It's a little terrifying actually...and totally out of my league! So I keep my hand in my pocket where my wallet is, proceed down the street with my head down, and admire the Hollywood Walk of Fame as best I can.

I'm being jostled around, bumped from behind, hit head on as folks travel the teeming streets in every direction. It's dizzying to say the least and down right rude. What happened to excuse me!? Why are they like this? Are people from the West Coast always this ungracious? I manage to reach a pocket free of sweated bodies to take a breather. It's a relief actually.

“Ugh…” I grumble and pull my phone free. There's a text from Dani saying there are two potential adopters for Liam and Niall. I reply back with a simple 'Great!’ because that's both very exciting and sad at the same time. I won't be there to say goodbye...so I add a “kiss their heads for me” and a sad face because now I feel the guilt. I should be there...not here, not finding a random man amongst four _million_ people. I pinch the bridge of my nose to recover and refocus on my task. “...where could he be?” I search my phone for his name and come up with nothing, only people who are not _my_ Louis Austin. “Grrr….” I run a hand down my face.

“Hey dude watch it!!” I look up and it's too quick for me to react. I'm clipped from the side and sail forward onto my hands and knees, watch as my sunglasses and hat clatter to the ground.

“Owe!” I shout at the man's back. I reach for my belongings. “Jerk.” I mumble as I regain my footing. No one is helping either, they're all walking past as if nothing happened. Now if this were _my town_ there would always be a helping hand. But this? And all of these people with not a single care? I really made a mistake.

And I ripped my jeans.

Great!!

I continue down Hollywood Boulevard, somehow end up by the Museum of Death and begin to panic. This is more than I am able to handle...and it's hot...too hot. Not only am I sweating profusely, but my knee is throbbing from falling earlier, my body is weak from both the flight and the debacle with those tourists...my mind is losing hope. I should probably head back to the hotel to regroup but I only have another forty eight hours! I have to try at least, convince myself this was the right decision and not a complete waste of my time.

So I head south and find Sunset Boulevard next, squash every single piece of doubt in my mind and _move._

There's more traffic here, less tourists, more blue collar workers, office buildings, actual habitants and not... transplants.

I wander the streets aimlessly, take in the sights, look at every face I pass, hopefully find recognition there but it's no use. I know nothing about him besides his _name_ and that hasn't helped in the slightest.

I take a seat on a bench feeling my exhaustion settle. It's nearly six in the evening and the sun is still shining bright. I probably have a tan, will go back home two shades darker and everyone will wonder what I was really up to. My cover with be blown, they will all assume I came here in search of Louis, to beg him for forgiveness, to maybe kiss him and...have sex with him...and anything else he pleases.

How could I face them? Will they forgive me? Will they think differently of me if I were to...bed him without really getting to know him? Will going against my morals make me a bad person? Is this a way of testing my will power?

I put my head in my hands and take a deep breath. My brain is coming to the worst possible conclusions, laying out the road to failure as I continue to think. It's just...how can I even say these things? What if I never see him again?

But what if I do?

I stand up and continue on my way to distract my stupid brain. If I sit and allow myself to think, I'll be planning our wedding next and that's just...not what my ego needs at the moment.

“Excuse me?” I ask a woman as I pay for my coffee. She eyes me skeptically. “I was wondering if you-”

“No hablo ingles.” She says and stares straight ahead seemingly ignoring my presence.

“I guess that's out.” I leave the shop and am once again consumed by the heat. It has to be at least eighty and I'm in my ripped jeans and t-shirt. I feel too gross. “That's it...I'm throwing in the towel.” I call the cab company from earlier and head back to the hotel for a shower.

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It's eight at night when I'm finished.

I want to desperately resume my search but by the time I find Sunset Boulevard, it'll be too late and I've already spent too much money. I mean I honestly don't know what I was thinking coming to a place so expensive. New York would have been just as bad but at least I had a plan, destinations, actual reservations. Now I'm just going with the flow, being spontaneous, losing miserably as I keep coming up empty handed.

I took an actual map from reception and decide to coordinate a plan for tomorrow. I'll have to leave early in order to hit every address but it is what it is. If I want to find Louis, I'll need to head to the parts of town where there are actual office buildings and...do what? Wait for him outside? Look like a total freak!?

I really didn't plan this through.

Maybe I should just go to the beach and lie in the sand until my skin falls off, eat cotton candy until my teeth rot, and lose myself in a book. I sigh at the thought because that would be glorious. But so would...kissing-

My cellphone rings then disrupting my thoughts, thankfully.

“Hi Dani. How did those adoptions go?” My voice is shaky, uncertain, filled with _longing_. But for what though?

“Hey! Really well. They're being picked up tomorrow.”

“Oh!” I attempt to mask my sadness. “I'll miss them. Did they find a home together?”

“Nope, two separate adoptions actually…” Her voice trails off but I think nothing of it.

“How's Zayn? I feel sorry he's the last one.”

“Actually...Tony and I...are going to take him.” My eyes widen.

“Really!? That's great!! He's such a sweet boy.”

“Yes! I know. I was on the fence for a long time but now that they're all adopted, I can focus on him.”

“You'll make wonderful cat parents!”

“You too! If you decide to adopt one.”

“Maybe. Haven't decided.” I shrug. “If we get another shelter, it'll be the same deal.”

“I agree.” She yawns then. “So what's up? How's New York? Take any pictures?”

“It's…” I bite my lip. “It's...nice.” I cringe. “Cold...yeah very cold and...dirty.” I say remembering what Natale told me that one time.

“Dirty? Interesting...can't wait to hear about it.”

“Do you... happen to know how Lucas is?” I cringe.

“I haven't seen Louis at all.” Well that's good because I'm praying he's here.

“I see. Did you happen to see his friends?”

“No. They're not here either. They've been gone for the last few weeks.”

“Oh.” I pick at my nail bed.

“Why don't you ask? It won't hurt you know.” She yawns again.

“I'll let you go you sound tired.”

“Not until I'm finished.”

“What if I'm tired?”

“Don't care...listen here, you need to speak to him okay? Get rid of the unnecessary tension.”

“There is no tension.” I continue to lie.

“Yeah _right_. Just reconsider.” When I see him again...yes. I'll try.

“Fine. _Fine_.” I relent.

“Good. Have fun and buy me an I Love N-Y shirt.”

“Sure.” How I'll pull that off will be interesting. “Have a great night.”

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The next day I decide to buy a pair of shorts. I'm too warm in my ripped jeans (which is actually a fashion trend here...who knew) so I found myself in a surf shop hoping to find _anything_ suitable and comfortable to wear.

“Need help?” The salesman asks after a few minutes of wandering the store.

“Actually, yes. I just need…” I turn towards him and he's cute, tall, really tan, built, and cute. Did I fail to mention that? “Shorts. Some sort of shorts.” I motion towards my legs with my hands indicating as such. “I want to be comfortable too.”

“Sure. What's your size?”

“Uh…” I quickly pull the tag from my jeans. “Twenty eight?”

“Perfect.” He winks and turns to the opposite wall covered in neatly arranged...beachwear? I don't know what I was expecting walking into a surf shop. I follow behind him. “Not from around here?” He asks as he searches the racks.

“No... I'm not. I really do stand out for all the wrong reasons. Supposedly it's my accent but I think it's the hat...or my clumsy ways.” I shrug.

“You stand out for good reasons too.” He mumbles as he flicks through the hangers. “How about these?” He pulls out an absurdly short pair of yellow swimming trunks.

“Where's the rest of them?” I ask and the man breaks out into a loud cackle. “What?” I question. “I'm serious. These are too short.”

“Um...it's meant to be short. To you know, show off your legs.” He steps closer prompting me to take a step _back._ He's forward. “Why not try them on?” His voice sounds...sensual!?

“Again, they're too short. I'd rather not walk around with my _assets_ hanging out.” He cackles again. “What? I'm not trying to be funny.” I say.

“No but you're certainly being cute. What are you doing tonight?” My eyes widen at the audacity.

“Not hanging out with _you.”_ I turn on my heel and walk straight out of the store feeling equally horrified and awful. The guy was flirting, obviously was interested and I totally blew it back in his face. What's wrong with me? Are those my defenses speaking? Is this what I did to Louis?

I pinch the bridge of my nose and move to the next store two blocks away.

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I find myself on Rodeo Drive a few hours later in a new pair of shorts and tank top. They're normal length, cover a good part of my thighs, and every inch I want hidden. It's just people walk around half dressed all the time here and it's abnormal...well for me. Back home during summer months we're always appropriately covered. I don't mean turtleneck sweaters with jeans but like...I've seen more cleavage and butt cheeks in the last day than I have in my entire life and it's quite bothersome. Do these people have any shame? I felt half naked when I accidentally had my shirt half buttoned at work! And that was _two buttons_! Ugh, I really am a country bumpkin.

I've also noticed tourists (or locals, I can't tell) with these large sticks attached to their phones. I can assume they're taking photos of themselves because they eventually hold them up, crowd together, and smile or make silly faces at the screen. It's interesting to say the least...I'll have to pick one up at the airport.

As I walk further up the street I find the cluster of buildings I was in search of, so I disregard the overpriced shops, butt cheeks and cleavage and head on over. They're glass, they're modern, they're probably the future of Harper's Ferry and it's depressing.

“I prefer old world charm...not this.” I look up at the facade. “Meh. Does nothing for me.” I shrug and sit down on a bench to catch my breath. I'm looking through my phone when I hear a commotion.

“Excuse me! Mr. Tomlinson! Please look this way!” I hear shouting.

“Huh?” I look to my right and there's an enormous crowd of people walking towards me. They look to be reporters, camera men, fans, whoever but they're surrounding two individuals. I can't seem to get a good look at them either as they are partially obscured by a well built bodyguard.

“Please answer the question! You are building on what was once a reservation...how are-”

“Back away!” Another man with a dark suit and elaborately styled hair shouts at the mass.

“Information is being witheld from the public-” A reporter starts who is constrained by security.

“Any and all information you wish to seek may be found on the internet. Have a wonderful day.” He says in a dismissive tone. The bodyguard is escorting the man and woman, who both have their arms wrapped securely around each other's torsos, towards the entrance. He's wearing a black suit, while she is, shockingly enough, sporting a fitted, short black dress that barely covers her rear.

“She better not bend down.” I remark. I look back to the man finding a spark of familiarity in his stance and movements. “Too plain for my Louis.” I mumble.

“Mr. Tomlinson, you are disrupting the wildlife preserve! You are destroying land-” Another person shouts. I look over to the reporters and they're now being corralled like live stock, hurded into a small pen. I chuckle to myself at the image that's now engrained in my mind.

“He will speak at today's conference.” The suited man shouts and then he too disappears into the building.

“Interesting.” I say to myself and shrug it off. “Now, Louis where could you be…”

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After another unsuccessful day, I decided to go to the beach, which beach I am not sure but I made it finally. It feels good to be lying in the cool sand with a drink watching the people pass and children holding buckets full of water waiting to construct sand castles. It's carefree living out here, really a beautiful place to visit, but it's not home. And I do miss it regardless of the memories it holds.

My time here is coming to an end and I hardly made a dent. Louis’ probably hiding, maybe at home in his too large of a home... playing with Lu-Lu, being all cute and annoying with his stupid boots and hair. Or maybe he's at his office taking charge, being the dominant over his people, making rational decisions, and watching the money fly into his bank account.

I sigh into my hand.

This was the biggest mistake of my life. How could I come here thinking I'd mistakenly _run into him_ ? What was I truly thinking when I purchased this plane ticket? What was I hoping for? I let that thought settle as I watch a couple walk the shoreline. They're holding hands, laughing at a joke one of them told and enjoying their company _together_ . It's sucky to witness, even more sucky that I'm jealous, _even more sucky_ because I probably could have been doing that too.

Something whacks me in the head then disrupting my reverie.

“Owe!!” My hat is knocked off. “Ugh…” I rub my temple.

“Sorry Mister!” I turn towards the voice and it's a boy. “My friend kicked it too hard...I _told him_ to be careful but he just did it anyway!” He flails his hands into the air.

“Uh...it's fine.” I plop the hat back on my head and adjust my glasses. “Here.” I give him the beach ball. “What are you guys playing?”

“Kick ball.”

“Great. Have fun.” I smile. “Thanks for the concussion.” I lie and the kids face falls.

“Oh my God!! SERIOUSLY!?” The boy comes closer.

“I'm kidding... I'm fine.” I reassure.

“Oh crap my mother is going to kill me.” He's legitimately freaking out.

“Kid! It's fine! I'm fine!! Calm down and go play Dodge ball or whatever.” I keep my tone light.

“Ugh...if you're dead in two hours I'll be grounded until I graduate high school!”

“I won't be...that's a promise.”

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The moment my alarm clicks off the following morning, I shoot out of bed to get ready. I only have five hours to search before my flight and I need to cover as much ground as possible. I check out of the hotel, thankfully avoid the purple haired girl and am back on the street within an hour.

The sun is shining bright, the palm trees are as beautiful as ever, and my brain is continuing to work overtime. I am reciting a speech in my head, looping the words over and over like a broken record, memorizing the lines...It has to be just right that's why. If he decides to not listen then at least I laid it out there, spoke my mind, made him understand that...I am not embarrassed to be around him, that his choice of clothing is appealing to me, his smile makes my heart stutter, his eyes so intriguing and pretty I could literally stare into their depths for hours on end.

He just has to hear me say it.

And that maybe it aches to relive the moment when we were on my sofa, the moment where we could have kissed, where I so foolishly pulled away out of fear when my own feelings were developing. I wish he kissed me, proved his feelings rather than expected me to read into everything he did. And I wish I was brave enough to allow him because then I would have taken it as a declaration of his intentions. I wouldn't be _here_ right now acting like a complete freak and _stalker_ . Things would be different... _I'd_ be different. We'd be on that beach holding hands...right?

So I'm back in Beverly Hills, decided to head to that same building yesterday where the crowd was. It's a massive tower, most likely the home of many businesses small and large which doubles, or even triples, my chances.

I walk into the grand marbled lobby, find the directory, and begin skimming the names. As suspected, the number of companies is overwhelming, probably fifty at least. And they're all involved with real estate or development or both. I groan aloud.

“Which do I pick? Do I go floor by floor?” That would take me all day.

“May I help you?” I turn around and face a friendly guard. “You look lost.” She's a dark skinned woman, smaller than I thought a body guard should be but then I see the gun holster, and sheer size of her arms. Stature be damned. She could break me in two if she felt like.

“Um...I'm actually looking for someone.” I approach her and remove my sunglasses.

“Okay…?” She's observing my every move, probably determining if I am a threat or not. I know this look because I do it at the bar, read the folks I don't know, use my instinct. It's to protect the patrons and myself from harm.

“I'm sorry. I honestly don't even know if he'll _be here_ but... ugh.” I pull my hat off my head, run a hand through my curls. “His name is Louis-”

“ _Louis_?” The woman practically spits and just like that her entire disposition changes. She's not the approachable guard from earlier, no this is someone far more intimidating.

“Um…” I step back. “Yeah?”

“You have to leave, sir.” My face falls.

“Huh? Why?” I ask. “Is he here? I really need to speak-”

“Sir, please _leave_.” I quickly back away, find her hand reaching for her belt. I shriek and hurriedly leave the building wanting to avoid any confrontation.

“What the heck?” I mumble as I descend the stairs. “I didn't even give his last name!” I tug my hat back on my head and stomp to my bench.

Why did she freak when I said his name? What was that about!? Is he a bad person? Is Louis...a criminal!? What if he's in jail?

“Ah man...of course...my luck. The first decent guy to come around is a stupid perp.” I put my head in my hands and take a few deep breaths.

“Here we go, ma'am.” A man says from a few feet away. I hear the car door open.

“ _Ew_ , please don't say ma'am again... makes me sound like some old hag.” I look up to find a tall brunette with brown stringy hair. If I'm not mistaken, this is the same girl...from yesterday? She's even less appealing up close than she was far away. I take in her short black and white skirt, heeled shoes, and skimpy top. It's so inappropriate and unsightly. How could anyone find this outfit appealing? Does she want to just show off her body like it's on display for the world? Doesn't she want to save that for...an intimate moment?

“Sorry, Miss.”

“I wish the _old_ driver was here. He at least remembered my name.” She flicks her hair over her shoulder and begins walking to the building. “What the fuck are you looking at?” She snaps in my direction.

“What?” I squeak. I take in my surroundings to ensure she isn't speaking to me but unfortunately…

“Yeah you with the fedora and crap sneakers.” She lowers her glasses, looks down upon me condescendingly, takes me in with her cold, gray eyes. “Hmph. You could be cute too.” My mouth drops open. “Too bad…” She turns around and heads into the building clattering along the cement.

“Could be?” I ask, sort of raising my voice. “I _am_ cute, sweetheart.” I mumble and stand from the bench. This was a bust, a total waste of time and money, a horrible way to spend my vacation. “Guess I'll...go home now.” I walk in the opposite direction towards the bus feeling a little bruised and very sad.

“Mr. Tomlinson, Briana has gone inside already…” I hear the driver. “No, she didn't...oh the man? What man?”

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“Wow. For being in New York in December you certainly are tan.” Dani states when she arrives. We're at the shelter,  emptying out drawers, closets, the desk, everything. Soon this will be gone, our hard work succumbing to a bulldozer, soon to be some park or whatever.

“About that…”

“And where's my shirt?”

“I went to California.” I rush out and ignore her shocked face.

“What!?” She grips my shoulders, turns me around. “You went where!?” I can't hide my shame.

“I went to California!”

“Explain.” She crosses her arms over her chest.

“...to find Louis.” I admit.

“That's...wow..” She sighs . “Why would you...go? What were you looking to achieve?”

“Well I failed obviously so there's that.” I swipe my eyes. “Dumb. It was dumb but I guess I wanted to find closure, maybe speak to him or something. I planned out my speech too but that's long gone now.”

“Oh, Harry I'm sorry.” She gives me a hug.

“Ugh me too.”

“I'm happy you tried.”

“I'm not. I could have eaten some decent pizza.” I shrug.

“Well you look superb tanned. And I'm jealous.”

“Yeah well... I've seen too many butts than I'm willing to admit.”

“What!!”

“The shorts are short!!” I defend. “The fashion is absurd. We look like nuns compared to them.”

“Ah...I see.”

“And look at this.” I take my _selfie stick_ from my pocket and extend it. “Ever see one of these?”

“I've heard of them... but why do you have one?”

“Well...it's to replace the ILoveNY shirt which is corny by the way...so here. Use it well. You like photos.”

“I can use this for New year's!” She takes the stick and attaches her phone to it. “Yay!” She smiles. “Thanks!!”

We manage to fill two large bags of extra beds, towels, once missing cat toys, and items of the like. It's just so sad...to see this place empty, to have no cats scurrying around, or hearing little mews echoing down the hall. The silence is deafening.

“Oh I need to take the sign down.” I sniffle as we leave.

“Need a ladder?” We look up.

“I'll ask Brett to do it.” I shrug. “He can easily detach it from the facade.”

“Possibly.” I feel her eyes on me.

“What?”

“Are you okay?”

“Um...no actually I'm not.” I sigh. “I'm farthest from it if I'm honest.” I look at her. “I'm pathetic aren't I? I've truly stooped to a whole new level of stalker.”

“Not at all. You're obviously torn over what happened...over what he did to you...over what _you guys didn't do._ ”

“Yeah...but I went across the country to find him and uh...that's sad.”

“Not really, you went on a vacation.”

“Without a plan. I didn't even book a hotel because I was certain he would let me stay with him. How bad is that!!” I place my head in my hands.

“It's...what? Really?” She bites her lip. “What did you do when you got there?”

I tell her the story, recap my entire experience, include the purple haired girl, the dude from the surf shop, and the ripped jeans. I especially focused on the security guard who flinched when I mentioned Louis’ name.

“It makes me wonder if he's like...a criminal or something bad?”

“Ah I highly doubt that.”

“But what if he is? Why did that guard get weird?”

“I'm sure she thought it was another Louis.”

“There's not many Louis’ running around!!”

“Okay calm yourself...just...take a deep breath. It's not like you're... dating him.”

“Ugh…” I wish I was but not if he's breaking the law.

“Look you barely touched the guy! You're emotionally attached for no reason! You did what you could...now come back down to earth. We all miss you here.” She smiles.

“I know. I feel as if this short blip in my life has finally decided to close and it's welcome that's for sure.” Sort of... slightly...but not really...

“Just...why don't you try and see if Nick wants to get a drink?”

“Nick!? The vet tech!?” I want to vomit or scream because...it's not...as awful of an idea as I originally thought. “I guess…”

“Really?” We start to head to town.

“Why not? You never know. He could wind up being my _prince_.”

“I wouldn't go that far but sure, maybe a good rebound.”

“ _Rebound_?!” I stick my tongue out at her. “I want a forever I think not a rebound.”

“You need someone now.” We reach the bakery. “So where is he?” Dani looks around for Brett.

“Probably at his shop. He doesn't _live_ on the bench you know.”

“Oh I have no clue!” We enter the cafe together.

“Natale!” I yell. “I'm back from the dead!” I round the corner towards the kitchen when I don't see her. “Hello?” I extend the 'O’ attempting to be cute but there's no reply. I hear a crashing noise from the back and immediately walk towards it. “Natale!?” My voice is urgent now, devoid of any of the light heartedness it had earlier. I find the storage room and swing the door open.

“Ahh!!!” We all yell in unison.

“What's going-” Dani hits into me. “Hey!” She pushes me aside to reveal…

“Holy shit!!” Brett yells as they both attempt to cover up.

“More boobs.” I sigh and quickly look away.

“Ever hear of knocking!?” He yells.

“Ever hear of a bedroom!? I thought Natale was in trouble!”

“I'm fine!!” She tugs her shirt on. “I'm good. We're all good here. How are you?”

“Ugh…” I pinch the bridge of my nose. “I'll let you two...you know finish up...oh and Brett can you take the sign down on the shelter in _one piece_? Please and thank you.” I exit as quickly as possible unable to wipe that memory from my brain.

“Wow!!! Who would have thought.” Dani says as she follows close behind.

“Well that's what people do when they... _like_ one another.”

“Yuh well, at her job?”

“I’d be into that…” I mumble as the image of a desk comes to mind. “A view would be nice too.”

“What are you babbling about?” She asks.

“Nothing.” Just...Louis and I on his desk. I mentally slap myself. “Ugh never mind. I have to go home and get ready for tonight.”

“Alright sure. Oh! What are your plans for Christmas Eve?”

“I was thinking of going to the hotel to hangout with Mrs. Winston.”

“Sounds _fun_.” She rolls her eyes.

“Hey well she's stuck working around the clock and her husband does over nights on the railroad so why not? And the cats are gone. What do I do now?”

“Oh...well...you're more than welcome to come with Tony and I.”

“I can't invade your time with him and his family. I'll be fine.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I'll get one of the chef's to make me something too.” I smile even though my heart is drowning in sorrow.

“Don't get mad at me if your night sucks, alright?”

“Yeah yeah... Kiss Zayn on the head for me.”

“I will.”

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I'm dusting the bar off for the third time, cleaning every glass, shining all the stainless steel, sweeping the corners, and adjusting the drapes.

It seems while I was away Ben failed to do any of the _additional_ clean up. I will have to kindly remind him that even though every cup wasn't used, they still need to be wiped down because who wants a dirty glass? No one. Not me. Not him. Not anyone in this town.

“Hey!” The kid walks in. “You're like insanely tan! Which

.. confuses me a bit since you were supposed to be in New York?”

“I had a change in plans actually.” I continue to dust.

“Is that so? Where did you end up? In California looking for dear old Louis?” He laughs. I turn my head to hide my horror.

“You're a funny one!” I say.

“I try...anyway yeah so where did you go?” California to find dear old Louis.

“Well you...got the California part down but I went to the beach.” I technically did so I didn't lie. “Watched the waves. It was great.” I turn towards him, change the subject. “Before I forget...you didn't dust or clean all the glasses while I was gone.”

“Ah…” Ben diverts his eyes. “I'm sorry...I thought I was thorough. It won't happen again! I swear!”

“It's all good! I mean I hate to be so particular but I just like a tidy appearance.”

“Okay...okay yeah absolutely.” He nods once and smiles. “Mom told me you're coming tomorrow night.”

“Yeah. Just to hang...you know.” Because I have nothing else to do and to be alone on Christmas Eve is depressing in itself.

“Oh yeah! Mom's all excited too. She's going to force you to decorate the Christmas tree!”

“That's fine.” I don't have one anyway.

“Great!!” He nudges my shoulder. “Okay! So...what can I do?”

“I did everything already. Sorry I started two hours ago.”

“What! Awe man…”

“The shelter is gone. I have a lot of spare time.”

“How about getting some new friends? I heard Louis -” My legs go weak at the mention of him...ugh still.

“You know I think we need ice!” I slap on my smile and head to the back but Ben is hot on my heel this time.

“Harry!” He calls out to me but I ignore him. “Stop acting like this.” He has no idea what he's saying, no clue as to what _actually_ happened. But I can't lash out at him...I have to keep it together or else I'll lose it. “He's done nothing wrong! And I thought you'd be over it by now-”

“You haven't the slightest _clue_ as to what he's done to me. The slightest! So stop acting like a know it all and stay out of my business!” I run outside to avoid Ben, pray he gets the message to _not follow_ but he's there!! “You're unrelenting!”

“No! I'm here to knock some sense into that brain of yours!” My eyes widen.

“Why are you always siding with him!? What have I ever done to make you believe I am the bad guy!”

“Because you're so much more than this, more understanding, more compassionate.” He motions towards me. “Why are you still so stuck on Louis being this horrible monster when in reality, he's a nice person? A very generous man just looking for a break?” I take a deep breath.

“It’s not what you think. Some things happened...well _didn't_ happen. Look I don't want to get into this with you no offense.”

“We talked all the time.” He says.

“...come again?” I sit on an up turned bucket and watch him carefully.

“Yeah we used to talk in the early morning when I'd leave the bar.”

“He'd be awake? Does he ever sleep?”

“Not really. He's always involved with work. He would be on his phone or tablet throughout the conversation.” I divert my gaze to the ground, stare at a pebble or two.

“He's...he was never on his phone once with me.” I whisper. “Didn't even know he had a tablet.”

“That's strange, it's usually attached to his hand!” My body breaks out into a cold sweat. “Anyway, yeah we would chat all the time. He'd tell me about his day, I'd fill him in on the town gossip.”

“Why would he care?” I ask as my leg begins to bounce.

“I don't know. I guess because he was here so much and didn't want to feel left out.” Yeah because of me.

“Oli told me he had no intention staying here. Is that true? Did he open up to you about his personal life? Or was he as closed off with you as he was with me?” You know about everything.

“No, he was pretty open.” Ben joins me on another bucket.

“Really?” I clear my throat. “That's interesting…”

“He originally booked the suite for a week back in August.” He begins. “But then after a few days, he asked Mom if he can have it for the year.”

“The _year_?” I find his eyes.

“Yeah! She didn't question him, just said hell yeah because that room never gets booked! And for a full year.”

“You originally said eight months.”

“I didn't want to scare you since you guys were not the best of friends. But anyway yeah he changed his mind, decided to stay longer than expected...way longer. He'd fly back home to check on his team and come back.”

“Team for what?” I push him. “What do they do?”

“He always left that out and I never asked him.”

“Oh well you should.” Because some of us are afraid to.

“He'll let us know when he's ready.” I roll my eyes.

“I've heard that before.”

“Well I'm patient, you're not.”

“No it's something that he said that always kept me guessing that's why.”

“What did he say?”

“He came here and drank outside the bar the night of his dinner. It was the strangest thing...like he didn't want to celebrate anymore so he saught me out for whatever reason.”

“Yeah...well…”

“He said that we'd hate him in the end. He seemed really distraught over it. But he was inebriated so I didn't take it to heart. He could have meant a lot of things.”

“It's true! And when you're plastered random things fly out of your mouth.”

“Yup.” I pick at my nails. “Anything else that stands out?” Or just tell me everything.

“He told me why he stayed.” My stomach drops.

“I see.” I keep my eyes focused on my fingers. “Must be a good reason.”

“Yeah, at least he thinks so... persuaded him to essentially uproot from his home and move here practically!”

“Yuh... look at that.” My head is throbbing suddenly. “If it's such an important reason, why isn't he here right now? Why hasn't he returned in nearly two months?” I thought I'd feel my depression, but it's my anger seeping through. “If he decided to stay in _Harper's Ferry_ for a year why isn't he here?”

“I'm not sure! I guess he was behind?”

“With the work he keeps _top secret_!?” I run a hand down my face. “He's a mystery! I'll never understand him.”

“If you gave him a chance-”

“I did!! I gave him a chance...two! And I...ugh...he told me he's over it. And now I'm a mess because I can't _get over it_ with him. I'm stuck.” I admit. “And now he's gone, adopted my cat, and left for good it seems and I can't help but think that I had something to do with it.”

“Well...you had-”

“I was afraid, alright? I was _afraid_ and he just got so angry with me. Maybe he was hurt but I was hurt too.”

“The day he asked me about you was the day he decided to stay.” Ben rushes out.

“That’s not true.” I shake my head. “He was….he was looking for attention!” I reassure myself. “Yeah he wanted to...he wanted to seem like he cares.”

“It is! He always talked about you.” My heart is pounding in my chest. “He convinced me to ask you about working with you. He pushed me.”

“What?” My face falls.

“He encouraged me to take that first step! Helped me out.”

“I don't believe you.” I shake my head again. “He didn't stay for me...he didn't know me!”

“He wanted to change that! He was willing to stay here for _you_. Those exact words came out of his mouth!”

“Well, it's over and done with now! He's gone. He's never coming back!” And that thought makes subconscious scream.


	5. Something Cheesy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Do you like holding hands?”  
> “I think it's romantic.”  
> “Hand holding? Really?”  
> “Yeah, to me it's like...the prelude to a kiss or something cheesey.”  
> “What kind of cheese?”  
> “Something old and stinky.”  
> “Come on really, what's your ideal cheesey date?”  
> "Star gazing at midnight or…walking along the beach at sunset.”  
> “Okay that is cheesey.”

“Here she is.” Brett hands me the shelter sign. JELLYBEAN.

“Thanks.” I whisper as I hold back a tear. I take the sign from him and gently place it on the ground next to the bench. “No corn muffin today?”

“Nah. Watching the L-B’s my friend.” He pats his stomach. “How are you doing? I see you've unintentionally lost some weight.”

“Uh...yeah a little. I can't seem to find the time to eat.” I lie.

“Or have the stomach to keep anything down.” He corrects.

“Ah...yes that would be right.” I bite at my nail to hide my face.

“We have much of the afternoon to kill, so do tell me.” He urges.

“Wait, you actually want me to tell a story?”

“Keep it brief.” He nudges me with his elbow.

“I’ve been depressed is all.” I shrug. “Done.”

“Wait that's it?” He questions, touches his chest as if in utter disbelief. “Is there a catch? A punch line? Words between the lines that are too fine to read?”

“No, I'm depressed. That's all.” I nod. “I've tried to mask it and I cannot so this is where I stand.”

“Alright well, I hope it wasn't because of my bare ass.”

“I've seen plenty trust me and boobs. Too many boobs.”

“Wait, boobs? I thought you were into dicks?”

“Alright wow...yes I'm into...men but when I was away I saw too many.”

“You went to a strip club!?”

“No!!! Grrr I was in California and the clothing was revealing.”

“I thought you went-”

“No. I went to LA to find Louis and failed okay?” I turn towards Brett when he doesn't respond. “I've achieved the impossible...I made you shut up.”

“I'm more in shock.” He slumps against the bench. “You got it bad.” He concludes.

“...yeah.” I look down at my dirtied sneakers. “Really bad. I thought I'd find closure going there but it's only made the ache worse.” I take a deep breath. “I can't stop thinking about him. I hope this goes away eventually because the longing is the worst.”

“You're telling me.” He smacks my arm. “Do you want to know the reason I chose this bench?”

“Um... because you live right there?” I point behind us.

“No you curly haired dope. Because of her.” He motions with his head towards the bakery. My mouth drops.

“Really!?”

“Yeah. And when I thought she was into you I wanted to smack you upside the head.” He motions with his hand.

“Ah...nice.” I nod.

“But when I found out you like the Big-D I knew I was still in the game and lost the urge to hurt you.”

“Ugh...yeah the _Big D._ Why are you so grotesque all the time?”

“Why are you such a pansy all the time?”

“I am not!!”

“Yes you are. If you want something you have to work for it. Not sit around and wait for it to come.”

“I...I tried, Brett! I went to the other side of the country, looked for Louis, failed...am now more heart broken then I thought were possible.” I admit. “He isn't here either...I have no way of reaching out to him.”

“Mrs. Winston has phone numbers no? Why don't you ask-”

“No! I want to _see_ him, tell him to his face, give him that much.” I rub at my nose, tug my coat a little tighter around my body. “I have to read his expression, maybe see if I still have a chance.”

“If you say so. But dropping a quick text or whatever might bring him back.”

“I don't think he's ever coming back.”

“He'll find his way home, Harry. Just give him time.”

“But what if I'm not his home?”

“Then fine, your the structure, the screws holding it all together. You may not be the finished product, but you're the foundation. And a home has to start someplace.”

.

.

.

.

It's New Year's Eve and the bar is filled to capacity.

I forewarned Ben of the crowds, the drunkenness, the rowdiness. It's probably more of a headache than Halloween. But again, he's proven to be focused, attentive, a great asset. I'm actually very pleased with his help...and I still cannot imagine _Louis_ convinced him to ask _me_ to work here. How could he see the potential? What attributes did Ben reveal that sparked the idea? Is this why he is such a successful business man? He reveals ones hidden talents?

Well? What's mine then?

“Are you alright?” I ask Ben as he empties ice into the cooler.

“Yeah! Good. Just one thing at a time.” He says.

“You're doing great.” I offer because why not?

“Thanks! I appreciate that.” He smiles. “Dani keeps taking pictures with that stick thing you got her.”

“You've never seen it before?” I question as I fill two glasses with Bourbon.

“No! They're cool. I want one.”

“Well if I ever go back to Cali I'll buy you one.” _If_ I go back that is.

“Cool! I think you'll be going sooner than you think!” He winks and heads to the back.

“Huh?” I am?

“Harry!!” I'm pulled from my reverie and serve my guests.

A few hours later, the crowd is still strong, their laughter and banter unwavering, their tips even more so.

“It's almost midnight.” I tell Ben. “Can you find the remote and turn the television on? I'll lower the music.”

“Okay, sure!” I round the counter and make my way over to the closet.

“Hmm…” I find the music volume, fiddle around with the sound, listen for the momentary silence. I turn towards the kid whose now distracted in a conversation. “What's he doing?” I turn up the TV's. I look over again and he's back to the remotes. “Alright perfect.” I close the closet door and am about to turn around when I catch a familiar scent in the cross breeze. It was so quick I thought maybe I imagined it, somehow resurrected the painful memory at the worst possible moment. It's my stupid brain playing tricks with me, feeding my desire with hope that _he_ came back, filling my heart with contentment. “Ugh…” It's an awful lie really, painful. It makes my chest ache. I turn around and smack into a body, nearly take them down with my size. “I'm sorry!!” I apologize as I grip onto their shoulders to steady them out. “I didn't know…” My eyes must be deceiving me, my nose too, my stupid mind because everything is fake. He isn't real. My imagination is running rampant, taking it's own course, conjuring this beautiful being before me.

He isn't really here.

“Harry?” I close my eyes, savor in his softness, take a step back into the wall for support. Is this... actually happening? “Hey, are you okay?” He touches my arm and I _swear_ I felt a spark. I flinch at the unexpected sensation, feel my skin humming to life. “Sorry, I didn't mean to touch you.”

“No!” I shake my head to clear it, well attempt to clear the fogginess. “Sorry...I...it's _fine_.” I reassure and finally meet his gaze. It's so blue. They're so blue! And he's...he's… “Perfect.” I whisper as I continue to take in his appearance, his hair, his smooth angular jawline, his lips. Oh his lips... they're just drawing me to him.

“Oh okay.” He touches his tie, licks at his mouth, remains just a few feet away. “I thought...I know it's a bad time but-”

“It's not! Please I…” I pinch my nose, will my brain to focus. “Stay. I know I'm working but you can stay at the bar until...until I'm done. That's if you want to of course.”

“I do actually.”

“We can talk afterwards.”

“Okay, I think it's long over due.” He smooths his black jacket down.

“I agree.” My hands are shaking suddenly. “Are those sparkles?” I ask when I catch the glinting in the dim light. His suit is covered, twinkling, fitted to him perfectly. He looks fantastic.

“They are.” He admits with a smirk. “They match the shoes.” He lifts the hem of his slacks revealing the glittery boots.

“Of course they do because God forbid.” He chuckles and my heart beats uncontrollably in my chest. “So...I should…” I start to walk towards the bar.

“Yes, please. Don't let me keep you from your patrons.” He follows behind.

“Thanks.” We walk side by side. “When did you land?”

“An hour ago. It was a last minute decision.” He looks away. “I was...I had to resolve an issue.”

“Work related?”

“You could say that.” He says. “Nothing too serious...just more of an annoyance...a loose end that needed mending.”

“Oh. Did you manage to finish? Or fix whatever it was?”

“Uh...no. But tomorrow is another day.” He shrugs. “I'll see what I can do...Oh! It's nearly midnight.” He says and motions to the television.

“Yup. Just a minute to go.” I see Ben holding a noise maker and chatting up a local. “Want anything?” I watch him unbutton his jacket and carefully sit at the counter. It's the small gestures that make me ogle really.

“Yes, I do but I'll wait.” His eyes hold their usual intensity however, there's a hint of something else there.

“Oh. Sure, let me know.” I quickly clean off the bar top.

“Harry! It's almost time!!” Ben smacks my arm. “Oh good Louis found you!”

“Um…” I smile towards him, keep my gaze diverted. “Yes, he did.”

“Everybody count down!!” Ben yells.

“His enthusiasm is intoxicating.” Louis says as he shifts in his seat.

“He is a breath of fresh air that's for sure.” I look to him.

“So are you.” He doesn't hide his fond.

“Am I? I didn't notice.” I reply because I really...just don't see it.

“You have a knack it seems.” He continues to take me in.

“It’s a defense mechanism.” I answer honestly as I rest my elbows on the counter.

“Ten!!” Ben begins.

“Nine!” The crowd is counting down with him.

“They are no longer necessary.” He mimics my actions, leans closer, clasps his hands together.

“Why?” I ask. I glance down at his lips, purposely hold my stare for a few seconds, await his tongue to graze along the pink flesh.

“Five!”

“I'll ensure you never second guess my motives again.” He leans further in.

“Two!”

“How do you plan on doing that?” He grips my forearm then, awakens the butterflies in my abdomen, sets my desire free.

“One!”

He reaches forward then, pulls me to him, and places the gentlests of kisses upon my lips as the crowd erupts around us.

“HAPPY NEW YEAR!!” They all shout but it's fuzzy. The movements, the voices, the noise, the world outside our bubble. It's muffled. Nothing else matters or comes close to the significance of this moment. It's only us. We are the sole individuals in our little universe.

And it was probably just a few seconds, an instant for anyone looking in, a meaningless connection, just a simple peck on the lips, but to us it's everything, the start of our... future, the start of something new.

He pulls on my mouth once and releases, remains close, blows puffs of air against my cheeks. It's sweet, it's romantic, it's sappy, it's mine! And I want more.

“Happy New Year.” He whispers.

“Y-yeah…” I open my eyes that I haven't realized were closed. “You too.” He's right in my face, gripping my forearm, biting his bottom lip. “You're still holding me.”

“I'm afraid to let go.” His fingers tighten their hold.

“You're the one who disappeared, Louis.” I admit.

“I know.” He reluctantly releases his grip, sits up, smooths down his vest. “I will explain, okay? Just, please no more anger?”

“No more anger.” I stand and take a step back. “But I have questions and I...need your honesty.”

“You'll have it all.” He reaches out again, pulls my sleeve. “I'll be right here.” He pleads with his eyes. “I'll be waiting.”

“...okay.” I touch his hand, give a light squeeze, and head to the opposite end of the bar. I'm afraid to lick my mouth, fear if I sample a taste I'll become addicted to him. But ugh it's nearly impossible and it's euphoric the moment it hits my tongue. He's delicious. His taste it delectable. His lips are so soft.

Oh my goodness I need fresh air.

“Hey!” Dani catches my attention. “Happy New Year!” She hugs me close. “I saw some _lip action_ going on just before!!” My face feels flushed suddenly. “How does he kiss? Did you like-”

“Alright! Have fun!” I smile and unravel her arms from around me.

“Wait but did he use tongue!?” She shouts and I _swear_ I feel Louis’ stare.

“Ugh…” I plant my head in my hand.

“You better tell me tomorrow!!” I hear her shouting.

“Hey! We're doing tequila shots! Want one?” Ben asks.

“ _They're_ doing tequila shots. You're just serving.” I correct him.

“Uh...yeah right... sorry.” He pours the alcohol.

“Oh let the kid have one.” Louis interjects as he sips from a glass of red wine that Ben may have placed there.

“Absolutely not! We are working, not getting smashed.” I turn back to Ben. “I mean it. We have to remain sober.”

“I _know_!!” He whines. “Louis will get drunk with me later, right?”

“Well...uh...not tonight.” He clears his throat, diverts his eyes to the ground.

“Not tonight!? You guys drank together!?” I look between them.

“No, we _drink_ together.” Ben says. “Ever have an Irish car bomb?”

“Ugh...you're a terrible influence!” I say to Louis.

“He's not a child, Harry. If he wants to drink, let him…just not on company time that is.” He looks to the kid. “Go on, get back to work.”

“Wait but-” Ben tries.

“No, listen to your boss. You have a job to do.”

“Ugh!!” He grunts and walks away.

“That went over _just fine_ .” My tone is sarcastic. “He will _not_ give me a hard time later.”

“No, he will not because he respects you.”

“When he wants to.” I sigh. “I have-"

“Wait you asked if I wanted something earlier.” He leans on the counter again.

“Yeah, and now you're drinking wine. Did you want another one?”

“No this doesn't involve alcohol.” He flutters his eyelashes, inches towards me.

“Oh.” He pulls my shirt.

“Mmm.” He kisses me again on the lips, lingers a couple of seconds longer than before. “Thanks.” His voice is low, sensual.

“A-anytime.” I nearly choke. What was that?

“You should probably serve your guests.” He smirks.

“Can I serve you?”

“All night.” My breath hitches in my throat.

“You weren't kidding.” I squeak. “You know about me second guessing...I guess your feelings... _Anyway!!_ ” I straighten up, adjust my shirt.

“Show some skin.”

“What?” My mouth is agape. “Skin? I don't-”

“Harry!!!”

“H-hold that thought?” He's sitting there all smug, all cute, all red lipped from biting at them and it's like my soul was resurrected from the dead.

The remainder of the night is painstakingly slow and not because the crowd died down, oh no, that's not the issue. It's the anticipation, the longing to be alone with Louis, finally having a moment together that I was certain would never come. But as I wave goodnight to Dani and Tony, I find my fear superseding my desires, my insecurities masking my needs because what if he doesn't like the real me? What if this is superficial?

“You're going to help!? In that!?” Ben asks Louis, his tone incredulous.

“Yes. Why not?”

“I don't know seems too fancy to work in is all.”

“Nah.” Louis waves him off. “I'll be sure to do the least dirtiest tasks.” He nudges me with his elbow and I _swear_ my arm turned to jello. “Anyway, you'll be finished much quicker with my help.”

“Then we'll drink!?” The kid looks too hopeful.

“Um…” Louis diverts his gaze. “Not... tonight, sorry Ben. I have some unfinished business to attend to.”

“But it's New Year's!! Come on!” I start cleaning, ignore their banter. “I wanted to get-”

“I'm sorry! But you've had my company most nights. I need...uh...to resolve an issue.” He concludes.

“Oooooooo.” Ben says. I feel my cheeks redden because of the obvious double meaning. Or am I just imagining things?

“Ben you can go home.” I excuse him suddenly.

“REALLY!? I don't have to clean!?”

“Nope. You're off! Have a fun night...or what's left of it. Thank you.” I give him my most convincing smile.

“Yeah! You're seriously the best boss! Goodnight Louis! See you later.” The boy literally bounces out of the bar.

And I think I may die.

“Oh man.” My heart is pounding in my chest, the butterflies in my tummy alive and very much well...it's...holy crappola we're alone.

“So...uh...am I really helping you?” Louis asks as he takes in the state of the bar.

“...yes.” I lick at my mouth, savor the lingering taste. “We can talk and get it out of the way.”

“If you'd like.” I look to him and he's just...so beautiful. “Well? Go on I suppose.”

“Oh...oh alright...well…” I grab the broom and begin sweeping. “So-”

“Don't ask about my line of work.”

“That’s cheating. You said you'd give me honesty.” He sighs.

“I _am_ just let me get the rest of this-” He gestures with his hand. “-out of the way.”

“I suppose…” I start in the corner. “You can clean off the bottles.” I instruct as I come up with a solid opener. “Okay so...Why did you come here-”

“Drunk?” He interjects.

“Let me finish.” I huff. “ _When_ you were traveling all day? You woke me up in the middle of the night.”

“I travel all the time...Oh! Well…” He clears his throat. “ _That_ night...I was hoping you forgot…”

“Nope, then you can finish with the drunk visit.”

“Jesus, alright...um...okay see there's….there was this project...no...let me…” I look at him and he seems flustered, is wringing his hands, shifts his weight. His eyes are downcast. “I had this thing...and...we had to go...to go to...prove-”

“Why don't we save that for later?” I suggest to ease his tension.

“Alright thank you.” He clears his throat. “What a shitty week…that was.” He mumbles something else under his breath but I miss it.

“So go on? Drunk night.” I remind.

"Yes, the night of the dinner. I arranged that for you...well, it was for everyone, however my intention was to have you there to speak to you, prove I am not an asshole, watch you interact with everyone, learn to understand that side of you...the not so angry side.” He winks at me but I just shrug it off. “But when you didn't arrive with Dani as I would have hoped, I knew I fucked up, probably looked like more of an asshole because I technically left you out.”

“That makes no sense. You wanted me there but didn't ask?”

“I was afraid to. So I went through Dani, insisted she bring a _close friend with her_ , prayed it was you! But it turns out she has a boyfriend and you never showed up.”

“Then you left your own party to get drunk on a bench outside my apartment?”

“Basically. Yeah.”

“And woke me up.”

“Precisely. I was upset.”

“About me not showing up because I can't read minds.”

“About me being a fucking wuss.”

“Alright but you still woke me up, stole my bed.”

“I was hoping you'd sleep with me.” He says.

“As in...have sex with you!?” I nearly drop the broom! “While you're completely-”

“No!!” He runs a hand down his face. “God no. You're more than a drunken fuck.” I flinch at the word, the brashness, the vulgarity of that _term_ . My jeans suddenly feel snug. “I meant for you to... _sleep_ next to me. But you're a gentleman so I should have known better.”

“I see.”

“Right.” He finishes with the bottles. “So yes, I walked my sorry ass to your apartment in my brand new suit, made a complete fool of myself, scuffed my favorite boots, and still didn't manage to win your heart.” I stop sweeping, focus on his words. “This was a revelation for me, a clear indication that I too can fail, that even with all of my success I've accomplished thus far, I am allowed to experience mishaps along the way, hit a slight bump in the road, _fuck up_.” He takes a deep breath. “I realized it's part of life. It's what makes you a stronger person, gives you purpose. So I took these failed opportunities to change tactics and seek your affections in other ways.”

“How?” I'm gripping the broom for dear life, holding myself in place, maintaining my control.

“Well...I-”

“You read about cats. You _feared_ cats.”

“Yes because I was bit when I was child. But when I watched you in action, saw your love for them, your affection and tenderness, I _knew_ that was my way in. So I took the knowledge I Iearned to impress you.” I begin to sweep again.

“Mmhmm.”

“And it was supposed to work but you are a stubborn man.” He smirks.

“No! I'm not...I was...I was afraid I think.” I admit.

“I never meant to scare you or make you believe I was using you. I just...wanted to be with you, spend quality time with you, get to know the _inner_ Harry, the person you keep buried deep.”

“You called me a liar.” I sulk. “And that my honesty was insulting.”

“You did...you still do and I will not deny those observations.”

“I _insulted_ you! Why did you keep coming back when I _didn't_ deserve it or you?” I choke.

“Determination.” He drops the rag and rounds the bar.

“What are you determined about?”

“You.”

“Me?!” I point to myself.

“Yes!” He slowly makes his way over.

“Why? I'm just a boy from the country who has half a brain.”

“No. I've seen the way everyone looks up to you, admires you, are completely blown away with your positivity and personality. How could you not see that?” I shrug.

“I don't know...I just...have this need to prove I am not crazy or... unaffected by the winter and off season.”

“I'm confused. What do you mean?” He's standing beside me, leaning on the counter, enhancing his beauty with his daintiness and seemingly perfect exterior.

“Remember my theory?”

“No...you never elaborated.” His lips are slightly downturned. _Oh!_ The tongue. I giggle. “What?”

“You _do_ lick your lips when I glance at them.”

“I told you.” He pinches my bicep. “So stop because you're distracting me.”

“I didn't mean to... anyway…” I chance a second glance.

“Harry!! Stop!!” He pushes me with his smallish hands. “Theory. Now.”

“Alright, after the summer season ends, the town sort of...dies. Well not dies because we're still _here_ but we lose about seventy five percent of our tourists. We become stagnant, our drive dwindles into nothing. It's a difficult few months, trying on our sanity since we thrive during the warmer seasons. So I say everyone goes crazy, sort of loses their mind, becomes complacent as we await the Spring.”

“And you avoid the crazy by remaining positive?”

“Yeah, avoid the black hole.” I smile more to myself. “The cats kept me busy though so it never affected me as much.”

“Oh…”

“But now that part of my life is gone. So I cannot be certain how things will turn out.”

“How does Dani feel?”

“She has her boyfriend. She's occupied in other ways.” My heart jumps in my chest. “You know, has to worry about him now. I'm sort of just going with the flow.”

“Spontaneity could be beneficial.”

“No it's a waste of money.” I grunt.

“How so?” He's chuckling.

“I'm not getting into it.” I avoid the California talk.

“I thought we were laying it all out there?” He inches closer.

“I'll explain that when you explain your job.” I give him the ultimatum.

“Hmph...fine. Next question.”

“You can dust off the glasses next.” I start sweeping again. “Okay, so...next question...Why did you pay for Lucas’ vet bills? And also how is he?” I become all soft at the thought of my furry friend.

“Lukie, is good. He's been roaming the house. I think the warm weather improves his overall health.”

“Lukie!?” I whine.

“Yeah Lu-Lu was your thing...I wanted my own.” He cleans each glass meticulously, eyes each smudge, washes it away, starts over.

“But that's his name! You can't just change his _name._ ”

“It's a nickname and yes I can because he's mine.”

“He'll always be my buddy.” I counter. “You're just his new owner.” Why am I becoming all defensive?

“And I care for him deeply.”

“I know…” I relent. “I know you do...how's his medication?”

“The vet had to up it a dose.”

“Why!?” I feel my insides shatter. “Why is that!”

“It's okay, it's fine. It's precautionary.”

“But why up the dose if he didn't need it!?”

“Because we do not know how he truly feels! Cats hide their pain well! It's to make him feel normal.” My eyes are blurry then. All of my personal issues take a backseat at the news, my stupid worries about becoming crazy long gone. My cat is dying. I know it. “Hey! It's okay.” Louis comes over to me, removes the broom from my hands, cups my cheeks. “Let them fall, it's fine.” He reassures, rubs his thumbs along my cheeks to clear away the tears. I can't even think of anything else.

“Is he alone right now?” I sob. “Will he die alone?”

“Never.” He leans in closer. “He is never alone. He loves the cleaning lady too much. She feeds him treats.” He cracks a smile. “And me too. I'm there...I take him to work with me. He's constantly attended to.”

“O-okay.” I say. “He needs his back rubs often. He likes to sleep with you...on your chest and-”

“Yes, every night I'm home.” He looks longingly into my eyes.

“Can I see him again?” He nods once.

“Yes. You will.”

“You’ll bring him?”

“I can bring you.” He releases my face.

“B-bring…me yeah sure...wait to California!?” My forehead breaks out into a sweat.

“Yes…well not like...right now. Soon.” He stares at the ground.

“Uh...” I mumble. Louis heads back to the glasses.

“I paid for Lucas’ vet bills because you needed help. I obviously care for the cat but I also...care about you too.”

“I...see...even after I was rude.” I start sweeping again.

“Even though you were rude, yes.”

“I'm sorry.”

“Don't be. It's _fine_. I assumed you were aware of my feelings and I ... should have known better.”

“You paid for future visits.”

“I did. I knew after that day I was going to adopt him. He's a cute cat.”

“I see.” I take a deep breath. “What are you supposedly over?” I rush out probably getting the worst question out of the way although at this point I'm certain his feelings are mutual.

“Oh yeah.” He vigorously cleans a glass. “ _That_ …”

“What was it? Why did you turn me away like that?” I clean up the dust, start to pick up the chairs and place them upside down on the table tops.

“That was my defense I believe.” He begins. “That was my way of _winning_.”

“You lost I think...you lost...well me?” I head to the closet for the bucket and mop.

“No, Harry. I had to convince myself I was over you because well, I wasn't.”

“Wasn't?” I fill the bucket with water and soap.

“Am not. Not over you. I am not over you. At all.” He finishes.

“Then why say it?” I mop the corners first.

“I wanted to kiss you.”

“I was afraid, alright? I wasn't ready yet and then you got all pissed off, literally ran away! I wanted to speak to you so badly!”

“I understand…I can't explain my actions either.”

“You were so cold.” I'm thankful my back is to him.

“I felt cold. I wasn't in my right mind...I guess I had a lot going on and redirected my anger.”

“Towards me.”

“Yes...and I-”

“That was dumb.” I swipe at my eyes, clean the floor blurry eyed. I'll probably have to rewash it tomorrow.

“It was and now I regret it.”

“You then took my cat away from me! Moved him to California!”

“I’m sorry. I know, I rubbed salt in the wounds.” He says. “I bawled my eyes out if it makes you feel better.”

“It does actually. Makes me feel less vulnerable, that you too suffered as much as I did.” I admit. “But...I want you to know that I...I think your clothing is beautiful and your boots too.” I hear him snort. “What?” I look towards him, rub at my eyes.

“That's all?” His face is red, his mouth pulled into a smile.

“Yeah did I miss something?”

“Ha! No...no, Harry.” He continues cleaning the glasses. “Okay, I think I'm finished with these.”

“Shot glasses next.”

“More!? Ah really?”

“Yes! It's a lot of work but I hate it when it's dirty. I dust before we open.”

“You're insane.”

“I like my stuff clean and presentable.”

“Am I clean and presentable?” Louis asks as he inspects a glass.

“You're immaculate...all the time. So yeah.” I whisper.

“Mmm…”

“What's that mean? Are you that pretentious?”

“I was convinced you hated the way I looked.”

“In the beginning yes. I thought you were showing off but then I realized that's just who you were!”

“Shut up!! I take pride in my outfits. Unlike you!”

“I am a bartender. Who cares what I look like?” I finish the last section of the floor.

“I do. And I think you should show me some skin.” I pour the water out in the back sink and put the bucket and mop in the corner to dry.

“How?” I look down at my white jeans and denim button down.

“Here.” He rounds the bar again and approaches me.

“Your boots are loud.”

“Shh.” He grips the collar of my shirt, makes my breath hitch in my throat. “Let me just…” He unbottons the top two... _three_ buttons. “There.” He adjusts the shirt so it hangs loosely.

“I can't work like this.” I stare at the gaping hole.

“Yes you can. This was the exact look that caught my eye.” He touches my forearm.

“You liked my chest?”

“Paired with your face, voice, and personality yes. Your chest is well defined and quite lovely.” His eyes are now on mine. “I couldn't look away.”

“Oh…I see.” I stand before him awkwardly, shift my weight, clasp my hands together.

“Yeah...like right now for instance.” He leans in then. “I can't stop.”

“Is that so?” He grasps my shoulder.

“Mmhmm.” He licks his lips.

“It all makes sense I think.” I remain frozen, divert my gaze.

“Good.” He keeps moving.

“Finally.” I mumble. “Took long enough.”

“Harry?”

“What?” I find his eyes then, become lost in their depths just as I remembered, am consumed in his scent. It's too enticing to pass up, far more difficult to escape from even if I wanted to. He has me captivated.

“You smell incredible.” He whispers.

“I probably...not?” I accidentally bite down on my bottom lip.

“Mmm…” He's within inches of my face, clasping my shoulders as if I'm supporting his weight. “You do.” His voice is barely audible. “You...always…” He closes his eyes, tugs me towards him. “...did.”

“I…” His mouth finds mine in one fluid motion and it's basically over and done for me. I envelope his small frame in my arms, open myself to him, never cease my hold.

It was unexpected...well I was _anticipating_ his touches but nothing to this effect. This does not compare to the kiss we shared earlier. It's intense, disproving he was _ever_ over me, providing me the hope that this is more than a one night _fling_ , that maybe he isn't here for his own benefit. And to use me at a time like this, to open up to me...he wouldn't. Not now. What he revealed to me is the truth, the honesty he promised, the longing he too felt, real. It's all right here in this one simple act.

He pushes me into the counter then, wraps his arms around my neck, deepens the kiss ever so slightly as I attempt to catch up with him. His lips are expertly massaging against mine, inciting the goosebumps on my arms, and excitement in the pit of my stomach. This has to be passion, need, want, _like_. There is no masking these emotions.

His fingers are now slinking underneath the collar of my shirt, teasing the fine hairs on the back of my neck, tickling my skin as he moves. They're magic, his fingers, pure magic to my senses and mind. I want them all over me searching, exploring, memorizing. But he stops.

“See what your bare chest does to me?” He says against my mouth. “Makes me weak.”

“Oh…” I open my eyes when he unexpectedly moves away.

“Yeah...I…” He detaches himself from my arms. Where is he going? I didnt want to stop. “If I continue I'll-” I don't allow him to finish though because I want him, I'm craving this moment, and I really can't talk anymore. So I kiss him, pull him to my _bare_ chest, hold him close, breath him in, anything and everything I am able to accomplish. I tentatively push my tongue past his lips, hear the small whimper escape his throat, the reverberations of his beating heart. It excites me to _hear_ the affect I have on him, encourages my next move, gives me courage to cup his smooth cheeks.

Another moan.

Wow.

Okay.

I did that.

He pushes himself into me, grips onto the belt loops on my jeans, tugs me forward into him. We're flush against each other now, savoring in each pull of our lips and swipes of our tongues. I can't help myself, I want to taste every last inch I can.

I move to his neck, suck gently at the flesh underneath my lips, feel his fingers dig into my waist. His shirt collar is obstructing my access, only exposing a small amount of delicate skin.

“Yes... please don't stop.” His voice is high pitched, full of need.

“Your...your shirt-”

“I don't care, take it off, rip it off!” He pants. “I want your mouth on me.” He begs, looks up into my eyes. His pupils are completely dilated, full of this lust I haven't witnessed on really anyone. It's arousing, chilling, freaking me out. “What?” I hesitate a moment, think of the consequences, the possible repercussions I'll endure if everyone found out, that if we were to…be intimate. “What's wrong?” His voice is saddened, his grip on my waist powerful.

Why am I so concerned with what everyone thinks? Why can't I live my life the way I want? And really when have they ever judged me or given me grief? Is this another defense of mine? Am I preventing myself from moving forward? Was that my stupid brain convincing myself of that?

“Harry, please talk to me.” Louis continues to beg.

“I'm sorry, I guess I am afraid.” I admit.

“Of what?” He asks. “Am I too forward? Is that it? I can take it at your speed, do things slow. I just…” He diverts his gaze. “I want this to work okay?”

“Yes...yes I know. I do too.” I nod once. “But I still want to...uh…” I bite down on my bottom lip feeling the shame of my desires.

“Here let me help.” He releases my jeans and begins unraveling his tie. He lost all coordination in his fingers it seems as he fumbles with the knot. “Why can't…”

“It's fine. I'll finish.” I smile. “Did you drink more wine than you thought?”

“No! I'm excited.” His face reddens.

“Mmmm, I see. Excited sure.” I wink as I pull the tie free.

“I can prove it.”

“How?” I tease him.

“Here.” He takes my hand and presses it to his _crotch_!? I gasp when I feel the bulge. “Shit.” He closes his eyes, sighs contentedly as I give a gentle squeeze. “Wow...that was d-dumb of me.” I watch his face, see his mouth open, find the look of sheer pleasure displayed easily for all to see. He leans his forehead on my shoulder as I give another light squeeze. “F-fuck... fuck.” He whispers. My jeans are becoming impossibly snug now, almost to the point of it being painful.

“Um...I think we should…” I scrunch my eyes closed as a crude thought comes to mind.

“Yeah...yeah...” He recovers slightly, releases my hand. “I want to do this the right way. Are we finished here?” He gestures towards the half cleaned bar.

“Um…No.”

“I'll help you clean later, alright? I promise.” He picks up his tie and hangs it around his neck. “Come with me?”

“Sure.” He takes my hand, gently tugs me towards the door. “I have to lock up first though.” He groans.

“Make it quick... _please_?” He says.

“Mr. Grouchy pants.” I jest.

“More like Mr. Horny Pants…” He whispers.

I stumble to the back to grab my coat and keys, ignore the bulge in my jeans and continue as if everything is normal. You know, everything is just _fine_... I'm only heading to Louis’ room to do...who knows what? Ugh...my forehead breaks out into a cold sweat.

“Ready?” He asks as I approach him.

“Yeah I think so.” I throw my coat on.

“Good.” He extends his hand out to me and I can't help but giggle like a little child. “Do you like holding hands?” He asks and I nod my head a few times, grasp his fingers tightly in mine.

“I think it's romantic.”

“Hand holding? Really?” I lock the door.

“Yeah, to me it's like...the prelude to a kiss or something cheesey.” I say as we head down Main Street.

“What kind of cheese?” He squeezes my hand.

“Something old and stinky.” I stifle a laugh.

“Come on really, what's your ideal cheesey date?”

“Stargazing at midnight or…” I remember the couple on the beach. “Walking along the beach at sunset.”

“Okay that is cheesey.” He shivers slightly.

“Where is your coat?”

“I forgot it.” He shrugs. “I didn't need one in California.”

“Yeah it was sweltering when I was there-...uh when I...looked at the weather?” I try to recover but me smooth? Sure.

“Mmm…” Louis simply smiles. “I'll be sure to pack one next time.”

“When are you leaving again?” I ask the dreaded question.

“Tomorrow…” His voice trails off. “I have to go...too much work to do.”

“Why don't you work here? Well now? Ben said you couldn't put down your phone when you'd _get drunk_ with him.” We round the corner to the hotel.

“I could never focus with you in the room.” He admits. “Plus, I want to spend my time with _you_ not my emails.”

“Oh.” The butterflies in my stomach are fluttering full speed.

“Yup.” He tugs my hand. “What's the worst date you've ever been on?” He asks as we reach the steps.

“Worst? Oh...that's a toughy.” We enter the hotel and it's thankfully empty. “Like how so? Was my _date_ the worst or the actual date itself?”

“Both I suppose?” We ascend the stairs. “Or either one.”

“In college a guy took me to see a movie right? And throughout the film he kept trying to put his hand down my pants.” Louis bursts into laughter, holds his chest as he does so. “It wasn't funny!! He thought he was so slick too but my jeans were unforgiving and had no extra space left! Plus in a movie theater!?” He unlocks the door to his room.

“You never went down on someone in a theater?” He asks.

“No! That's terrible.” I make a face. “Why? Have _you_?”

“Mmm... maybe once or twice...a few times.” He smirks and tugs me in.

“What!?” I'm ahgast, mortified, slightly turned on.

“It’s not that big of a deal. We were in the back.”

“Louis, no that's... that's…” Hot. Very hot. “You can get arrested for indecent exposure.”

“It was nearly a decade ago, I was young and reckless.” That thought makes me jealous for some reason. “Anyway, what happened?” He leads me to the couch.

“What happened? Oh! The date...right “ I clear my thoughts of my face being buried in Louis’ crotch. “I left halfway through the movie, said I had to use the bathroom.” I stifle a laugh. “I was so appalled I couldn't stand the sight of him after that.”

“That's unfortunate.” Louis shrugs and sits down on the sofa.

“Nah, he wasn't that cute anyway.” I shrug. “How about you? What was your worst date?” I sit down next to him, keep my body close to his, maybe place my arm across the back of the couch.

“My date told me they were dared to take me out after we had sex.” My heart stutters in my chest.

“What? That's awful. How could someone do that?” He shifts uncomfortably in his seat.

“Kids were mean.” He shrugs. “It was awhile ago, I'm obviously over it.” He smiles towards me.

“I know but still that must have been traumatic.”

“Yeah it was but I got them back.” He says.

“How?”

“I became their boss at the company we worked for and graciously _laid_ them off.” He smirks and grips my hand.

“Oh...wow.” I cringe. “You held that grudge for a long time.”

“Nah, it was only two or three years.”

“I don't know how I'd feel if I felt such anger towards a person for so long.”

“It was more luck than anything really. Right place, right time.” He turns towards me then. “It doesn't matter anymore, right?”

“Nope. We learn from our stupid mistakes.” I nod.

“Exactly.” He eyes my coat. “Take this off?” He touches it.

“Why? You want to stare at my chest more?”

“Yes and I'd like to kiss your chest too.” He waggles his eyebrows.

“Oh...okay cool…sure.” I clear my throat. “Yeah…” I pull the coat free and fold it gently over the arm of the couch.

“Perfect.” He glances at my lips then eyes. “So that was your worst date and worst person _to date_?”

“Yeah that was my absolute worst. I was stood up a few times but nothing major.”

“How could anyone in their right mind do that to you?” He rests his arm on my shoulder, runs his finger along my neck and jawline.

“They thought I was a dumb hick probably.”

“Stop saying that. It's terrible.” He snaps.

“Well maybe I am and I don't even realize it.”

“You're not so, fuck those assholes for thinking it.” His finger is ticklish. “And sucks for them for allowing such a beautiful person to slip through their fingers.” I look at him, find my breathing is picking up. Is my heart racing?

“You think that? Like…” I run a hand through my curls. “You think I'm beautiful?”

“Oh yes, very much so.” He runs his finger towards my ear, down to my hair line, twirls it around a ringlet. “And this hair.”

“Too long? It's almost to my shoulders-”

“It's a good length.” He shakes his head slightly, continues caressing my hair at the nape of my neck.

“Then I won't cut it.” I confirm.

“Yeah, I wouldn't either.” His hand runs the length of my curls.

“Okay.” I concede without really arguing. I extend my hand to his smooth cheek then having this sudden need to touch him. “And what if I said I liked you with a little beard action?” He cracks a smile, finds my eyes again.

“I keep it clean when I'm home.” I cock my head.

“Why? Isn't it your-”

“I just have to, okay? It's an image thing.” I pull my hand back.

“Sure.” What image? Isn't he trying to be himself? But I squash those questions down, remove them from my brain essentially. “Alright so-”

“Do you still fear me?” He asks, his tone soft.

“No...I mean I don't _fear you,_ I fear the unknown. Like the future, like...the opinions of every person in this town because everyone knows _everything_.”

“Their opinions have nothing to do with us. What we do is our business.”

“I know! I know...it's not that they just... they'll judge.” He rolls his eyes. “But...now that I think about it...those were my defenses.”

“What was? Believing everyone will have an opinion on every thing you do?”

“Yes, that if I were to _jump into things_ too quickly it would be viewed as sacrilege in some way.” I clasp my hands in my lap as he continues to touch me. “Obviously this isn't about religion or ones beliefs in God or whatever, but that's what it's like here. You _cannot_ go against the grain, break the unwritten code.” I sigh. “It's ridiculous and really I haven't done much of anything.”

“I agree.” His hand disappears.

“With what?” My fingers are intertwined together in a tight grip. “You _agree_ with them!?”

“No, Harry. I don't.” He faces me then, turns his body towards me, leans in. “But you need to break away before you get sucked back in.”

“I do live in a box.”

“Well, I can't deny that.” He smiles and soon his hand returns.

“I hate it. It's like...I leave the confines of the town and I'm in a new world.”

“College didn't help?” He asks.

“It was local, two town's over. I commuted.”

“Hmph…” His fingers are slowly making their way down my neck towards the collar of my shirt. He's awakening my desire again, refocusing the conversation to the activities I was expecting. But I sort of enjoyed our talk, found it relatively easy to speak to him, to...get to know Louis on a more personal level. It's easy with him I think because he isn't judgemental. He willingly accepts me for...who I am, makes me comfortable, exposes the person I've kept hidden. I don't have to lie anymore, I can be at ease for once. “How were your other intimate encounters?” He whispers into the small space between us.

“Not very...good.” I close my eyes.

“Why?” His voice is sensual, smooth, confident.

“I was never touched the right way.” I admit.

“Let's change that.” He slips his fingers underneath the cotton of my shirt and it's as if a bomb went off in my abdomen. I suck in my breath as he travels the length of my chest and shoulders, surprises me with his touches. I keep my own hands in my lap still unsure if I should reciprocate, that if I were to graze his arm or leg I'd disrupt his concentration. But it's tempting though and even more of a challenge to keep my hands to myself. So I'll simply enjoy it, allow him the chance to...get to know my body. “Is this okay?” My head lolls to the side as he works his hand further south, snakes his arm through the opening.

“Y-yes?” I stutter. “Yeah... it's good.” He continues his descent, runs his fingers gently along my belly, grazes my skin with delicate movements. It's becoming impossible to remain this still, and even more difficult to hide my excitement. He latches onto the back of my neck with his free hand, forces my eyes open, and stares at me through his long lashes. He slowly inches his way towards my mouth as if pulled by a magnet, leans further in until we are mere inches from one another and sharing the same oxygen.

I want him

Now.

I do.

I can't wait.

I grip his waist and tug him the rest of the way, hear the gasp escape his throat as I do so, close the distance between us and kiss his delicious mouth.

He slips his arm free from my shirt, wraps it around my neck, and works my mouth against his. I can't think clearly, really concentrate on anything outside of this moment especially the defenses I've spent years building. Louis is shattering them, exposing the truth, stripping me layer by layer. And how he managed to sneak his way in and surpass my barriers is still a mystery. How will I fair after this? Will I be this open to everyone?

He straddles my hips then, doesn't break his contact, showers my lips with affection and sweetness. It's surreal, it's euphoric, he's driving me crazy and I can't maintain my control any longer! I thrust my hips up into him, whimper into his mouth, find my suppressed desires flooding to the surface. It's beyond my power now, past the point of no return. And that frightens me.

He squeezes my legs, some how manages to deepen the kiss, pushes his own hips forward. He isn't holding back this time, obviously has his mind set. Does he want to take this beyond kissing?

He removes his arms from my neck, continues sucking feverishly at my mouth and tongue, begins removing his coat.

“Harry.” His voice is muffled. “Can you pull the sleeve?” I glance up, move away from his face. He's red, his lips are swollen, his eyes blown with desire. Wow.

“Yes.” I whisper and pull the jacket free. “Where-” I ask but he grabs it and throws it over my shoulder and onto the floor.

“ _Don't care_.” He grunts and presses me into the couch cushions. “How do you feel?” He asks as he slowly moves his hips in a circular motion, stirs my libido to life.

“Why are you talking?” His mouth tugs into a smile.

I cup his cheeks again, savor the softness beneath my fingers, and conjoin our lips together. He works open my shirt, pushes the material aside, places his hands on my chest, runs his nails across my skin. I release a moan into his mouth, press him down into the bulge under my jeans.

“Fuck...fuck.” He breaks away, latches onto my throat and makes work of the delicate skin. I lean my head back, give him access as he grazes his tongue across my neck.

“Oh my... that...that's good.” I scrunch my eyes closed, run my hands down his back towards his bottom, give him a gentle squeeze when I reach my intended destination. He hums his appreciation against my skin, grunts an unrecognizable word that I can assume is associated with pleasure. So I do it again, thrust my hips into him as he continues on my neck.

“Fuck I'll cum if you continue doing that.” He detaches from my throat.

“Isn't that the point?” My hands remain securely on his bottom.

“Yeah but not like this, not when-” I pulse my body up into him...once...twice...fine a third time without warning, squeeze my fingers as I do so. “Fuck! Goddamn-” He closes his eyes, moans aloud, sinks his nails into my shoulders as he...releases? Did he climax? Really!? “Ugh…” He slumps into my chest. “See? I told you not to!” He blindly smacks my arm. “Now I ruined the moment.”

“Wasn't that the point though?” I rub his back.

“Grrr! I wanted to _last_ longer. And we were barely _touching_!”

“Are you embarrassed?” I stifle a laugh.

“Yes!! I'm embarrassed and now I have jiz on my beautiful suit. How will I explain this to my housekeeper?”

“You don't? You're allowed to do what you please because you're an adult?”

“It's like the fourth time it's happened! She'll think I'm some sex fiend.”

“Fourth?” I raise my eyebrows in curiosity. “What other times-”

“No thanks. Not getting into that.” He lifts his head and the lust is gone along with his confidence. He looks saddened.

“Are you seriously going to pout all morning? Who cares! I _don't_ care!” Although I'm still very much erect and uncomfortable.

“I do.” He points to himself. “I'm not this weak all the time I was simply caught off guard.”

“Sure…” I roll my eyes. I begin to move my hips.

“You know...I was anticipating this for months now and here we are finally able to express our feelings verbally and through our actions and it _really..._ really was so much better than I expected.” I move my hips again. Hello? “And I lasted what? Five minutes? Barely? With your hands on my ass and cock poking me? Seriously?” He buries his head in his hands. It's Emmy worthy really. “Ugh…” I grip his shoulders to steady him.

“Louis, I-”

“Will you hold this against me forever? Will you tell your friends?”

“No! I just-"

“Oh thank you because I swear…I can make you scream.”

“Louis!!” I'm really hard, excited, aroused.

“Exactly! Just like that but with more emphasis, less controlled.”

“No I-” I close my eyes as he continues to rant. I need to be rubbed or something... anything?

“Animalistic. Yeah, a long, drawn out wail-”

“Justtouch me already!!” I shout as my blood boils. I'm on fire here and he won't...shut up!

“...what?” He freezes.

“Louis, I am _still hard_ and really need to be relieved.” I calm my voice considerably, allow my anger to subside as he takes me in. “And you're continuing on as if it really matters when in the end, I do not care. It proves you're interested in me and enjoy my touch. So stop with the self-pity and _touch me_.” I annunciate.

“I’m sorry.” He shrugs. “I wanted to impress you.”

“You have and will when you put your hand on me.” Before I do it for you!! I want to say but that's not appropriate. I don't think. He looks down between our bodies.

“Yes. I will.” Without permission he grips my shirt and tugs it from the waist of my jeans.

“What are you-”

“No more talking.” He plants a chaste kiss on my lips and continues. He unclasps my belt buckle, then unbottons the button on my jeans, and pulls down the zipper. “Lift your ass.” He grips the waistband.

“Um...okay.” I do as I'm told and he tugs my bottoms off, pushes them down to my ankles.

“Mmm boxer briefs with little hearts? Adorable.” He muses as he runs his fingers along the inseam.

“Y-yeah.” I stutter. “Yup…”

“Hoping to get lucky tonight?” He whispers. He leans forward and kisses me on the lips. “Was it someone else you had in mind?” His voice is sensual, dark.

“No.” I state matter of fact. “I-...” He grips me through the cotton of the boxers and I jolt forward as the pleasure erupts in my lower region. “Oh that's...good.” I close my eyes, rest my head against the couch cushion, keep my hands on Louis’ thighs.

“Who were you thinking of?” He asks. He glides his palm across my bulge, adds pressure to the gesture.

“O-okay...okay.”

“Harry, who were you thinking of?” He applies more pressure, presses his hand into my erection.

“Ah! My goodness.” I suck my bottom lip between my teeth.

“You're ignoring me and I do not appreciate it.” He slinks his other hand up the leg of my boxers, cups me at the junction of my thighs.

“I... I-” My legs are shaking, my heart is slamming in my chest, my body is humming with delight! “L-Louis.” I choke.

“Answer the question!” He grunts. “Harry!” His massages are just right, invigorating, methodical, heavenly...wow I can't hold it any longer! He squeezes his fingers, makes me cry out.

“What...what...I need-”

“Harold, what were you _thinking_ when you chose these particular pair of boxers!?” His tone is more forceful, pleading. But his hand movements give him away, prove he is soft, cuddly, a cutie that I want to snuggle with. “Just tell me!” He squeezes again and I swear I can see every star in the universe behind my closed eyelids. I can feel it all over, the frenzied emotions in my belly, the tension in my legs, the stroking of Louis’ hands. My brain is flooded with these thoughts, the excitement, the expectency of this moment...and it's here! I made it!

“ _You_ !” I squeak as I release onto his hand and all over my pretty boxer briefs. I whine with pleasure as I come down from my high, breath a sigh of relief as I let loose. It's so satisfying... so freeing...so _good._ “... thank you.” I say as I continue to reorient my senses.  “Wow...” I slowly open my eyes and he's staring down at me in incredulity. “What's wrong?” I ask immediately, tighten my grip on his leg when he doesn't respond.

“You mean that?” He asks. His hands are still on my member.

“Mean what?”

“You were thinking of me?” He licks his lips.

“All the time. Too often.” I say. “Pining is awful.” My eyes never waver from his as I admit my feelings. “It's like a never ending battle between your brain and heart, a constant tug of war of who's right and wrong. And there was nothing to win or lose because it was internal, me against myself, an issue that had no resolution. I couldn't find the answers so it was back and forth, left and right, running in a circle all day long.” I finally look away feeling slightly foolish. “It was confusing.”

“Are you still? You know, confused?” He removes his hands then. I shake my head.

“I don't think so.” I say with uncertainty. “I want to believe it's all sorted out, but there will always be doubt.”

“Why? What if the answer is right before you?” His eyes are bright, lips glistening from his tongue...oh he did it again.

“There are always variables no matter how small they seem. They still exist.” I let my hands slip from his legs.

“But there are _none_.” He insists. “I can assure you.”

“No, Louis, it's the truth.”

“Well I’m telling _you_ you're wrong because I _know_ how I feel and the uncertainty you feel is your insecurities or your...defenses as you call it.”

“Why are you getting upset? I'm being truthful with you.”

“I'm not upset! You're just…ugh.” He goes to run a hand down his face but then realizes it's covered in stickiness. “Can I change?” He stands up and looks down at his pants. “Alright these are ruined…so much for custom Gucci suits.”

“Wait, you came in a Gucci suit!?” My mouth drops open. “Those are thousands of dollars! And I...I should have-” He taps my leg with his booted foot.

“Harry, it's fine. I have dozens at home.”

“Huh? Oh right...you have money coming out of your pores.” I roll my eyes. “Silly me, this penniless schlep can barely afford new sneakers.”

“Wait seriously?” Louis stops in his tracks. “You can't afford new shoes?”

“What? No I can! I was joking.” I reach down to pull my jeans up but my boxers are stiff. “Ugh I need new undies.”

“Undies, eh?” I hear Louis from inside his bedroom. “You could walk around commando.”

“Um...no, I like my butt covered thank you.” Although I guess for now it's okay because what if we decide to do something else? My heart flutters happily in my chest at the prospect. I push my jeans off, remove my dirtied boxers and put the denim back on. “Oh that chafes.” I squeak the moment they're in place.

“Alright so-” Louis returns in sweat pants and t-shirt and I may die where I stand. “You're leaving?” He asks.

“What? No! I was just uh…” I clear my throat. “I'm not going anywhere.” I reassure.

“Okay good.”

“You look cute.” My cheeks redden at the inane compliment. “Uh...sorry I meant to say…”

“Fucking adorable? Absolutely.” He smirks. “I can have the maid wash those for you.” He eyes my boxers.

“What? The _maid_?! No way!!”

“Suit yourself.” He lays comfortably on the couch, crosses his legs at the ankle.

“I need to change. I want to be comfortable too.”

“Borrow something of mine.” He offers.

“No, you're too small. No offense but I need my bottoms to reach my ankles.”

“Are you insulting my height?”

“No, it is a fact. I'm taller than you.” I shrug. “If I were trying to be mean I'd call you a shrimp or a smol bean but I'm not because I respect you and happen to find your stature appealing.” I take a deep breath.

“Oh.” He sits up. “But I don't want you to go.”

“I'll be back in no time. I just want to change.”

“Hmph.” He sticks his bottom lip out in a pout.

“Oh shush you.”

“Why cant you just stay in your jeans?” I begin buttoning my shirt. “Or borrow a pair of my boxers?”

“Louis, stop. I'll be back in twenty minutes.”

“That's too many seconds.” He continues to pout.

“Stop. I'm wasting time.” I lean down over him. “Be right back.” I kiss him gently on the lips.

“I'll be counting!!” He shouts as I leave.

“So will I.” I say as I walk down the hallway.


	6. Undetermined amount of time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your presence sooths my heart.  
> Your smile brings me light.  
> Your touches make my skin ignite.

I took a shower, fixed my hair as best I could, and found the cleanest pair of sweats in my drawer. Louis insisted I smelled good, I insisted I smelled of stale liquor and sweat so I won. I'm here to impress not scare the man away! And what if he...how did Louis put it...goes down on me and it's musty? Or repulsive to his senses? He'd never touch me again and that thought gives me anxiety because I've been depressed, felt the gaping hole, the longing. And there is no eacape. It consumed me, ruined me, broke me down.

Never again.

I will not scare him away and if a five minute shower is all it takes, so be it.

I glance in the mirror, tame my unruly curls as best I can and head out into the early morning towards the bakery.

“Good morning!” I enter with this (most likely) ridiculous grin on my face.

“Harry!” Natale says from behind the counter. “How are you?” I approach her. “You look... d-different. What happened?” I kissed Louis, touched him, made him excited, witnessed him fall apart before my eyes.

“Louis is back.” My face reddens.

“ _Really_?” She tucks a stray piece of hair behind her ear. “And? Was he at the b-bar?”

“Yup. And uh…” I lean over the counter, whisper to her. “He kissed me at midnight.”

“What!! That's too cute!!” She cheers. “About time!” She puts a hand on her waist. “So what, you're going to celebrate with a cookie?”

“Ha! Well no, but I would like two chocolate chip muffins.”

“Absolutely. They just c-came out of the oven.” She heads to the back. “Yup! Nice and fresh.” She yells and appears a moment later with the tray. “Here pick two.” She places it on the counter.

“These are _massive_.” I eye the selection before me.

“I know.” Natale says. “The two in front of you look extra special.” She winks.

“Mmm...I bet.” I smile and nod. “Sure.”

“Great I'll get them wrapped for you.” She takes the tray, places them in the display case, and bags the two muffins. “I'll even throw in a giant b-black and white cookie.”

“Ugh, are you trying to make me fat? I have a man to impress.”

“Split it.” She throws in the oversized treat.

“Great…” I sigh and hand her a ten. “I missed you guys at the bar last night.”

“Yeah! We kept it quiet since I had to open today.”

“Oh I see. Will you be busy?”

“I have a lot of orders to fulfill. So I f-figured I'd open.”

“Good for you.” She hands me the change.

“Yeah...I guess I'm doing something right, you know?” She smiles. “Anyway, have a wonderful day.”

“You too.” I wave and head off to the hotel. “Happy New Year.”

.

.

.

.

The moment I reach Louis’ floor I can hear his voice and it's not the usual tone I'm accustomed to. This is different, this is _Louis wielding the knife_ as Oli so graciously put it. He's outwardly shouting, probably so angered with someone or something it's bringing him to this point. But what could it be? I was gone for...I look at my phone, thirty minutes? What could have possibly changed?

I approach slowly, hesitate before opening the door out of fear of what I'll witness. I hate that I am technically eavesdropping, hate the fact that he is upset, and _really hate_ that I may be subjected to his wrathe when in all honesty, I don't think I could handle it. Unless I did something unbeknownst to me, maybe didn't kiss him right, was gone too long? Did I do this to him!? But that's preposterous, we parted on good terms.

“Yes! I am expecting an answer within the hour.” I hear and lose my train of thought. “Do you hear me? _An hour_ ! If those pictures are not removed by the end of the day, I will fire your ass for negligence!” I hear a grunt, the noise of a chair being pushed across the floor, an anguished sob. _A sob!?_ I jiggle the door handle then, find it gives, and rush in to be by his side.

“Louis?” My voice is gentle. I find the upturned chair first then his cell phone close by on the ground. “Hello?” I put the bag on the table. “I know you're here. Where are you?” I scan the sitting room and small kitchen, note it's empty. “You're freaking me out. Where are-” I hear the crying again and make my way towards it. “What's going on?” I walk into the bedroom, find it's in order, clean, not a single piece of clothing or pillow out of place, except the comforter. It's missing. “Louis?” I say again and head to the en-suite. “Lou-...oh.” He's on the ground with his back against the tub, encircled in a blanket. He looks so tiny, defenseless, sad. “Oh, no what's wrong?” He covers his head, stifles his cries in the material. I approach with caution, fear he may lash out at me for simply breathing the same air. “Um…” I sit next to him. “I'm not sure what-” He jumps into my arms then, catches me completely off guard with the sudden movement, buries his head in the crook of my neck. “Oh it's okay.” I say even though I haven't a _clue_ what's wrong. But it's a good place to start I suspect. “You'll be fine.. you're just going through a rough patch right now...maybe-” He shakes his head, drips tears onto my sweatshirt, smooshes his face into my neck. “Alright, do you wish to talk about it?” I place my arm around his back.

“I don't want to go back.” He starts. “I never want to leave this room.” He snivles. “I...I can't face anyone.”

“Stop that. You're just being dramatic. We all have our moments.”

“You don't understand.” He whispers. “You'll... never be able to.”

“Well that's an inequitable statement. How am I unable understand something if I don't know what it's about?” My tone is hushed.

“You just _won't_!” He snaps and quickly moves away.

“Well, sulking won't help.” I ignore the hurt burning in my gut.

“It does in my book.” He grunts.

“Alright, well fine. I'll just go...home and sleep.” I say even though it's the last place I want to be. I stand and walk out of the bathroom without waiting for a reply. He probably has an easier time dealing with his issues alone and really I don't want to feel sorry when he will not allow me to brighten his spirits. But maybe he should try? Let me in? Confide in _someone_ else? Maybe take the weight off his shoulders?

I'm almost at the door when I hear his feet stamping against the wood.

“Wait!!” I turn around and he's running towards me, drops the blanket, and hurdles into my chest. “Don't _go_. Please don't go.” He wraps his arms around my torso, speaks directly into my hoodie. “Harry, don't. Not until I have to make my flight. Please.” He begs. Is this the same man from earlier? Where did he go?

“I thought you didn't need me.” I tentatively place my arms around him, rub his back.

“...I do need you. I just... I'm sorry.” He whispers. “I thought for a moment I could handle this on my own but really...it's not possible. I need your presence.”

“I'll stay.” I say. “I _want_ to stay.” I correct.

“Thank you.” He squeezes me. “Sit with me?” He looks up and his eyes are still sad, rimmed red, glassy with tears.

“Of course.” I rub his back, ignore the stinging sensation on my torso from his arms. “I brought you a muffin.”

“Okay.” He mumbles and drops his arms, heads towards the couch with the blanket. I kick off my sneakers, pick up the bag, and follow suit. He plops down on the cushions, wraps the comforter securely around his shoulders. “Come.” He holds out the blanket instructing me to sit underneath with him.

“Oh. Alright, yeah sure.” I join him. “Have some?” I take the bag, show him its contents.

“Yeah.” I pull a muffin out. “Oh my God, it's massive.”

“That was my reaction too!” I giggle. “You can bring the other one back with you.”

“Oh…I could.” He becomes sulky again.

“Take a bite.” I break a piece off and hand it to him.

“Mmm.” He shoves it in his mouth. “That's good.” He takes the muffin from my hand and sits back against the cushions.

“When is your flight?” I ask to make conversation.

“Three.” He keeps his bloodshot eyes diverted, continues to eat quietly.

“Do you have a private jet?”

“Nah. They're a waste of money.”

“How? You seem to travel-”

“This is the farthest I've ever had to fly for a job.”

“Oh.” I take a bite of the other muffin and it _is good_.

“Yeah, I...well my company was looking to expand...and uh the east coast was the winner. We'll probably move to surrounding states too at this rate.” He takes another bite. “What else is in there?”

“A cookie.” I continue picking at the muffin. “Want it?”

“Yeah.” I search the bag.

“Here.” He takes it.

“Thanks.” He mumbles. I watch him devour the cookie, see a lingering tear or two in his eyes, note his downturned mouth.

“So…” I begin still unsure if I should ask him _what_ that was about.

“This is really good. I'll need to stop at the bake shop before I leave.”

“Natale is talented.” I say. I put the half eaten muffin away, place it on the coffee table. “She bakes for the hotel too.”

“I know.” Why is this awkward?

“Okay, so... Louis.”

“What's up?” His eyes are diverted.

“Are you feeling better?” He shakes his head no. “What can I do to help?” He shrugs, continues to look at the cookie. “You were really upset. I heard the yelling.” He puts it down, swipes his mouth. “Well?” I push.

“I can't talk about it.” He whispers.

“It had something to do with a photo.”

“I can't talk about it.” He repeats.

“And someone's negligence.”

“No comment.” His voice is flat.

“How can I help you if-” I hear a buzzing noise from behind us.

“Ugh…” He runs a hand down his face. It continues on, doesn't stop...just buzzes...and buzzes...and _buzzes_!!

“Are you going-”

“Let it go to voicemail.” He snaps.

“But why-"

“I do not want to do work in front of you.” His voice sounds strained as if he is on the verge of breaking down.

“But you can in front of Ben? What is that?” I say. “If it's that important, _just do it_ .” I cross my arms over my chest. “It's not like you're having a good time anyway! Might _as well_.”

“I am! I want to spend time with you.” He drops his head in his hands. “It's just... something happened and it involves me and something else and it was just bad PR.”

“PR?” I ask out of curiosity.

“Public Relations.” He murmers.

“What were you doing?” He shakes his head.

“Nope. That's as far as I'll go.”

“Un _fair_.” I whine.

“I am liable to uphold a certain image for my company and unfortunately what... _occurred_ will require some serious damage control, alright? Is that sufficient?”

“I guess.” I say even though it's not even close. He clutches onto a pillow, smashes it into his chest.

“It may keep me away for a little bit.” He whispers, diverts his gaze, keeps his face buried.

“What?” I turn to him, feel my heart pounding in my chest. “Why? What's going to happen?”

“Because I have to fix this.” He says.

“How long? Do you know?” I ask as my stomach twists and turns.

“When they're satisfied I suppose.” He sniffles. “Could take a few days, a week, a month. I _don't know_. I must be convincing enough, persuade...them.”

“ _Who_?” I practically snap.

“Everyone.” He chokes and I know he's crying again, can see his shoulders shaking.

“That's fine. Let it out.” I drape my arm over his shoulder, tug him close.

“I'm afraid.” My chest tightens.

“You’re allowed to be.” I whisper. “You're allowed to show weakness, rest your head on someone's shoulder, cry even.”

“Not me.” He says as he leans in. “I'm not allowed to exhibit anything but strength, indifference. My emotions do not matter.”

“What kind of company do you work for? You're not a robot! How could they expect this from you?”

“Harry...”  He looks into my eyes.

“How are you able to take such abuse? A job is not meant to take over your life and you're allowing it to! And it's effecting your mood, bringing you down emotionally. When will you realize it isn't worth it? This life is yours...yours alone!” I grip his cheeks, stare longingly into his eyes, attempt to look past the tears and sadness displaying on his face. “Don't allow these people to take over, dictate your future.”

“It's...it's not that easy.” He snivles, grips my hoodie. “It's a lot more involved. I...I can't…” He takes a deep breath. “I promised you honesty, I promised _answers_...and here I am withholding information from you when you deserve the truth. The whole truth. No loop holes or lies. But I...this is part of my job...part of the lifestyle I chose. It comes with the territory.” I run my thumbs along his cheeks, inch towards him.

“Forced to live a life the way they expect you to?”

“In order to be successful, yes.” He nods, tugs me close. “To be the face of the company...to prove I am in control even though...most days I'm breaking in two.” I allow him to pull me towards him. “Hurting so bad.” His voice is just above a whisper. “Screaming so loudly in my head it makes my heart ache.” I feel the stinging in my eyes then. “And it never ends. It's the same day in and day out.” He kisses the tip of my nose. “Validating my success to investors...making the _right_ decisions…unveiling the _better_ choices.” He isn't stopping. It's as if the floodgates opened. “Upholding this fucking image.”

“Lou-” I feel a tear escape.

“Watching the world pass me by.”

“Louis, I-”

“Waiting for a moment with you.” My eyes widen. “Savoring the time we have together...willing time to slow down.”

“Yes.” I agree because I don't know how to react.

“It's never enough time though...it always manages to come to an end at the worst possible second.”

“What?” My voice is hushed.

“Being close to you.”

“I'm here. We still have time. We can make our own time.”

“Soon it'll be over though. I'll be forced back home for an undetermined amount of time.” He breaks eye contact, buries his head in his hands. It makes me wonder if he is always this sad.

“I'm right here.” I kiss the top of his head. “See? Don't be melancholy.”

“I know.” He sniffles. I force his head up.

“So come on then, let me see your smile because now I'm crying.” I swipe his cheeks, clear the tears away.

“Tell me a lie.” He shrugs and finds my eyes. “Tell me everything will be okay?”

“A lie? Why would I lie?” I question.

“Because it's what you do. It's how you comfort people.”

_You lie Harry to make us feel better._

“I...I...what?” He grips my sweat shirt again.

“Just tell me anything to make it go away?” He pleads. I glance at his lips then eyes. “Please. I need the encouragement right now and _you_ . I need you.” I take a deep breath as the weight of his stare sits on my shoulders. _“Please.”_ His begging is going straight to my heart, making me weak, emotional. I fear what I'll say will be guided by my feelings for him...that maybe it will be a falsity to help him. But I can't think like this. He wants my support, wants to be comforted...so I'll do just that.

I take a deep breath.

“We're not perfect.” I begin figuring that's the best place to start. “We’re flawed, always running a little off course. It's in our genetics the moment we're born, makes us who we are. It's the part of living that we all try so desperately to avoid. But it hits us anyway, veers us off track, places unnecessary obstacles in our way.” I run my fingers through his hair. “There is nothing to prepare us for it either because it's volalite, comes from all angles, tests our strengths and will power to overcome it.” He blinks lazily, stares directly into my soul. “Blinds us occasionally.” My lips pull into a smile. “Makes us snippy.” I kiss the tip of his nose. “But that's just it, Louis. We all have to deal with it. So these... _photos_ -” He rolls his eyes but I continue. “-you’ll have to just get it over with, face the issue head on, and move past it.” I unabashedly kiss his lips this time, taste the saltiness from his tears. “Find it's actually not worth all of this stress and effort. Yes, it's upsetting, _yes_ your privacy was invaded, _yes_ you'll be questioned and probably put through the ringer. But that's why you have people, staff as you put it, working for you, well versed employees who I'm sure excel at this sort of thing. Right?” He licks his lips, nods once, continues to stare. “So don't worry so much, enjoy the time we have now, smile!” I nudge him with my leg. “Because now the world really is passing you by with all of this sulking you're doing.” I continue. “If you want to be successful, you need to stop with the dramatics, put your best foot forward, and remain positive when faced with a difficult situation. You'll flourish, continue being a successful business man, have a prosperous future if you simply see the glass half full.” I take him in. “There is no better way to put it.” I take a deep breath and look away. “I hope that helped you.” I say. “Because I'd really like to kiss you again but I refuse to if you're upset.” I attempt to hide my smile.

“How...how do you do that?” He asks.

“I had a business...well do have a business, Louis. I know a thing or two.” I find his eyes. “It's much smaller than what you're handling but it's still something.”

“No wonder everyone likes you.” He places his hand on my cheek. “It's a good thing I have you on my side.”

“Now.” I chuckle. “You didn't in the beginning.”

“I know.” He finally smiles through the tears. “You were my most difficult challenge to date.” He cups my cheeks, moves closer, brings our lips inches apart.

“Challenge?” I can't help but bite down on my bottom lip because what I'd give to kiss him.

“Oh yes, Harry. You were my distraction for quite some time.” He leans closer. “And...now that I have you-”

“You're finished with me!?” I want to pull away as my stomach twists into knots. “You... you-” My tears well up.

“Harry, really?” His grip is firm. “I never want to let go.” He hovers close to my lips.

“Oh...oh...okay.” I sigh.

“Yeah.” He nods, stares expectantly into my eyes. “And um...I really-”

I can't even think or even react to what I'm doing now...I just lean into him, pucker my lips and kiss him the way I imagined...kiss him with all of my passion, kiss him until my insides melt.

He moves against me, sucks feverishly at my lips and tongue, grips my cheeks, eliminates any and all space between us. He feels incredible, exudes the need he admitted to me with his touches, tastes heavenly, invigorates my senses. We're close, so close but it's not close enough. I want him here, on me, all over, showering my body with his delicateness and perfection, feel his mouth on my neck and fingers grazing my torso. The euphoria is swallowing me whole, guiding my actions, forcing these impassioned whimpers from my throat.

I can't let him go.

I throw the comforter off of our shoulders, push him back into the cushions and straddle his hips. I latch onto his throat, pin him to the couch and work the skin underneath my lips.

“ _Harry_ .” He grunts. “My God.” He thrusts his hips up, grips the hem of my hoodie, tugs frantically at the material. “Fuck... you're incredible.” He throws his head back, gives me access to his neck. “Go further down.” He gently pushes my head. “Right where my shoulder-” I do as instructed, pull at the skin without an invitation. “ _Fuck_ yes right there!” I grip his hair, relish in the soft strands between my fingers, note the way his hips move against my bottom and legs...feel his excitement blooming just beneath his sweats. He cups my rear, massages me with his fingers. “Yes...holy fuck...how... _how_ are you so good?” I remove my hands from his hair, slink them underneath his t-shirt. “Mmmm…” He hums into the air, tightens his hold on my bottom. “Y-you may be from a...small...town...but...w-wow...wow you're tongue...is fucking fantastic.” I lift my head up, find his eyes clamped shut.

“Thank you.” I mumble as my fingers graze his tummy. He flinches at the touch, whimpers as I continue to caress him. “You're so soft...and warm.” I kiss his lips. “I can't stay away.”

“Please don't.” He wraps his arms around me. “I don't want you...to go anywhere.”

“Okay.” I whisper. My hand shamelessly travels south, skims the waistband of his sweats.

“Fuck when did you become so bold?” He relaxes his arms.

“I may not have been touched properly, but I was certainly not a naivete.”

“O-okay.” He squeaks when my fingers sink further down. His hips are dancing, constantly moving in a figure eight, thrusting into my legs.

“Yeah…” My voice is hushed, sensual, filled with lust. “Where are your boxers?” I say.

“Damn...guess I forgot something.” My lips tug into a small smile at his brashness.

“You're such a sneak.” I'm moving slowly, inching my way towards his member, towards my destination.

“If it weren't for that phone call I'd be naked-” I grip him gently, make his breath hitch, feel his legs jerk in response. “Oh my God.” His eyelids flutter, his head lolls to the side, his entire body comes alive underneath me. “Fuck...fuck!”

“How does that feel?” I ask him.

“G-good...so good.” I move my hand, stroke him, watch his mouth drop open. His face is displaying his every emotion.

But it's not enough.

I lift away from him, free my hand, grip the waistband of his sweats.

“What...what are you-” I kiss him sloppily on the mouth to shush him and tug the bottoms off. I move down his legs, drag the pants with me until he is completely bare, kneel between his feet. “Oh Jesus Christ.” He whimpers at my intentions. I grip the bottom of his shaft, lick my way from the base to the tip, taste every inch of him that I am able to. “O-oh...oh fuck.” I hear him in the background, feel his legs shaking. I give him one last swipe and take him then without hesitation. “You're... you're...that _tongue_ .” He grunts as I work. I listen intently for his moans, sighs of pleasure, groans, anything to help me keep up my momentum. I grope him between his legs, highten his experience, ensure he is still feeling it from every angle. “Ugh...I...I won't-” He grips my head, uses his hands to guide me and my mouth. It's hot even when he hits the back of throat, makes me gag and lose my breath. I'm enjoying this too much, enjoying his dominance, his direction. But that's just it. I want to make him feel good, force the worries away, have him content and happy. “Are you okay?” He whispers. I grip his inner thigh as a yes, massage the skin. I pull on him with my lips as my one hand pumps, as my other massages. He's doing the rest, he's directing me, lifting his hips when I hit a sensitive spot, moving my head the way he...wants. “Fuuuuuck.” It's drawn out, laced with euphoria, the sound of satisfaction, and I did this! Me! His fingers grip my curls, tug at my hair as he lifts up, pushes my head flat as his hips drive forward. “Fuck! Harry I won't-” I graze my teeth over his member, pull one last time, and he's there. “ _God_! Holy shit.” I practically sputter as he releases down my throat, cringe as his fingers pull harshly at my hair, nearly choke as he pushes me further down onto him. “Yes...that was... incredible.” He releases my curls, pats my head. “Your mouth is gold, Harry. Pure gold.” I sit up slowly, swipe at my mouth, and look towards him. His eyes are wide open, impossibly blue and beguiling.

“Y-yeah.” I clear my throat. “I try.” I attempt to hide the tent that has since grown between my legs. _Why?_ “You make some interesting noises.” I poke fun at him.

“I will not hold back either so get used to it.” My heart stutters in my chest because get used to it? That means we could be doing that again? How soon?

“Oh good.” I slowly stand and sit next to him on the couch, place a pillow to my front, continue to hide the bulge.

“Mmm...I bet.” He looks over at me, keeps his eyes trained on my face.

“What?” I glance his way, feel my cheeks flare up. I was just buried between his legs, just pleasured him, and he wants to have a conversation?!

“You forgot my pants.” My face flushes even more.

“Sorry.” I'm afraid to move though, too nervous to reveal my excitement, too afraid he doesn't want to...finish. “Um…” I lean over with the pillow still in my lap, attempt to reach for his sweats.

“It's fine.” He stops me, pulls the pillow from my legs.

“Wait-” It's there out in the open now, the tent. Great!! This is why I prefer jeans!! “Ugh…” I hide my face. “I'm sorry.”

“Harry, for what? I'm the one with his dick out.” He chuckles, leans over, places a kiss on my cheek. “I want to touch you again anyway.” He places his hand on my knee.

“You do?” He actually wants to-

“Yes.” His fingers inch up my thigh. _Oh..._

“Oh!” I squeak. “I'm...I don't have pretty undies on though. “I forewarn.

“Your boxers could have holes in them, I don't give a shit. I want what's underneath.” He kicks his feet out, releases his bottoms. “Let's get you undressed.” He pulls at my hoodie. “Help me.”

“Sure.” I lean forward and remove the sweatshirt. “Now these-”

“Lift your butt.”

“Oh but it'll just...you know…” Fly out!!

“What?” He eyes me wearily, quickly rids himself of his t-shirt, reveals his tattooed chest and arms. And _holy cow!!!!_ I gape at his torso, find my mouth water at the nakedness before me.

“Wow.” I reach a hand out.

“Not yet. I want your pants off.” He tugs the waistband, attempts to pull them down but I stop him. “What's wrong?” His face falls.

“I don't…” Take a deep breath, Harry, it's fine. “Sorry, I just... normally don't do this.” I lift my hips, and tug the bottoms off, watch my erection spring free. Why am I embarrassed? It's like I'm a teenager all over again.

“And what's that?” He questions.

“We're both...you know, bare.” I whisper as if the entire hotel is able to hear, although they probably heard Louis’ whines.

“And? You weren't this hesitant earlier. What happened?” He scoots closer, runs a hand through my curls. I shrug.

“Don't know. I get into it then sort of allow reality sink in?”

“I see.” He massages my head...my actual head by the way, tugs me close. “Let's settle back to our little fantasy then, shall we?” He licks hungrily at his lips, runs his fingers across my chest and down my tummy towards my hard on. My breathing is erratic and shallow. I can't think properly!! Is he going down on me?

“Um…yeah.” I want to close my eyes but he stands abruptly.

“Come with me.” He takes my hand and pulls me forward.

“Where!?” My eyes widen.

“Harry, enough now come with me.” He pulls again. I take him in, really appreciate the beauty of his curves, chest, lovely... _rear_. Wow he is really pretty. “Are you finished staring?” My eyes make their way towards his face and his lips are pulled into a ridiculous grin.

“Uh…” I reach his eyes. “Yeah sorry.” I quickly look away and allow him to lift me up.

“Don't be ashamed.” He whispers.

“I'm _not_.” I use my free hand to cover myself anyway because yeah I am!

“Sure.” I follow him to the bedroom, watch his butt move as he walks, find it makes me more turned on than I already am. “Alright.” He stops at the foot of the bed, places his arms around my neck, tugs me towards him. He's so warm, his skin so soft. And we're actually touching, are skin to skin...so close. We're so close!

He finds my lips then, gently sucks at my mouth, flicks the hairs at the nape of my neck. It's unrushed, leisurely almost, a way for us to get to know one another all over again. His gentleness is just a front though, I know what he is capable of doing, know how loose he can become.

He turns me around and pushes me face down onto the mattress.

“Oof!!” I say as I make contact. “What was that?” He crawls up my legs sits just below my butt.

“Shhhh.” He rests against my back, kisses between my shoulder blades, trails his fingers along my outter abdomen. I squirm at the sensation bubbling in my stomach, the occasional jolt of pleasure pulsating beneath my skin. It takes my breath away, makes my hips do a dance, gives me chills! He's working me with his precise movements now, using his hands to heighten my excitement. I moan into the sheets, feel my body responding immediately. He quickens his pace, sucks at my skin, presses me into the bed. I whimper at the suddenness, nearly let loose at that very moment it feels so good. I want to release...right now actually, but I can't! I'll ruin the sheets!

He thrusts again, presses my shoulders down, sneaks a hand underneath my body…I can't hold on!! It's impossible now especially with his tummy flush against my back, his very own member grazing my upper thigh, with his movements mimicking us having sex which now...I want even more than before.

He grips me firmly, squeezes with the right amount of pressure.

“Oh...oh-”

He's unrelenting, continues to move, guides me to my peak...closer and closer still. I can taste it, feel the relief flooding through my veins and soul.

“Ah!!” I shout. “Not...not on...I need…” What am I saying!?

“Harry, it's okay.” He says from above me. I shake my head.

“I c-can't ruin the sheets.” He thrusts his hand, his hips, everything. “Ugh…”

“Fuck the bedding!” He squeezes his legs, grips my shaft with more purpose.

“Oh! Oh goodness...wow…!” I latch onto the sheets above my head, scrunch my eyes closed.

“Feel me. Let it go!” He strokes me with precision, moves his hips. I cry against the bed, tense up as my body prepares to release. It's the most dramatic build up I've had to date, the longest...the most painstakingly slow orgasm….EVER! But I know it's going to be incredible, I know I'll cease to forget this moment... because it's him. It's him touching me, caring for me, giving me his undivided attention... making sure I'm sated. And I can't help but think of next time, anticipate the way he'll pleasure me again, the way he'll show his intimate side, his romance. It'll feel so special, it'll be so welcome, it'll make me come alive.

And I'm there with the mere thought, climaxing with the idea of us sharing such a special moment.

I cry out as he pulls one final time, release onto his hand, arch my back off the bed because the feeling was that powerful, concentrated, anticipated. It's mind numbing.

“So...good...good.” I pant out as I ride my high. “It's...wow.” I unclench my grip from the sheets, appreciate the softness of the mattress below me.

“You're so beautiful.” He whispers, rolls off my back, faces me. I turn towards him, drap my arm across his torso.

“No way.” I say as I graze his back with my fingertips.

“Harry, you are. And right now? With your cheeks all flushed and swollen lips? I cannot look away. It's becoming impossible... too difficult to keep my distance.” I watch his every move, savor in the bright blue irises staring back.

“Then don't.”

“I have to. My life...well part of my life is in California.” He seems solemn again. “And with this shit looming over me…” He diverts his gaze.

“No more sadness. Remember what I said.”

“Come on you didn't really mean that.” He chides. “I wanted to be comforted and you did just that.” I remove my hand.

“No, that wasn't a lie. And that was certainly not me just _making_ you feel better. I said it because I meant every word.” I sit up, rub at my stomach, feel an unnecessary tenseness in my gut.

“What are you doing?” He follows my lead. “You're not going, right?”

“Not until your flight remember?” I say even though leaving sounds like a decent idea.

“Oh okay.”

“I just…hate the fact that you believe I lie to people...All the time. That still bothers me I think.” I reach for a pillow and place it on my thighs to cover myself.

“It was an observation...don't take it personally.”

“But I will! How could I not. That's the impression I give off to outsiders? Well...not _outsiders_ but people who are not _from_ here?” I bite my lip. “And now you think what I said was a lie, that I didn't speak from my heart.” I hide my face. “It hurts me.”

“I’m sorry.” He touches my arm with his clean hand.

“And you're some big shot employee at _whatever_ company you work for and probably can read peoples emotions really well...and judge a person's character. That confirms why you're so successful.”

“Partly but-” His fingers grip my forearm.

“And here you come displaying a flaw I didn't know I possessed, making me question everything I've done or said.”

“Not necessarily a flaw-” He squeezes.

“Then what is it?” I snap.

“Harry, take it easy.” He turns towards me, drapes his arm across my shoulders, touches my cheek. I look away from him to hide my eyes, to hide the imminent tears. Why am I so emotional? Is it because he's right? Is it because he understands me? Understands the pressure?

Is it because he's leaving me?

“Don't look away.” He kisses my shoulder. “I thought I was the one who needed the hugs?” I turn my head towards him but keep my eyes diverted.

“Well, I need it now.” I admit. “I need that shoulder to cry on.” I sniffle as the flood gates open. This wasnt supposed to happen this morning.

“That's fine.” He pulls me to him and I willingly accept, allow my body to breakdown and shed the tears I've held in. “You'll feel better afterwards I promise.” Now he's rubbing my back, making lazy circles across my skin. “Good, let it go.” He whispers. I lean heavily into his neck, wrap my arms around his tiny frame, and just cry until my head aches.

.

.

.

.

I am startled awake by a wet sensation on my mouth. I go to slap it away but it's obvious who it is the moment I realize where I am...where I slept...where I cried until I passed out...naked.

“That worked.” He touches me. “Harry.” His voice is so soothing, so gentle, so comforting. “Baby?” I scrunch my eyes closed at the pet name. “Come on, I want a proper goodbye.” He kisses me again.

“Goodbye?” My voice is laced with sleep.

“Yes, I'm heading back home and need your hug.” I open one eye at a time and find him dressed, hair done, smelling better than ever.

“Oh.” I can't hide my fond. “Look at you.” I run a hand down my face. “So pretty.” I look down at the floor to find jet black boots with a simple silver buckle. “Nothing fancy?” I frown and take in the entire ensemble. It's all black actually right down to his tie and cufflinks. “Oh...really boring.”

“Yeah...I uh...I have a dinner tonight...well when I land actually.” He tugs at his jacket. “I will unfortunately have no time to change.”

“Oh.” I begin to sit up, rest heavily on my left side. “When did you wake up?” I yawn.

“An hour ago.” He sits at the edge of the bed, touches my cheek. “I didn't want to disturb you...you looked too peaceful...too angelic.” He smirks.

“Oh stop, I supposedly snore.” I playfully smack his arm.

“Yeah it kept me awake most of the morning.” He chuckles.

“What!” I gasp in horror.

“Ha! I'm messing with you.” He leans forward, rests a hand by my butt, kisses me on the lips.

“Mmmm...don't pull away yet!” I whine.

“I really must leave...I'm late as it is.” He kisses me again, lingers just long enough. “Bye, Harry. I'll be back soon.” I reach out to him, hold him in place.

“Please?” I stare longingly into his face, memorize the freckles in his irises and every dip and curve of his jaw.

“I'll try.” I press my lips to his, tug him to my bare chest. I can't let go just yet. I open up to him, allow him to take the lead, feel the hunger in his movements. I disregard my nudity and rip the sheets from my legs, inch over to him, sit astride his hips.

“Harry-”

“Shhhh.” I deepen the kiss further, rub my scent all over his suit, force his senses to drink me in, _remember_ me, to yearn for me...to miss me just as much as I'll undoubtedly miss him. I cup his cheeks, purposely avoid his hair, and drive in further.

I'm transported to our little universe once again, placed in a mindset where the world doesn't judge, where I am allowed to kiss Louis freely, where being this intimate with a man is not shunned upon, where I am free of all inhibitions. It's intoxicating, an addiction, _potent_ and there is just no escape.

He isn't relenting either...his kisses are just as frenzied as mine, just as heady, and his hands are traveling the length of my back, traveling dangerously low to my bottom, making my skin tingle in their wake. My brain wills him to, begs him practically to touch, to massage, to make it his own. It's the exact place I want him to be but he stops instead, pulls away, has a moment of clarity.

“Fuck.” He gasps. At least one of us did.

“I'm sorry.” I lick at my mouth. “I didn't mean to do that.” I rest my forehead against his shoulder.

“Yes you did.” He snorts. “But I don't mind.” He gives me one final squeeze. “I really have to leave though.”

“Noooo.” I'm dead weight in his lap, making it nearly impossible for him to move.

“Harry, please.” He runs his fingers through my curls. “My flight is in two hours.”

“Ugh…” I moan and scoot off his lap, quickly hide my member that has since perked up from our kisses.

“I guess you'll have a busy afternoon.” He smirks as he adjusts his jacket.

“Shut up!!” I hide my face in a pillow. “At least I am able to take care of it...unlike you and your three hour flight.”

“Actually it's four and a half but it's called bathrooms and I will most certainly be thinking of your mouth sucking me off as I touch myself.” He says.

“Oh!” I glance over.

“Yeah well…” He clears his throat. “I'll be back...soon.”

“ _Fine,_ bye.” I'm about to get comfortable when I realize… “Wait, I'm in your room. I have to leave...duh.”

“You can stay. It's fine.” He walks towards the door.

“That would look bad if I...you know walked out of here, no? With everyone around?” My face flushes.

“...it will imply you spent the night... well _morning_ with me. Is that not something you want people knowing?” His face falls, along with his tone.

“No. I don't care about being seen. I'll just be alone is all.” I watch his demeanor change, soften.

“Oh. Yeah...I know. Sorry…” He checks his phone that has since started buzzing. “Fuck that's my ride. Alright, Harry…bye.” He lingers a moment longer. “I'll leave a key at reception. You know... just in case.”

“Yeah. Just in case.” I nod and watch him leave.

.

.

.

.

I lay in his bed for another hour or so when I decide it's time to start my day. And trust me, it was a difficult feat and not because I was comfortable. The sheets are literally covered in Louis, filling my nose with his deliciousness, and I never want to leave his protective embrace. It was as if I was lying next to him, cuddling close, delicately touching him, being _cute_.

But I was alone and that thought leaves me empty.

He'll be gone for an undetermined amount of time, fixing whatever issue he found himself trapped in, making deals, kicking butt, being...a _good employee_ while I wait here for him to come back.

Ugh...

I head to the living room in search of my sweats, find them neatly folded on the couch, along with my socks, hoodie, and no...boxers. Where did they go?

“The perfectionist at his best.” I find a small piece of parchment with his rather unique handwriting resting on the clothing. “Oh…” I read it.

_Your presence sooths my heart._

_Your smile brings me light._

_Your touches make my skin ignite._

_X._

“Wow.” Great so the man is romantic, probably into poetry and reads classic literature in his spare time...while here I am a bartender in the middle of no where who happens to be obsessed with cats. “I hope I'm good enough for him.” I say solemnly. I stare at the paper, read the words over and over, feel this hollowness in my stomach the longer I do, and it's just beautiful. He's beautiful and I miss him already.

A knock at the door distracts me from my thoughts.

“Who could that be…?” Do I answer it? What if it's for Louis? I throw my hoodie and sweats on, shove the note into my pocket and head on over. I swing the door open to reveal a delivery man holding a large bouquet of _red roses_. “Huh?” I look at his feet to find two more. “What’s going on?”

“Special delivery for a Harry?” My heart is pounding in my chest.

“Yuh...yeah that would be me.” I take the vase from his grasp.

“And these two as well!” The man picks another one up.

“Uh... alright cool let me just...uh…” I take the flowers with me and place them on the coffee table. “You can put that one there too.”

“Sure! I'll get the last vase.”

“Yeah, thanks.” I plop onto the couch.

“Must be your lucky day!” The man puts the last of the roses on the table.

“Certainly is.” I'm sweating. Who sent these?

“Well, Happy New Year!” The man waves, smiles brightly and leaves the room.

“You too?” I'm frozen, overwhelmed, staring blankly at the sea of red before me. “Oh my goodness.” I find the card sitting amongst the flowers, hesitate a moment before reading it. This was unexpected, totally out of left field, something I thought I'd never receive in my life. But here they are...three dozen long stemmed _red_ roses expertly arranged for my viewing pleasure. “This is insane.”

I take a deep breath and open the card.

_Happy New Year._

_Here's to new beginnings._

_Thank you for a third chance._

_See you upon my return._

_X._

“Third chance?” I stare at the words long and hard. “A dozen roses for every chance I gave him?” He did this _for me_ , found the need to impress me more than he already has. I am absolutely appreciative, completely blown away, but he doesn't have to do this. Simply being with him is enough, having his attention, his _affection_ , his touches. That's all. This is just fluff...a waste of money, something people who feel insecure in their relationship need. I trust his feelings.

I feel my phone buzzing away in my pocket then.

“What now!?” I dig it out and see three letters... _LOU_ across the screen. “Hello?” I answer on the fourth ring.

“Hey.” My heart swells the moment my brain registers his voice.

“Hi!” I sound so pathetic.

“Did you receive-”

“The flowers are so beautiful...so thoughtful... gorgeous. There are so many!” I grip my curls. “And the card...wow. I've never received flowers before especially three dozen!”

“You're welcome.” I hear his chuckle.

“Thank you...thank you so much. You didn't have to do that.”

“I wanted to...” He's silent for a moment. “I don't know...Make you feel special.”

“Oh...but I do already.” I release my hair. “No need to think otherwise.”

“Okay good.” I hear a hushed _female_ voice speaking in the background. “Yes, yes of course.” Louis responds to her. “Harry, I have to go. We're taking off.”

“No…” My lips fall into a deep frown. “I guess text me later? I didn't know you had my number.”

“I added myself to your contacts. You have my work number too.”

“Woah.”

“Was that too forward? Did I do something wrong?” His voice sounds borderline frantic.

“No! Not at all. It's fine.” I reassure.

“Ah...the flight attendant is coming back. I'll see you soon.” He pauses. “Don't forget about me.”

“How could I ever do that...Oh! Where's my underwear?”

“I'm wearing them. Bye!”

“What!!” The line goes dead.

.

.

.

.

“But how is he wearing _your_ boxers?” Dani asks as we head up Main Street towards the shopping center.

“Uh…” I stall. “Well...see there was this thing-”

“Did you guys do it!?” She grips my arm, halts us in our tracks. “ _Harry!!”_

“No! My goodness no.” I shake her off, feel the hurt from her tone, find my fear that maybe Louis and I moved too quickly bubbling to the surface. It wasn't too soon, right?

“Then how did he get them?” She asks. What was I thinking by telling her about our New Year's morning? That was between _us_ , not Dani. She wouldn't understand.

“I like to...sleep in the nude and he took them.” I lie. Well half lie, I do enjoy sleeping without clothing.

“That's...I don't know...cute? Weird? Controlling?”

“Controlling?!” I think of his hands on my head, the way he guided me down his shaft. Wow...okay. “H-how is that in anyway controlling?” I mean, it was hot.

“Like he's staking a claim on you.” She shrugs. “I don't know.” We're almost at the vacant store front.

“Huh? I don't understand.”

“Harry, he _took_ your used underwear with him! Maybe he's performing some ancient voodoo ritual to make you his sex slave.” I nearly choke on my tongue.

“What!!” I pinch the bridge of my nose. “You're being absolutely ridiculous right now.” I walk ahead of her unable to really look her in the eye.

“I'm being honest!! He may secretly be a Satanist and believe in the art of omni-possession.”

“A who?” I ask but immediately change my mind. “You know what? I don't want to know.”

“He needed a personal effect! Something-”

“Dani!” I turn on her. “Stop.” I crack a fake smile. “Let's check out this space okay?”

“But I thought-”

“Just, _no_. I shouldn't have said anything in the first place.” My stomach twists.

“Why? I'm your best friend. Best friends talk about their sex lives.”

“ _Not possessin_ g a person's body with underwear!” I snap.

“I was only joking! Jesus!” She throws her hands in the air. “You're so sensitive!”

“Yes because you're insinuating Louis and I…” I gesture between us. “You know...uh…”

“ _Had sex.”_

“Yes, had _sex_ when we just cuddled-” Touched each other, made the other one climax a few times. “-kissed... _slept._ ” I only left out one fine detail. “We're still getting to know each other alright? And he's been away and...I miss him and this conversation isn't helping!”

“I just...you haven't spoken to me lately and I feel bad.” She says. “It's like I've been replaced with Brett or _Natale_.”

“Because you're with your _boyfriend_ all the time and since the adoption center was taken from us we haven't been spending a lot of time together.”

“Yeah and I hate it.” She grips my arm. “I miss you.”

“I know, I miss you too.” Honestly, I do. “I just don't want my relationship with Louis...or _whatever_ it is to be seen as something temporary or physical.” I face her. “I want it to be meaningful, deep, something more then just the sex. Like...I'm not an object and neither is he.”

“Alright I'm sorry.” She nods her head. “I didn't mean anything behind it.”

“Good.”

“I was having fun and thought I could joke around.”

“You can but...not about that stuff. I need my privacy sometimes.”

“I understand completely. Don't worry I won't do it again.”

“Thanks.” I grip her arm and look into the empty store. “Hmmm...decent size. What do you think?”

“Not bad. But we need a second doorway just in case we get another escape artist.”

“Good call. I forgot about that.” I look inside again. “So a no then?”

“I mean...this is a great spot. We'd get a lot of foot traffic.”

“Yeah and it's near everything too.”

“It's further away from home but that's alright.”

“Mmm...it's good to get away for a little bit...even if it's just a few short blocks.”

“True!” We look at the inside again through the glass.

“I kind of like it. We can roll the cages towards the window so the cats can look outside!” I press my nose up to the glass. “Have a cute little play area...and meet and greet towards the back!”

“Yeah! And it seems to have plenty of space for additional cabinets and whatnot.”

“And look, the laundromat is right here. No more lugging dirtied towels!” Oh the relief…

“Oh! Perfect!!” She searches her purse. “I'll call the agent and say we're a go!”

“Yay!” I look inside again, picture our _new home_ , our fresh start. “We'll save so many lives.” I mumble.

“Yes! Thats right...okay that's how much a month? A thousand? That's right in the budget.” I look towards Dani. “A thousand plus utilities... sure and what about electric?” Her face falls. “Ah...I see. Alright well we'll get back to you.” She hangs up.

“What happened?”

“It'll be well over our budget. Nothing is included in the price.”

“Oh…” I sigh. “Maybe we can do more fundraising?”

“We've been sort of lacks with it since we closed down...the funds are just not there.”

“What about the money from our donation?”

“I thought we agreed that was for vet bills and unforeseen events?”

“We need a new place! What else do we have?” I ask.

“It won't last forever.”

“We can fundraise in between, make the money as we go.”

“But what if it gets to be too much?”

“It'll be fine. We always make it work, right?”

“I guess but this is a big deal. It's not the shabby house anymore. We'll have an actual landlord, a lease, be responsible for so many lives...it's scary.”

“I know what's involved, Dani. I have the bar, remember?”

“Yes but Peter does your accounting, helps with the expenses.”

“And I fund said expenses. Come on, let's do it.” I nudge her. “We may have better luck here anyway.” I search our surroundings. “See? There's a preschool across the street, a grocery store, toy stores, _family_ restaurants. It's great!!”

“Ah... alright. Fine...fine. But if we lose money…”

“Don't worry. Everything will work out.”

“Yeah well we all don't have rich boyfriends who have our backs.” She huffs.

“Neither do I.” I remind because Louis isn't my... boyfriend.

“Psh...yeah right.”

“I haven't seen him in three weeks. We're just... friends?” Ugh, that sounds terrific.

“Sure...sure…” We head back towards home.

“Call the agent please?” I redirect the conversation.

“Okay.”

.

.

.

.

“Another week?” I ask as I pull at my cuticle.

“Yes...I know. My workload is intense and I have to keep up the momentum or I'll fall behind again.”

“Again? You fell behind before?”

“Yes. I was so concentrated on reading about cats and feline care I completely overlooked budgets and deadlines. It set me back nearly a month.”

“Is it my fault? Did I do this to you?” My chest tightens at the thought. “If I were more open to _us_ and not have been so closed off and cranky all the time... would you have been okay?”

“No, Harry. There's always so much to do... _all the time._ It wouldn't have mattered. Plus, I enjoyed the break. It gave me a chance to focus on something other than this shit for a change.”

“Oh... Alright as long as I didn't occupy all of your time.”

“Nope. Just a little bit.” He sounds exhausted.

“Where are you?”

“Office.”

“At home?”

“Yeah. Lukie is here.”

“Oh my goodness!! My little man...how is he!? Can you put him on the phone!?”

“He's a cat.” His voice is laced with humor, relaxed.

“He's my furry friend now put him on!” I beg.

“Fine...but don't become angry with me if he doesn't recognize you or respond.”

“Shush!!”

“Here, Lukie. Harry is on the phone.” I hear a loud purring noise in my ear.

“Lu-Lu!!!” I practically shout out of excitement. “How are you? Is your daddy feeding you well? Are you loving your new home?”

“Yeah he doesn't speak English.” Louis mocks.

“I miss you, little bud. I really do. You'll always have a special place in my heart. I'll never forget what we had.” I rub at my eyes. “But you're in excellent care... probably one of the best homes and... yeah. I'm jealous of you.”

“ _Harry_.” I hear.

“Alright put your foster daddy back on.”

“You're too much.”He says into the receiver.

“Am not. He was my main squeeze!”

“Yup. I know.” I hear a loud pitched noise, almost like a shout.

“What's that?”

“Oh uh... nothing just the housekeeper.” He reasures. “Anyway did you check out that store front today?”

“Yeah! We're going to take it. It's almost thirteen hundred a month but-”

“Thirteen!? Ugh! For that area!?” He practically shouts.

“Huh?” I'm taken aback by his reaction. “How would you-”

“Harry, that's overpriced. You should have waited for me to counter offer.”

“Yeah well, when are you coming home…I meant back here?” I want to slap myself for slipping. “We needed a new place!”

“I know... alright? I know. Let me at least read over the lease before you sign anything.”

“How?”

“Email it to me.”

“How about you come back and read it?” I ask.

“I wish.” There's a shout in the background. “Fuck.” He snaps. “I have to go.”

“What was that?”

“Nothing. Don't worry. I'll call you tomorrow with an update.” I don't press any further as my heart begins to ache.

“Sure.” I pretend I'm stronger than I feel.

“I'll see you soon.”

“Yeah...”

.

.

.

.

I'm sitting outside the bakery with Brett pretending it's not below freezing, shivering into my coat, watching thick puffs of air escape my mouth.

“So he took your underwear?” He asks as he nurses a cup of coffee.

“Yeah. What could it mean?”

“He likes dirty laundry.” Brett makes a face. “Ew.”

“Ugh…” I drop my head in my hands. “You never had the urge to take... Natale's stuff?” He bursts into laughter.

“Ha!! No!” He sobers when I fail to react. “No...but then again, she's been here with me.”

“So what are you saying?”

“He probably wanted something of yours to keep, something easily concealed, an intimate item, a _personal_ article of clothing.”

“Why not a sweatshirt? Or socks?” I sit back against the bench. “That’s personal, no?”

“Not in the least my friend. I'd take it as a compliment.” He sips at his coffee.

“I guess. But why not take my hoodie? He can easily wear it to sleep or around the house. Snuggle with it.” I can picture Louis lying in his bed with my hoodie smashed to his chest and face buried in the material. It's cute even in my mind.

“Nothing beats a pair of boxers.”

“What if he wants it concealed like you said? What if he wants to hide it?” I mentally freak. “What if he isn't into it at all?”

“Woah, there Harry! Take it down a notch.” He takes another sip. “The man obviously adores you, has it bad, took the _one item_ that's closest to your junk. _”_

“Junk? My garbage!?”

“Holy shit you were born under a rock. Your dick, Harry.”

“Ah...wait what?!”

“Ugh. I am _not explaining_ this one.” He says. “You can share shit right? So it's possible he wanted to wear your underwear to feel closer to you. I don't know.” He shakes his head.

“Oh... yeah.” I recall what Dani said. “You dont think it's because he wants to have the upper hand right? Like he's inadvertently controlling me?”

“Like...dom-sub stuff?”

“Yeah?” I squeak.

“It's underwear. He didn't chain you to his bed post.” He laughs. “You're over thinking things when he clearly just wants to be close to you.”

“I miss him.” I confess. “Like really miss him.” I touch my chest.

“Of course you do! But he'll be back soon to cuddle your curly head.”

“I hope because hearing his voice isn't enough.”

“No, it never is...you know hearing their voice.” He looks away a moment. “I think it makes it worse.”

“Worse? You think so? I shouldn't speak to Louis?”

“No! Absolutely speak to him. Jesus! The poor guy’ll think you're pissed off at him and probably fly over here so fast he'd burn a hole in the atmosphere.” He pushes me with his elbow.

“What?” I glance over at him.

“You remind me of a lost puppy. Where did your energy go?”

“To California.” I mumble.

“Ah...I see. Now don't look at me, I'm not giving your pickle a tickle.”

“A who?” I ask. “Oh!! You pig!!” I smack his arm. “No I...I have a question.”

“Oh no.” He downs the remaining of his coffee. “Can I brace myself first?”

“Seriously, Brett. I need your advice.”

“Ugh...fine.” He waves his hand in the air. “Try me.”

“So like... alright...how do I word this…” My brain is failing me.

“In this century.” He blurts.

“I... alright I'm just going to say it.” I take a deep breath.

“Waiting on you.”

“Do you think it's too soon for us to have sex?” I cover my face in shame, hide the redness, the fear.

“I mean-”

“You mean what? That like I should wait because I have standards? Or because everyone will think I'm easy? Or because it's an intimate act for only people who are in love to perform?” The words are just spewing from my mouth. “Because I can wait. I'll wait until he says it, wait until he admits his love for me.” I pause. “But what if he doesn't love me? What if he only _wants_ the sex and not the baggage? What if I accidentally say it and he takes that as his cue to take me-”

“Harry!” He grips my forearms. “Calm yourself. You're starting to burst at the seams here.”

“I'm sorry.” I rub at my eyes. “I hate to ask such ridiculous questions.”

“It's not really...I mean yeah it is however, there's nothing wrong with that.” He sits back against the bench. “Are you a virgin?”

“What!!” I snap.

“Well?”

“No! Jeez, I'm twenty four.”

“Hey you never know... anyway…”

“What does virginity have to do with anything?”

“You're acting as if it's some sacred act, like it's your first time or something.”

“Unfortunately no, that was with some drunken college kid when I was a freshman. I've grown up, grew standards.”

“Oh so you were a tool! Nice!”

“What!!! No! I was young and-”

“Horny. Cool. Anyway…”

“Ugh…” I pinch the bridge of my nose. “Yes, I was _horny_.”

“Then who cares? Bed the guy.”

“But people will find out! Judge me…” I stare at the cobblestone. “I want it to be special.”

“First off, we-” He points to himself, then gestures towards the town. “-couldnt give a rats ass about where you stick your dick and really? It's your business. If you like the guy...or _love_ -” I make a face because that's too soon. “-him, then do it! You're not hurting anyone by doing so.”

“But...no judging?” I ask.

“Not at all.”

“Uh...what about you guys? Do you...uh you know…”

“Lord…yes.”

“Okay.” I nod. “Alright as long as you won't think poorly of me.”

“Why would I?”

“Dani made it sound like it was repugnant.”

“Dani is the daughter of a Reverend. Of course she'll say that shit!”

“I guess...but it's okay?” I look to him for confirmation.

“Of course!” He waggles his eyebrows. “Have fuuuun!”

“Ugh…” I roll my eyes because it will be.

.

.

.

.

“There you are.” I'm stirred from my deep sleep, feel wetness on my lips. “Harry.” There's a hand on my arm. “Baby?”

“Hmm?” I turn my face into the pillow.

“Harry, I know it's late.”

“Y-yeah.” I mumble. My brain is foggy with sleep, trapped between reality and a dream.

“I missed you so much.” A set of lips tap my cheek, an intoxicating scent floods my nose.

“I missed…you too. But you're in my head.” I whisper.

“No, I'm here, right here with you.” He kisses behind my ear, runs his fingers through my matted hair. “Come on sleepyhead, open those beautiful green eyes for me.”

“Mmmm…” I tug the sheets further up. “No.”

“You're going to make me wait until morning?”

“Yeah... morning.”


	7. Between the lines

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We are on opposite sides of the spectrum, possibly two wrongs attempting to make a right, probably failing miserably the further we progress. It's the saddest thought I've had since our kiss on New Year's, more hurtful than when he left for those few weeks because what if we don't survive? What if all of this hurt is for nothing?  
> What if he realizes I am not for him?

The sun is pouring into Louis’ room, basking the bed, and warming the sheets to the perfect temperature. It feels absolutely delightful against my skin and is reminding me of the hot summer days I miss desperately.

My longing has elongated the winter it seems, inadvertently extended the colder months into what feels like an eternity. It makes me realize just how much I miss tending to the cats, reminds me of the lives I am not saving, saddens my soul that I am no longer continuing to improve the well being of countless felines. I always felt immense satisfaction of my selfless act, that my ability to put orphaned cats before my needs a gift, that people like Dani and I are a rarity in today's society. That we are making a difference. But now it's about me... _all about me_ and there is something about that I am uncomfortable with.

It makes me think too much, forces wayward thoughts into my mind, allows the craziness to settle. And ugh, my brain cannot seem to think past Louis too. He's a permanent fixture in my dreams, my fantasies, my favorite topic of conversation, and my stupid obsession. I was certain it would be masked by work, that with him away I'd be able to focus on everything I've failed to complete, things I've ignored, but it's gotten worse...so much worse and I can't help but _long_ for him.

He weasled his way into my life, into my heart really, and now he is forever a resident. And I don't mind. I like it. I like it too much actually. Too much that it's borderline terrifying that I could possibly feel this way about someone else, that I willingly allowed him to have control over my existence, that he dictates my mood. He isn't even aware either. He's probably clueless to my deep feelings for him, my true feelings. And it hurts too much that I am unable to save myself when I extend my hand thoughtlessly without any regard to my heart. He could hurt me over and over and I'll instantly blame myself for it, believe wholeheartedly that I am at fault for his actions...that maybe I didn't try hard enough.

That maybe I am not as giving as I originally thought...that maybe I am selfish...that maybe I'm the unforgiving one…I'm the one causing hurt...

But this is all too deep for me to think through while I'm half asleep. I need my clarity, need to really sit down and figure out what it could all mean. I'll just file this away in my mental Rolodex and come back to it at a later time, maybe write it down? Do something because right now it's giving me anxiety and I'm already on the verge of more tears especially from this intoxicating smell filling my nose.

I tug at the sheets in frustration but find there's an object of some sort pulling at the comforter. Is it _in the bed!_? My eyes snap open then, feel my chest explode in fear and body startle into full alertness.

What's there!?

I pretend I'm still asleep, keep my breathing even, and movements to a minimum, search the room for any sign of... activity. Did I sleep during a robbery? Was there a robbery though? Would Louis store valuables here? And who would seek out the hotel during the off season? Unless someone knows Louis is here ... purposely came to this very room thinking he was back in California.

But the room is in order, save for my sweats and boxers that are in a _neat_ pile on the floor...but where are my boxers!? I peer under the covers and yup, not here.

What use could a pair of underwear be to a thief!? Could they really be into Omni-possession?! Was Dani telling the truth!? Why would anyone want to take over my body!? I'm nothing special. Maybe I'm a little good looking but what?! Why me! I'm just a crazy cat man!!

I wait another moment to settle my nerves, listen intently for any sort of movements in and around the suite. I can hear a faint sound, almost like breathing... almost like someone is _sleeping_ next to me. And that thought chills me to the bone because great, a robber stole my boxers and proceeded to sleep next to me in bed.

Creep.

And of course the one night I decided to sleep in Louis’ room this is what happens. I mean, luck is never on my side I suppose. Or maybe this is a sign? Maybe this is warning? An omen? An-

_Shut up!!!_

I grip my curls and will my brain to focus, slowly turn my body over praying I was not accidentally sleeping next to an axe murderer. What would I do then? How will I escape? How quickly could I dress while simultaneously screaming bloody murder?

They come into view and they're perfectly still. Completely still and...half naked? _Oh GREAT!!_

They're lying face down on the bedding in a pair of boxers (mine actually) and socks. _Okay_. I quickly take in their curvy torso and smooth back, find the arm littered with tattoos next, and lastly the unmistakable head of hair that happens to still be combed and styled. It's the most precious sight, the most inviting...the most comforting and it's all coming full circle, filling a random void in my chest.

He's been gone for so long...been in my thoughts for weeks and he's here...next to me wearing my clothing. And I need to feel him, protect him, hold him close.

Be with him.

“Oh my _goodness_.” I practically pounce him, hug him from behind, pull him to my chest. “Louis!!!!” I squeal with delight.

“F-fuck!!!” I feel him thrash about, struggle in my hold, push against me as if to free himself. “Harry!! I was fucking sleeping!” He sounds _so upset_ but I don't care, he's right where I want him.

“Don't care, you didn't wake me up when you came in! So I'm seeking my revenge in the sweetest way possible!”

“I...tried! You...were half dead.” He relaxes his movements, practically slumps against me. “You nearly gave me a heart attack.” He swipes at his face.

“I’m sorry. I couldn't contain my excitement.” I nuzzle his neck, kiss his hair, tighten my hold. “You smell heavenly.”

“Ugh...it's day old hair gel…” He yawns, gently pats my arms. “I really-”

“I missed you so much.” I kiss him again and again, breathe him in, savor in his very being. “And you slept next to me. I wish you would have cuddled closer.” I pout.

“I _did_ , Harry. But you sleep like a rock.” He turns his face towards me and it's literal sunshine, the source of my happiness, the light I've so desperately missed. “You really do not remember a thing?” I shake my head as I glance at his lips. “I see.” He licks at them. “Well if you don't mind-”

“I can make us breakfast!” I hug him even closer.

“Ah…” He looks away, grips his fingers into a tight fist.

“What is it?” My hold is strong, unrelenting.

“I'm exhausted.” He places his head in his hand. “I wasn't supposed to leave until today.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, I uh...worked late and just decided to pack up and fly here. I barely slept a wink.”

“I see.” My excitement deflates. “I'll let you sleep then.”

“I'm sorry. I bought something for you though.” I release my hold.

“Alright.” I try and conceal my sadness.

“You can wear it later...well actually I _want_ you to wear it later.” He smirks. I find his face and the purple under his eyes is visible.

“Wear? You bought me clothes?” My eyes widen. “How do you know my size…?"

“I snuck a glance when you weren't looking.”

“Oh…”

“They match your white jeans perfectly.”

“You like those I suppose.” I lie back down. “They were on sale in the woman's section actually.” I chuckle. “Dani found them for me.”

“Hmmm...you look lovely in them.” He inches closer, curls up next to me. “Especially your ass.”

“T-thanks.” I feel my face redden. “What are we doing later then?”

“It's a surprise.” He huddle's closer, slinks underneath the sheets. “But I need to be well rested, okay? I'll be yours all day and all...night.” He kisses my lips and I may have died a little.

“All night?” I squeak. I watch his eyes flutter close, feel the steadiness of his chest rising and falling.

“Mmm…” He hums and soon passes out.

“Oh...boy.”

I run my fingers over his back, listen to the sweet sounds of his breathing, take him in while he sleeps. He's so handsome, it's difficult to look away really. I want to continue watching him,  remember the way his hair falls across his face, memorize every dip in his chest, every curve in his hips. I want to be the one he kisses goodnight, the one he sees first thing in the morning, be on his mind always...be the one he returns home to.

I want to be with him.

All the time.

In every way.

Be the reason he smiles.

“Sleep well.” I kiss his hair and fall back asleep with him in my arms.

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“Here's the lease.” I hand the stack of papers to Louis. “As requested.”

“Oh that's right.” He takes it and sits comfortably on the couch. “Mmm…” He bites down on a pen as he reads, emerses himself in the documents, makes notes in the margins.

“Yeah we were going to send them to the broker today but I told Dani I wanted your input first.” I sit next to him. “It's going to feel great getting back into the swing of things.”

“You'll miss your free time, no?”

“Not at all. It was hell around here. I felt my brain turning to mush…” Especially with you gone. But I keep that to myself.

“Are there any additional clauses regarding fees or making changes to the existing structure?”

“...what?”

“I guess not.” He skims a few more lines. “If you're looking to make cosmetic changes to the suite, you may need written approval by the landlord to do so.”

“Why? What's the big deal? We're not knocking down walls.”

“Yes but you're most likely going to paint and replace the flooring. These are items the owner may object to.”

“Paint!? Who cares!”

“It's a big deal. It slows down their turnover. And you said you wanted a second door? That's technically altering the structure itself.”

“I...what?” I bite my lip. “I didn't know that.”

“Yeah they were not very forthcoming with this information. They most likely want to find every excuse to withhold your security deposit. Before you present this to the landlord, give him a list of the improvements you plan on making to the space and ensure he signs off on said changes. Then, when you vacate, you'll have his confirmation as proof.”

“Uh...yeah sure.” I take the lease. “Thanks, Mr. Austin.” I laugh. “Mr. Fancy Pants.”

“Are you mocking me?” His lips tug into a smile.

“Never I am admiring your knowledge, the way you read between the lines.”

“It's a contract. I deal with them on a daily basis.” He puts the pen on the table.

“Of course you do…” I roll my eyes. “Anyway-”

“Yeah…” He eyes me, places his hand on my thigh. “Are shirts optional today?” I look down at my bare chest and sweatpants.

“Yup.” I nod. “But I actually have to head over to the shelter with Dani.” I frown. “I made plans with her…” I find his eyes and they're soft.

“That's okay. I sort of...you know arrived unexpectedly.” He squeezes his hand then releases my thigh. “I'll do some work.”

“Okay.” I smirk.

“I went to your apartment last night and was confused when you didn't answer...well more upset then anything.” He leans over, kisses my cheek. “I thought maybe you were ignoring me.” His laugh is forced, plastic, obviously covering his unnecessary hurt.

“Oh no.” I put the lease on the table and face him, wrap my arms around his torso, kiss him swiftly on the lips.

“You were here instead. I'm not sure why...but I was surprised.”

“You did leave the keys at reception. It was a tempting offer.”

“I know.” He turns away. “But I thought maybe you'd forgotten about me or...I don't know...moved on?”

“Um...no? No! Why would you think that?” I ask. “Just because you're away doesn't mean I'm not thinking of you every day! I couldn't _stop thinking_ of you actually...it was awkward.” I snort.

“Why?” He looks to me again, leans in. “Why was it awkward?” I shrug.

“Because, I sounded obsessive when I talked about you. Everyone was starting to notice... especially when I brought up the underwear.” I stifle a laugh.

“Oh.” He rests his forehead on my shoulder. “Okay.”

“Now that you're here...I can ask _why_ you took them in the first place.” I tickle his side, make him squirm.

“Ah!” He lifts his head, grips my cheeks. “Don’t do that!!”

“Well now I have to!” His eyes widen as I graze his torso, slink my fingers beneath his t-shirt.

“Noooo!” He squeaks and attempts to wiggle out of my grasp.

“I like your skin! Let me touch!!” I push him into the cushions, tickle his abdomen, his tummy, any place I can get my fingers on. “I'm making up for lost time!”

“No please!” He practically convulses with laughter, kicks his legs out, pushes at my shoulders as I find _the_ spot. “Ah come on!!” I'm unrelenting, getting a rise out of him, watching him relax and let loose for once...finally revealing the man hiding underneath the suit. “I'm serious!! I can't...I can't-” He's borderline hysterical, tearing up, his eyes crinkly and filled with joy. “Harry!!!” He shouts so I stop abruptly then. “Holy fuck!” He catches his breath, swipes at his face. “That was unfair.” He smiles, whacks my arm. “You're taking advantage of my stature.” I remain silent, watch him settle down, find the brightness in his irises. “What?” He asks.

“You're so warm.” I whisper.

“Am I?” He inches towards my face, bites down on his bottom lip.

“Yes and you're always so soft.” My hands are resting on his back now. “I can't help it.” He glances at my mouth then irises.

“I know.”

“Do you?” I watch his eyes flutter as I continue to graze his flesh.

“Yes.” He closes the space between us and kisses me tenderly. “I've missed you so much.” He says against my lips and dives right back in.

I'm trapped in the moment then, seeking out his lips for comfort, touching his bare skin to ground my emotions, placing my life in his very hands. I've awaited this moment the second he left me, craved to be in his arms again, dreamt of his taste on my tongue. He's overwhelming me with his being, kissing me as if his life depended on it, devouring me whole. And I willingly allow him to, give myself over to him, find that I too needed his reassurance, his confirmation that he missed me. Words only sink so deep apparently.

He releases my face, hooks his arms around my neck, and holds me closer than before. His passion is unmistakable, his hunger unveiled, his actions pure. He isn't letting me go and I don't want him to.

He pulls me towards him, begins to slowly sit back.

“H-help me take these off.” He thrusts his hips up, pokes me in the stomach with his member. “Please.” I nod once and lift off the cushions to tug the sweats down.

“There.” He springs free then, makes my mouth water, sends a spike of pleasure down my spine. “Take off your shirt too.” I instruct and he willingly obliges. Then I push him flat against the sofa.

“Fuck yes.” He repositions himself, spreads his legs wide. He's just there...in the open and vulnerable, waiting for me to pleasure him. “Put your mouth on me.” He pulses his hips into the air.

“Of course.” I lick my lips, devise a course of action, decide it's now or never and begin.

I lean over him, kiss his lips, and trail my tongue down his chin towards his throat. I'm purposely moving slow, making him anticipate my mouth, sucking at his skin and leaving little red marks in my wake. His legs spasm a few times, he jolts forward when I suck too hard, hitches his breathe when I move further down. I want him to lose all inhibitions when I reach my destination, forget his troubles, remain in this moment. I'm kissing down his torso, shimmying down the couch, leisurely approaching _him_ , continuing my simple touches.

“God Harry...please!!” He begs. I'm making a dramatic entrance, he needs to be patient!

I'm at the junction of his legs then, pulling at the sensitive (and smooth...wait smooth!?) skin right above the base of his erection, massaging his lower abdomen with my fingers. He's losing it I think, twitching under my mouth and hands.

“Fuck... _fuck_ !” He shouts into the air. “Ugh... come on...I want your mouth-” I take him without hesitation, cease his begging, and pleasure him the way he deserves to be. “ _Yes...fuck yes._ ” His hands grip my hair as my tongue glides over him. I pull gently with my mouth, hollow my cheeks, and take him in further. I cup him between the legs, massage my fingers into the soft flesh, hear the excited whimpers escape his mouth. “H-Harry...shit!” His hips are dancing beneath me, his legs shaking, his entire body responding to my actions. I continue to pull, sink even deeper until he hits my throat. I gag slightly but I dismiss it and work him. I want him to climax...I _need_ for him to climax! So I pick up my pace, place my free hand at the base of his shaft and move along with my mouth in one fluid motion. “Yes...yes fuck! God Harry you're-” He whines aloud as I squeeze my fingers. “Ugh...that's marvelous.” He bucks his hips up, drives his erection further into my throat, forces me to choke slightly. But I don't care. I will pleasure him...I _will_ make him feel sated. “God...may I guide you? Is that...okay?” I release my hands, place them on his thighs, pray he takes this as my consent. “Fuck... I'll go easy.” He grips my curls and doesn't hesitate to start his movements. I ignore the stinging in my jaw, the tears dripping from my eyes as I choke on him, push away every ache I am experiencing at the moment. It doesn't matter. It seems trivial, something so miniscule compared to what is happening right now because his comfort is what matters most. “God yes!” He pants. “F-fuck.” I'm taking it, keeping my head steady, feeling the strength Louis possesses as his body works. “Your mouth...is... _yes..._ I'm right there!” I grip between his legs without warning, hollow my cheeks out to give him better access. “Ah!!” He shouts into the air, proceeds to release into my mouth and down my throat. It's incredible... hearing him come undone, watch a powerful, strong willed man stripped down. “Shit...shit that was... I was waiting...it's all I could think about.” I lift my head, find his eyes are closed and breathing labored.

“I'm glad you enjoyed it.” I kiss his upper thigh, feel my bashful side slipping through my fingers. I swipe at my eyes and mouth.

“With you? Always.” He smiles.

“Uh…”  I point my finger towards the bulge. “Can we get rid of this?” He cracks an eyelid.

“Ah yes.” His smirk is devious. “Let's save that for later.”

“Wait _what_? Save what for later? This is cannot wait for later. It needs to be taken care of now!” I beg. “Louis!” I snap.

“Have a good day, Harry.” He kisses my cheek and stands from the couch leaving me in utter disbelief.

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“How about this guy?” Dani asks as we walk through the shelter. “He seems like a good candidate.”

“Possibly.” I say  as I take in the felines before us. “There are so many…” I frown. “Too many.”

“It's because we've been closed.” She says. “Oh! Look at this one. She has three legs.”

“And a beautiful face. She definitely fits the bill.” I check her card. “...says she was dropped off due to her short temper...but it turns out she was suffering from an infection which cost her her leg. Ridiculous!! People are so impatient. Her previous owners didn't even know she was ill.”

“I know. She probably has so much love to share.” We continue on. “Did Louis read the lease over?”

“Yeah he wants us to write out a list of changes we plan on doing to the space and show it to the owner.”

“What? Why?”

“He said the landlord wasn't detailed enough.”

“So we're doing the guy's work for him?” I stop at another cage. Inside is a chubby orange tabby with downturned eyes.

“Not necessarily. We're simply covering our butts.” He looks so sad and matted.

“We'll lose the place for sure if we don't do something!”

“Then we'll write the list tonight and show the broker in the morning. We need to do things properly, alright? I don't want to get hit with unnecessary expenses when we could have easily avoided them.”

“Hmph... fine.” She crosses her arms over her chest and sighs.

“I like this one.” I read his card. “He's eight. Was with a family who moved to a non pet friendly apartment building.”

“That's... wonderful.” Dani snaps. “Find a home that _allows_ pets. Duh!”

“I know. I agree. It's foolish.” I continue to look at the cat. “I want him.”

“Wait like...right now?” She asks.

“Y-yeah. I think so.” Where this came from I'll never know. “I guess I miss Lu-Lu more than I thought.” I turn towards a volunteer. “Ma'am? Can we take him out?”

“Sure!” The lady walks over. “Little Slugger has been here for two months.”

“Does he get many visitors?”

“No...he just sits in his cage all day.” She opens the door. “Hey buddy.” All day. How sad.

“Oh, Harry. He's sweet.” Dani croons.

“I know...wow he's beautiful.” I slowly lower my hand towards him. “Hey.” He sniffs my fingers. “That's right. I like you.” I smile affectionately towards the feline. “Do you want to come with me?”

“He's responding so well to you!” The volunteer says.

“Yeah.” The cat head butts my hand and accepts my pets. “Oh he's perfect. Yup he's mine.” I tell her.

“Really!?” She seems astonished.

“Yeah, he's speaking to me.” And my heart. He's bringing me a sense of peace I haven't felt before.

“I'm happy for you.” Dani touches my arm. “You need a companion.”

“So does he.” I nod.

“Alright Slugger! Let's get you home!”

About an hour later Dani and I are at my apartment with _Ed_ not Slugger. He's a lap cat, probably a real mush and I can't get enough of his sweetness.

“Ed! This is your palace.” I let him out of the crate. “Do you like it?” The cat sniffs around, takes a few small steps.

“He's going to love it here.” She reassures.

“That's right, this is all yours.” I say to him. The cat sniffs the couch, cranes his neck towards the cushions. “What is it?” The feline jumps up and sits comfortably in the middle. “Oh... that's fine.”

“Hopefully his eyes will brighten in a few days.”

“I'm sure.” I pet him on the head. “I'll give him a good brushing and he'll be fine in no time. Isn't that right Ed?”

“If only cats could talk.” She smirks and sits on the couch. “Okay so let's discuss the changes.” She digs through her purse. “I have a pen and paper.”

“Perfect.” I join her on the opposite side and begin brushing him. “So paint, obviously. Whatever color is acceptable.”

“Okay. How about shelving?”

“Well that's furniture that shouldn't matter.”

“But if we secure them to the wall it would.”

“Ah okay, so add that.” Ed closes his eyes. “So flooring. It was lamanent tiles. I think we'll be good with a few area rugs.”

“Alright...let's see...mmm. The second door.”

“That will be difficult. I don't know how we'll manage that.”

“Maybe we can put a gate? I mean they can still jump _but!_ ” I give her a droll stare. “It'll slow them down.”

“Dani, they could be hanging out inside the gate! It won't help. We'd have to construct something. Maybe I can ask Brett. Add it to the list and see what the owner says. Then if they approve, we'll worry about it then.”

“Okay.” Ed is purring like crazy now.

“Oh you like this!” I'm brushing the length of his back. “You'll have a beautiful coat in no time.”

“Okay...so I think that's it...did it have a sink?”

“Ah! You know I _don't know_! I knew I forgot something.”

“We can go back before we sign and make sure. If not we'll have to rethink this place.”

“Yeah that's a deal breaker right there I think.” I give the cat one final brush. “Ta-da! All done!” He doesn't move an inch, simply turns his head and falls asleep. “No energy yet. Soon little man, you'll be running these halls.”

“Yeah away from you!” Dani giggles. “I think this is a good starting point.”

“I agree. We'll go back tomorrow and check for the sink and ask the broker to show the list to the owner.”

“Sounds good.” She stands up. “What are your plans for tonight?”

“Louis is taking me out.” I blush.

“He's back already? He was supposed to arrive tonight. At least that's what the book said at reception.”

“He showed up unexpectedly. He surprised me actually.” I leave out the _I slept in his bed_ part.

“Really!?”

“Yeah I know. It was adorable.” I hide my face that's probably three shades darker. “He said he missed me, a lot.” Then proceeded to kiss me passionately.

“Awe. Did he kiss you? I mean... _have_ you besides New Year's?”

“Yes!” I say with excitement. “Yes of course.” I cool my tone.

“Mmm...is he any good?”

“I think so, yeah.” I nod. “He's always so warm.”

“Warm?” She crosses her arms over her chest.

“Yeah like his skin.” Why am I so embarrassed?

“Oh I see. Gotcha.”

“It feels good to touch.”

“I think you have it bad!” She pets Ed's head. “Like really bad.”

“Possibly. He's sweet.”

“I remember when you couldn't stand the sight of him! He repulsed you! Now it's like... complete opposite.”

“I think I always liked him though.” I find her eyes.

“You think? Or are you just saying that because you feel bad for shooing him away those few times.”

“No like, I think I always had feelings but I was afraid because of what he was. In fact I still don't really understand why he comes here.”

“Well, I saw him around the construction site the last time he was here. So maybe he's doing something with the apartment building?”

“Oh...he was? I...Oh.”

“Yeah I was going for a walk and he was there talking to one of the workers.”

“I...never noticed. Hmm…” I hide my unease. “Maybe he's still doing the survey stuff.”

“I don't know anymore. He seems too important for that. Like what if he's the owner?”

“Owner!?” My eyes widen. “Couldn't be! He works in California, they're based out of California!” _We expanded to the east coast._

Uh oh.

“They probably expanded! It's just a speculation though. Don't take my word and run with it! He's probably a contract worker or consulting. We don't know!” My heart begins to race in my chest.

“Should I ask him about it?”

“Uh...I mean if you really feel that insecure about it.”

“What could it mean then? He was the one who decided to tear down Jellybean? Sought me out for his own benefit?” Wow I feel awful.

“I uh...look we are just talking here... nothing is factual.”

“I know...of course! What are we saying?”

“Yeah!” She laughs nervously.

“Ugh…” I put my head in my hands.

“Harry, don't do this to yourself. Something good came along, don't second guess your decision.”

“I'm not! Just that makes sense...too much sense and maybe I'm too dumb to notice.”

“No! Don't start. Louis likes you! Don't forget that.”

“Sure...yup.” I smirk, fight the tears in my eyes.

“Are you okay?” NO.

“Yeah I'll be alright. I actually have to get ready. He bought...me something to wear.”

“Did he now?”

“Yeah. The bag is my room-” She darts to my bedroom without another word and reappears with the gift.

“Oh! This looks fancy. What does Y-S-L stand for?”

“Uh...the label said Ye-Ves Saint Law-rent?” I scratch my head. “That's probably wrong...like really wrong.”

“Mmm it's _french._ Bleh.” She takes the box out. “May I?”

“I guess? I haven't looked.”

“What if he bought you Lacey underwear?”

“Ugh…then don't open it.” I feel my cheeks burning up.

“No I want to I won't judge.”

“He said it goes well with the white jeans you found me.”

“Those were a steal! If they weren't so damn long on me I'd have bought them.” She claws at the box, manages to tear it open to reveal black boots. “Oh...wow.” Her mouth drops.

“Simple. Nice.” I sigh.

“And there's something else.” She puts the shoes on the floor and pulls out a delicately wrapped package. “Here.” She hands it to me.

“I dont-”

“Open it! It's obvious Louis spent time and _money_ on this. So don't be afraid.”

“No you do it.” She rolls her eyes.

“Fine!” She tears the paper. “What a beautiful shirt! Look!”

“It's...black.” I eye the back of it, make note of its simplicity, it's shear material.

“No look at the _front_ !” She turns it around and there are black frills... _frills!!!_

“Oh my...I'm going to look like a pirate!” I whine. “I can't wear that!!” I clutch a throw pillow and smash it against my face.

“Yes you can! Wear a simple jacket over it. You'll look _so good_.”

“This is not my style at all!” I moan.

“It is now, sweetheart. So here.” She rips the pillow from my grasp and shoves the shirt into my hands. She searches the bag again.

“Is there more?” I ask with dread.

“Nah...I was hoping there would be _underwear..._ oh! Did he ever explain why he stole your boxers?”

“Um…yes?” I hesitate because of course he did and I nearly fell over.

“And!?” I take a deep breath.

“He said...well...ugh this is embarrassing.”

“Tell me!” She stamps her feet.

“Don't get grossed out okay?” I am making a huge mistake.

“Uh oh…”

“He said...WOW...don't tell him-”

“Say it!!”

“It’ll help him climax when he masterbates.” I rush out.

“WHAAAT!” She shouts. “He seriously said that?!”

“Yuh...he did. I thought they were for comfort but no…he'll pleasure himself in the mirror and picture me standing there to I guess move things along.”

“Wow...wow!”

“I know. Intense.”

“Intense, indeed.” She paces a few times. “Harry you better make a move or something.”

“What move is that? And why? What good will that do?”

“I don't know! But look damn sexy for him tonight!” She bats her eyelashes.

“Ugh!!!” I grip my curls and duck my head.

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It's a gaping hole.

The shirt doesn't button, it just... _sits open_ , reveals my entire chest and upper torso. It's ridiculous, too flashy, _too revealing!!!_ I want to throw it away, say the cat ate it, pretend it doesn't fit because there is no way I can wear this out in public. There's just no chance! Louis wasn't in his right mind when he picked this style, obviously thought the shirt had a few more buttons, _probably_ wanted something silky and soft and picked the first item he saw.

“Yeah...has to be.” I'm standing before the mirror trying my best to close it but nothing works. “Ugh!!!” I turn away from my horrid reflection and search the drawer for a safety pin. “Where are you...where are you!!” Ed comes sauntering in, jumps onto the vanity. “Ed, I can't do this.” I grumble as I shove toiletries around. “It's too much.” He meows. “Right? I thought so too.” He extends his paw, gently touches my arm. “I know the shirt is insane. Don't worry, I'm not wearing it like this.” I find the pin and look back into the mirror. This isn't me. Not even close. I grip the two ends of the shirt and tug them together. “Good.”

“Hey! Where are you?” I hear Louis and my legs turn to jelly.

“I uh…” I go to fasten the pin but Louis smacks my arm.

“You'll pull the material! Don't do that.”

“Pull...pull the material!? This is half a shirt! I can't wear this!” I quickly lose my calm at his audacity. “I'm praying you paid half price because you're missing most of it.” He starts to chuckle, hides his adorable mouth behind his hand.

“It's meant to be like this.” He encircles his arms around my waist. “Turn around. Let me see.”

“No.” I groan. I look at Ed and he's just staring at me. “Even the cat agrees.”

“What...oh _that_ cat.” He approaches Ed. “Is he yours?” He pets the feline’s head.

“Just got him today actually.” I'm about to fasten the pin again while he's occupied but he slaps my butt. “Ah!!!” I drop it on the floor. “No!! Come on!”

“Harry, darling, stop.” He grips my shoulders, forces me to face him. “You look... fucking incredible.” I take in his beauty, nearly forget the date entirely and pounce him where he stands. His eyes are traveling the length of my exposed chest, my neck, my lips. He's making me hot.

“Uh…” And his suit is exceptional as usual. The gold Paisley inlay stichted throughout the deep purple jacket and pant glimmers in the dim light. It's mesmerizing.

His irises too.

His eyes always capture my full attention.

“How do the boots fit?” He asks, stirring me from my thoughts.

“Perfect.” I waggle my toes. “I'm changing.”

“No you're not.” His tone is adamant but I don't care.

“Yes. I am.” I push my way past him having a moment of clarity.

“But you look perfect!”

“Perfect for who?” I snap to myself. “Certainly this isn't about _me._ ”

“Harry please. I wanted you to look ravishing.”

“I look like a pirate. All I need is a plastic sword and an eye patch.”

“Stop. This is fashion. Men actually walk around like this.”

“Good for them!! I'm not _those_ men.” I point to myself and poke my chest. “Owe. See? It's a hazard to my well being!”

“No it's not!” He runs after me, grips my torso. “You're not changing.”

“Louis, I'm not having this discussion. You know this makes me uncomfortable.”

“But I'm telling you, there is nothing to be _uncomfortable_ about. It's just us. You can wear a coat when we're outside.”

“It doesn't matter. This isn't who I am and the fact that you want to push this on me makes me feel inadequate.”

“Why?” He releases his hold.

“Because like...ugh…” I walk away from him and plop onto the bed, find the shirt opening even further. “Are you sure I'm what you're looking for? Am I good enough?” His face falls, the once calm demeanor washes from his features.

“Yes. You're more than enough.” He shoves his hands in his pockets, shifts his weight. “Everything...you're everything I want.”

“Then why do this? Why do you want me like this?” I gesture towards myself.

“I don't…It wasn't meant...” He shakes his head, sighs in what looks to be defeat. “If you despise it that much, then don't wear it.” He rounds the bed, heads towards the living room. “It's obvious my gesture offended you, made you feel _mediocre_ , so I'll just return everything when I can.”

“It's not that-” I try but he speaks over me.

“No, it's fine. I overstepped my boundaries. I'll just go wait in the car and allow you to make your own decisions.” He hesitates, grips his fingers, looks to be contemplating his words. “I'm trying my best, you know?” He whispers and walks away without another glance.

“So am I, but I'm not looking to change you. I like what I see.” I say to his retreating back.

.

.

.

.

When I emerge from my apartment, I find a black SUV parked at the curb. It looks expensive, shiny, and so out of place I almost want to run in the other direction or pretend it isn't my ride for the evening. This goes to show just how well off Louis is, how frumpy I am compared to him, how different our lifestyles are. We are on opposite sides of the spectrum, possibly two _wrongs_ attempting to make a right, probably failing miserably the further we progress. It's the saddest thought I've had since our kiss on New Year's, more hurtful than when he left for those few weeks because what if we don't survive? What if all of this hurt is for nothing?

What if he realizes I am not for him?

I tentatively approach then, mask my fear as best I can, and am instantly interjected by a man dressed in a crisp black suit. He looks familiar.

“Sir.” He nods and proceeds to open the door for me. How would I know him though?

“Huh?” I watch him standing stone faced, staring blankly ahead, really paying me no mind. If I'm honest, he seems bored. I look inside and Louis is there gripping his fingers in his lap gazing out the window. “This is your driver...of course.” I mumble and hop into the back next to _my date_ , buckle my seatbelt and wait.

There's an awkward silence the moment the door closes. I know I should speak up first, maybe apologize or explain myself. But I only disagreed with him, voiced my opinion, told him I did not like the shirt. He could not possibly be upset over it! That's what dating is all about! You get to know the other person, understand their quirks, likes, dislikes. It's not always going to be easy especially with two individuals as different as we are. He may get his way in the office, but I'll be his challenge, not his pushover.

I am also in control here, no?

“I'm sorry.” I say anyway, hating the feelings stirring in my gut. “That was wrong of me to react like that. I'm just not accustomed to being catered to or treated to outrageous gifts. It's almost out of my league...well you are out of my league, and it's something I am unable to compete with. It's like I'm always one step behind, running after you to keep up. It's a lot for me to accept.” I take a deep breath. “And it's not just a shirt. It's a drastic change, welcomed absolutely, but also-” The driver returns and my mouth clamps shut.

“Also what?” He asks. For a minute there I was certain he wasn't listening.

“Um…” I eye the back of the driver's bald head.

“Also what, Harry?” His voice is filled with hurt and I did this to him. Me. I turned his mood sour.

“Later.” I feel my cheeks redden.

“No, now. I am not one to wait.” He sits back into the seat, folds his hands graciously in his lap.

“Well, you're waiting this time.” I snap and face away from him. I want to go home.

“Harry, I am not in the mood.” He's cold, he's angry, he's being curt.

“If you're going to speak to me in that tone of voice I'm leaving.” I remind him because no one will make me feel sorry for having an opinion. He looks out the window, bites his bottom lip.

“Okay.” He nods and watches the world pass by.

Now I really want to go home.

.

.

.

.

About twenty minutes later we're in Shepherdstown.

It's another quaint community just along the Potomac River, happens to be more residential, engrossed in history, and supposedly haunted. It's pretty, certainly a place to come and visit but Harper's Ferry is better... obviously because nothing is quite like home. And who am I kidding? The thought of ghosts scare me.

So I rarely come here.

We're driving along the main road, passing Rumsey Hall, the Conrad Shindler House, and Shepherdstown Museum along the way. I am still in the dark regarding our destination, wondering just _what_ Mr. Austin has planned for us, becoming more agitated the further we go. My leg is bouncing uncontrollably, my heart is slamming against my rib cage, my nerves are skyrocketing through the roof because he hasn't said a word! His eyes are fixated on his phone, his fingers tapping away at an unnatural speed as ping after _ping_ fill the space between us. It's obvious he is having a very _important_ exchange with someone else on our date, clearly distracted with whatever they're saying. And that hurts... _kills_ even because it's like I don't exist...it's like his _phone_ is his new obsession and there is nothing I can do or think to make it go away. He hasn't tried to reach for my hand, touch my leg, or engage in anything remotely romantic. He's simply transfixed on work...or _whomever_ is on the other end of the phone.

Now I understand why he decides to not work in front of me.

“We're here.” The driver announces and my body goes numb.

“Thank you, Paul.” Louis says as the car slows to a stop. “I'll call when we're finished.” I feel nauseated, so unprepared, so small….

“Of course.” He quickly exits the vehicle and opens Louis’ door. “Sir, there is...” The driver stops and quickly glances my way in a patronizing manner. My eyes widen in horror at the expression. “As I was saying…” He turns his attention towards _Mr. Austin_ then, easily excludes me from their conversation and dismisses my presence entirely. They're mumbling amongst themselves now, discussing _whatever_ it is they felt I couldn't be apart of, and continue this way for a few minutes.

It's awkward.

I _feel_ awkward.

So I open the door _myself_ , hastily exit the vehicle, and proceed to walk up the street having little to no interest in this evening any longer. My chest is tight with frustration, eyes filled with unshed tears, head packed with these negative thoughts and it's only becoming worse! He's angry at me for no reason, took everything I said out of proportion, thought I'd dress up for him like some doll! But _I'm not_ here to shake my butt for him! I'm here because I like him and want to pursue a relationship with him.

End of story.

I'm heading towards the corner, find I am so lost, and in desperate need of a shoulder to cry on it isn't even funny. I've never come here alone, never had to think of which direction to go in! Now look at me? Alone and lost like a dope.

“Maybe I'll call Dani…” I mumble as I reach for my phone. Tony has a car, he can come and pick me up, put me out of my misery and bring me back home. But my arm is tugged backwards then, my entire forward momentum haulted to a stop. “What!” I freak because what if it's a ghost or someone trying to rob me?! I pull my arm free, see the twinkling of sequins, the familiar Paisley, the purple. “Louis.” I choke out when I manage to find his eyes.

“Where are you going?” His voice is just above a whisper, hardly audible at all, so saddened it tears my heart in two.

“I'm…” I divert my gaze, stare at the sidewalk, look at anything that's _not Louis_. “I wasn't sure-”

“You walked away.”

“I felt ignored.” I sigh at my honesty. “I wasn't sure if it was something I said.” I swipe at the gravel scattered along the ground.

“No...I brought this on myself.”

“We _both_ did. We're obviously having communication issues and that's too important to ignore. We'll need to improve-”

“Hold me?” My head snaps up at the request. I feel a cold sweat form on my brow. “I need your strength right now and your...your touch.” He sounds panicked, child-like even. “Please?” He wrings his fingers.

“I...I uh-” He nearly collapses into my chest then, hooks his arms around my neck, breathes me in.

“Please don't run away from me?” His voice cracks, his hold becomes impossibly tight.

“I...I didnt mean-” I tentatively touch his back, encompass him in an embrace.

“I accept your apology...but I hope you can forgive me as well.” He sniffles into my coat. “I can be impetuous at times, act on instinct, use my professional tactics outside of work to get my way and it's wrong, so disrespectful and you of all people do not deserve that.”

“Yes, it is. I won't deny it.” I run my fingers the length of his back.

“But I want you to know that I'm trying, Harry.” His grip is firm. “So I beg of you, please be patient? Don't leave when my driver was informing me of... something that went wrong back home.”

“Oh…” My chest tightens and not because of _what happened_ , but because he isn't telling me what that _something_ is.

“I bought you that particular shirt because I wanted you to feel confident, to realize you're a beautiful person, to not fear change.” He's speaking into my shoulder. “Be open minded! Not hurt you... never hurt you or make you feel inferior, or that you're supposedly not good enough for me. If anything, you deserve someone better. I'm just a selfish brat.” He snivles. “I'm a fucking know it all, a damn prick even. And here I have one of the kindest, most compassionate, selfless individuals I've ever encountered holding me up, and mending my heart.” He squeezes his arms. “It shouldn't be me.” I roll my eyes.

“It is you, because I _chose_ you, okay? I can and will make my own decisions, have opinions, disagree with you. That comes with the territory, that's how we become stronger, and grow closer.”

“I know.” He lifts away from my coat, reveals his tears. “Just don't walk away?”

“If you don't force your lifestyle on me.”

“Yes.” He swipes at his eyes. “I won't do it unless I have your consent.

“Good.” I agree. “It's settled then.”

“Yes.” He clears his throat. “Can I get a kiss hello now?” He asks. His eyes are impossibly blue, even now.

“Sure.” I press our lips together, once...twice...a third time for good measure. “Better?” He nods.

“It is.” He releases his hold, straightens his jacket. “I forgot my coat.” He wipes his eyes, pouts slightly.

“I told you to bring it.” I drape my arm across his shoulders.

“It was in the car.” He leads us back up the street. “I was too focused on following you to take it.”

“Sorry…now that was my fault.”

“Mmm…”

“Your driver is quiet.” I comment. “Or bored. I don't know...he seems aloof.”

“That's his demeanor. Has been since we first hired him.” He says. “He's good at what he does.”

“Um...Driving your car?”

“... he's also my bodyguard.” Louis mumbles.

“Why would you need one?” I ask.

“I'll... explain eventually.”

“Right...I haven't seen him before. Was he hiding behind a bush?”

“No, silly.” He cracks a small smile. “I usually never had him with me.”

“Why did you-”

“Oh, we're here. Come...I'm hungry.” He reaches for my hand. But what was that about? A bodyguard? Why would Louis need one now? If his life is in danger, shouldn't we be _inside_? “Good spot. Thank you Yelp.”

“It's a good thing I didn't eat.” I follow him into the restaurant, note the casual atmosphere, the pub like decor, and neighborhood crowd. “In the mood for a burger, Mr. Austin?”

“And disco fries.”

“...I thought we were eating not dancing.” I make a face. “I can promise you a bruised toe or two by the end of the night.”

“Ha! It's actually french fries with cheese and gravy, similar to Poutine.”

“Um what?” My face must display my perplexity.

“Never mind.” He squeezes my hand. “There will be no dancing this evening.”

“Oh thank goodness.” I sigh.

“Two please?” Louis asks the hostess.

“Sure! Y'all can follow me this way.” We maneuver through the crowd, are seated in the back near a window facing a small patio. It's dimmer than I'm accustomed to but it creates a soft ambiance.

“I prefer to have my back to the crowd.” Louis sits first.

“That's fine.” I say.

“Enjoy, gentlemen!” The hostess says cheerily and heads to the front to greet other customers.

“Thank you.” Louis says to her retreating back and begins to read the drink menu. “What are you in the mood for?”

“You.” I cough attempting to be smooth.

“I meant to drink, not eat.” He smirks. “Would you like a beer? Or wine? Something non alcoholic?”

“Let me see.” I take the menu from his grasp. “Mmm...Stella Artios.”

“Sure.” He takes it back. “I'll just have a Merlot.” He shrugs and places it down. “So…” He clasps his hands on the table, smiles a crooked grin.

“So what?” I fidget as he gives me his undivided attention.

“I finally was able to take you out. Considering the evening started off on the wrong foot, we still made it.” I reach over and touch his intertwined fingers.

“I'm sorry.” I find his eyes, sink into their beautiful depths.

“Harry, it's fine.” His voice is hushed. “At least you like the boots.”

“I do. They're comfortable surprisingly and more subdued then your glittery ones.” I smirk.

“I do have a wide variety.” He inspects me closely.

“What's up?”

“Are you warm? Why not take off your coat?”

“Oh...that's right.” I feel my heart beat uncontrollably in my chest. “I almost forgot.”

“Yeah.” He mumbles.

“The cat and I had a discussion before we left.” I start.

“Taking advice from a feline?” Louis asks. “Starting to lick yourself clean? Because I'd like to...witness that for myself.” He smirks.

“Uh….” I pause, watch him closely, feel my cheeks flush. “Woah…” I clear my throat, shake my head. “Anyway...Yes, Ed is insightful and convinced me it wasn't _that bad_.” I unbutton my coat.

“What’s not?” He watches me as I unravel my scarf, reveal the _blouse_ he purchased and my chest. “Oh...” His mouth drops open. “You wore it.”

“Yeah uh…” I place the coat over my chair, adjust the shirt as best I can.

“The cat is smart.” Louis chokes.

“Yeah. He made this cute face...and I couldn't resist.” His bottom lip is sucked between his teeth now. “If I'm being honest, you're making the same one.”

“I can't help it. You look incredibly-”

“Hi folks!” The server comes around disrupting our conversation. “Welcome to Press Room, my name is Daman. Would you like to start off with some drinks?” The man asks and I swear he is speaking to my chest. “There are several IPAs on tap and we're best known for-”

“Yes, I'd like a glass of Merlot and my _boyfriend_ , a Stella Artios. Please and thank you.” My eyes snap to Louis then. _Boyfriend?_

“Uh…” The man removes his gaze from my exposed skin, shakes himself from...a daydream? “Y-yes, yes, of course! Be right back!” The server turns on his heel and saunters away.

“Rude.” Louis mumbles as he begins to adjust his jacket and tie. I continue to stare at him, my ears unable to believe what they just heard. “They should teach him some manners.” He continues to rant. “He barely acknowledged me, stared directly-” He looks up at me then. “What?” His blue irises are striking against the dim of the room.

“You made…well you said something just now and I um…” I look away.

“Here we are!” The server is back with our drinks and menus.

“Oh, Harry dear, your shirt is crooked. Let me adjust that for you.” Louis says matter of fact.

“It is?” I ask in confusion because isn't it supposed to be like this? He leans across the table, grazes his fingers across my chest and torso, _fixes_ the supposed unevenness.

“There we go.” He winks and sits back in his chair, finds his wine. “Thank you.” Louis makes eye contact with the waiter whose face has since fallen.

“Um...yup so let me tell you about our menu…” The server shifts his weight as he speaks, maintains _proper_ eye contact with both of us. “Let me know if you have any questions!” He announces the moment he's finished.

“Thanks, _Daman.”_ Louis grins cheekily and watches the man leave.

“So I guess you're staking your claim?” I ask. I can't decide if I'm angry or turned on. Probably both... definitely both. I shift in my seat.

“The man was ogling you right in front of me. It was painfully obvious and quite rude. If he wishes to stare at your chest, at least be discreet.” I feel a pang in my chest.

“Ah...I see.” I put my head down. Stupid for me to think otherwise.

“So yes, as I was saying...you look-”

“Do you guys have any questions?” The server is back and I think Louis is about to lose his temper.

“We need a minute.” I rush out as Daman stares directly into my face. I can feel the heat flooding my cheeks as he does so, feel him undressing me with his eyes (well, what's left to undress that is), find he is probably gauging my attraction towards him. What a pig.

“Sure!” He _skips_ away and shakes his... butt!?

“That man…” He's seething. “I will punch him.”

“Let's look at the menu.” I redirect his attention.

“Fine.” We are silent for a moment. “You look sexy.” He blurts into the pages of the menu. A smile pulls at my lips.

“Thanks.” I blush. “So do you...well you always do but tonight more so.”

“Must be the California glow.” He puts the menu down, takes a sip from his glass.

“Your tan?”

“Mmm. I had time to soak up some rays.”

“You did? When?” I question because if he had time...why not come back?

“A few days ago. Between meetings.” He looks down again, engrosses himself in the menu before him. “Disco fries...where are you-...ah there they are.”

“Oh.” I keep my tone even.

“Are you ready?” He looks up.

“Um...yeah.” Ready for you to fess up, sure.

Once we order it's back to the same conversation, the one sided conversation, the one where I speak and he gives half answers. He throws in a compliment here and there too but he's always too guarded, seems to keep his personal life veiled.

“So what's your story?” He asks when our food arrives.

“My story?” I shove a fry into my mouth.

“Your story, yeah.”

“I don't really have one. I'm boring.” I respond truthfully.

“Everyone has to have one, including you.” He cuts up the _Disco_ fries into manageable pieces. “So go on.”

“I'm from Harper's Ferry, I own a bar, and an adoption center.” I shrug. “Wear women's jeans occasionally.” He spears a few fries and graciously (I don't know how) places them in his mouth. “See? Nothing exciting happens to me.” Except you.

“How did you come about owning a bar?”

“It was my parent's. They owned it.” I watch him smack the ketchup bottle. “You have to hit the fifty seven.”

“The who?” He looks down at his hands.

“Give me that.” I take the bottle from him and hit the side of it over his plate releasing the condiment. “There.”

“Oh. I'm used to the squeeze bottles.” He shrugs and dips his burger. “Your parents owned the bar.” He takes a bite.

“Yes. Parent's owned bar. Parent's left. Harry owns bar. Done.”

“Intriguing.”

“Very.” I roll my eyes, eat another fry or two.

“Where'd they go?”

“Uh... Michigan? Montana? Ah I forgot. Whatever they wanted a change of scenery.” I shrug and carefully pick up the wrap.

“You were not told where they moved to?” His burger is half gone.

“No. I haven't reached out in a while either. It was a bad separation. But I've moved on and hopefully they have too.”

“Oh...that's sad you know losing connection with your folks.”

“Whatever. I have my friends. It's all I need.” I take a bite of my dinner and a stray piece of lettuce falls into my shirt. “Ah!” I shake the material, feel it grazing my torso. It tickles actually. “I'll have to reach in and get it! My shirt is tucked in!”

“I can do that for you...later.” Louis waggles his eyebrows.

“Uh...ew. I'm not leaving a piece of food down there.” I turn towards the window and stick my hand in, pray I don't look like a complete idiot. “Got it.” I say as I hold it up with a smile.

“Good. Now be more careful.” He sips his wine. “Do you miss them?” His burger is gone.

“Wow, you eat really fast.” I decide to cut up the wrap.

“I said I was hungry.” He dabs at his mouth with a napkin and proceeds to eat his fries. “Do you miss them?” He repeats and I almost want to ignore him but instead I answer, truthfully...again.

“Yes, every day.” I drop my fork. “I think that's why I like to comfort others, you know?”

“Yeah absolutely, give what you didn't receive.” His food is gone.

“You literally inhaled your dinner.” I look in astonishment.

“It was good.” He sips delicately at his wine.

“I can see that.”

“When did they leave?” He asks.

“When I was in college.” I push my plate away having lost my appetite.

“Did they ask you to leave with them?”

“Yes.”

“Why did you say no?”

“I like it here.” I shrug, find his eyes, see the interest.

“How did you feel when they left?”

“Are you my therapist?” I snort.

“No. I asked for your story and am simply asking unanswered questions.”

“Well, then what's yours? I know nothing about you. Why not open up to me? Tell me your story?”

“There isn't much to say.” He finishes his wine.

“You said it yourself, Louis, we all have one.” I clasp my hands underneath the table, lean forward. “So go on.” He looks thoughtful for a moment.

“True. But it's difficult for me to explain…” He diverts his gaze.

“Maybe try? Start with the least significant detail?” He takes a deep breath.

“Every aspect is important, intertwined with the end result.” He looks up at me. “Part of the complexity that is my life.” He says. “I lost control.”

“How? Who took it?”

“It became too complicated, larger than I'd intended...and there's always...so much to do...so many people to answer to.” He blinks slowly. “An image to uphold.”

“But why?”

“It’s what they want.” He whispers.

“Whose they?”

“Hey! So how was everything?” Daman is back. “Would you like that to go?” I look down at my full plate.

“Yeah sure.”

“We'll take the check too.” Louis says.

“Absolutely! Be back in a jiffy!”

“Whose they, Louis?” I push. “Who is doing this to you?”

“They're not forcing this upon me. It's what I need.”

“Why?”

“I need direction, _guidance_. This will benefit me in the future.”

“But-”

“Harry, I'm young, inexperienced, _afraid._ It's fine.”

“Take your time.” The server drops the check but Louis flashes his credit card in the man's face.

“Here.”

“Oh...okay.” Daman walks away.

“It's not _fine_. You're anything but fine! You're so stressed out all the time. How could you possibly live like that?”

“I'm…” His fingers are gripped into a tight fist. “Barely.”

“Thanks guys!” The waiter comes back with my wrapped food, Louis’ card, and the receipt. “Have a wonderful evening.”

“You too.” Louis scribbles his name.

“Barely?” I squeak. I watch him place a one hundred dollar bill on the table.

“Ready?”

“Um…” I look at the receipt. “You gave him an astronomical tip.” I throw my coat on. “Considering he stared at me.”

“He needs it more than I do.” He shrugs, takes my hand and leads me outside. “Plus he dealt with me. He deserves it.”

“That's actually really kind of you.”

“Excuse me! Sir!” I hear the male voice but completely disregard it. “Lewis!” I hastily encircle my scarf around my neck with my free hand. “Mr. Tomlinson!” Louis squeezes my fingers, pushes the door open. “You forgot your-” It slams shut cutting off the man's plea.

“Thanks for dinner.” I say the moment we're outside.

“No, Harry, thank _you_ for coming.” He smirks. “Next time I'll take you someplace fancy.”

“This wasn't fancy?” I question. He leads me up the street in a random direction.

“Now onto the next-”

“Sir!!” We look behind us and it's the server. “You forgot this.” He holds up the container.

“Oh! My food. Thanks!” I release Louis’ bear-like grip and approach Daman. “I can be so absent minded sometimes.” I smile.

“That's fine! Your cute...I uh! It's cute...never mind. Here...have a great night!” He thrusts the container into my hand and rushes back towards the restaurant. I stare at his retreating back unable to comprehend what just happened.

“What was that?” Louis approaches.

“Well, _Mr. Austin_ , your shirt attracted the attention of that gentleman.” I smirk. “He even went as far as giving me his number.” I show him the lid of the container. His face falls.

“Why that little shit!” Louis takes a step towards the door.

“Oh no!!” I push him back. “Let it go.”

“He...he blatantly stared at you, completely disregarded me, gave you his number!? I'm going in there-” I shove him back again.

“Louis, stop.” I grip his hand and tug him away. “It's fine. I'm obviously not going after the guy!” He continues to glance back at the door as we walk up the block.

“B-but...but what if…” His voice trails off. “Never mind.” He adjusts his jacket.

“Are you jealous?” I ask with humor because really this is amusing me.

“No! I'm not. He was just rude!” He snaps. “He didn't even acknowledge me!”

“Is that was this is about? Being ignored?” I'm not even angry with him, it's more... empathy if anything.

“ _No!_ ” He shouts like a child. “I get plenty of attention most of the time. It's a relief when someone doesn't notice me.”

“Oh.” I pull his hand halting him to a stop.

“What?” His eyes are wide, mouth downturned.

“Are you angry?”

“No…” He diverts his gaze to my collar. “Yes? I don't know.” He face plants into his palm. “He was treating you like an object, staring you down like you're some sort of prize to be won.” I watch him struggling. “You _are_ a prize but not in the way he was _checking you out._ ”

“I did feel a little violated.” I make a face.

“It was tasteless.” He spits.

“I see.” I stifle a smile.

“This isn't funny, Harold.” He finds my eyes. “That man-”

“Was simply looking at my chest. Stop he isn't dead. Let him live.”

“You don't care?”

“I do, yes because it's disrespectful however he wasn't aggressive. So who cares? I don't and really Louis, you're the one who purchased the shirt for me. So technically it's your fault some random dude was staring at my lovely, sculpted chest.” I wink.

“That was meant for my viewing pleasure.” He grunts. “Not some _random dude_.”

“Well, it was out there so expect others to notice.”

“Grrr.” He pulls me to him. “I'll buy something with more buttons next time.”

“Good I would prefer that.” We're silent for a moment.

“You'll throw out the number right?” His voice is just above a whisper.

“What?” I squeeze his hand.

“When I leave again, will you call him?” He stops again, hides his face.

“Why would I call him?” I release his hand, grip his shoulder. “Louis?” He shrugs. “We have to talk it through. Don't shut me out.” I squeeze my fingers.

“Well, he's here and I'm not? He'll be able to give you his undivided attention, hold you at night... _every_ night, be a normal couple.”

“That's…” Probably true. “Normal couple? We're not like everyone else?” Because I'm not good enough for you? Because you're so important supposedly?

“I'm trying to be.” He grips the lapel of his coat.

“Does this have something to do with your job?”

“ _Everything_ does.” He says. “The moment I arrive in California, it's back to meetings, interviews, criticism, badgering…”

“Then don't go.” I whisper. “Stay with me.” I find a trash bin, throw the container out (along with the server's number) and hug Louis close.

“I wish I could.” He hugs me back, tucks his face into the crook of my neck. “Stay...right...here. Enjoy these moments together. Pretend the world doesn't exist.”

“I'd like that too.” He lifts his head, leans in.

“Harry?” He inches closer.

“Yeah?” I follow his lead, feel the butterflies coming alive in my stomach.

“Don't let go?” I close my eyes.

“Never.” The moment our lips touch, a blaring horn startles us and forces us apart. I look to Louis and his face is pasty white, his features that of utter concern.

“Fuck.” He snaps as the car comes into view.

 


	8. The Universe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'd be lying if I said it didn't make my heart beat uncontrollably in my chest, make my affections towards him burst and come alive. I'd be lying if I said his secrets didn't cut me like a knife.

“What is it?” I ask as the vehicle approaches and slowly comes to a complete stop. “Whose…” Louis rolls his eyes when his driver rounds the front of the car. “Oh.”

“Paul, that was unnecessary.” He takes a step away from me, straightens his jacket, composes himself within seconds. I want to crawl out of my skin because is he embarrassed? Was that why he didn't touch me on the ride over? Is this how he felt when I kept my distance from him... our... interactions?

It's terrible.

“Sir, you forgot this.” The driver or bodyguard...whoever this man supposedly is, has a coat dangling from his extended hand.

“Oh...yeah.” Louis swiftly retrieves it.

“You'll need it for the ghost tour.”

“Paul!” He snaps.

“Wait...ghosts!?” I cringe.

“My apologies.” Paul's face lacks any emotion. “I wasn't aware it was a surprise.” The man's tone is clipped, cool, unfeeling.

“Well, now it isn't.” Louis snaps.

“Call me when you're finished.” The man simply says and walks back to the SUV. I watch his every step, inspect his movements and how he carries himself, calculate just how strong this _bodyguard_ potentially is. Could he protect Louis?

“Great!” _My date_ whines.

“Oh dinner wasn't the surprise?” I question.

“No!” He shoves his arms into the coat, tugs it forcibly over his shoulders.

“Woah, it's fine... that's-” I may vomit everywhere.

“This was supposed to be a fun, stress free night.”

“And it is! For the most part...and who cares I know! I was going to find out soon anyway.”

“But Paul ruined it.” He's pouting.

“I'm glad he did honestly.”

“Why?” Louis takes my hand and pulls me down the street towards the museum.

“I'm afraid of ghosts.” I bite my lip. “Like, terrified.”

“ _Great_. I totally fucked up.” He groans.

“You didn't know!” I reassure as I attempt to capture his attention. “You're putting pressure on yourself again. Take it easy.”

“I won't _take it easy._ I messed this up, even down to the shirt.” He sighs. “I'm horrible at dating.” Now it's my time to roll my eyes.

“Will you stop with the pitty party? Let's go on the tour and have a good time. It's probably more informational than anything.” I say to convince myself and him. Okay more myself.

“Seriously?” His voice is small.

“Yes! So lead the way I'm ready.” I grip his hand, intertwine our fingers.

“Alright _fine_.” He sulks.

.

.

.

.

It turns out the tour wasn't scary. It was fun, filled with the history of the town and the stories of the battles that took place during the civil war. There were tales of supposed apparitions wandering the streets and in a few of the homes but nothing involving demonic beings or satanic rituals, _nothing_ to fear essentially. This is what happens when I watch too much television, assume every ghost is out to...get you.

“That was great!” I say as I grip Louis’ hand in mine.

“Actually yes it was.” He says. “Especially when you nearly took my arm off when we walked through the cemetery.” He chuckles.

“Hey! I thought I saw something moving in the corner of my eye!”

“It was a shadow, Harry.”

“What!?” I shriek.

“The tour guide’s!! Not an actual ghost.” He pulls his hand free. “Ah that hurts.” I clutch at my scarf to occupy my fingers.

“Sorry...but _I'm not_ sorry! I warned you.”

“That you'd break my hand?” He begins laughing. “I'll be sure to wear body armor next time.”

“Uh-huh!” I agree. We walk further up the block, pass by groups of locals still littering the streets. “So what now?”

“You're not tired? It's nearly midnight.”

“I am a bartender, midnight is like the afternoon to me. I'm ready to go!”

“Yeah, I’m not tired myself. I could go for ice cream or something…” He trails off.

“What?” I look to him and he seems lost in thought.

“I have an idea. Come on.” He reaches for his phone, types a quick text, and waits at the curb.

“Where are we going?”

“I need ice cream.” He says. “Where's the closest food store?”

“Um…around here? I don't know? But by my apartment-”

“Perfect.” Soon we're in the truck heading back to Harper's Ferry.

.

.

.

.

“What are you going to do with all of this?” We're walking the aisles of the twenty-four hour supermarket. “My arms can't fit anything else!” I'm juggling two quarts of ice cream, whipped cream, sprinkles, and what looks to be that magic shell stuff you pour over everything. “We're only two people you do realize right?”

“Yes, but I'm starving.” I'm following close behind him, take in his _behind_ and stifle a groan because it's cute.

“You ate your entire dinner! How could you possibly be-”

“I'm in the mood for dessert.” He grabs a package of M&Ms off the shelf and throws it over the mound in my arms.

“You couldn't take that for me?” I struggle to keep anything from falling.

“I have to pay.” He winks and heads for the register.

“Um…”

“Hi how are you?” Louis greets the cashier.

“Hi, darlin’.” She eyes me. “Hey you. Haven't seen you in a few days.”

“Yeah I know I've been...um...I forgot to…” Eat. I forgot to eat. I drop everything onto the belt all at once.

“Y'all gonna have a tummy ache after this.” The cashier begins ringing the items.

“Probably.” Louis looks my way, reveals this mischievous smirk. “Or maybe not stomach pains…” He winks and turns his head back to the lady. My insides melt. What is his plan?

“That'll be twenty two fifty.” The woman says.

“Here you go.” Louis hands her a one hundred dollar bill. “Keep the change.” He takes the bag and hands it to me.

“Wow...sir this is.. there are two bills here!”

“Nope. It's fine. Come on Harry.” He takes my hand and pulls me away.

“Thank you!” The cashier shouts.

“When did you become so charitable?” I question, feeling such a fondness towards him.

“The moment I made my first million.” He mumbles and jumps into the car.

“Wait what?” I ask.

“Alright, we're ready.” He says to Paul.

“Yes, sir.”

Million!?

.

.

.

.

It's like we're children all over again. We're making these ridiculous sundaes, giggling until our eyes tear, sneaking glances at one another, making this insane mess in my immaculate kitchen. It's fun. It's relaxing. It's giving me heart palpitations.

But it's _fine,_ really.

“Can you at least keep the sprinkles in one place?! Ed's going to have a field day!”

“This is not as easy as it looks!” He says as he carefully taps the plastic container. “It keeps coming out in spurts.”

“Use a spoon.” I recommend but he puts it down and reaches for the whipped cream.

“Too late.” He squirts it over his sprinkles, candy, and ice cream.

“You're going to use all of it! Save me some!”

“I have a second can.” He licks his fingers. “Use that one.” I glance at him then, watch him fix his dessert, see him smile with elation. “I haven't made one of these in years.” He's still wearing his suit but without the jacket and his boots. His shirt is pulled loose and vest unbuttoned exposing a more relaxed side of Louis I've only witnessed a handful of times. It's refreshing. “Where’s the magic shell stuff?” He looks adorable and so edible...I'd rather eat _him_ for dessert.

“In the bag still.” I bite my lip as an image comes to mind.

“Oh okay.” He finds it and searches its contents, pulls the bottle free. “Yes! This stuff is amazing!!”

“Where did Louis go?” I ask as I go to snatch up the whipped cream.

“No! I need this.” He moves it out of my reach.

“But I want some too!”

“I said to use the other can.” He smirks.

“That's chocolate. I wanted regular.” I whine.

“It's just as good.” He says. “I need it anyway.”

“For what?” He flicks the cap to the bottle he's holding.

“Nope, that is my secret only. No one can spoil it now.” He says, stares directly into my eyes, entrances me with his blue irises.

“Oh.”

“Yup.” He hands me the chocolate whipped cream. “Here.”

“Boo.” I resign and delicately spray a thin layer over my vanilla ice cream.

“Boring. You're boring! Come on really lay it on thick.” He takes the can and sprays a heap into my bowl. “That's how it's done!”

“Oh no! That's too much!” I cringe.

“It's perfect! In fact you need _more_!!” He continues.

“Noooo! I'll have a giant soupy mess!” I push him out of the way.

“There!” He manages one last dollop. “Now that's a sundae.” He puts the can down, kisses my cheek and inspects his work. “It's lovely.”

“It's a mound...it's...ugh fine.” I take my dessert to the couch. “Hi Ed.” I greet the feline as I place the bowl on the coffee table. I reach for the remote. “Were you a good boy?” I scratch behind his ears, make a kissy face, wait for a boop.

“What's on?” Louis follows then, proceeds to practically sit on top of me.

“Um…” I watch him expertly roll up his sleeves. “Ever hear of personal space?” He takes a mouthful of ice cream and shrugs.

“Nope.” He takes another bite. “This is delicious.”

“Can you like...not speak with your mouth full?” I take a small spoonful of my own sundae.

“Can you like... actually eat for once?” He mocks and sits back into the cushions.

“I am! See?”

“Alright sure.” He flips through the channels, lands on _You've Got Mail_.

“Keep this on!!!” I shout and begin eating again.

“Sure.” He places the remote down.

“I'll prove I can finish this entire bowl.”

“Harry, you don't have to prove anything to me. You're a grown man.” He shovels more ice cream into his mouth. “I trust you understand how to properly use a spoon.”

“Hmph.” I sit back with him and absently watch the television.

“The maid would never allow me do this in my kitchen.” He says after a few minutes.

“Because you're messy?” I chuckle. I glance at him.

“Possibly or because she doesn't trust me with whipped cream.”

“I can vouche for that!!” I point to my bowl. “You ruined it.”

“I made it tastier. You'll see.” I watch him eat.

“How do you stay so thin? What's your secret?”

“Lots of working out.” He pops an M&M in his mouth.

“Oh…” I look away, focus back on the television.

“All part of the image.” He mumbles.

“I guess...oh, this is my favorite part.” I point out to avoid another conversation that will undoubtedly lead to no where. “This is when Joe teaches his brother-”

“That's his uncle.” He argues.

“Louis, no. The little boy is Joe's brother and the girl is the aunt.”

“No, Harry I’m sure-”

“I know this movie _inside and out._ Dont fight me on this.” I dismiss his argument. “Anyway, Joe teaches his _brother_ to spell Fox and Kathleen thinks it's the cutest thing. She tries to have him spell other words but he only knows Fox because that's his last name.”

“Mmm.” He continues eating not really paying attention.

“Yeah she has no idea she's facing her direct competitor...the very person who puts her out of business.” I take small, calculated bites as the scene plays out, watch Louis in my periphery. “It's sad.” I start feeling a sense of deja vu. “It reminds me of what's happening here almost... except I don't know...who it was? You know, who put me out of business. Although, there was no competition. It was just some rich bloke looking to ruin our lives.” Louis practically throws his bowl down then, proceeds to frighten the cat and myself in the process. “What's wrong?” I ask as my heart hammers in my chest.

“Nothing. It's nothing.” He diverts his gaze, tugs at the collar of his shirt as if looking for his tie that he has since removed.

“I know that gesture, Louis. What's troubling you?” I take another bite but feel sick suddenly.

“It's _nothing._ ” He tugs at his sleeves instead, fidgets in his seat, appears to be visibly uncomfortable.

“Is it now? Is it nothing? Or is it more secrets?”

“No!” He snaps. “It's not...not that.” He turns away, grips feverishly at his shirt.

“Then what?” I whisper, place my own bowl down, face him. “Louis please. I feel...as if you're keeping me at an arms length, divulging only certain information to protect something... someone! But I would never judge you or them or...anyone that's involved. I want to get to know you that's all.” He sniffles then, mumbles under his breath. “And after I witnessed your generosity towards those workers...how could you believe you're selfish?”

“I _am_.” He snaps. “In most ways.”

“But aren't we all sometimes? Don't we need a little TLC occasionally? Think about our needs over everyone else once in awhile? Isn't that part of our nature?”

“If I wasn't…” He faces me, reveals his hurt, his anger. I surpress my gasp for his sake. “If I were beneficent in nature, I wouldn't be here right now. I would have...went someplace else, damned another existence!” He rubs at his eyes. “I am not who I appear to be.” His voice is saturated with self-loathing. “It's ruined.” His voice is hushed, choked. “Everything.”

“Okay, but what am I hearing!? Where is this coming from?” I grip his shoulders, force him to face me.

“You were right. Maybe I don't fit in here.” Tears are dripping from his eyes, trickling gently down his cheeks, soaking into the material of his shirt and vest. “Maybe this was all a big mistake.”

“It wasn't though! Louis it wasn't! You came here for a reason!”

“To ruin everything. To _ruin_ this town...to ruin you with...with…” He covers his face. “My bumptious ways, my supposed knowledge, my arrogance?! That's why I came here!?”

“Oh, Lou-” I try to subdue him.

“You'll lose that air of innocence that surrounds you. You'll be exposed to my conniving ways...be caught in the web I've created.” His tone is saddened. “You don't want that.”

“Louis please listen to me-” I attempt but he's on a roll it seems.

“And the disgusting part is...I expected you to wait for me, expected you to be _waiting_ for me when I returned...I _demanded_ it even!” He grips his hair, twists out of my grasp. I can no longer feel my fingers or the tips of my toes. I'm slowly becoming numb. “Even with the possibility that I'd be hurting you, knowing damn well I was seeking the impossible...I still wanted it. Like a damn child. _”_ He turns away, takes three or four shakey breaths. “But I can't do that to you. My heart won't allow it.” He covers his head. “Its rational, it feels, it aches. It enlightens my mistakes, brings me back down to Earth.”

“I need you to listen to me.”

“Harry, you'll _leave._ ”

“Leave _what_ !? You're talking in riddles when all I really need is your honesty! Louis I…” I cup his cheeks, force his eyes to look at me. “I'm a simple person, I don't _expect_ much from you, I am just looking for a relationship.”

“But you'll be gone, taken, be in the arms of some other guy...while I...while I-” He bites his lip. “Pretend my life isn't spiraling out of control.” I refrain from rolling my eyes.

“I am not going anywhere, Louis. I am right here...right now waiting for you, waiting for all of you. And really I just want you to put your trust in me, realize I am not out to chase the next hottest guy or look to move on from you. It's not me. That's _not who I am_.” I kiss his lips. “Stop worrying about my feelings. I know what's stirring inside and it's frightening.”

“Why?” His voice is just above a whisper.

“It's something I'm not accustomed to. It's deep.”

“You barely know me.”

“Yes, you're right. But I like what I've been exposed to, the simple things you cannot hide.” I kiss him again, rub my thumbs along his cheeks. “Some things are more apparent than you're willing to admit.”

“That's because of you.” He says. “You’re breaking me down bit by bit, revealing what's just below the surface.” He rests his head on my shoulder.

“I want to go further than _just below the surface,_ Louis.” I whisper my honesty.

“I know...but it's becoming a problem, causing issues back home.”

“I didn't mean to be a burden.” I gently stroke his back, rest my cheek on the top of his head.

“And...it's not a good thing. It's creating headaches for my team, wreaking havock on my PR.”

“What are you saying?” My mouth goes dry instantly, my hand ceases it's movements. “Louis-”

“Concluding what I said earlier.” He sighs. “Providing you evidence.”

“That you're supposedly selfish, ruined Harper's Ferry, ruined _me,_ am expecting me to wait for you while you live your life in California, I am revealing your guarded side. Did I miss anything?”

“Yes.” He whispers.

“What's that!?” My voice has a hint of apprehension.

“You've taken up residency in my heart.” He lifts his head, exposes his blood shot eyes, wet cheeks, his fear.

“Oh.”

“Yes.” He reaches out, places his hand on my neck. “I want to open up to you, tell you everything about myself, give you the relationship you deserve.” My heart jumps in my chest.

“So why-”  Don't I know anything!?

“It's for your benefit. The less you know the better.”

“What? So it will always be this one sided?” The numbness is creeping its way up my arms and legs. “I'll forever be stuck on a cloud while you live a secret life?”

“For now it has to be this way. But I'll explain...I'll tell you the truth when the moment is right.”

“And how long will _that_ take!?”

“Harry I need your patience! It's not just about me. It's the company too. You have to realize that!” Now it's my turn to push him away.

“What do you feel?” I ask.

“What?” He extends his hand but I ignore it.

“How do you feel about me? Tell me right now.” I tap his temple the _same way_ he did to me. “What are _you feeling_?”

“I…” He stumbles. “It’s not that easy-”

“Say it!!” I shout as my anger returns, the anger I've kept to a minimum, the anger he brought on...the anger I've squashed down since my-

“I like you.” ...parents left.

“As what? A kissing buddy? Someone you lavish with gifts and dinner dates? Someone so obtuse that they'd wait _forever_ for you to open up? A friend!?” I wring my fingers, direct my attention to the now melted bowl of ice cream.

“No!! Harry no!” He sobs, plants his head in his hands. “The last time you uttered the word  _friend_ I cried for two days straight.” He chokes.

“And I haven't!? All of this longing and patience meant nothing!?”

“Harry! I said I was fucking selfish!! Why the hell are you acting as if I haven't admitted this about myself!?” He turns away. “As if I am unaware of my flaws!?” His voice is increasing in volume. “Because trust me I fucking know!!”

“So then what do you want out of this!? What will _happen_ when you return home, huh!? What's _next_ !!” I stand up, grip my curls with such vigor I'm certain I pulled a chunk free. The dread consuming me is painful, suffocating... draining. It's like I've wasted my time, cried, ached, pined...and it was for nothing. He admits to _liking_ me but is it enough? Is it just like? Or is it something substantial? Something with substance? Something I am able to hold and keep close to my heart?

But it's hard to think straight or even contemplate anything else.

His sobbing is taking over, his anguish evident as he chokes on his breath. It's slinking it's way into my bones, chilling my heart, making me pause because he's suffering, fighting an internal battle... trying to live a normal life through me. And I can't ignore it! I can't walk away even though he's hurting _me_ as well. I release my hair, find Ed in Louis’ arms, see the quaking of his small shoulders. It's pitiful...so pitiful I cannot seem to control myself or my actions, cannot even begin to explain why I do this to myself or why Louis deserves a chance.

But I slowly approach the couch anyway, watch Ed's curious eyes as I do so, cringe as Louis’ cries turn into something more gut wrenching, the words that are forming as I close the distance between us.

He's apologizing.

Over and over.

As if he's a broken record.

Repeating the same two words.

Ed wiggles his way free as I sit back down, jumps to the floor and scurries from the room.

“Louis-” I begin, but I'm pulled into a bear-like hug, tugged into his arms, held so close I'm struggling to breath.

“I’m sorry. I'm sorry... I'm sorry.” He continues to cry against my bare skin, shakes uncontrollably. Where did the _suit_ go? Where is the Louis I first met? The man with the hair, the boots, the determination? The man who bought me flowers? What happened? “D-don't give up on me. I've asked for p-patience...time...I need time!!” He pulls me impossibly close. “I need to...to figure it out...make it work. Just…” He grips my shirt. “Don't be angry or...or hate me. I need you.” He cries. “So desperately.” I place my arms around him then. “I need your strength...just like before, just like now...how I probably will in the future.” The numbness is lifting. “You bring me balance, peace, comfort... everyone else is in it for the...for the money, recognition, the fame. Never emotions, it's never about that.” He snivles. “They d-don't know...no one knows. They suck you dry, leave you half empty, disparage you, break you in two.”

“Louis you're rambling.” I touch his back unable to stay away.

“I've made so many enemies because of them.” I close my eyes as he continues. “They're burning my sanity.” I reciprocate his hug. “I am no longer myself.” He rests his head against my shoulder. “I've lost him a long time ago.” A tear escapes my eye. “This is….this is merely a shell.” He grips my shirt, buries his face in my skin. “A broken shell.”

“Lou-” I attempt to maintain my composure for his sake.

“And I need to fix it, fix the crack, fix the damage before it's...it's too late.”

“But I-” Pray I can give you that much. “How do you plan on repairing it?” I whisper.

“This is a good place to start.”

.

.

.

.

“...and then he past out.” I sigh as I clean another bottle.

“Past out!?” Ben asks. He's wiping off the table tops, dusting _around_ the chairs.

“Yeah.” I nod. “I don't know what to think or feel.” I shrug and pick up the whiskey. “He became flustered out of the blue... almost as if he was triggered by something I said.”

“Well, what were you talking about?” The kid _finally_ lifts the chairs up.

“Um...well we were watching a movie-”

“What movie?”

“You've Got Mail.”

“Oh. Is that with Meg Ryan and-”

“Tom Hanks, yeah.” I face away from him having a sudden urge to hide my emotion.

“Ah I know that one!” He begins to sweep. “That's when the lady loses her business right? And then she falls in love with…” He trails off as if lost in thought.

“Yes she does fall in love with Joe. But what does that have to do with Louis and I?” I ask. “Like, why would he break down?”

“N-nothing! It's just a movie, right!?” His laugh is unconvincing.

“Um yeah…?” I contort my face in confusion.

“So you guys just fell asleep?” He redirects the conversation.

“Yeah well Louis did. I stayed up, watched the rest of the movie.” I organize the bottles one last time. His face is vivid in my memory, engrained in my mind, a tattoo on my eyelids because he looked so peaceful, so content, so soft... especially after he mumbled my name. “Ben, what could I have possibly done?” I'd be lying if I said it didn't make my heart beat uncontrollably in my chest, make my affections towards him burst and come alive. I'd be lying if I said his secrets didn't cut me like a knife.

“Huh?” He says after a moment, obviously pulled from his daydream. “Oh...Maybe he remembered he forgot to do something! You never know. The guys brain is constantly moving you know? Always a lot on his mind!”

“I guess.” I say solemnly. “He isn't opening up to me though.”

“Everyone has their secrets.”

“His entire life is a secret. How am I supposed to get to know him, understand him, know if I really even _like_ him? What if our personalities don't jive? Like what if it's just physical to him?” I'd die. Actually.

“Hm…” Ben is silent.

“We could be completely wrong for one another and I'll never _know_ because I don't even know him!” I pinch the bridge of my nose.

“Yeah I guess.” He sounds distant, uninterested, flat.

“I'm sorry you're probably bored with this conversation. I'll stop.” I turn away, wipe down the counters to distract myself from these incessant thoughts.

“It's not that.” Ben says.

“Then what? Am I doing this all wrong? Am I dumb?” I ask.

“No! No you're not.” He approaches. “Louis... he's...he has a lot going on.” I roll my eyes.

“I've heard _that_ before.” I sigh. “I'm getting tired of it actually.”

“He really does! He's...he has a team...a _big team_ -”

“And bodyguards and driver's and an image to _uphold,_ enemies! He seems to have it all.”

“He told you about the bodyguard?”

“Ugh!!!! How much do you know!?” I snap.

“Uh…” I find his face and it's flushed.

“Ben. Is Louis an axe murderer? Is he in the witness protection program!? Does he sell drugs!? Who. Is. He!” I shout. I'm broken. I'm _not myself_ anymore.

“He's candid when he's drunk.”

“And!?” I want to scream, curse at the top of my lungs!

“And well, he's having a difficult time-”

“Why!?” I grip my shirt, run a hand through my curls.

“He's young! He has a lot on his plate...and uh... he's... he's-”

“Ben, I need to understand him that's all! I'm not asking for much here. I deserve it, no? Or should I give up? Should I say no more?” Because right now...I want to cry.

“No!! No no don't...don't do that!” Ben runs over to me. “What you guys are-”

“Well, right now I'm convinced we're nothing.”

“-it’s important to him.”

“Why can't he tell me that?” I whisper. “If I'm _so_ important to him, why can't he be honest?”

“Because his life isn't his own essentially.”

“How is that possible?”

“I can't say too much, Harry. He swore me to secrecy.”

“So great my very own employee knows my _hook up_ better than I do.”

“That's what you think you are!? A hook up!?”

“That's how I feel!!” I bark. “I am nothing more than a body for him, someone to hang on when he needs it.” When all I crave is his whole heart.

“Trust me. It isn't.”

“I don't know anymore…”

“He's treading as carefully as he can.” Ben's voice is grave. “Harry...one small change could lead to his failure. ”

.

.

.

.

“Failure?” Brett drains the contents of his coffee cup. “How could he fail?”

“Ben didn't elaborate.” I place my head in my hands. “What do I do?”

“How do you feel about it? What's going on underneath all of these curls?” He pokes the side of my head.

“I feel too much. I can't handle it.” I sigh. “I miss my life.”

“Your boring life? Sure.”

“Boring!?”

“Harry, you were a marrionette and Danielle was the puppeteer.”

“What!? I never...how could...what-” My mouth drops open in bewilderment. “Dani-”

“Take it down a notch! You're venturing out, befriending new people, becoming your own person. Living a life for once...not trailing behind your friend or masking how you feel! Come on Harry ol’ pal! It's great!”

“Great!? I _hate_ this! I'm a mess. I can't concentrate or focus. My head is going around in circles at all hours of the day! I can't catch a break or get a good night's rest!!”

“Makes life interesting, no?” He nudges me.

“I'm miserable.” I confess. “And-”

“Horny?”

“Ugh...I was going to say tired but yes that too.” And my hand isn't enough.

“Guess y'all didn't do any hanky panky?”

“Why must you say it like that?” I ask with minor disgust.

“Because that's what it is.”

“It's derogatory.”

“It's funny.” Brett slaps my shoulder.

“Owe…” I rub at the soreness.

“So no shenanigans?”

“Not recently...no.” I hide my frustration. “He keeps making sexual innuendos but doesn't act on them. It's like he's-”

“All talk?”

“Yeah or he has an idea but then gets distracted.”

“Like what ideas we talking about?” Brett's pressing further.

“Whipped cream.” I confess. “He mentioned something about _needing_ it for later.”

“He's into kinky shit?”

“Kink....kinky!? Whipped cream can be!?” My heart leaps in my chest at the thought.

“He wants to lick food off of you. Interesting. I'd choose chocolate but that's just me.”

“Uh...I never considered using his body as a plate.”

“Oh my God. Where are you from again?”

“Harper's Ferry-”

“A rock Harry. You lived under a rock.”

“Just because I never licked food off of a guys chest-”

“Not even belly button shots at a frat party?”

“What!” I freak. “No!!”

“Then what did you do? Missionary sex and hand jobs? _Nice_!” I face plant into my palm.

“Ugh...way to criticize my sex life.”

“I’m not it's just...on the dry side.” He says. “Maybe that's what you need! A little shove in the right direction! You know, _allow_ Louis to _do_ things with you.”

“I'd _allow_ him to if he actually _tried_!”

“It's a two way street. Why don't _you_ eat whipped cream off of him?” The thought makes me instantly aroused.

“I couldn't initiate! No way!! What if he hated it!?” But...what if he doesn't?

“Trust me. It'll give him something to write home about.”

“...or I'll piss him off.”

“Why?”

“I don't know. Like…” I turn beat red. “He said he _used_ to be young and reckless. I don't think he is now.”

“Uh….why? What changed?” I shrug.

“It's an assumption.”

“A stupid one. He's probably afraid to fuck up.”

“But I want him to...you know roam?” My face is burning. “Ugh never mind. I'm a mess.”

“No you're not.” He sighs. “How do you feel?”

“About what?” I look to him.

“In here.” He pokes my chest next.

“Owe!” I rub at my sensitive skin.

“I'll do it again if you don't answer.” He holds his finger up. “I'm ready.”

“I…” My stomach is aching, twisting around the butterflies, burning something fierce, igniting these urges and sensations I've never felt with such intensity before. “I can't explain it...can't really understand why... but-”

“Say it!!” Brett's finger is so close.

“I don't know if it's true or not!!” I see his finger in my periphery. “Please don't do it! It hurts!!”

“Harry, this is to help you draw those emotions from your curly head! Now just spill.”

“It just can't be possible…” I mumble as the words sit uncomfortable on my tongue. “Brett, I don't know.” I stall.

“Well, you know something there, friend.”

“I do.” I rub my chest. “I do and it hurts too much.”

“Of course it does.”

“You have Natale. What are you in pain over?”

“Doesnt mean I wasn't hurting at one point.”

“Oh…” I feel my phone buzzing in my pocket and immediately pull it free.

“L-O-U. _Cute._ ” Brett reads the screen.

“He did it.” I say as I stare at the name, feel the gooseflesh arise on my skin, find my emotions towards him saturating my being. “He's clouding my judgement.” I swipe at my eye the moment I feel the wetness. “I hate it.”

“He’s challenging you, throwing that curve ball.”

“He's throwing them directly into my face, there's no curve to be seen.” The ringing continues.

“Answer it.” He urges.

“I'm afraid.”

“Why?” He sits back into the bench.

“He wasn't there when I awoke.” I scrunch my eyes closed at the memory. “I was alone...well I had Ed. But his side of the bed was cold.” The buzzing ceases. “And I was confused about it, couldn't justify the feelings I felt...well _feel_ towards him when it should have been anger. Instead I'm stumbling headfirst into a mess of emotions unable to stop or pull myself up.”

“I don't think you want it to that's why.”

“I do though! I want it gone!”

“No, Harry. You don't. That's your defenses speaking. Your heart has other plans and unfortunately it's stronger.”

“Is it?” I whisper. “Is that why I'm failing?”

“You're not failing, you're...you are...well I'll let you come to that conclusion on your own.”

“What conclusion?”

“You'll know. For now...call Mr. _Austin_ back and fix it.”

“How?”

“I'll teach you a few tricks.” He smirks.

“Uh oh…”

.

.

.

.

“No sink…” Dani and I are walking back to town. We just visited the space with the listing agent and unfortunately, it didn't meet our standards. There were too many structural changes that needed to be made and the funds are just not available. Plus the monthly rent and additional costs? We'd be cutting it too close.

“I know.” I say unable to mask my sadness. “This was meant to be our break.”

“Was there anything else available?”

“Not within our price range. We'd have to leave town and without cars that's physically impossible.”

“Why couldn't that developer build commercial spaces and not useless apartments?”

“Because they're in it for money and retail wouldn't help bring in that new class of people they're marketing to.”

“They're supposedly updating the supermarket to one of those fancy organic food stores too! They're completely changing the face of the town!!”

“Ugh…” I groan. “Maybe we should get a car? Escape town?”

“You'd leave!? I thought you were-”

“I _love_ it here. But it won't be the same. The transplants will no longer be _transplants_. They will become the natives... and us? Well...who knows what we'll be at that point.” Displaced. “Makes me sick just thinking about it.” And sad. So sad. All of those butts and boobs will make their grand entrance.

“I guess the positivity is gone?” Dani asks as we pass the new construction.

“Yes.” I admit. “It has been for awhile.” I look up at the _fancy_ facade. “It's like I'm back in California all over again.”

“They have buildings there like this?”

“Yeah all over. It looks pretty. But it should stay where it belongs.”

“I agree.” She's silent for a moment. “So what's up?”

“Nothing much, same old. Ed's doing good. His hair is finally shiny and he's starting to acclimate with my routine. How about you?”

“Yeah same here. Zayn is doing great.” She nods. “Tony and I are planning a trip to New York too.”

“Is that so?” I feel a cold breeze hitting the back of my neck.

“Yup! That's why I've been working overtime. I wanted to bank some money.”

“Why not ask your parents?”

“No way! I could never.” She says. “We're actually thinking about moving in together.” My eyes widen.

“So...soon?” The words tumble from my mouth.

“It's not _that_ soon.”

“It hasn't even been a year yet.” I remind her. “What if it doesn't work out?”

“Then I'll worry about it if that were to happen. We're not buying a house or anything...just renting a small apartment... probably in the surrounding area.”

“You're moving out of the town!?”

“Maybe! I work here, live here, hangout here. It's exhausting.”

“I guess...but it's ours...no?”

“Not anymore.” She shakes her head. “Hasn't been since _they_ moved in.” She points her thumb over her shoulder.

“Don't remind me.”

“What are you doing for your birthday?”

“Nothing. It doesn't exist this year.” We're passing the old shelter that is now...a pile of dirt.

“What? Why? Did you want to go out-”

“No. I don't want to celebrate. Like at all.”

“But you're turning twenty five! This is huge!”

“Nah, don't care. It'll be there next year.” I shrug.

“Are you at least seeing Louis?” I nod. “So that's a good thing right?”

“It is.” Because I need his warmth. This cold air is making me depressed.

“So where's the excitement?” I look around us, note the streets are empty and turn to her.

“It's there! Just not...all in your face.” I divert my gaze. I'm afraid to share my deepest feelings...still fear the judgement. “I miss him.”

“Where was he?”

“He had to leave for a few days but he promised he'd be back when I'm off.”

“Did he say why?” No. He never does.

“Meetings.”

“For what?”

“Dani...I don't know. No one knows.” Except Ben. Supposedly he knows everything.

“I should look at the reservation book.” I become instantly intrigued.

“You can?”

“Yeah it could list his company or if he even received a corporate discount. I'll have to do it when Mrs. Winston isn't looking but… I'm willing to risk it.”

“Oh…” But something isn't right. “No.” I shake my head. “No, I want Louis to be honest with me. I can't sneak behind his back because I'm desperate for information.”

“Are you sure? I can-”

“No...no!” I smash my hands over my ears. “Nope!!” I feel my phone buzzing. “Mmmm….” I reach for it.

“Is it _Louis?”_

“Yes…” A smile tugs at my lips instantly. “It is.” My heart flutters, overtakes my subconscious, awakens my soul. I hesitate a moment before I answer, rehash the conversation Brett and I had, realize I am stronger than I thought. I've got this. “Hey.”

“Hey yourself.” He sounds breathless.

“Are you okay?” I shove my hand in my pocket.

“I was walking rather swiftly to my gate.”

“What happened? Did you get held up?”

“Yes, my...last meeting ran late and _then_ I was...well, detained for another round…ugh never mind.”

“...um sure.” I refuse to question further. “Anyway, you'll be here tonight?”

“Of course. That's why I'm in such a rush.” He speaks away from the phone. “Thank you...yes, I'll be sure to let you know if I need anything... I'll end the call shortly.” I hear a snort. “Anyway, sorry.” He says to me.

“Who was that?”

“Flight attendant.” He says. “They’re a lot more attentive in first class.”

“I've never been in first class before. I've only been on a plane one other time.” To fly to California to find you.

“Oh, I'll take you one day. It's life changing...there's so much leg room.”

“Like you need it.” I jest.

“Hey! I thought you found my stature appealing?”

“I do!” I turn away from Dani. “Especially when you're naked.” I add that last bit just like how Brett told me. I hear his gasp.

“Well, fuck, Harry. Now I'm rock hard. Thanks for that.”

“Well you stole another pair of my boxers, so serves you right. In fact you owe me three.”

“Don't worry. I'll replace them.”

“Good. I expect them to be soft, colorful, and pretty.”

“Your wish is my command.” He sighs. “Alright, I have to go.”

“See you in a few hours?”

“Yes. I'll be there.”

“I can't wait.” I croon. “Have a safe trip.”

“I'll be thinking of you.” My legs nearly give out.

“I always think of you.” I admit.

“Good. See you.”

“Bye.” And I reluctantly hang up first.

“Naked, eh?” Dani pokes fun. “That's _subtle_...very subtle.”

“I'm not going to deny it. I like what I see and feel…” I twist my fingers. “He makes me happy.”

“That's beautiful. You're allowed to be.” She smiles.

“I have a question. It's sort of personal.” I face her.

“Yes! Of course. What is it?”

“Should I shave?” I ask. The heat is flooding my cheeks instantaneously.

“Shave what? Your face has like _one_ hair.”

“Not _my face._ I meant…” I discreetly point towards myself.

“...I'm not following?”

“My _crotch_ , Dani.” I pinch the bridge of my nose.

“Ooooooooh.”

“Louis is... he's smooth? And I'm like a beast?” I hide my face. “It felt nice especially when I...well you know.. when I uh-”

“Kissed him?” Her voice has a hint of excitement. “Right?”

“Uh...um yeah when I...yeah.” I clear my throat. “So should I do it? I want to feel good too.”

“I have an even better idea.” She grins.

“I don't like the sound of that.”

“We'll need Tony's car.”

“Why!?” I freak. “Why would-”

“Because the place we're going is twenty minutes away.”

“Where's that!?”

“Consider it an early birthday gift.” She announces and grabs my hand.

“What!? I need to know where we are going!”

“We are making you beautiful...well more beautiful.”

“Oh _no_.” I groan. “Dani, please-”

“Nope!” She drags me down the street towards the parking lot. “Are your jeans comfortable?”

“What?” I look down at the worn denim. “Yes?”

“Good.”

“Ugh…”

.

.

.

.

“I can't _move_!!!” I shout from the bottom of the staircase. “The ride home was painful! But this!?”

“Harry, you need to lift your legs...now come on!” She says, her amusement evident. “It's not that bad!”

“This...was _terrible_!!” I whine. “Will it go away?”

“The swelling? Absolutely!”

“She went... everywhere.” I grip the handrail for dear life. “Tore the top layer of my skin right off and didn't even _care_! That lady was merciless.”

“She had to be quick! You were crying like a baby the whole time.”

“It burned!!!” I defend myself.

“It's a quick sting. Enough already.”

“No...it was so much worse.” I mumble as I take that first step. The pain erupts between my legs, the rubbing creating too much friction against my oversensitized skin, the soft cotton of my boxers too rough. It feels like sand paper. “Dani!!” I cry.

“Stop! Now get up here!!” She disappears from view.

“How do you do this!?” I take another step. “Ugh…”

“You get used to it. The first time is always the worst. Now get up here.”

“Why?” I moan.

“Because there's a package waiting for you.”

“What…?” I take another small step and it's the same...it burns...it throbs...it's my poor skin screaming at me. “Oh man...oh man!!”

“It's pretty!!”

“What is!!” I say as I take another step. “Ah! That one hurt.”

“There's matching cufflinks too! And oh!!! These are so NICE!!!”

“What...wait... don't-”

“Oh wow...these jeans.” She goes quiet. “Guys got good taste.” I finally make it to the landing.

“What are you doing?” I shuffle towards her, find a few articles of clothing strewn about. “What are you-”

“ _These_!” She holds up a pair of silver and blue shoes.

“Those?” I point. “Cowboy boots?” I groan. “Man…”

“They're lovely!!”

“They're so loud!” I groan.

I should be angry.

I should be furious.

I should cancel our plans.

He didn't listen!!

“I guess we know what you're wearing tonight.” She's glowing, positivity _glowing_ and here I am burning...literally and figuratively.

“He thought of everything...even down to the... underwear!?” Now I'm really mad! _I did say...ugh._ I mentally kick myself.

“They're hot pink and rimmed with lace.” She grins. “It's a good thing you got-”

“My skin ripped off? Sure... yeah! It's _great_ !!! These better not chafe.” I hold up the jeans next, inspect them closely. “I'll have _zero_ space by the way.”

“You'll be fine just look sexy.” She bats her eye lashes. “Be confident. You've got this.”

“Dani, I can barely sit down! How can I possibly be confident!?” And sexy? What!?

“You'll figure it out.”

“What if I can't pull it off though? The last time he did this I freaked out.”

“Why?” She crosses her arms over her chest.

“Is he changing me? Does he _want_ to change me?” I point to myself. “Is he not happy with what he sees?”

“It’s clothes. Who cares?”

“I do! It's like he wants me to be like those... people from California with their butts and boobs hanging out and I'm not. I never will be.”

“I think he wants you to feel special, not _change_ your image. He's spoiling you...just take it graciously and thank him.”

“Are you sure?” I look at the silver cufflinks. “Because some days I feel like...I am no where near his caliber or just inadequate.” I nod. “Yeah that's the best way to describe it.”

“Did you tell him that?”

“Yes. He felt sorry... _really_ sorry. And he promised he wouldn't do it again.” I gingerly sit on the couch, pet Ed's head. “But here we have it. More clothes. More change.” My heart hurts. “What does it mean?”

“It's...not what you're thinking.”

“Then why? What if Tony bought you underwear!?”

“I would love it! It's what couples do. It's not meant to make you feel bad.” She joins me, touches my arm. “Listen to me. He's attracted to you. He _likes_ you! He told you himself! Stop second guessing his actions. You'll feel worse if he stops trust me. Wear it, make him feel good, and be thankful you have someone who enjoys your assets.”

“What assets are those?” I look down at myself.

“Seriously!? Are you blind?”

“What! I don't see what everyone else supposedly sees.”

“You've got great legs, gorgeous hair, a lovely face, an adorable laugh.”

“How about a brain? Do I have one of those?” She rolls her eyes. “Or sense of humor? Wit? Something that actually matters!?”

“Yeah! I don't think he'd waste his time if you were an airhead.” She chuckles. “Harry, it's just an outfit. It's not life altering.”

“It is to me. He's forcing me from my comfort zone.”

“You are already out of your _zone_! Look at what you've done already?”

“I've done _nothing_! I'm still the same-”

“The trip to California?” I pause.

“Well that-” Was soul searching.

“You're no longer hiding your feelings.”

“That's because I'm angry-” And lost the shelter.

“You showed public display of affection.” When? OH!

“He _kissed_ me!” And gave me a hand job.

“You got yourself _waxed_!” Because I don't want to disgust him!

“So!? Those were my choices.”

“Can you stop making excuses? It's getting sort of annoying.”

“You're annoying.” I mumble.

“No I'm a persistent friend and you need to pull your head out of your ass!” She picks the shirt up. “There is nothing wrong with this. It's blue, has pretty little designs stitched into the sleeves and collar.”

“It isn't as revealing as the last one.” I say as I take it in.

“Exactly! He listened.”

“No he still bought me-”

“Stupid expensive clothing! Get used to it sweetheart.”

“I...I don't…I just want him. Is that too much to ask?”

“No it's not.”  

“So why all this?” I gesture towards the overpriced items.

“He wants you to feel beautiful, not necessarily _look_ beautiful.”

.

.

.

.

“Here.” I point to the dirt.

“Alright.” I roll out the blanket. “Are you sure it's not too cold?” Louis asks as he huddles beneath his coat.

“Nope. I love winter star gazing.” I gently sit on the blanket, slip on a pair of cotton gloves and hold my arms out towards him. “Come here.” I implore. “We can keep each other warm.” His face visibly brightens.

“Yes I'd like that.” I rest against a tree trunk.

“Good, sit right here.” I pat the ground between my legs, open them wide to make room for him.

“S-sure.” He hesitates a moment then immediately follows suit. “You're okay?” He tentatively sits back, rests his head on my shoulder.

“Mmm…” I grip his waist, pray my other _head_ doesn't orchestrate its own ideas. “You smell lovely.” I breathe in his scent.

“Thanks.” He turns his head towards me, keeps his eyes diverted slightly. “You like it here?” He asks as his body relaxes against my own.

“I do. I used to bring Lu-Lu in the early morning.” I tug him closer. “And I come to escape.” I admit.

“Escape the confines of your town?” He faces forward, looks towards the sky.

“Yes.” I nod. “Its relaxing.”

“The sky is beautiful.”

“The stars are magnificent especially without the lights of a city. You can truly appreciate it.” I look up as well. “I used to hide here actually.” I add eventually.

“Why?” He seems completely relaxed, so at ease.

“I don't know. It's peaceful... I guess I needed it more than I thought.”

“To think?”

“To breathe. To take off my mask for an hour or two.”

“I see. So this was your outlet.” Louis peers over his shoulder. “A way to expel your inner turmoil.” He touches my thigh, runs his fingers along the seam of my _new_ jeans.

“Yeah that could be it.” I nod.

“When did you find this particular place?” He turns around again, tucks his legs to his chest.

“It was after school one day. My mother and I got into an argument and I ran. I somehow ended up in this clearing.”

“And it has the best view of town.”

“It does.” I shiver. “Get that blanket.”

“Sure.” He lifts away, blesses me with his beauteous backside that's hidden just beneath his jeans, and reaches for it. “You said it wasn't cold.” I shrug.

“Whatever.” I smirk. “Now cover me.”

“I thought I gave the orders?” He spreads the blanket over us.

“Not tonight. This is my date.” I say and tug him to my chest the moment he's back in place. “I want you close.” I whisper directly in his ear, tug gently on his lobe with my teeth, feel him react from my touch.

“Yes. Please.” His voice is husky. “Never let go?”

“Nope.” I kiss his cheek, feel that surge of emotion again.

“Okay.” He turns away and rests against me. “What do you know about the constellations?” He asks.

“Not much. But I am able to spot Orion's Belt, the seven sisters, and Big Dipper. The others not so much.”

“It's February first.” My body tenses.

“It is...well now it is. It's just midnight.”

“Yes, supposedly Gemini and Laelaps are best viewed this month.”

“You seriously know that?”

“I'm a little rusty at it. But yeah.” He looks up. “Castor and Pollux. The two brightest stars in the Gemini constellation...see?” He points to the sky. “It's a rough U shape but they're the two points, the heads of each twin.”

“How do you see that?” I squint, attempt to follow his line of sight.

“Close one eye and focus.” He whispers.

“S-sure.” I look up. “Are those them?”

“Yes.” I continue to stare, find the kaleidoscope of stars lighting up the sky, the two points...the shape.

“Oh yeah...I see it. It's beautiful.”

“Yes...it is quite a sight.”

“So it's a U shape…” His hand is gripping my thigh once again. “A rough U.” I turn towards him. “You're not even looking.”

“No need to.” He clears his throat. “My universe is seated before me.” I stifle a gasp. “Your eyes the two brightest stars.”

“They're... they're not-”

“The prettiest shade of green? Oh yes.” His fingers tighten their hold. “Your lips, the perfect shade of pink.”

“In this lighting?” I mumble. “Couldn't be.” I'm drawn to him, tugged by his gravitational pull.

“They're absolutely delectable.” He inches towards my face.

“I chew on them.” I slink my hand beneath his coat.

“Because you're nervous. And you pinch the bridge of your nose when you're flustered.” I touch his bare skin.

“You lick your lips-”

“Because I can't resist you.” He closes the distance between our mouths. “Happy birthday.” He whispers and kisses me gently, pulls lightly on my bottom lip, releases. I'm stunned.

“H-how did you know?” I open my eyes and his irises are shining against the blackness surrounding us.

“I have my ways, Harold.” He kisses me once again and turns back around. “Laelaps...where could you be?” He searches the night sky.

“What ways are those?”

“If I told you, I'd have to kill you.” He snorts. “And I enjoy your company.”

“You've said that before.”

“So it must be true.” He rests his head against my shoulder.

“Yeah I guess.” He's staring up at the sky. “So what's a Laelaps?

“Canis Major.” His hands are gripping my thighs. “We may be lucky enough to catch a glimpse.”

“Canis…? Whatever happened to the North Star?”

“Polaris?”

“Yeah...it's the brightest right?” He shakes his head.

“No, Sirius actually.

“What's serious?” He chuckles.

“It's the name of the star.” His tone is sweet, tender. “Silly. Were you not paying attention in astronomy?”

“I never took that class.” I admit, feel my cheeks redden because who knows what Louis studied (or what he didn't study that is).

“Ah...I see.”

“But what does Canis...whatever represent?”

“The _greater dog_.”

“Oh.”

“Yes, Laelaps was part of Greek mythology, a canine who never failed to catch it's prey.”

“He was a determined pooch.” I say.

“She actually.” He corrects.

“Blah...is there a cat involved?”

“No...there were no cats.” Louis snorts. “A lion but not a... domesticated cat.”

“Well, Lu-Lu will have his own constilation.”

“Sure.” He laughs again. “What about Ed?”

“Of course! They'll light up the nights sky!” His fingers are gripping my leg for dear life. “Hey. What's wrong?” I ask.

“I'm maintaining my control.” He rests against me.

“Why?”

“It's for the better.”

“What if I want you to lose your inhibitions?” I nuzzle into his neck, savor in his trembling.

“It would be too easy... especially in those jeans. In fact I can't wait to see the ensemble in its entirety.” He pushes against me.

“Oh-...yeah.” I choke. “Yup...I had to uh...lay flat on my bed to zip them.” And to avoid too much rubbing. Ugh…

“Did I get the wrong size? I was certain-”

“You did. Don't worry. I have...well you'll see it eventually...I hope.”

“What do you have?” He turns his head.

“That's _my_ little but not so little secret.” I smirk and plant a chaste kiss on his lips.

“Two can play at that game.”

“We already are, Louis.” I look up at the sky. “What else are we searching for?” His fingers creep up my leg, inch towards my now rather large bulge.

“This?” He gives me a light squeeze.

“Uh...yuh...yuh.” I close my eyes to block out the pang of desire swirling throughout my abdomen. “But I meant the stars. I want to…” _Another squeeze_. “Ah!”

“What was that?” He asks innocently.

“Lou-” He squeezes me again. “Stop!” A fourth... _fifth_ time! “Oh...oh my goodness.” I scrunch my eyes tighter and resign to my fate. “I want your mouth on me.” I moan unabashedly.

“And I want my mouth on you too...all over.”

“So j-just... do it?” His hand disappears. “Huh!?”

“Not until we find Canis Major.” His head whips up and he's searching the endless sky for a star...one _single..._ insignificant star.

“Louis.” I grunt. “You're not leaving me hanging again!”

“Harry, I wouldn't dare.” His voice is far away, distant, lost in the clouds.

“No because I'll literally take your hand and work myself with it.”

“Now that's a lovely thought.” He seems distracted.

“What is it? Tell me? Do you not want-”

“I _do_. Just...not here.” He mumbles.

“Oh...then why-”

“I want to get a rise out of you, make you excited.”

“Isn't it obvious that I am already?” I grip my arms securely around his waist.

“Mmm...it is.” He pauses. “Oh! There!” He lifts up and points. “There Harry.” I follow his line of sight.

“What?” I feel deflated.

“The star...the constellation. It's brilliant.”

“Oh yeah. Look at that.”

“I never thought we'd catch it so early in the morning.” He relaxes again. _Don't hesitate_ ... _dive right in!_ I hear Brett's voice in my head. _It's a two way street. Prove you want him through your actions_ . I am in a good position too. _Remember the house we talked about? Build that structure_ . _Be the support system._

“Hello?” I feel a squeeze on my knee.

“Huh?” I snap out of my reverie. “What happened?”

“I called your name a few times. Is everything alright?” I stare into his eyes, dive head first into their beauty.

“Mmm. I'm fine.” I bite my bottom lip, move my hand to his leg. “Everything is... you know, good.” He licks at his mouth.

“Are you sure?” I didn't even realize I glanced at them.

“Yup.” My hand creeps further up.

“What are you doing?” He smirks, grips my thigh.

“N-nothing.” I return the gesture, smile, move my hand up an inch or two more.

“You're-” I reach my destination and he flinches, scrunches his eyes closed. “Fuck.”

“Sorry.” I gently squeeze. “I'm...uh... can't help it.” I watch his face, savor in his reaction. “Is this good?” I rub my palm against him.

“Yes. It is...too good. Too…” He pushes against me, forces a moan from my mouth.

“Kiss me? I've missed your sweetness.”

“You never have to ask.”

He practically pounces me then, closes the distance between us, and completely throws me off guard with his passion. Feeling his mouth on mine is sending little bursts of sparks throughout my body, igniting the hunger that I've stifled in the pit of my stomach, unraveling the knot I've tied. He's shattering my fears, providing me the confidence I thought I lacked, dismissing our differences, breaking through my barriers as if they never existed in the first place. He crept his way into my being and I never felt such a strong connection before, felt such a strong _need_ to be this close to another person.

Or is it me?

Is this my lust towards him? Is it these feelings I can't seem to sort through? What's happening to me? Why can't I fight these urges? I barely know him... his life outside Harper's Ferry is...his _real_ life. I'm not even part of it. I'm here...not there...on another planet-

“Harry.” He mumbles against my mouth pulling me back into the moment. “Take those fucking gloves off and touch me.” He grunts and immediately crashes our mouths together. I follow suit without much thought, kiss him with equal fervor, ignite the euphoria I've longed to release. He's sitting in my lap now, straddling my hips, eagerly sucking at my mouth and tongue, taking my body prisoner. “T-there’s...so much I want to do...with you.” He kisses me. “ _To_ you…” He kisses me again, bites my bottom lip. His fingers are intertwined with my hair, gripping them with such ferocity as if to displace his own hunger. It hurts but combined with his apparent _liking_ towards me, it feels erotic, foreign... consuming.

I find the hem of his shirt, slip my fingers underneath to feel his softness, his unblemished skin, his perfection, and there is so much more I want to explore and touch. I trickle down his back, meet the waistband of his jeans, scrounge up the courage to follow through with my next move... _you're in control too. Show your desire_. I sneak below the denim and boxers without hesitation.

“F-fuck... fuck if you continue that...I swear-”

“Shhh.” I capture his lips as I continue my descent, manage to find the smallest pocket of space for my hands to rest gently on his rear, and wow...just _wow_ I did it. He's squirming above me, shifting his weight, pressing himself into my stomach.

“I can't w-wait.” He mumbles against my mouth. “You... you're...fuck... _fuck_ you're perfect.” He thrusts into me, latches onto my throat, struggles to maintain his composure. “Do you trust me?” He lifts his head, gazes into my hooded eyes. I nod once, squeeze my fingers, pretend I'm not falling apart before his eyes. “Yes, thank you.” He kisses me on the lips. “Let's go.”

“Go?” I watch him struggling to stand.

“Yup.” He smirks.

“But I wanted-”

“You said you trusted me so come on.” I groan as I release my hands

“ _Fine._ But this better be good.”

“It will be. I can guarantee.” He tugs me to my feet.


	9. Twist and Turn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I don't want you to hurt him though. We all make mistakes and even though this is torturous, I still...I still care. Way more than I should.”   
> “I agree. He doesn't deserve it or you.”  
> “I know. And I am angry with him for leaving me, so upset that he could just... walk away without an explanation, deliver his hurt through his silence.” I stifle a sob. “I tried my best.”  
> “Sometimes it's not a matter of you trying though. You could be exactly what he's looking for, be the perfect match but...it's how he wants to handle it, what he is truly looking for. And it may not have been…”  
> “Me?” My heart stutters.  
> “Yes. So don't blame yourself, stop with the self pity. He's obviously confused...or... preoccupied with other things.”

He practically throws me into the wall, pushes himself flush against my chest, and seeks out my lips. I can hardly keep up with his mouth or body movements, somehow transferred any and all control over to him and I don't care. It's such a invigorating experience for my senses, my  _ life _ even that I couldn't care less. So I follow as best I can, hold him close, and emerse myself in his being.

He pushes me towards the stairs, guides us slowly up the steps, never misses a beat or loses his momentum. He's skilled, obviously accustomed to performing with such intensity, using his dominance over me even as we make our ascent.

“I'm famished.” He mumbles against my skin. “Starving... craving your taste.” He sucks on my neck, pulls me closer. “Fucking wanton every single time I think of you.” I whine excitedly into the air, thrust my hips into him. My ears are burning from his words, my insides melting from his vehemence, my entire body erupting with desire. “And witnessing this side of you is giving me another reason to go against my better judgement.” We barely make it to the landing. “Eliminate the obstacles between us...tell everyone to...fuck off because…” He looks me square in the eye, grips my bottom and squeezes. “I have you.” He doesnt hesitate as he resumes his barrage of kisses, sets my desire aflame, and drags me to the bedroom. He bites my bottom lip. “Stay here.” His tone is hushed. “And take off your coat.” He quickly exits the room.

I'm stunned, completely unaware of his intentions, so turned on I think I may explode all over my new jeans. I grip the footboard for support, allow those few short minutes to settle into my bones. It's giving me the chills just thinking about it, reliving a moment in time where I actually felt his attraction, felt something...more? It's difficult to decipher really. But it's giving me the confidence, guaranteeing his feelings towards me, escalating our relationship.

And I want more.

I want more of him.

I want to make sense of all of this.

I quicky shed my coat and throw it to the ground, accidentally lick at my mouth and I'm covered...soaked...drenched in his taste and scent. It's never going to wash away. It'll be a stain, a permanent marking on my body, a reminder of how much I enjoy him.

“Back.” He reappears in the doorway with his arms behind him. My heart flutters, my body calls to him, my skin hums with anticipation. “Now...I want you to undress for me.” He instructs. I watch him saunter over in his loose fitted jeans and white t-shirt, find his brilliant blue irises boring into me. “Top first.” He specifies. 

“Louis-” I want his hands on me!

“Go on now.” He gestures. “Get going.” I roll my eyes.

“Please would be nice.” I begin unbuttoning the tailored shirt, pull it free from the denim. 

“This was a fine outfit.”

“Yes I appreciate the buttons.” I pull it off my shoulders.

“I appreciate your chest more.” He bites his lip. “Now hurry up.”

“Ugh...fine.” I fold the top and place it on the floor by my feet.

“Turn around.” I freeze with my hands on my belt buckle.

“Why?” I kick off the boots next.

“I want to watch your ass as you move.” He gives a nonchalant shrug.

“What…?” I'm flabbergasted.

“Harry, turn around and take off your fucking pants? Thanks.” He smiles, twirls his finger around in a circular motion. 

“Uh...um…” I said I wanted this...no? But maybe not as harshly? I miss his tenderness. “Sure.” I face away from him, grip the belt and tug it loose.

“Your back is flawless. So muscular.” He touches my skin and I nearly fall on my face. “Mmm...now go on no more jeans.”

“What is this a strip tease!?” I say as I push the denim down. 

“It would be lousy if it were.”

“What!?” I turn my head.

“You're too tense.” He says. “Now take  _ them off _ .” He's standing stock still with his hands clasped behind his back and legs spread in such a way to appear menacing. But it doesn't work... he's still cute and cuddly and all I wish to do- “Harold. Your fucking jeans! God if you were one of my employees…” His voice trails off.

“What would you do?” I whisper as I purposely slow my movements. “How would you treat me if I  _ worked _ for you?” I ask.

“I’d take you to my office...lay you out on my desk...” He trails off. 

“Uhm...I…” My mouth drops. 

“Immerse myself in your ecstacy.”

“I...what?”

“Steep my senses in your scent.”

“W-woah.” I gape as he continues.

“Deluge your body with my affection.” My breathing is erratic.

“Y-you-” He inches over.

“Luxuriate in your taste as it hits my tongue.”

“M-my taste?”

“Oh yes, Harry. Your taste.” He cups my rear, forces a gasp from my mouth. “And I'd be sure you were pleasured and...content.” He squeezes a cheek. “Whispering my name as you came.”

“W-whisper?” Why not shout?

“Wouldn't want to disrupt your colleagues now.”

“Oh...I guess...not. _ ” _ I swiftly turn around then, wipe a bead of sweat off my brow and continue in silence. I've never been spoken to with such...rawness. It gives me the chills, makes me quiver, incites these... _ feelings _ all over my skin.  _ Oh wow...wow...wow!!  _ How do I compete with that!?

“Do you like the pink underwear?” He asks as I pull my jeans past my butt.

“They don't chafe.” I admit. “They're very soft actually.” 

“I hope  _ you're _ not soft.” 

“If I turned around you'd find I am most certainly not.” I look down and there he is. “Nope. Not at all.” I kick away my jeans.

“Good.” I hear him approach, feel his denim clad legs pressing against my own, feel the poking sensation of his member pressing into my rear. I scrunch my eyes closed, instinctively push back, groan into the air.  _ Touch me _ I implore with my mind.  _ Touch me over and over...and over _ . He wraps an arm securely around my waist. “How are you so perfect?” He kisses my neck.

“I...uh... I'm not though.” I shiver as he trails his lips over my skin. “No where...near... actually.” He thrusts into me, grazes my tummy with the tips of his fingers. “Ah! That feels...so good.” He reaches the waistband of my undies, plays at the fabric. “ _ Goodness _ .” I stifle a moan as he sinks further down. “Y-yes please?” I beg.

“Mmm...your skin...” He grips the base of my erection and I nearly collapse into his smaller frame from the unexpected contact.

“Yeah...yuh... it's...its-”

“You did this for me?” His fingers expertly move, tickle, entice, provoke. 

“ _ God _ yes I did.” I whimper, loll my head back into him.

“Why?” His hips pulse forward. 

“I wanted...I want...you to…” His palm moves along the length of my member. “I…”

“Why, Harold?” His fingers encircle  _ him _ causing me to gasp.

“B-because... because...I-” His hand is pumping me excruciatingly slow, antagonizing my libido, toying with my arousal. “Louis-”

“Do you think this turns me on?” He whispers.

“Mmhmm…I wanted to...I wanted to be...pretty for you.” I choke. His hips are moving against me now, pulling me further into his being, stirring my release. 

“You are, Harry.” His hand is working me. “Always.”

“I...I...ugh…” I push him again. “D-don't stop? _ Please  _ don't? Please I-” He ceases his movements and releases his hold.

“Lay flat on your stomach.” He steps away.

“Wait...wait but-” I'm cold suddenly. Aroused and cold.

“Harry? I will not ask again.” His tone is flat, chilling even.

“Ugh…” I grip my curls, take a few deep breaths as my body calms itself. 

“You'd certainly be disciplined for your insubordination.”

“I'm... working on it.” I crawl up the mattress then on all fours, purposely stick my butt out, give him a taste of his own medicine...or just a taste of me that he is more than welcome to take.

“Mmm.” I clutch onto a pillow, hug it to my chest and rest my heavy limbs. I hear him shuffling about, hear the sound of a zipper and shoes skidding across the floor.

“I wanted to watch you undress too.” I pout into the pillow.

“Not tonight.” There's a dip in the bed and I know he's approaching. 

“Are you naked?” I ask with curiosity.

“No questions.” He kisses between my shoulder blades. “Don't flinch.”

“Why-” Something cold is sprayed onto my flesh and down the center of my back. It's wet, it's making me squirm, it's...COLD!

“What's…” I grip the pillow, curl my toes. “... going on!?”

“I said I was starving.” He growls into my ear. He bites my earlobe and kisses down my neck, makes his way towards my shoulder then to my back where the...where the...what's on me!? His mouth sucks at my flesh, his tongue licks its way across my skin, laps up the...is that the whipped cream?! “What a heady combination.” He says as he heads south. “I've wanted this…” Another lick. “...for so long.” More... and more! I can only feel his tongue, feel the sucking sensation of his lips on my flesh, his breath. He's purposely keeping his contact to a minimum, only touching me with his mouth.

“What's...Is that the whipped cream!?” 

“It's delicious.” He mumbles and reaches my undies again, bites at the band, runs his tongue just beneath. I moan into the bedding, tense up as he makes his way up again. “I can't stop.” He straddles my hips, allows our bodies to touch. “Your taste makes me delirious.” More wetness hits my back. “You're skin is succulent and refreshing.” He squeezes my hips, forces a whimper from my throat.

“I...I didn't-” He slowly makes his way south, pokes me with his excitement as he does so, flaunts his arousal.

“You're my fixation.” He thrusts into me.

“Ah!! My goodness...oh wow-” 

“I crave you...all the time.” He trails his fingers underneath my undies, pushes his way further. “My body aches to be closer.” He lays his hand flat on my bottom.

“Y-yeah?” I attempt to turn my head but he squeezes his fingers, makes me pause.

“Every moment…” He pulls at the flimsy material, tugs it down. “I'm not with you…” He lifts my hips and pulls them free. “I become weaker. My mental capacity diminishes.” He slides the underwear off and down my legs. “My brain can't think past your lovely face.” He kisses a cheek. “Or this ass of yours.” He kisses the other.

“T-then don't-” He bites me. “Ugh…” I whine into the pillow.

“Everything if I'm honest.” He takes my arms, rests them next to my head, kisses the base of my neck, grazes his mouth down my spine. “Leaving is becoming physically impossible.” He's at my bottom again. 

“Don't go anymore.” I urge. 

“Mmm…thats easier said than done.” He kisses my rear, both cheeks, individually. “Perfect. You're perfect.”

“I...I...am no where near-” He pinches the inside of my thigh. “Ah! What are you-” 

“I want to touch you the way you deserve to be.” He lays sweet kisses along my rear, at the junction of my legs, pulls at the flesh, seduces me. 

“I didn't-”

“Shhh.” He bites me. “Your skin...I can't stay away-” He spreads my cheeks then. 

“Uhm...wha-” The wet sensation I feel comfirms  _ exactly  _ what he is doing... what he willingly wanted to do to me, how he  _ needed _ to bring forth my pleasure. I bite on my lip as he continues, groan into the sheets, become enraptured in the sensations he's igniting all over me. It's unlike anything I've experienced before, providing me the proof that my past intimate encounters were nothing compared to this. Nothing can even come close honestly. And he's moving with grace, using that tongue to his advantage and to mine as well. 

He's pinching my skin the deeper he goes, thrusting his hips every so often, humming his satisfaction. It's incredible, this feeling, the jolts of pleasure. It's making me weak.

He dives right in, spreads me wider, claims every part of me.

“W-wow...why...how d-does this feel-” He sneaks a finger in and I nearly lose it. I grip the bedding for dear life, stifle the whine I need to release as he moves against me. I'm gone, I'm lost, I have no control or inhibitions. 

I'm his.

All his. 

His mouth disappears then.

“Let it go. Don't hold back.” He pumps his single finger. “Fuck what everyone is thinking. You're with me. No one else.”

“T-that’s all I want.” His hand is moving in a smooth, calculated motion. “T-to be with you.” He sighs, continues working his hand, kisses the center of my back. “Are you…” I swallow, scrounge up the words that are trapped. “Are you uh…are we going to have sex?” I hide my face as he plants sweet kisses along my back.

“You're too snug.” I flush.

“Oh.” I pause. “I want to...you know...be-” He thrusts into me, adds a second finger, makes me cry out in response. “ _ I want you _ .” I squeak as I lose my train of thought. 

“Fuck…lose it, Harry. Come on.” He thrusts his fingers deeper, his movements no longer smooth but direct, stiff, filled with purpose. He isn't being gentle. 

“I w-want to face you.” I beg. He delves in deeper, forces a yelp from my mouth. “Louis please!” He presses his hand flat against my back. “I want-”

“Not yet.” His voice is strangled. “Not yet!” He cups me between my legs, breaths heavy into the air surrounding us, keeps his hand pulsating.

“God…that's…” I moan aloud, find my climax approaching, feel the bubbling in the pit of my stomach. I won't last long. With both his hands working me, with his hips mimicking the one act I want to perform with him...I can't contain it.

“Feel me moving, Harry.” He adds another digit that causes my legs to jolt and body quiver from the penetration. “Feel me spreading you wide, Harry!” I'm biting the sheets, subduing my screams, hugging the pillow to my chest pretending it's Louis, wishing I could see his face...witnessing him coming undone. And it's a beautiful sight.

“Do you feel that?” His fingers plunge into me, his hips moving with the motion, his fingers squeezing me just right and it's all too much. His scent, his body, his being...I can't hang on. 

I'm spent.

The pleasure erupts in my abdomen then, forces it's way throughout my bloodstream, and down my spine. I let loose with a cry, soak the sheets underneath my torso, hear Louis’ sigh.

And I'm finished.

.

.

.

.

“Harry?” 

“Mmmm…”

“Harry my darling. I have to...I have to go.” 

“W-why…”

“Because... because I've...done the unthinkable.”

“W-what…?” 

“I've officially sunk to a new low.”

“Never…”

“Yes. It's true.”

“Couldn't be.”

“I'm an awful person.”

“You?”

“I'm not genuine.”

“Lies?”

“I only think of myself.”

“Selfish?”

“Always and...and-”

“It's not in your character…”

“It is. It's who I am.”

“You pretend.” 

“I  _ do _ ... pretend.”

“Hold me.”

“I'm hurting someone, Harry.”

“Who?”

“You.”

“Now you're lying…”

“You are unaware of it either...so oblivious to what's unravelling...the fucking shit storm that's about to come down upon you and it's...God I hate myself.”

“I don't hate you.”

“You should. You will.”

“Why?”

“Why? You don't want to know.” 

“L-Louis...come back to bed?”

“I want to. I want to be with you but I can't.”

“Yes...yes just get back in bed.”

“Harry, this wasn't meant to be anything more than...A way for me to eacape life. But...I'm finding now... that…”

“Hold me.”

“That…is not the case at all.”

“I want you.”

“I know. And that hurts.”

“Come back. Don't go…”

“I must. I have...to take care of someone at home.”

“Me...take care of me. I need you…”

“Need me?”

“L-love you.” 

“You what!?”

“My back is cold.”

“Harry, what did you say!?”

“Hold me?”

“Harry you couldn't possibly-”

“I need your warmth.”

“You don't know me...I don't know me...I don't...fuck.”

“Louis? Please? Don't go?”

“God...now I...you're tearing me in two.”

“I'm... content.”

“I'm a fucking mess...but...Harry-”

“Kiss me.”

“If I do I won't be able to stop.”

“T-then don't.” 

“Why am I finding such a need to risk everything for you?”

“I'm special.”

“Fuck, you are. You are more than special.”

“Then...don't go?”

“I have to. I have to show face, pretend as best as I can and you're making me lose focus.”

“It's my dimple.”

“I must make my investor's proud.”

“You make me proud all the time…”

“I won't soon...Harry you'll hate me so much.”

“Impossible…”

“No, it's inevitable. It  _ will _ happen and then I'll be alone.”

“N-no... you'll have me.”

“I won't...you'll be gone! Don't you understand!?”

“...come back to bed?”

“Harry-”

“My b-back...is cold. Why is that?”

“Because I'm a fucking asshole, that's why.”

“Lay next to me? Promise me?”

“I can’t...make that promise anymore.”

“You need me. I need you...come back.” 

“I can't-”

“Patience...I'm being patient.”

“And here I am still hurting you.”

“You said never let go...so don't?”

“It's...that was...a moment of weakness.”

“Hold me.”

“I have to go.”

“Louis-”

“No. Not tonight.”

“Make love to me.”

“You want-”

“I want to feel you inside me.”

“Please stop?”

“Stare into my eyes, do what you want...to do.”

“Harry-”

“I'm waiting…”

“I know.”

“I'll wait until you're ready. Just like you promised.”

“Ugh...I don't know if I'll ever be.”

“Never...you're...you're mine.”

“I wish that were true.”

“Now come make me warm, let me feel you.”

“I’m leaving Harry.”

“Protect me.”

“I am. From myself.”

“From the world…”

“I have to go back home.”

“I am home.”

“...you are that's why I have to go.”

.

.

.

.

I awake with a start, reach my hand out to feel for his body, his warmth,  _ anything _ . But it's empty. I'm alone.

.

.

.

.

“Where are you?” 

“In bed.” 

“Don't you have work in an hour?”

“Yup.”

“You should really get ready.”

“I don't have the energy to.” 

“I'll send Brett over if you're not showered in twenty minutes.”

“You can't make me do  _ anything _ .” 

“Yes, in this instance I can and will. You need to get your life in order.”

“I  _ can't _ live my life…. it's been robbed from me.”

“No it hasn't, stop being dramatic.”

“I'm  _ not!! _ I...I'm…” I cry into the pillow. “What did I do, Dani?” I hiccup. “Tell me?”

“Harry, you did nothing. It wasn't you. It was him!” My friend reassures. 

“Was I just a game to him? Was I meant to be flaunted and used?” I sob. “Were the flowers meant to lead me on?”

“Harry, I-”

“I need to know!!” I shout. “Someone has to tell me something.... _ anything _ to make this go away!” Ed jumps onto the bed, lays flush against my naked torso. 

“I don't know anything.” Her voice is whispered. “I...I can look in-”

“I don't want to find out anything from a stupid book!! I want him to open up to me!” 

“I'm coming over. You can't live your life like this.” The line goes dead.

I lick my lips and the horror is real.

.

.

.

.

“Get up.” She motions with her hand. “Harry, I'm not kidding.” She pulls my arm. “I will get Brett I swear.”

“Dani, I tried too hard didn't I? I put myself out there. I was easy. Too easy. He probably wanted a challenge...he probably wanted someone with more experience.”

“Stop stop stop.” She runs her fingers through my matted curls. “It's fine.”

“Maybe the clothes were a test...to see if I could meet his standards, be the person he truly wanted, fit his mold.” I swipe at my face. “And I whined too much, complained, let my distaste be known when really all I wanted was to be covered. I wore the jeans, the shoes, the pink frilly underwear, followed his orders-”

“Harry! It's not a matter of blame-” 

“But whose at fault then!? Certainly not the man in the moon!!” I tug the blanket up. “I will be single forever.”

“Stop. Right now or I'll get Brett!” 

“You used that threat already...didn't work.” She stands, pulls the blanket away, reveals my naked body beneath. 

“You haven't moved!?”

“Too pee.” Not eat or drink. Nothing. “And to feed Ed.”

“Oh my God…” She runs a hand down her face. “I'm getting Brett.” She turns away.

“He’ll hate seeing my naked butt!” I shout.

“No he'll hate seeing you this pathetic and weak.” She grunts and walks out.

“I'm weak?”

.

.

.

.

“Reinforcements are here.” Brett announces. “And trust me, I was forewarned about the whole ass thing. It's fine. It'll be okay.” He approaches with Dani trailing behind. “Let's get you up.” He throws off the blanket and tugs my arm. 

“Hey!’ I pull back but he's strong...very strong. “Don't-”

“Up we go!” He forces me to my wobbly feet. “Ah! So you're stark naked and I'm touching your chest. Consider this your lucky day.” 

“I want my bed.” I grip the headboard for support. 

“No you need a damn shower, slime ball. Now c ome on.” Dani throws the blanket over my shoulders.

“You can take a nice bath.” They direct me to the bathroom.

“But I want my bed.” I pout. 

“Harry, you need to get ready for work. Ben is already downstairs.” Dani warns.

“I don't care.” I snap and attempt to wiggle out of Brett's grasp but this guy is...

“You're funny!” He chuckles. 

“I'm not trying to be.”

“Well you're acting like a fucking clown so get yourself together.” I drop my head in my hands because it's the truth. I am acting childish, acting as if I've lost a limb. But it hurts...my heart hurts.

“Here.” Dani begins filling the tub. “I even brought some bath salts.” She sprinkles the pink granules into the water. “It smells pretty.”

“It smells like flowers.” I gag.

“It smells better then you. Now get in.” Brett pushes me forward, keeps a firm grip on my forearms. 

“Watch it! I don't want to slip.” I beg.

“Maybe you will knock some sense into that brain of yours.” He mumbles. We reach the lip of the tub. “Now lift your leg…”

“I think I got this part, thanks.” I groan. I slowly dip my feet in and lower down into the relatively warm water.

“How does that feel?” Dani asks as she places a bottle of shampoo next to my head. 

“Okay I guess.” I shrug. She wets my hair. “You're washing-”

“Shut up.” She pops the cap.

“Ah...kay.” I settle against the porcelain, resign to my fate and allow Dani to clean my hair with her floral scented shampoo. I try my best to not lick my mouth or think of the smells that'll be washed away, the scents I found comforting for a short time, the tastes I savored in. I hate the tears that are welling in my eyes suddenly.

And I couldn't care less about my nudity.

Go. Figure.

“...she's working on this incredible cake actually. It's for Ann's daughter's baby shower.”

“That's wonderful! She really is talented.” Dani and Brett are talking as I lose myself in my stupid brain. My weakness...I stifle a sob. “Tony and I brought an apple pie to his parents house that she made...and let me tell you...it was gone within minutes.”

“Yeah! I've had a slice or two.” I hide my face, concentrate on Dani's hands as they massage my scalp, listen in on their conversation, attempt to be engaged.

But I can't.

Not right now. 

“...an apartment actually. It's like fifteen minutes away.”

“You're leaving?” I want to leave. I want to run. I want to start over. “Natale and I will be here for some time…I think.” I don't want to be anymore. I'll sell the bar. I'll move to a beach town and work in a hotel. I can meet someone there...be their equal. “With the business and all...but I don't mind.” Maybe I can go back to school. “I've got a great gig with the developer.” My brain freezes, my body tenses, my entire facade crumbles into ash. 

The developer.

It all started with that stupid company, the plague, the wrench that screwed all of our plans. We had a life here, a simple, carefree, laid-back way of living and then this happened. Everything we've worked so hard for, the comforts we sacrificed to make our tourists happy...the many sleepless nights to help sick cats...it's gone.

All of it.

Including my sanity, including my positivity, including my love for the town. Including my will to sugar coat the truth.

I can feel it in my bones, in my abdomen, in my arms and legs. It's there. It's hurting. It's making my brain fuzzy. It's bringing another kind of ache to the mix and I can't seem to clear my mind of it. The hatred boiling in the pit of my stomach, the last thread suppressing it…

It's. All. Gone.

“It will be a good change of scenery. I think that's why we're moving.” And...

“You mean moving together?” He's...

“Yeah. That in itself is a huge change!” Not...

“Yes. It is.” There's a tap on my shoulder. “How are you doing there, buddy?” I want to respond but a squeak escapes my lips instead. “Harry?” Here.

_ He's not here. _

I can't help the flow of tears then, the agonizing sobs, the quaking in my shoulders. I drop my head in my hands, lick at my lips, taste him all over, feel the wound in my heart split open and bleed. It's so much worse then I suspected, far more devastating, so crippling I can't even find the strength to lift my head.

“He's not here.” I whisper into my hands. “He's... he's supposed to b-be.”

“Harry!!” Dani grips my wet shoulders, tugs me towards her into a hug. “It's okay. Hey, it's okay.” She rubs my back. “Brett grab me a towel?” She quickly rinses the soap out of my hair, dries my tears with her fingers. “You'll be fine I promise. This will go away.” She says but there's just no truth in her lies. “It hurts now...but-”

“He left without... without a goodbye.” I continue. “He ran away from me.”

“Here.” Brett holds out the towel.

“Help me lift him?” She asks.

“Absolutely.” 

“W-why?” I cry.

“Because he's a coward.” Brett says. 

“He...he wasn't…?”

I allow them to pull me up, dry me off, wrap a robe securely around my shoulders and take me back to my room. 

“Sit him down on the chair. I want to change his sheets.” Dani says.

“But...but they-” Reek of him!! 

“They need to be washed. There's...stuff on them.”

“Harry, you jizzed on your bedding. Come on, man. I thought you were classier than that.” He claps my shoulder but I don't respond. 

“Brett... really?”

“What? It's the truth.”

“Ugh...shh!!” She grunts and quickly makes the bed with fresh bedding. “There. Let's tuck him in.”

“Are we going to wipe his ass next?”

“Brett!!!” 

“What!! Harry is a strong, able bodied individual. Right?” He releases his hands and I practically collapse on my side. “Okay...well great. Thanks. I just lost that battle.” He lifts me up and guides me to the bed.

“Good. Now you can rest up.” Dani pulls the comforter to my chin. “And cry it out. It's okay.” She kisses my cheek and drags Brett from the room.

“He can't work, Dani.” I hear them in the kitchen some time later. 

“I know... I'll... I'll tell Ben.”

“I mean I can help him out.” Brett offers, his tone devoid of the light heartedness it held earlier.

“Would you? Will Natale mind?”

“Not at all. She'll understand.” 

“Thank you.” 

I hear him leaving but I don't move.

I snuggle into my clean sheets, lay with Ed and close my eyes praying for light.

.

.

.

.

Around four in the morning, I head to the bar needing a distraction.

I trudge down the steps, disregard the memories the stairwell holds and find the place... sparkling clean. Unfortunately. It's perfect, ready and prepped for tonight. I groan.

This was meant to be my outlet, my way to release my aggression! But not anymore. It looks like I'll be wallowing some more….unless I check the glasses! I round the bar and each one is spotless, cleaned, polished. Same with the shot glasses. The bottles are wiped down, filled, facing forward, the cooler emptied of ice and dried, the stainless steel fingerprint free. 

“No…” I grip my curls. “Ben actually listened! For once…” I plop down on a barstool and lay my head in my hands. “I could have worked.” I mumble. “I probably needed it.” 

“You're awake!?” I flinch at the tone.

“Uhm...yeah.” I say. “Couldn't sleep anymore.” 

“Oh okay.” He stands besides me.

“Sorry for bailing. I hope Brett was of some help.”

“He's strong!” Ben sits next to me. “Excellent bar back.”

“He didn't out drink the customers?”

“Nah, barely had a sip.” My mouth drops.

“Really? That's great.” I tug at the collar of my t-shirt.

“Yup. Natale was here to watch him.” He laughs. “But it was fine. Nothing out of the ordinary.”

“Cool. Thanks for everything.”

“Are you feeling better?” I want to cringe when- “Dani said you had a stomach bug?” I let out a sigh.

“Yes! Yes I did.” I grip my stomach for effect. “Doing much better now.”

“Good because I can't afford to catch anything.”

“Why?” I watch him fidget in his seat. 

“I'm going on vacation. I leave in a few days.”

“Oh nice. Where are you headed?”

“West coast.” He nods and I don't press further.

“Have fun. I'll be back tonight.” I stand up. “Thanks for cleaning.”

“Just doing my job!”

“Yeah well, the last few times…” I crack a small smile.

“Oh these came for you.”

“What did?” Ben runs to the back. “Huh?” He reappears empty handed.

“Maybe you should come and see? There are too many.” He points his thumb over his shoulder.

“...um…” I follow him to the storage room, feel my heart racing in my chest, find my fear choking me. It's not that I expect to see something there...it's more the hope of seeing someone again.

But it's just…

“The new glasses came!” Ben opens a box. “See? They're so nice!” I deflate instantly.

“Yeah...look at that.” I pick one up, inspect it, feel tears pushing their way through. 

“Yup!” Ben says. “I'll switch them out before we open tonight.”

“Sure...yeah that sounds good. Thanks.” I search the stack of boxes for an invoice. “Ben, where's the bill? I need to show it to Peter.”

“Um...I didn't see one...when the delivery man dropped them off he didn't say anything.”

“I'll call Peter later on, see if he knows anything.” I walk to the bar. “I'm going back up. I'll see you later.” I give a half wave.

“I'll lock the doors!” Ben says cheerfully.

“Thank you again.” I head to bed and pretend to sleep.

.

.

.

.

“I received a letter about the mortgage.” Peter says.

“...what? What's it say?” 

“The building is paid in full, Harry. The mortgage was paid off.” I hesitate a moment, rehash his words, replay our entire conversation.

“What do you mean...paid in full? I refinanced three years ago! How could...what!?”

“Harry it's right here in black and white. We are only responsible for taxes.” 

“I can't...I don't...how!?” I grip my curls, practically collapse onto my couch in disbelief. “It doesn't make sense...who did it because I certainly don't have the money for that!”

“Doesn't say…” 

“I have to…figure this out. It could have been an error you know maybe-”

“I called already, checked our books, the bank account.” He sighs. “No mistake.”

“Well that's great.” I suppose? “I don't know…why do I feel like this is going to have negative repercussions?”

“We can still pay them if you want just in case, keep the money readily available.”

“I like that idea. Send a check each month and if they cash it good.”

“I will.” We're silent for a moment.

“Did you take the invoice for the glasses?”

“Invoice…?”

“I purchased new glasses for the bar and couldn't find the bill so I thought maybe you took it with you last night.”

“I wasn't aware. What method of payment did you use?”

“I am almost certain I used the business account but...ugh I have no idea anymore.”

“Hmmm…” I hear the sound of shuffling papers. “No. I don't have it. Did Ben-”

“He didn't see it either.” I pinch the bridge of my nose. “I don't-” There's a knock at the front door. “Ugh! Who could that be!?” 

“Do you have to go?” The knock comes again.

“Yeah I guess.” 

“We'll talk tomorrow, for now rest up kid. You need it.”

“Thanks.” I nod. “Bye.” 

Knock.

Knock.

_ Knock _ !!

“I'm coming!!” I frantically pull a hoodie over my naked torso and run down the flight of steps to the door. It's a random man, a person I've never seen before,  _ another suit _ . Shocker. “Can I help you?” But not my suit.

“Hi! I'm Dan Wootton. I work for the L.A…. actually a local newspaper and wanted to see if you could answer a couple of questions for me.” His smile is bright, plastic, his skin far too tan for a place like this during winter. He must use an excellent bronzer.

“Um…” I stall a moment because why me? “What's it about?”

“The construction of course!” He chuckles. “I wanted your reaction you know...for the folks to read.”

“Did you ask everyone else?”

“I am making my rounds. You were...first on my list.” His smile widens. 

“Um... alright?” I let the man in and direct him to the bar. “We can sit here. My apartment is upstairs.”

“So you work and live in a bar. Interesting.” 

“How did you know I work-”

“So let's get on with it!” He situates himself on a barstool, places his phone on the counter. “I'll be recording you is that okay?”

“What?” My eyes widen. “I don't-”

“It's less for me to write down!”

“Oh…” I round the bar and keep a little distance between us. “I guess that's okay. Would you like a drink?”

“A seven and seven please!” 

“...a what?”

“Seagram's Seven and Seven up.” The man's face holds a hint of humor that I'd love to simply...slap off.

“It's not noon yet, Mister...um Mister-”

“Just call me Dan!”

“Oh sure. Yeah I meant non alcoholic actually.” I hide my reddening cheeks. 

“It was just a joke, Harry! No worries.” My head snaps up.

“How did you know my name?” Something isn't right.

“Who doesn't know the famous bar owner? You're a household name in this town!” My mouth drops open.

“I thought...but I-” Was the first person you interviewed?

“So! First question.” He touches the screen on his phone and it begins recording. Oh no. “You own this bar, correct?”

“...yes?” I grip the hem of my hoodie. 

“When did you start to bartend?”

“When my parents left. I didnt want to hire someone so I learned and took over.”

“Oh a family business, eh? That's sweet. When did they leave?”

“Uhm...I'm twenty five so...it's been three years now? Right after I graduated college.”

“Ah...do you miss them?”

“Um...what does this have to do with the construction?”

“Just a little backstory. The readers will feel more connected to you, have an understanding just how difficult it's been living through such a change!” 

“I guess…I don't want their pity. I just want...my town back. Although, I think it's too late.”

“How so?” The man isn't even reading from a list of questions...he's just sort of going by rote. 

“Well, the apartments for one thing. They already-”

“Whose they?” He interrupts.

“The developer. They're taking over.” I nod.

“Ah LT Development LLC?”

“Yeah! That's them. I forgot the name actually... I'm awful with names by the way.” A smile tugs at my lips.

“Oh! There's a smile!” My cheeks feel hot suddenly.

“Yes...yeah I guess. But anyway yeah they're taking over... revamping the facades on some of the buildings, the train station. They tore down the cat adoption center too.” I look away. “That was the most difficult I think.”

“Why's that?”

“Because it was mine. Well Dani and I. We owned it.”

“Oh a dual business owner! You certainly had your hands full!”

“I loved it. I loved the cats...loved helping them, giving them a second chance at life. It was a passion.”

“When it's a passion, it doesn't feel like work.”

“Precisely. Sort of like the bar. I really enjoy it actually.” I nod.

“That's great! So, Harry, you lost your precious adoption center. What was your initial reaction to all of this?”

“Anger.” I spit out.

“Oh! Feisty aren't we!”

“That's how I felt. Everyone else too. I think...but me more so because the developer wanted to destroy our business. They didnt even give us a chance to bring the house up to code. They just sort of...made up their minds without any regard to us or the cats. Especially the cats. They were displaced.”

“Of course. I mean, you maintained a safe zone for them, a home essentially.”

“It was a home. It was our home and it's gone. Jellybean is gone.”

“Jellybean?”

“That was the name of the center.”

“That is  _ absolutely _ adorable!!” I nod.

“Yes I thought so too.” 

“Who came up with it?”

“I did. One day Dani was petting a kitten and I noticed their little toes...and it came to mind then. It's not an original name like... people call kitten toes jellybeans all the time but you know...it was cute.”

“Ah you are a creative man. Stay that way.” He clears his throat. “So your anger, Harry. How did you manage that?”

“It was hard...it still is actually. I will never forget the moments we had. There was one cat specifically that will forever have a special place in my heart.”

“What was their name?”

“Lu-Lu. Well Lucas actually. He was a munchkin and so cute.” I inadvertently smile at the thought of him. “He was fluffy and loving. But he was adopted.”

“Isn't that the goal? You know to find him a home?”

“Of course. But it was who adopted him that made it worse.”

“Who was it?”

“Lou...Mr.  _ Austin _ .” I groan. “He took my cat to California.” I'm somber, feeling the heaviness of loss, the sorrow of deceit.

“Is that so? Mr. Austin was callous enough to do that to you?”

“Yeah and he uh…” Hurt me in other ways but that's not for the public to read about. “He was unfeeling.”

“Why's that? Did he play a role in this whole... development?”

“I don't even know if I'm honest. He just showed up one day and ruined our lives. I never knew what he did or who he worked for. He was a nuisance.” I scowl feeling the aches and pains of loss...his loss. 

“Oh you seem to have quite a distaste for Mr. Austin.”

“I do. He brings me nothing but sadness.”

“My deepest apologies, Harry.”

“That's fine.” I wave it off. “He's long gone now...with my cat.” And heart.

“Who chose who?” This man is relentless.

“Chose?” Well, he dropped me like a bad habit so not me apparently.

“Did the cat choose Mr. Austin? Or the other way around?”

“Oh. Lu-Lu liked Louis...ugh Mr. Austin. I couldn't deny it. And what can I say? The man could provide Lucas with the medicine and veterinary visits he needed.”

“The vet?”

“Lucas has cancer.” I look away, hide my tears. “Lucas is very ill and Louis can give him a good life.” 

“He can... why?”

“Because he's rich. Very rich and I'm...not. I couldn't provide such a lifestyle without it crippling my finances.”

“Ah...I see. Well Mr. Austin doesn't seem like such an awful man then.”

“He is and he isn't. He can be generous with his wealth, but other than that...he's a selfish person.”

“That he is. Selfish indeed.”

“How do you know?” I look up to him.

“He...uh...he seems very selfish to take your cat away!”

“Yeah well... whatever.” I dismiss it.

“Let's get back on track!”He adjusts his tie. “So what do you know about a Mr. Tomlinson-” A loud knock comes at the door then.

“Who could that be?” I crane my neck to see. “Excuse me...Mr. Wattpad. I need to answer that.” I approach the door to find Ben, Stan and Oli!? I open it. “What's going on?”

“Whose in there with you?” Ben asks frantically. 

“Um...a Dave Wattpad? Oh I don't know...I forget-”

“Dan Wootton!? How did he-” Oli shouts.

“Shit.” Stan grumbles.

“Harry you can't speak to that man.” Ben says.

“What? Why? He's interviewing-”

“No! It's...not what you think!”

“Hey fellas! How are you!?” The man approaches with his hand extended and ready for a shake. 

“Fuck you.” Stan says instead.

“Hey now that's not nice!” 

“Leave!” It's Ben's turn. “You're not welcome here!”

“Harry invited me in graciously. Where have your manners gone, boy?”

“Wait... I'm confused-” I try to start but everyone begins talking at once, shouting obscenities, waving their hands in the air, acting like complete imbeciles. It's making my head hurt so I back away, disregard their banter and head back into the bar.

I drag my feet over to the counter and sit down needing a moment. This is all too much... nothing is making sense. Who is Dan? Why does Stan, Oli, and now Ben care so much about him interviewing me? Is he a liar? There was something off about him.

And now I can't help but think Mr. Austin had a part in this.

“Harry!” I look up and see Ben. “What did you say to him?”

“What?”

“Booty call, what did you say to that man?” Stan. I dislike him with a passion.

“I have a name and would appreciate it if you used it. Thanks.” I turn away from them.

“We need to know.” It's Oli then. “Please? We thought we escaped the reporters but I guess not? The photos they captured I guess triggered their interest.”

“What photos?” I pinch the bridge of my nose. 

“Of you and Louis.” My face blanches, my body goes numb, I can feel my heart beating uncontrollably in my chest. “The pictures that started it all.”

“What? Started what!?” I hide my face then, scrounge up the courage to not breakdown in front of them, especially Ben. “Why does everyone know what's going on except me? Why am I in the dark all the time? This involves me and my personal life!”

“We've been-” Oli tries but I interrupt him.

“Doing nothing. Now I probably spoke to that reporter and said things I shouldn't have because everyone feels this need to keep poor old, stupid Harry in the dark. Why? What's it matter? Why can't I know anything?”

“It's not that.” 

“Then what is it?” I stifle a sob, bury my head in my hands. “Whats happening? Am I losing my business? Both of them? Is that it?”

“It’s not that either…” Oli's voice is hushed. 

“Is it...Mr. Austin? Was it all a lie?” My body is screaming at me. “What did he really want from me?” 

“That's not for me to discuss-”

“Then what the hell is going on!?”

“Harry-” 

“Shut up. Just go away! All of you. Please?” I place my hands over my ears, rest my forehead on the bar top. “I don't want to be tangled in this mess anymore. I never asked for it.”

“Then you shouldn't have went to California.” Stan spits. “That's what sparked the allegations.” 

“I can't go on vacation!? I'm trapped here?!” I stand abruptly and push the irritating man out of my way. “Get out. All of you. Ben you can take the rest of the week off. Enjoy your trip.”

“We're not finished-” 

“Yes you are. You're all finished because I never want to see your faces again. Good bye and good riddance.” I sprint up the steps and slam the door closed behind me. “I hate you...I hate you….I hate you.” I say into the empty space. “So much…so much because it's not true.” I find the couch, sink into the soft cushions and cry.

.

.

.

.

“This would be a five minute walk from our new apartment.” Dani says as we walk through another store front.

“It could work.” I inspect the flooring, walls. “Nice and spacious.”

“And it has a sink!”

“Yes it does.” I nod. “It's a little far from me but that's alright. The price makes up for it.”

“I know. It's well within our budget!” 

“What did the agent say about utilities and electric?”

“It's all included except heat.”

“I'm liking the sound of that.” A smile plays at my lips because there's finally a light ahead, a light I can see and feel. “We'll have this place packed with cats in no time. I almost want to go to the shelter today!”

“Now let's not get ahead of ourselves. We still have to call the agent.”

“Then call them? Please?” I push because I need to be occupied...I need to distract my mind. 

“Okay okay...don't get your panties in a bind.” She pulls her phone free from her purse.

“My boxers are _ not _ in a bind, thank you very much.” I cross my arms over my chest. 

“Well you're acting like it.” She smirks. “Let me see...the number the number...whose got the number…”

“Here. It's on the ad I saw in the paper.”

“Jesus you're reading the newspaper now!?”

“I need to fill my time with something constructive. Plus I wanted to find that article I was supposedly interviewed for.” She dials the number.

“What was up with that anyway?” She puts the phone to her ear. “And why did Oli and-...Yes hi!” She turns away then. I continue searching the space, find a few scuff marks on the flooring, note the paint job that's in need of a fresh coat. 

These are simple fixes.

We can make it work.

“I see...okay awesome. Can we get started?... Awesome! I'll give you my email address.” I turn towards her and she gives me a thumbs up. “Yes! Exactly...Jellybeanz...with a Z. Yes! Perfect. Great I'll be waiting for your email! Have a great day.” She hangs up. “Yes! We'll fill out the application and be on our way!”

“Oh yay!” She pulls me into a hug and I cannot help the grin on my face. “This is exactly what I needed.” I squeeze her tightly then release my arms. 

“How will you get here?”

“I'll buy a car.” I have the money now.

“You can afford it?”

“Yes...long story short, I'm mortgage free.”

“How!? You refinanced to pay off your student loans!”

“I don't know. Peter looked into it for me and yeah...it's done.” And it worries me to think who it could have been.

“Wow... someone's... looking out for you.” She eyes me. “Do you think it's-”

“Not some fancy rich moron from let's say... California?  _ No _ .” I snap. “At least...ugh…” I pinch the bridge of my nose. “Dani, I hope not. It's another debt I owe to that poor excuse of a man.” That I still...ache for. I'm pathetic.

“You owe him a debt?”

“He paid Lucas’ vet bills... remember?”

“Yes but I don't think... he'd want that back?”

“He'll probably take it all back including his clothes!”

“You still have them?” What if he returns? I'll need to...meet his expectations and maybe win him back. 

“I can sell them. They're practically brand new.”  Lie.

“Yeah you could totally make some money.” We walk to the street. “Oh I have an email. That was quick.” She looks at her phone. “Okay great it's the application. Want to fill it out?”

“Yeah sure send it over.”

“Thanks. I have work in an hour.” We're at Tony's car and climb in. “I'm so excited!” 

“Me too.” 

“So fill out the application and email them back?”

“Of course. I'll stop by the hotel and have you sign and you can scan it in.”

“They wanted a hard copy too. The address should be in the email.”

“Alright.” I nod. 

“Yay!”

.

.

.

.

“So you guys found a place?” Brett asks as we head to the hotel.

“We did! It's fifteen minutes away.”

“You can't walk that you know.” He glances at me. 

“I'm buying a car.” I reassure. “It'll be fine.”

“Mmm...good for you then.” He slaps my back. “Looks like my friend has  _ finally _ decided to resurrect from the dead!”

“He's still buried but is finding the light a little bit at a time.” I correct. “I'm doing better.” I twist the application in my hands, remain silent for a moment to formulate my words. “T-thanks… you know for helping me by the way. I know I should have said it sooner but didn't know  _ how _ to say it.” I turn my head away. “I thought things would be weird between us because-”

“I saw your dick?” He chuckles. “Nah.”

“Uh...I was going to say seeing me at my worst but yeah you did get a free show...of everything I suppose.”

“Yeah it was  _ quite the sight _ .” 

“I was wide open and you didn't flinch. I appreciate that you know?”

“I would do it again if I had to.” He nods.

“Really?” I look to him.

“Oh yeah. I wouldn't even think twice...I mean...next time I expect you to be fully clothed but I've got you.”

“That was not my fault!” He eyes me. “Okay fine. It was! But you were warned.”

“I was! I knew what I was walking into.” He smiles. “You smelled like a chick after that. How does that make you feel?”

“I felt pretty actually.” A smile pulls at my lips.

“Yeah the  _ manliest of men _ ...smelling so damn pretty.” He nudges my shoulder.

“With the  _ best  _ legs. Don't forget the legs!” I chuckle.

“Alright fine. You have the best legs. They're long and slender.”

“You really think that!?” I sober instantly. 

“Absolutely. You are a catch.” His face is serious, devoid of any humor. 

“I...why thank you.” I divert my gaze. “Sometimes I think my stupidity masks my other features.”

“Nah you're only half stupid.” 

“Half!?”

“Harry, yes. You're too oblivious sometimes. I mean it can be a good thing... less hurt. But in the end-”

“I'm getting hurt anyway.” We reach the hotel and every memory slaps me across the face. The tears are instant and not from the stinging. “Right?”

“The dude keeps leaving and refuses to give you good reasons.”

“He lives-”

“ _ Real _ reasons.” Brett stops walking.

“What are you saying?”

“That if he hurts you again, I'll hurt  _ him _ . Okay?” His smile is warm, genuine, so far from anything I thought Brett would say or do. 

“You...what?”

“You heard me. He better put his money where his mouth is.”

“I guess…?” I grip my fingers. “I don't want you to hurt him though. We all make mistakes and even though this is torturous, I still...I still care. Way more than I should.” 

“I agree. He doesn't deserve it or you.”

“I know. And I  _ am _ angry with him for leaving me, so upset that he could just... walk away without an explanation, deliver his hurt through his silence.” I stifle a sob. “I tried my best.”

“Sometimes it's not a matter of you trying though. You could be exactly what he's looking for, be the perfect match but...it's how  _ he _ wants to handle it, what he is truly looking for. And it may not have been…”

“Me?” My heart stutters.

“Yes. So don't blame yourself, stop with the self pity. He's obviously confused...or... _ preoccupied _ with other things.”

“You think?”

“...yes, Harry. He's very much occupied.”

“What? With what exactly? How do you know?

“I heard about Dan Wootton interviewing you.”

“Wait what?” I ask in confusion.

“Small town...word gets around.” He takes a deep breath. “He works for the LA Times.”

“...huh?” I grip my curls. “How did you-”

“I did a little research.” He hesitates. “There’s an article he wrote...about Louis.” Brett says. “You have to read it.”

“Louis? Why!?” I choke. I can feel my skin prickle, feel the gooseflesh arise. “What's in it?”

“ _ Just _ ...read it.” He pushes something into my hands, a stack of papers. “Wait until you're home. And...I'll be over if you need me.”

“That bad?” I deflate instantly.

“Possibly.” He nods. “But I won't be fake with you, lie, or protect you because you have a right to know. I am your friend. I am here for you.” 

“W-what...what I... people are lying?”

“More than you know. Some figured it out. I was ignorant too but now I see it and after reading that article it all makes sense.”

“Oh...oh my.” My hands are shaking. “I'm going to feel more pain?”

“I can't say. That's up to you.” I nod, rub my eye.

“A-alright.” We stand in silence for a moment. “Can...can you come in with me? I need Dani's signature and then I want to read this but I don't want to be alone.” My eyes are on the verge of tears. “I'm afraid…how hurt I'll be.”

“Anything you need.” 

“Really?”

“As long as your ass is covered.” He drapes his arm across my shoulders. “Absolutely.”

“Thanks.” We head inside the hotel and I spot my friend behind the desk. “Hey.” I hold up the application.

“Hey! Where do I sign?” She asks.

“Next to mine along the dotted line.” I place it before her.

“Alrighty. Thanks.” As she sorts through the paperwork, I look around the lobby to distract myself, to maybe spot a familiar face regardless of the hurt burning in my gut. It's just become such a habit at this point and really, I want to see him. “There's so much...who are these people!?”

“I don't know. I didn't look.” 

“LT...mmmm...oh who knows…here.” She puts her hand out. “Take it.”

“I thought you were scanning it?” I ask.

“Oh yeah. Be right back.” She goes to the office.

“I wonder if the asshole is here now?” Brett mumbles.

“Which one?” Because lately they've been coming out of the woodwork.

“Good try there friend.” He chuckles. “We all know-”

“I scanned it to myself. What's the email? I'll just forward it.” Dani interrupts.

“Oh okay.” I pull my phone out. “Okay...it's...Briana...at LTDevLLC.com.”

“Brianna with two N’s?”

“No, one.” I correct. “Mmm that sounds familiar.” 

“What was that again?” Brett approaches me.

“What was what?”

“The email.”

“Briana at LT-”

“LT  _ what? _ ”

“Dev?” I question. “What's wrong?”

“That name sounds familiar.” Dani says as she types. 

“That's because your potential landlord is the same person who tore down Jellybean.” Brett's voice is grave. 

“What!?” I nearly shout. 

“That's the same people.” He concludes. “They contracted me to work for them.” I grip my scarf for comfort, pretend it's...a hand...a warm, soft, strong hand. “If they're located in California, then yes. It's them.”

“We can't...we won't…I don't-” I grip my curls, shake my head. “I refuse-”

“No thanks!” Dani says. “I don't want the space!”

“Burn the application!” I manage. “I do not want to be associated with them!”

“It's like they're taking over!! What's happening around here!?”

“Whose your landlord?” I ask her. “You better make sure it's not the same people.”

“I hope not!!” She picks up her cellphone. “I have to call Tony. He was in charge of everything.”

“My goodness...That Mr. Wattpad mentioned them too!” I turn to Brett. “Is...are they mentioned in the article?” His eyes widen. “Does that man-”

“Danielle!!” I look over and it's Mrs. Winston barreling in with her hair in a frizz and arms flailing. “Dani!”

“What's up? Everything okay?” Dani places her phone down, discreetly hides it beneath the keyboard. 

“Mr. Austin is on his way-” He is?

“I didn't see it in the book-” Because he's coming...because he…

“His flight landed earlier than expected!” He's... going to...what? Coming? He's on his way? Why? 

“It’s fine. I'll alert housekeeping.” Why didn't he text me? Why didn't I hear from him in over a week? 

“Thank you sweetie! I'll go tell the bellboy-”

Why is my heart pounding? 

Why can't I breathe!?

Why is my body betraying me?

“L-Louis?” I choke as I grip onto the closest object I can find.

“Harry!” It's Brett, dependable Brett, my friend, my rock, the one person who doesn't want to see me hurting. “Hey, man it's fine. Keep it together.”

“B-but... he's coming? I...I can't-” He's tugging me out of the lobby and into the now snow covered sidewalk. “I have...I need to see him.” I struggle in his hold, push against him and the fogginess settling over me.

“Is he okay? What happened?” I vaugely hear the woman.

“Come...it's fine.” He pushes me out, guides me to a bench. “Take a deep breath. It's fine.” I place my head in my hands, feel the shaking in my shoulders and hands. 

“Please let me see him!?” I grip my curls harshly. “I have...I miss him.” Warm tears are streaming down my cheeks. “Just a glance. Anything!”

“And get hurt again? That's not a good idea.” 

“I'd rather be hurt than go through life without ever seeing him again.” I sob. “Because... because what if there is still hope? What if I change his mind? I can show him! I can prove it!” I lift my head and Brett's standing with his arms crossed and mouth in a straight line. He shakes his head no.

“Not on my watch.” 

“B-but please?” 

“We have to go. Remember the article?”

“I don't want to read it. I don't want my view on him to be skewed...to read about his life through someone else's words. I want to... give him that chance. He asked for time... patience...and I'm...I  _ promised _ him, Brett! I said I'd be there for him and here I am running! I can't do that!”

“I'm telling you! It's not-” He tries but I shout back, defend these feelings I have bubbling beneath my skin, the emotions I knew were more intense...more powerful. Something greater than like.

“I  _ love  _ him.” I choke out.

“Wait just a second now-”

“I do! I love him and I want to tell him and hold him and-”

“Harry-”

“And I can't let it go. Especially him. I can't just walk away. No matter how hurt I am or how much he hurts me. I can't stop these feelings. And the longer he's away, the worse it becomes...the worse I am becoming. I'm losing a piece of me...a vital piece and it'll rip me in two if I continue like this.” I grip my friend's arms, stir him from his thoughts. 

“You'll make it through. This is just fresh in your mind, the break still repairing itself. You're not-”

“Don't say it's not love.  _ Just don't _ !!” I cover my head again, stare blankly at the coating of snow. “I am my own person. I understand. I know what this is!”

“But what if-”

“ _ Please _ accept it? Please don't frown upon me? Judge me? Ridicule my love for him? Please tell me he isn't as awful as he is perceived as? I need your reassurance.” I swipe at my eyes. 

“I'd never do any of that.” He sits next to me. 

“Do you believe me?” My head is pounding. 

“I do.” He places his hand on my shoulder. “What I am trying to say is...if you understood him better you'd see that…” He trails off.

“What? What would I see? What am I missing!?”

“I can't stop saying this...read the article. It wasn't your interview. It's strictly about him, his supposed past, his current life, his future.” He takes a deep breath. “Who he's involved with.” 

“Involved?” I look to him. “Involved how?”

“Read it. That is all.” 

“I don't have the stomach to.”

“Well, I don't have the guts to tell you.” He stands up. 

“What!?”

“I won't say it again. If you want the truth. Read the article.” 


	10. Dirty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm a mess. Especially when I'm alone. Especially when my daydreams are given free reign and run themselves rampant with these ideas and fantasies. It's ludicrous. It's giving my heart hope, making my body react for all the wrong reasons... fabricating these instances where...we can be together.

“You better not spill anything on that!” Ben says as I serve a guest.

“When do I ever dirty my clothes?” I question as I run a hand through my curls. The kid is standing before me with his hands on his waist and this presumptuous look in his eye. Not to mention his tan...

“I can list a few instances... remember when Brett got really drunk and threw his shot at you?”

“Wasnt my fault.” I grin, as I expertly pour five tequila shots.

“Okay, well how about when you slipped on an ice cube and spilled whiskey all over yourself?” I can't seem to stop grinning as I serve a group of college kids. _And yes, they're twenty one and older_.

“Again, not my fault. You were in charge of the ice that night if I recall.” One of the boys winks at me. “Hmm…”  I place the shots and lime wedges before them.

“Alright...well this is the winner...you leaned on the bar top and rested in a puddle of alcohol!”

“How is that-” I eye the boy again, the one who winked, the one who continues to watch me.

“You forgot to clean!”

“I... alright _fine_ the one night out of how many? Face it Ben, I'm not as clumsy as you.” I pick up a glass and quickly mix a drink.

“No! I'm not clumsy! I'm just...not as careful.” He watches me closely. “Whose that for?” I shrug.

“No one in particular.” I smile. “Nice tan by the way. I'm assuming your trip went well?”

“Yes. Oh my God Beverly Hills is amazing.” I feel a slight twinge in my gut but ignore it.

“California was pretty.” I agree.

“Yeah! We stayed in this sick suite that overlooked the city. Basically spent the day at the beach and the nights at the clubs hitting on chicks. It was... awesome!!” Oh yay... demeaning women I'm sure.

“Who did you... never mind. Happy you had fun!” I turn on my heel and bring my drink to the guy that has _yet_ to remove his eyes from me. I blame the shirt. “Hey.” I smirk as I place the glass before him.

“Hello.” His voice is okay, his hair a little messy but he has a nice smile. Besides, I want to get to know the _real_ person not simply enjoy his exterior.

“Hi.” I croon. “For you.” I push it towards him.

“I didn't-”

“On the house.” I smile a toothy grin.

“Oh...thanks.” He returns the gesture. “Trying to get me drunk?” He sips the beverage, hums in satisfaction, takes another.

“Uh…well, not exactly.” Why did I make it? To impress him?

“You know to get in my pants? Because really you have a sweet ass-”

“Alright. Cool thanks.” I roll my eyes and walk away in disgust. “He likes my ass?” I groan. “My ass!?” That's it!? “I need to go out more.” I mumble as this hollowness creeps its way up my abdomen.

“What's wrong?” I look up to find Natale standing before me.

“Hey!” I give a quick wave, point over my shoulder. “Was just... heading outside for a sec. Want to join?”

“Yeah sure.” She follows me. “What's going on?”

“Nothing much. Needed some fresh air.” I fan my shirt out to cool my skin. “How are you? How was the baby shower?”

“Good! It was unicorn themed and...I'm h-happy it's over.” She leans against the facade. “Like...so happy.”

“Oh no why?” Her face falls.

“They made a last minute design change after I nearly c-completed the cake. It was a huge change too...like...the _actual flavor_ of the filling. I cried for three hours straight b-because I just did my crumb coat of buttercream.” She says. “I had to start over.”

“I'm sorry.” I say. “Were they apologetic?”

“Um...not really. They assumed it's my job and these sort of things h-happen all the time.” She shakes her head. “But that's not the case at all. I do have other orders and that set me back.”

“Will you bake for them in the future?”

“They want me to do a birthday cake next!” She groans.

“Hey it's business!” She gives me a droll stare. “Uh...Well, I'd explain that to them, you know? You cannot fulfill last minute changes especially once the actual cake is made.”

“I want to be flexible and make my clients h-happy. But not if it questions my sanity!” I snort.

“Natale, you're very much sane don't worry.”

“Ugh!! Not after this! And plus I was working on my regular orders...I thought Brett was going to murder me.”

“We're allowed to get stressed! Don't worry. It happens to the best of us.”

“I suppose...I try not to let my inner New Yorker loose. She can be n-nasty.”

“I highly doubt that but if you insist.” I smile.

“Trust me. You'd be afraid.” She wraps her arms around her waist. “Oh that breeze is chilly!”

“It's freezing but I needed it.” I say. “It gets so hot in there.”

“Yeah. I hear you.” She fixes her blouse. “I was g-going to head out soon.”

“Oh? For what?”

“Bed.” She shrugs. “I'm a morning person.”

“Ah... I see.” I nod. “Yeah not for me. No thanks.”

“That's a nice shirt.” I look down at the royal blue.

“Yeah. I think so too.” I note the cufflinks and the designs lining the sleeve.

“The entire ensemble is appealing. Are y-you... expecting someone?” She questions innocently.

“Um…” I look away, hide my frown because I guess Brett keeps his secrets. “The hope is gone I think. So no.”

“You look nice anyway.” She says. “It's important to make yourself feel g-good once in a while.” She tucks a stray piece of hair behind her ear.

“I guess.” I shrug.

“Well I'm sure it'll attract the attention of one of your patrons.”

“It has and he only complimented my butt.” I groan. “He called it _sweet_. Like how can it possibly be sweet!?”

“Ah...yeah…” She shrugs. “It's what you notice first I think.” Her eyes widen. “Well! I meant...first impression!?”

“It's fine. I understand. It's my fault.”

“Not exactly!” Her laughter is forced, nervous almost. “Like...I s-stutter right? And most men would have ran for the hills because it's the first thing they notice!”

“Enough of that.” I scold. “You're so much more than your stutter.” We head back inside.

“I am! But they wouldn't know that. It's h-hard to look past I think.”

“If they had a brain, they would give you that chance because the way someone speaks shouldn't make or break you.”

“I agree!” She nods. “But you see what I mean? That guy noticed your rear first. I'd take it as a c-compliment.”

“It's more principle I think. I guess I want them to notice my intelligence not my...behind.”

“But isn't there always an initial a-attraction?”

“I guess.” I sigh. “It was always an issue for me though.”

“What was?” We walk further in, stop at the end of the bar. She eyes me expectantly.

“The guy would always be interested in jumping into bed right away rather than have a meaningful conversation with me. It was annoying. We'd go for coffee, see a movie... anything really, there he was looking to touch me inappropriately. By the end of the night I'd be either fighting him off or walking away completely.” I groan. “I wish I realized sooner.”

“Try not to beat yourself up over it. You l-lived, you learned. Now you know better.” She nods.

“I do. But the issue is _them_ . They believe that's what I'm here for, like that's why I went out with them. But it's not true. I wanted to find... someone special. Someone who cared. Someone looking to get to know me.” _I'm determined_. I bite my tongue, taste the blood instantly.

“Oh.” She diverts her gaze.

“So I stopped trying because it always ended the same.” _I'm determined_.

_Sorry, I didn't meant to touch you._

_...my intention was to have you there to speak to you._

_I just...wanted to be with you, spend quality time with you, get to know the inner Harry, the person you keep buried deep._

_This was the exact look that caught my eye._

Ugh!!!

“Where's Brett?” I ask to change subjects...to occupy my brain, to silence my aching heart.

“Oh...Home. He was exhausted. His new boss is w-working him like crazy.”

“Oh I found out his boss is the developer! How crazy is that!?”

“I _know._ He isn't fond of the idea but it's a job and they're p-paying him very well.”

“Y-yeah.. that's important.”

“It is! Especially since I want a ring!”

“A ring!?” I nearly choke.

“Yes! I want to get m-married and adopt like five cats.” She smiles. “When you reopen Jellybean I'll be your first client.”

“...I hope we can.” I admit. “It seems the developer owns every stinking property there is within a ten mile radius.”

“Well, why not just rent from them?”

“They...took our lives, Natale.”

“No, they altered your future not your life.” She crosses her arms over your chest. “You are the maker of your d-destiny. Not this company. If you want something, go for it.”

“Okay so when did you become so philosophical?”

“Someone has to take the reigns…temporarily. You're better at it.”

“I try.” I smirk.

“But...Harry, how are things with Louis?” My heart plummets in my chest.

“...um well…”

“He's been around a few times and he seems-” There's shouting at the bar then, a loud smack, the sound of a body hitting the floor.

“Huh!?” I turn towards the confrontation and find Ben holding back one of the patrons. “Oh no! Excuse me, Natale. I have to take care of whatever just...ugh!”

“Don't worry. Be careful.” I hurry over to subdue the fight, find my guests standing in a circle.

“What's going on!?” I shout at the guy with the busted lip, the stupid college kid who liked my butt. His friend is helping him to his feet.

“This guy fucking started with me! Punched me right in the face. I'm pressing charges!”

“Be my guest, but do that on your own time.” I snap. I look over at who Ben is holding and it's- “ _Stan!?_ I thought I told you to never come back!?”

“It's the only bar in town and _I needed a break_ from the boss.” He grunts. I can smell the liquor instantly as his foul breath hits my cheeks.

“That's not my _problem_.” I ignore the burning in my gut. “You need to learn to expel your anger in other ways.”

“And what do you suggest, eh? Fucking your way around town?”

“What!? No!” My hands are clenched into fists. “Don't _hit_ other people!”

“He _started_ with me, booty call. FYI!” He struggles against Ben's hold.

“Don't...call me that!” I bark as my stupid tears surface.

“That's what you were. Hate to break it to you.” I try my best to hold them back.

“Shut up, Stan!” Ben shouts.

“Get out of _my_ bar Stan.” My voice remains calm. “You too.” I point to the kid who liked my butt. “Bring your friends with you. I don't want to see your faces any more...got that!?” I turn back to Stan. “Never come back here. I mean it. Keep your _filth_ away from me.” I seethe.

“You own this place!?” The college kid asks.

“Ugh...yes!! Hence the _free_ drink. Now get out!” I scream and turn away, hide my face, my aggravation. And fine my embarrassment because why did I get that kid a drink? Was it because he gave me the slightest bit of attention? Noticed me? How desperate am I? Is that why I wore this dumb outfit?

Did Natale see right through me? Am I that transparent?

I was a booty call?

Was I?

Am I seriously stupid enough to risk everything I've work so hard to avoid?

“Hey! Wait up!” I hear Ben. “Harry!”

“ _What_?” I snap.

“Chill out. Why-” I turn on him.

“Stan is not allowed in here.” I growl.

“He must have-”

“He had alcohol on his breath!”

“Look I don't-" His face is flushed.

“ _Ben_ ! You served him. After I specifically said both he and Oli are no longer welcomed you go against my wishes and _serve_ him!” I grip my curls.

“You're getting upset with Stan when he wasn't the one-”

“He calls me names! Makes me feel like I'm some kind of moron! I do not appreciate him!”

“He's defending his friend!” What about me though?  

“You mean _boss_?”

“They're friends! They work together yes but they're friends first. Have been since they were kids.”

“Oh _great_ ! Good to know. Childhood buddies. _Cute_.”

“He isn't a bad guy. A little hotheaded but-”

“He's a _terrible_ human being.”

“He punched that kid because he said something about you.” Ben rushes out.

“I don't care-...wait what?” I release my hair, look Ben straight in the eyes.

“Yes, Harry. That kid said something about...now excuse my French... fucking you into next week and Stan got angry and lashed out.” I flinch at the choice of words.

“I wouldn't let him.” I reassure, sober up from my out burst. “I'm not easy.” Right? I have my standards.

“He was going to roofie your drink.” My forehead breaks out in a cold sweat. “When? I don't know. But those kids were up to no good.”

“Okay that's just-” Disgusting. And terrifying. Absolutely terrifying. So...so...I feel dirty.

“I heard it. Every word.” He nods. “I would have punched him myself if Stan didn't do it first.”

“...I…” I turn away. “I'm sorry.”

“It's fine.”

“It's not though. None of this is fine, Ben!”

“I know! It's messed up but-”

“Look, we still have to work. What's done is done but I have a business to run.”

“Okay.” He agrees. I nod and am about to walk away when I feel his hand on my arm.

“What?” I turn around.

“He's a mess.”

“Who?”

“ _He's_ not well, Harry.”

“Who, Ben?” My patience is wearing thin.

“He read the article.” Ben frowns and turns away.

“...the what?” Then it comes to light. “Oh...but I didn't...he said those things himself! Why does he feel bad!?”

“It's...grr!!! I'm done.” He stomps away.

“Wait! What's it matter!! I'm a nobody in the grand scheme of things.” Now it's my turn to follow after him. “Mr. Austin is an adult. He can handle the truth...the truth he spoke of!”

“He's...he's _not_ …” Ben clamps his mouth shut. “You don't get it.”

“No, because everyone is hiding everything from me. Including you.” I point to him. “You _know_ things. You know!!”

“I do! I know too much and I wish I didn't because you'll be so angered towards Louis and I want to avoid that.”

“But why-” Do his feelings matter more than mine!?

“He wants to tell you so badly, admit it all. But he's afraid.”

“Of _what_?”

“How you'll look at him when it's said and done.”

“Well he isn't making himself look any _better_ by keeping it from me.” I walk behind the bar and begin cleaning empty bottles and dirtied glasses. “He's allowing it to fester, assuming things about me, not trusting in me! That's his own doing.”

“He has so much weighing on his shoulders.”

“And we all don't? He's the only person!?”

“No but-”

“Ben, I need ice.” I ask because the more I talk about him the more I want to rip my heart out and throw it into the river.

.

.

.

.

I trudge up the steps, feel the weight of my sorrow resting on my heart, the loneliness seeping its way in. I'm a mess. Especially when I'm alone. Especially when my daydreams are given free reign and run themselves rampant with these ideas and fantasies. It's ludicrous. It's giving my heart hope, making my body react for all the wrong reasons... fabricating these instances where...we can be together.

But it's just that.

Lies.

My brain knows it's false.

My body thinks it's real.

My heart prays for peace.

My soul is hopelessly wandering.

And here I am on the verge of more tears.

I slowly head to the bedroom, practically collapse onto the mattress, and that's when it hits me.

Usually around this time too...right after work, right when I think it's time to rest...right about the time when I should feel his lips on my neck and arms wrapped securely around my waist.

Right when I need him the most because I'm alone.

I lay back onto the mattress, reach my hand out towards Ed, and close my eyes the moment the blurriness obscures my vision.

.

.

.

.

The shouting is unmistakable.

The _tink_ of a small rock or pebble hitting my window irritating my nerves.

The jumbled words of a drunkard disrupting my fitful sleep.

I simply turn over and succumb to sleep.

.

.

.

.

I finally sit up unable to withstand the racket this person is causing. It's unnecessary...to be this annoying at such an ungodly hour of the morning or any time really.

“What?” I moan into the air. “Ed? Who is it?” The cat meows in response. “Ugh…Can you like...look out the window?” I open one eye and note the pink streak in the sky, the indication that morning (well...later in the morning) is indeed _here_. “Why?” I groan.

Another rock hits the glass.

“Ah!!!” I shout. “That's it!!” I roll off the bed and manage to stumble my way through the living room. “Who!? Why!?” I look down to the street and find a small figure huddled against the stone bench right outside the bar. They look to be asleep but I can't tell from a distance and if they just threw something...it's obviously a front. “Who are you!?” I adjust my shirt as best I can and make my way downstairs. “This better be good…” I swing open the door and cautiously walk over to them. It's early dawn so the street lamps are still on and illuminating the... boy? Man? They're wearing a tattered black baseball cap and ratty sneakers. The oversized sweatshirt hides their stature, completely masks their face, gives them a rather menacing appearance. It's disconcerting. “C-can I help you?” I approach slowly, attempt to subdue the clattering of my stupid cowboy boots against the cobblestone but it's inevitable I suppose. “Hello? Are you okay?” They shake their head, sink deeper into the hoodie which now that I think of it...looks familiar. “You must be cold, no?” I take smaller steps as I close the distance between us. “Are you hurt?” Nothing. “Do you need a blanket?” Silence. “Food? Water?” Crickets. “Look, if you're not-”

“W-were you with him?” I freeze in place as the voice projects. “Is...is that why you're still dressed? Did you come back from his place?” My heart is pounding in my chest, my limbs turning to lead. “Did you let him touch you?” My mouth drops open as if to speak but nothing escapes past my lips. I'm speechless. “Did you...allow him to kiss you?” I hear a hiccup, a sniffle. “Did you allow him to _fuck_ you?” I take a step back then, feel the stinging in my chest.

“I...I-”

“Well? Did you?” He swipes at his eyes and nose with the sleeve of his... _my_ West Virginia University sweatshirt. I was looking for that actually. “Did you open up to him?” A list of obscenities are hanging on the tip of my tongue, hurtful words to make him...well _hurt_ because God knows I've been in pain since he left. But I can't do it. _I can't_ bring myself to such a level. Berate him. Make him feel insignificant. “Is that why you look like this?” He lifts his head, reveals a ghostly pallor, red lips, and bloodshot eyes. “To attract someone?”

“No it wasn't-”

“Then why? I just need a reason... anything. Then I'll leave. I promise I'll leave you alone and let you live your life. Because... because I _did_ ruin everything, brought you nothing but sadness and doubt...exposed you to my... egregiousness.” He slips his fingers into the sleeves of the hoodie. “And I know it won't make up for anything but-”

“Louis please stop?” I rub at my own eyes, find my legs started moving of their own accord. I'm so close.

“When have I ever shut up though? It's what I do best...hate on-”

“Shhh.” I kneel before him, scrounge up my strength to reach out to him, to touch his skin, to make him mine once and for all.

“I can't…” His irises are dull, his mouth downturned, his facial features displaying his sorrow. “I have to... maintain a good distance from...from-” I touch his stubbled cheek, see the way his body responds instantly.

“That's not necessary.” I say into the small space. “We can be close. I _want_ to be close.” I run my thumb along his bottom lip. “There's nothing stopping us-”

“There is though! There's plenty-”

“No, Louis. No. That's you. You're the one holding back. You are the sole reason for the distance between us. It's you. It's your callousness. It's your secrets...your rambling _mouth.”_ I continue touching him. “Yet here I am waiting, keeping my promise, _waiting_ for you to find the moment to tell me everything, to open up.”

“B-but you don't-”

“You have no idea how I'll react. Your going off of past experiences, using your unintentional biases to gauge _my_ reaction. It's wrong. I am my own person.” He shakes his head.

“I'm not wrong in this. I _know_ it'll crush you because fuck it shatters me to pieces.” I place my finger over his mouth.

“I'm mentally prepared.” He shakes his head, grips my hand and shoves it away from his face. My eyes widen in shock.

“No. You're _not_. I'm telling you.” He pushes himself up, grips the sleeves of the hoodie. “It's becoming impossible to pretend anymore.”

“Pretend?” I stand up and watch him closely, search for the defense mechanism.

“Yes, Harry. _Pretend_.”

“What are you-”

“I can see your face everywhere I go, see your smile, smell you, _feel_ you. And it's fucking hell. It's my own personal hell.” He swipes his eyes. “I'm burning alive.”

“But I'm right here!” I approach him. “I'm standing here waiting! I'm in…” Love with you. “Denial that you left _again_ and blatantly ignored me for weeks. It's...it's what you asked of me and I'm complying! Following your request but you're the one whose running away. Not me.” I take a deep breath. “And you keep coming back so obviously I mean something to you.”

“You...you _do_!” He leans into the bench, places his head in his hands. “I can't even explain why...why I'm so stuck on your being...I've never lost control before.” He grips the brim of his hat. “Everything is slipping through my fingers.”

“But I'm not!” I rush over to him unable to stay away because he's so close. I grip his cheeks, push him against the bench. “I'm stuck.” I dip my head, feel him flinch. “On you that is.” But I don't care. “I'm trapped actually.” This is what love feels like. “And I don't mind.” He finally meets my eyes, exposes the fear. “Even when you...go away, Louis.” He places his hands on my torso as if to shove me away, but I'm too adamant, firmly planted in place. “And...I know you feel something too because you're here, annoying me enough to wake me up from _sleeping_ , not screwing some random man.” He visibly relaxes. “Yeah, I was sleeping.” He glances at my lips then eyes. “I was too tired to change. Well...sad actually. I had a rough night.” My grip is firm. “But that doesn't matter anymore. It's over and done. You're here.” And I want to kiss you and love you and...hold you. Let me?

“Stan told me.” His voice is hushed. “I...I couldn't sleep. I couldn't think. Every fear I had about you...with someone else bombarded my thoughts and I couldn't imagine…” He goes silent.

“Imagine what?” I whisper. “Tell me?”

“Me not being… there with you.” A tear escapes his eye.

“But I want you there-” So bad!!! I want you.

“I can't though! It can't be me.” He shakes his head.

“Why?” My heart splinters in my chest. “ _Why not_ ? Louis tell me. _Tell me_ what you're hiding?” He clears his throat, diverts his eyes. “I have the article that stupid man wrote about you.” His head whips up, his shock easily displayed across his face.

“ _What?_ ” He struggles in my grasp, tries to free himself. “You-”

“I didn't read it.” My voice is calm, masking my fear, my love. “I am unable to.” He relaxes. “I want _you_ to tell me. I want your story...not the _alternate_ version.”

“I…” His hands drop to his sides. “I'll never be able to... I'm not strong enough.” I deflate instantly. “I am weak.” I back away feeling a gaping hole in my chest. “A _poltroon_.”

“I see.” I twist my fingers together, stumble on the gravel. “So that's it then? Just checking in? Making sure I didn't kiss anyone else? Making sure I'm still interested in you?”

“Um…n-not...I dont...I...” He closes his eyes, bites down on his bottom lip. “I have to go?” I stifle a sob, feel my lips quiver from the tears. “I can't...be here because it's not about me anymore.”

“Y-yes. It is. It always was and will continue to be.” I swipe at my eyes. “That's why you keep showing up. Making sure I'm alone, begging for you, keeping me just close enough to give me hope. B-but then you disappear to your world, your life. Your _life_ that doesn't involve me.” I swipe my eyes again. “I hate you.” I love you. “Just go away?” Never leave? “Forget I exist?” Make me the center of your universe. “Pretend we never met?” Can we grow old together? “So we may both live in peace?” I'll pine for you but I'll...be okay.

I leave it at that and turn away from him for good.

.

.

.

.

I'm shaking.

So badly I can barely unbutton my shirt.

So saddened I can hardly see straight.

So crushed it feels as if I am walking through darkness.

He was a coward. He couldn't face his issues, couldn't admit anything to me, still feels this need to keep me just out of reach. And I can't handle it anymore.

I'm sick and tired of waiting for-

I rip the shirt open out of frustration, hear the buttons pop from the seams and scatter across the room. I don't even care. I'm burning it. And the shoes? I kick them off and throw them out the window, shed the overpriced jeans and proceed to cut them open with kitchen shears. It's useless. It's insignificant. It's material.

“I hate you.” I sob as I destroy the denim. “Hear that Ed? I hate him. I hate him so much.” I can hardly see through the wall of tears. “He...he ruined what I had, ruined my life.” The cat approaches me and I drop everything. “What was his problem?” I ask him. “Was it me?” He sits in my lap and rests comfortably on my naked legs. “It was wasn't it?” He sighs. “I knew it...I knew I tried too hard...gave him too many chances...gave into him. I was a fool...well _am_ a fool for believing we could have been something.” I grip the cat to my chest and pet the length of his back. “But it'll be okay. We'll be _fine_. Do you hear me? We'll make it through...forget all about that man and his lies and shortcomings.” I take a deep breath, will my eyes to stop tearing up, scrounge up my strength. “I'll just be like I was...see the positive-”

The front door opens and slams closed, the reverberations of heavy footfalls are echoing through the bar, the sound of labored breathing making me pause. I remain frozen with Ed in my arms, prepare myself for whoever is approaching.

They're running up the steps now.

“Who's there!?” I shout. “Who's-” He's here then. The hoodie is gone, the hat too. And now I see his face clearly, the bearded cheeks, blue irises, delicate lips. _I want you...yet-_ “How... how-” I stare at him, pray he'll disappear and allow me the chance to...grieve.

“Ben told me where the spare key is.” He shakes his head.

“...he did…”

“Harry.” I shudder at the way he says my name, the inflection in his voice, am roused from my fogginess. “I can't...I _can't_ go. Not like this.”

“What do you _want_!?” I shout. “I'm tired of your games.”

“And I'm tired of thinking I am able to stay away.” He's standing by the stairwell with his hands shoved in his pockets.

“Do what you want but I'm finished.” I turn away, grip my cat, and cry some more. “I've given you plenty of chances. I need to heal now and forget this ever existed.”

“I know-”

“Do you? Do you _know_ how I feel right now?”

“I...I want-”

“No! You don't. You _have no clue_ because you don't care. You only care about yourself.” I swipe at my eyes. “Well guess what? I don't care either.” Lie. “I never want to see your face again.” Lie. But he shakes his head no, approaches me slowly. “What are you doing?”

“I said I'm not leaving like this. I cannot handle it!”

“Well that's tough for you. No one cares, remember? It's useless to continue.”

“You're right, Harry. No one cares. Not a single soul. And do you want to know why? Because I'm their pawn, I'm there to make money...make _them_ money. I may be the _owner_ but I am shitted on on a daily basis, am reminded of my weaknesses, fed line and after line to ensure their pockets are stuffed with cash. It's not _about me_ and it never will be.”

“Poor rich kid can't even wipe his own a-”

“And yes I am selfish...yes I do think of my needs... because I have to! Or no one else will. _No one!_ ”

“Boo-HOO!!” I mock.

“God Harry seriously!?” He stomps over.

“Yes, _Louis_ seriously. I don't care about _y_ -”

“Don't say it!!” He covers his ears. “Not you too.” He turns away. “You can hate me...you can hate the very air I breathe, despise my every move...but please don't say that.”

“Why!? You don't care for me!” Ed scurries away then leaving my bottom half exposed. “So...so I should feel the same!” Right? I don't. Not even close. I pull the shirt closed to hide my chest.

“You don't feel this way.” He insists but I shake my head. “Not after what you admitted just before.”

“I've changed my mind.”

“If you did you wouldn't have destroyed those fucking jeans! If you hated me as much as you claim then this conversation wouldn't have happened...we wouldn't be here!”

“Why!?”

“Because you would have fucked that twink from the bar last night!!” He shouts. “That would have validated your feelings.”

“I don't have to screw someone to prove anything! I can simply-” Move on? “Forget you.” I look away to conceal my sorrow, my lies. _I want you. I need you. I love you_. “And what? You'll beg for my affection and leave? Is that it? You want me pining for you?” I hug my knees to my chest, completely disregard my lack of clothing. “Are you that desperate for attention!?”

“No! I receive enough as it is.”

“Good so bother one of those people and leave me alone.” I whisper. “I'm tired of this back and forth.” I rest my head on my knees, lean into the couch for support.

“I can't.” He takes a step towards me.

“Why the _heck_ not!?” I shout.

“They're... they're not you.” He's inching closer.

“I'm so confused.” I duck my head, dig deep into my soul, search for the answers. But there is none... there's only-

Love.

Love

LoveloveOwnerlovelovelove.

Love.

Owner.

Love.

Owner?

What was he referring to? He gets... _pooped_ on? By who? If he's the owner-

“You're the owner...you own...you?” I ask suddenly as my brain swirls around his words.

“I had a feeling you'd catch that.” He sighs. “Yes.” He's closer than I expected. “I am, Harry.”

“You...have a business?”

“A large one. Really... _really_ large.” He touches my forearm.

“What is it?” His fingers tickle at the fine hairs on my skin.

“I'm…” He sighs. “You’ve seen the name before. Many times.” I release a sob, bite my tongue to remain focused.

“I have? I did…? When? I...Um…I don't remember.” He takes a deep breath.

“The application.”

“W-what.. ?” I'm going around in circles.

“The billboard.”

“Who? Where…?”

“Dan Wooten.” He spits the name.

“He...knew?” I grip my curls, search as deep as I am able to but come up empty. “What?”

“LT Development LLC.” He rushes out and my eyes widen in horror at the reality, the realization, the... admission. “I'm... it's.. that's me.” I begin to cry instantly because I knew. I think I've always known...I just was too unwilling to accept it, too dumb to piece everything together. “Please don't cry?” But how can I not? I will cry though...and never stop! He was the one...it was him.

“You...it was you the entire time.” He grips my forearm but I can't move. “You came... you came to take over? To build...to to...what? Why?” My heart is pounding. “You destroyed Jellybean. Took away half of my existence.”

“I feared your reaction.” His tone is soft. “And more so of you lashing out at me.”

“I'm too exhausted to even _think_ never mind hit you.” My heart is screaming at him, my arm ready and waiting to hit, my head drowning in it's sorrow. I need a permanent vacation.

“Look at me.” He begs. “Please?”

“No. Explain.” I grunt. He releases his hand and sits down across from me. “ _Explain_ everything down to the smallest detail. Tell. Me.” I accentuate. “Now.”

“Yes I will.” I close my eyes. “Where would you like for me to start?”

“The beginning. I want to know everything.” I demand.

“A-alright...the beginning…” He sits cross-legged. “Right...so…”

“Anytime now.” I mock him.

“I-”

“Chop _chop_!” I snap.

“Ugh…So Harper's Ferry-” He tries but I interrupt him again.

“ _Such_ a random town.” I assure.

“Yes. Yes Harry it was. My investor's found it.” He says. “I wanted something more modern, they had other plans. So Harper's Ferry won.”

“Dumb investors.”

“They wanted something low-key, something unexpected... something different. But I only saw a waste of time. The locals wouldn't appreciate the change and really-”

“ _We don't_.” I concur.

“...um yes but they saw a profit, assumed people who work in D.C. would consider moving here to...work and travel, save money but still have the luxuries of a modern home.” He groans. “It was a decent plan...but I guess my idea was less controversial, not as risky.” I feel his hand on my back and flinch. “They wanted to make a statement...build in an area _no other real estate developer_ has gone before. And let me tell you, it wasn't easy.” He feels so warm though.

“It's historical grounds. We were all surprised.” I unfortunately lean into his touch. “ _Very_ surprised.”

“I have good lawyers. They managed to find a way.”

“So great. That's awesome.” I want to roll my eyes.

“Yeah...um...so that's how I ended up here.”

“You're also in the towns surrounding us.”

“Stan and Oli were responsible for those expansions. I didn't have a hand in that.”

“Not at all?”

“No. And the restaurant we ate at? Yeah apparently I own it.” He snorts. Now I really want to roll my eyes.

“Even better.” My tone is flat.

“I guess.” His hand stops. “Just so you're fully aware I didn't want to touch the adoption center.”

“Then why is it gone?” I can feel my anxiety creeping it's way up my neck. “Why is it a stupid park!?” I lift my head finally and his face is within inches of me. “Why?” He looks deep into my eyes.

“It was in the original plan-”

“Things change all the time. Why couldn't we be given a chance!? We were going to work on it! We had a contractor-”

“It wasn't worth the expense! Your building was a hazard, Harry, a fucking liability. It was covered in lead based paint, most likely had osbestos in the flooring and walls! It was a death trap!”

“So!? We couldn't do anything!? Just walk away!?” I shout at him. “ _I don't walk away_ , Louis. It's not in my nature to give up.”

“Is it? Could have fooled me.”

“Really? The pot calling the kettle black.” I shy away from him. “Typical.” I reach behind me for a blanket.

“We didn't have a choice. The plans had a park and that's what we put. Your house was not worth to update!”

“Dani and I thought so!! What does a suit know? A stupid mindless investor!? You're only looking at the dollar signs, the finished product, the end result! You didn't care about what we were. What we stood for!”

“How ignorant do you think I am? How blind!? I walked this town for _months_! I watched everyone, saw how you interacted, how you functioned! I cared-”

“Not _enough_! You didn't look close enough.”

“I did! I did what I could-”

“Nope. You didn't because if that were the case I'd still have Jellybean!”

“And Natale wouldn't have her new store front, the train station would still be crumbling, the locals would not have stable jobs.” I watch him fabricate these lies, defend his dumb ideas!

“Jobs!? We had jobs-”

“Your bar is the prime example.”

“What!?” I feel a cold sweat on my forehead, the anxiety continuing to choke the life from me.

“The number of patrons you have now nearly doubled since last year. Want to know why?”

“No…”

“Because people are curious!! They are starting to notice you! The craziness you spoke of will no longer exist. There will no longer be a lull in revenue, lack of people. The town will always have constant foot traffic! You'll see-”

“No! I don't want it! _We_ don't want it! We want our lives back!”

“You're not even giving any thought to the idea. You're turning your back, dismissing everything…” He diverts his gaze. “Now you see why I didn't tell you right away.” He sighs. “This is exactly how I knew you would react.”

“I have a right to be angry more so than anyone in this town. I lost something... probably the biggest part of my life all for a park! Some lousy park for...who knows what-"

“Children actually. It's meant to be a playground...for future children.”

“Well look at that. How _cute_.” I wrap the blanket around my shoulders. “Those cats were my children…” I mumble.

“It is. I thought so when I saw the plans. They envisioned-”

“Your vision ruined my life!” I shout as my blood begins to boil. He expects me to feel for him? Agree!?

“Harry-” He reaches out but I smack it away. “Hey come on! This is what you wanted remember? You informed me you were mentally prepared!”

“Not to hear the very person I am…” _in love with._ “I am...I…” I grip my curls, resign to my tears once again. “It wasn't meant to be you.” I sob. “You were not supposed to be...the one responsible. Yet here you are... admitting my biggest fear. You're Joe Fox.” And I'm Kathleen Kelly. I'm _The_ _Little Shop Around the Corner._

“I know. _I know_.” He places his hands on my shoulders. “I'm sorry, Harry. From the bottom of my heart... please know this wasn't...my idea. Not all of it that is. I wanted to hire local people, make sure everyone was given opportunity...expand the town itself and not just build on what existed.”

“What?” I swipe my eyes.

“I made many changes to my investor's proposal. It was meant to be a complete overhaul but I put a stop to it immediately. It was important we maintain the integrity of the town, the historical aspects, simply clean up rather than tear down.” I give him a droll stare. “I've explained my decision. Stop.”

“Whatever…”

“But you have to understand this…” He leans closer, pulls me to him. “I had no intentions of staying here.”

“...what?” I choke as a conversation between Ben and I resurfaces.

“I was...Stan was supposed to watch over the construction, Oli too. Even my other colleague Luke. But he's a shit head and demanded he remain in LA.” He shrugs. “But I stayed instead. Insisted I needed a change of scenery...made every excuse in the book to escape prying eyes.”

“Oh.” Never mind.

“I wanted to conceal my true intentions.” His fingers are making lazy circles against my back. “So I booked the hotel for a year, gave Mrs. Winston a break to catch up on her bills and stayed.”

“ _What_ intentions?” What am I feeling? What is he doing to me? Is he melding me into his...pet? What am I?

“If I tell you, I'd have to kill you.” Why can't I be strong? Defend my heart?

“But...I don't-"

“And I like spending time with you.” He leans in close. _Because it wants you._

“It's true?” My heart wants him.

“Yes. Very much.” So I've lost.

“You stayed for me?” Lost miserably.

“Mmm…” _I love you._

“Why couldn't you stay? Why can't you be-” He kisses me on the lips, strips my anger layer by layer, envelopes me with his warmth. _God I love you so much._

“I've divulged enough.” He says against my mouth.

“There's more?” I lean in for another kiss but he turns his face.

“Yes...a lot more and I can't…” He watches me closely then. “That has to wait though.”

“Why?” He shuffles closer.

“Well…” He licks his lips.

“I didn't look I swear-”

“Harry, you are not even aware you do.” He snorts. “But that's okay. It's what I enjoy most about you I think.”

“What? That I'm stupid?” He cups my cheeks and I may have squeaked from the unexpected touch.

“No, your innocence.” He kisses me again.

“Who...who gave you permission to do that?” I release my legs and reach out for him. “T-to touch me?” He swipes away a stray tear. He shrugs.

“My fingers have a mind of their own.”

“You lost control of them?”

“Mmhmm.”

“Your lips too then?”

“Yup.” He leans in again, completely overtakes my senses.

“Your head too? Everything?”

“Yes, Harry.” We're inches apart.

“Whose in charge then?” I close my eyes.

“You.” He presses our lips together. “You always were.”

He wraps his arms around my neck and begins to pull at my mouth. My mind is responding to his taste, my body reeling with the feeling of his mouth and hands on me, the love I have for him bursting at the seams and waiting...just _waiting_ to be released. He pushes me against the couch, throws the blanket to the floor, and closes the distance between us.

“Drop your legs.” He instructs and I oblige instantly. He crawls into my lap, sits astride my hips, and devours me whole. I allow him to take his time, memorize the way his lips feel against my own, the way he moans in response to my hands grazing just beneath his t-shirt. It's almost like a silent plea, a way of him begging for affection, his way to prove his attraction. And it's simple really, the sweet whimpers, the labored breathing, the pressing of our bodies. But it's the world, the entire universe, our existence's. It's these moments where we share our lust, our mutual feelings, our...well my love, that make up for any argument, secret, misunderstandings. This is magic.

“Harry.” His voice is strangled, breathless.

“Mmm?” I open my eyes and see his crystal blue irises staring me down.

“Come with me.”

“Where?” I hold him close, kiss his neck. I can remain here for hours.

“To...to my room.”

“Your room? Why not... _my_ room?”

“I don't...My bed is softer?”

“Louis, it's so far and I...well-” I thrust my hips into him, make my arousal known.

“Um...yes precisely why I want a softer mattress.” He kisses my lips, grinds his hips in a downward motion, forces a whimper from my throat.

“Y-yeah...yeah I uh...okay.” I immediately sober with the thought of what's to come, the intimacy, the expelling of these feelings that are locked away in my heart. It's going to be emotional, it's going to probably... magnify my love for him, probably frighten him away. That's not…

“I suggest you put pants on though.” He giggles.

“Don't worry, I am.” We stand and head to the bedroom.

“You had a ball with... destroying those jeans.”

“I was angry.” I defend myself as I strip out of the shirt and reach for a hoodie.

“I can see. When you threw the boots out of the window I knew I had to make my grand entrance.” I turn towards him as I pull on a pair of sweats. “I didn't think you'd cut open the jeans though.”

“Yeah well...I needed kindling for my fire.” I smirk.

“I suppose.” He's standing there with his messy fringe, impish grin, and a set of blue eyes I could easily lose myself in.

“You look pretty.” I admit. “I think I like you the best this way.” He dips his head.

“You do?” He clasps his fingers together as if self conscious.

“Yeah. You appear to be...normal. Like my equal.”

“I am your equal, Harry.”

“No you're on a whole other playing field.”

“I'm just a man.”

“A rich one.” I grab a pair of warn Vans and slip them on. “An important one.”

“I'm still me.” He says as I approach him.

“I hope so.” He takes my hand.

.

.

.

.

The suite is the same as it was, still neat, still filled with his glorious scent, still...a place of comfort and it's like I've never  left. It's as if I've been here all along with...him.

He pulls me in past the small kitchen and living room, guides us straight to the bedroom.

“You're wasting no time-”

“Shhhh.” He silences me with a kiss, and a grope to my member. I moan in response as he palms me gently, kiss his lips with equal vigor, open myself to him. He silently reaches for the waistband of my sweats and tugs them down, cops a feel of my cotton clad rear. “Take my clothes off.” He mumbles against my mouth. I kiss him once and do just that.

“You have a knack for stealing my clothes.” I remove his cap.

“I needed your comfort.” He admits. “When I knew you'd be angry.” I pull the hoodie over his head. “I can smell it and be reminded of you.” My heart swells with contentment.

“Why not stay?” I take the shirt off next. “Why not-”

“Harry?” He tugs at my sweatshirt, slinks his fingers beneath the material and removes it. “Just...take off my pants?” I conjoin our mouths and slowly push them down his legs, grip his waist and lay him gently onto the mattress. “F-fuck...fuck... _fuck_ .” He whimpers. I kiss down his neck, across his throat, run my tongue over his heated skin, and savor in the taste. He thrusts his hips up, pushes my head down into him, moans aloud as I bite his sensitive flesh. “You're... _fuck_ you're incredible.” I run my fingers down his torso, across the plains of his abdomen, down to his boxers. “Touch me…please touch me.” He begs into the air. I slip a finger underneath, relish in the smooth skin. “ _Harry_ don't stop.” I lift my head and note his eyes are cinched shut.

“Louis-”

“Put your hand on me! Please!!” He jolts his hips forward, begs with his actions, and fine I put my hand at the base of his member. “Ah...fuck finally.” I watch his face relax, find the look of satisfaction written all over his features. I slowly stroke him, highten his pleasure with a simple movement, prepare him for...for what? His hips are dancing underneath me, his arms clutching at my curls for dear life...he's enjoying this more than I expected. I place my arm above his head, resume my kisses against his neck, continue stroking. I'm moving at a decent pace, feeling his length pulse beneath my finger tips, forcing his excitement to the surface.

I hold that power over him.

I latch onto his throat and begin sucking furiously at the skin. In fact I put all of my effort into the action. I remove my hand from his erection, grip the side of his head and...dig right in. He whines into the air, tugs at my curls, and begins to slowly move into a sitting position. He pulls at my hair, forces me to let go.

“W-what-”

“Shhh.” He captures my mouth, wraps his arm around my neck and sits us up. I follow suit without much thought, open myself up to him, reach for his crotch. But he let's go and guides me back down...on my stomach.

“W-wait but I want to face you.”

“Shhh it's okay.” He kisses my cheek. “Stick your ass up.” He says.

“Um...uh sure.” I do as I'm told and he slides a pillow beneath my lower abdomen. “Good.” He jumps off the bed then.

“Oh please no food?” I whine. I crane my neck to see what he's doing but it's not use. He's out of sight.

“No peaking!!”

“Ugh...what are you-” He reappears.

“Shhhh.” He kisses my mouth and quickly sheds his boxers, reveals his lovely... quite _long_ member. I blanche at the sight, shiver slightly because….well because he's _big_. And uh...wow okay. “Nice right?” He winks.

“Uh…” I lick my lips. “It looks bigger than before.”

“Different angle maybe.” He kisses me again and hops onto the bed. I want to ask questions, find out just what he has in store but...I hear a bottle cap snap open.

“What's that?”

“Harry, do you trust me?” He lays flush against me, purposely pokes my behind.

“I...I yes I do.” I nod.

“That's all I need to hear.” He bites my ear lobe and sits up.

“Oh.” He pulls at my boxers.

“Lift.” My heart begins beating uncontrollably, my mind circling around the thought of us being intimate...the thought of us- “Thank you.” He slips them off. “Now just enjoy?”

“I'll...I will.” I lay back down, rest my head in my arms, and steady out my breathing. I have an idea of what to expect...what may occur... but I want to face him, hold him close, wrap my legs around his waist, feel his strength as he moves against me. It feels wrong lying on my stomach for some reason.

His mouth connects with my neck then, rouses me from my stupid brain, and begins kissing his way around. He's focused on my neck, running his tongue along my flesh, nipping occasionally, thrusting his hips to heighten my senses. I moan as he does so, inadvertently clench my lower region on instinct, scrunch my eyes closed. He moves further up now to the back of my ear, kisses my jaw, lays his body flush against mine, incessantly pokes my back with his member and God I need him...I need _him_.

“ _Louis_ .” I groan. “P-please-” He bites my lobe, pulls harshly, forces a whimper from my throat. “That... that-” His other hand is gliding down my spine as he mouths at my jaw...his _other hand_ is moving with purpose...his other _hand_ is ready to strike and I am so ready for it.

He sinks a slick finger in, penetrates me in one motion, keeps his lips working as he does so to distract me from the discomfort. I whine into the bedding, wring my fingers, wiggle my bottom as he pumps. I cannot help the jerking in my legs, the gooseflesh on my arms as his lips continue to work my skin. It's sensory overload. He's moving all over, using his hands and mouth, his hips, his tongue. “You're... you're…” I bite down on my bottom lip to stifle a scream as he nips at my neck, finishes what I started earlier... marks my flesh, stakes his claim. But I don't care.

I want the reminder.

His finger is working me still, moving in alignment with his pulsing hips and tongue. Everything is in sync, every pump, swipe, pull...all of it. They're all working together bringing my excitement to a whole new level. He grips my curls with his free hand, turns my head to expose my lips and captures those too. I'm completely succumbing to his will now, unable to do much of anything except take what he has to offer, feel the euphoria coursing through my veins.

His hand pulls out and a second finger is added then.

I moan against his mouth, nearly bite his tongue as he delves right in, stretches me wider, and scissors his fingers. I want to push back, deepen the contact, savor in the pressure, feel him all over and then some because it's never enough. I want him. So badly.

And it's _not_ enough!

His breathing is heavy as he works, his lips powerful as they continue to massage mine, his entire body exerting itself into this moment. I want to turn over, face him kiss him the way I want to, drape my leg over his tiny frame, feel the chords of muscle in his arms as he moves.

Be his equal.

But before I can even think, he pulls away, rests his head on the pillow I am clutching to my face. His hand is still thrusting, his fingers preparing, his hips moving in a circular motion. I hardly feel stinging now...it's simply divine.

He releases my curls.

“L-Louis?” I ask.

“Mmmm…” He sighs.

“Are you...um…” I close my eyes when he penetrates deeper than before. “W-wow...wow.” I choke and take that as my cue to shut up. He begins kissing me again, lays flush against my side, slides his fingers in and out, continues this way for what feels like hours. And I cannot help but enjoy it. Enjoy him. Enjoy this moment of bliss. _Together_ . Unrushed. _Together._ We're together.

This is what it's about.

He sucks my bottom lip between his teeth and adds another finger. I groan at the intrusion, feel the snugness, the aching...he is unrelenting! My toes are curling as he drives in deeper, my libido stirring deep in my gut, my...my love for him bubbling over and ready to be exposed.

I can't contain it any longer and break away.

“I need you.” I beg. “Please.” I meet his fingers pump for pump, prove my need. “Now. Right now.” I'm rubbing against the sheets, feel my orgasm looming ahead. “M-make...make…” He pushes impossibly deep. “Ugh…” I close my eyes again as a pulse of pleasure radiates up my spine. Is he always this domineering in bed?

He chastily kisses my lips and lifts up, slips his fingers free and straddles my legs. He's moving around, opening a package, popping the top of a bottle. It's happening. Right? This is-

“Harry.” His voice sounds strangled, his tone subdued. “If...if I accidentally hurt you, tell me?”

“Um…” I go to look behind me but he squeezes a cheek. “Ah! Jesus.”

“You have to! Okay? Be honest.”

“I...I will but I'll be fine. I promise.” I sneak a glance out of the corner of my eye and his head is buried in his hands. What's happening?

“Okay, thank you.” I quickly face forward in confusion because we are just about to have...sex and this is his reaction? Did I push him? Was this my fault? He's moving around then, repositions himself between my legs, adjusts the pillow. His fingers grip my outter thigh, his breathing picks up, his body moves forward and I can assume into position.

“Harry?” He tightens his hold, places his member at my entrance. “Say my name?” He requests. I pause because...is that his invitation?

“Louis? Why? Is everything-” He doesn't hesitate any longer and plunges right in, penetrates my walls, invades my body with one stroke. “Ah!!” I shout into the pillow as I fall forward from the momentum. I whimper at the multitude of sensations I've been dealt all at once, adjust to his length and girth. I take hold of the headboard and grip as tight as I am able to take my thoughts away from the pressure building between my legs. The stinging is incredible, the feeling of being split open prominent and overtaking any pleasure there could be. I want to cry. I want to push him away. I want to be left alone. I want my body back because that's not how it's meant to be! Where's the love? The affection? The care? Why am I on the verge of tears when this was meant to be a special moment?

Am I reading too many fairytales?

“Fuck…” He stirs me from my thoughts. “You're...so snug.” He chokes.

“Um...uh...” I scrunch my eyes closed.

“Yes...yes this feels…so much better.” He sighs.

“I...yah?” I take a few deep breaths, push the discomfort aside and place my attention on the ecstacy there will be, the connection we'll build...the memories we're creating.

“Are you okay?” He asks and I nod my head unable to form a coherent thought. “Good.” His movements are small, precise, calculated. “Because I feel…” He trails off and methodically thrusts forward, breaks my barriers, and dives right into my being. “A-alive. You make me come alive.”

My eyes spring open then and it's there.

He's unraveling it all, pealing away the layers, revealing my infatuation, exposing the love I feel for him. He's blinding me with euphoria, saturating my soul with his intoxicating scent, moving with such accuracy I may explode right here. But I hold on, focus on the way he stretches me wide, his whimpers, his uneven breathing.

He drives forward then and let's it go...let's himself go, pumps hard, moves his body. I clench my rear and arch my back, attempt to heighten his experience with my own moves, push back as he pushes forward. _I want more._

I feel him tilting forward, find he is lying flush against my back.

“Hold me.” I demand and soon I am encompassed in his arms and warmth, finally in a place I longed to be for so long. He holds me close as his hips continue, breathes directly into my ear, makes my heart stutter in my chest. My need for him is the driving force, is masking the pain and revealing the mind numbing pleasure. I cry out every time he grazes a sensitive spot, continuously meet him stroke for stroke. I want him… “Deeper...c-closer! Don't...don't stop!” He grips my shoulders and sits up.

“I _won't_ ! I can't.” He drives into me, rattles the bedframe, probably wakes the other guests in the hotel, but _who cares._ We're here for us...here to prove nothing will keep us apart. Even stupid investors.

We'll conqour it all.

“Get on all fours.” He pants. “Please.”

“O-okay.” I release the headboard and slowly lift myself. “My legs feel like Jell-O.”

“You're beautiful anyway. And your noises... fuck it's making me so excited.” He pulls me to him, delves an inch deeper than before.

“God...how-”

“Let is _out_ , damnit. Fucking curse. Who cares!”  I look behind me and his face says it all. “Harry!!” He wraps his arms around my torso, pushes his hips into me. “Harry...touch yourself. Jerk yourself off.” He pants. “Come undone for me. Let it go... let yourself...go.”

“I...I...want you to...to touch me.” I cinche my eyes shut as my orgasm twinges in my gut. It's building, picking up speed, approaching faster than I thought possible. “ _Louis_! Please! Put your hand on me.” He grips my erection and I'm seeing stars. I nearly collapse forward onto my face, release this stupid loud moan and it's... incredible. He is superb, his hands, body, mind everything. He possesses it. “Yes!! My goodness...yes...holy... holy…”

“Curse for me. _Let. It. Go!_ ” He pumps between my legs, thrusts his hips.

“Holy _fuck_ please!” I use my own arms to counter his movements, feel him driving so deep he is practically in my throat. “More, Louis...give me more of...of your…” Might as well. “Cock. Give me more!”

“I may cum right here….holy shit.” He pants. I can feel his sweat dripping onto my back, feel his hand losing it's momentum.

“I'm almost there.” I choke. “I can...I feel it-” I refocus on my climax, sober from my moment of obvious weakness and find my orgasm is nearly there and ready to let loose. I think of the simplest of memories, focus on a moment in time Louis and I were kissing in the woods underneath the stars, the day I first saw his face and his goofy boots, his strikingly blue eyes and crooked grin, the realization I was indeed...in love with him. _I love you._ I think to myself and it's all right here. Everything I could ever need or want...he's holding me as we make love, touching me, caring for my needs as much as I care for his.

“Harry!!” He shouts and that's it. I release onto his hand and the bedding below, feel satiated at last, complete and at peace.

“Louis...Louis I-” He let's my limp member go. “Louis I-” Love you. I love you.

“Drop to your elbows, stick your ass out.” He grunts. Oh.

“W-what?”

“Stick your _ass_ out for me.” He proceeds to pinch my cheek.

“A-alright.” I drop down as requested.

“Hold on.” He warns and thrusts into me.

“I...want to...face you.” I manage. “Louis?” He ignores me though, exerts himself above me. “P-please!”

“No...not…Fuck I'm so close!!” The pressure is back, the stinging up and down my spine, all of it. “Harry...my God you're perfect…” He drives in once...twice... _three_ times and cries aloud then, releases nonsensical words, sits back and takes me with him. “Fuck...fuck I've never...that was…” I'm sitting in his lap, his arms are still wrapped securely around me. “You make me crazy, Harry. So crazed...I can hardly think straight.”

“Oh...I didn't mean-”

“But it's okay. I like how I feel when I'm around you.” He kisses my shoulder and drops his hands. “Sorry...I didn't mean to suffocate you.”

“T-that's...it's fine.” I look behind me and find his flushed cheeks and chewed lips. He licks at them. “Don't stop hugging me.”

“I want to pull out.” He pushes my sweated curls from my face.

“Oh…” I hide my embarrassment. “Of course.” I lift up slowly.

“Thanks.” He moves out from under me and jumps off the bed. I feel defeated suddenly, exhausted, filled with dread because that's it? We're done? I gingerly sit down onto the mattress, avoid the wet spot and mull everything over.

What are we?

“Sorry, I hate condoms.” He holds up a towel. “Let me clean you?” He smirks and my face falls.

“What?”

“Harry, you have lube everywhere. I have to clean it.” He points to his chest. “I had to do mine too.”

“What do you mean by _everywhere_?” I accentuate.

“It's sort of like...the sprinkle thing.”

“How so!?” I touch my back and I'm covered with the gel like substance. “What the...how!?” I reach for the towel and attempt to rub it off. “Oh my goodness!!”

“Let me help. Turn around.” I roll my eyes.

“Louis!!” I scold as he swipes down my back.

“Lay down.”

“I'm tired of being in that position.”

“Just for a second. I promise.”

“I can't believe you!” I find a clean spot on the bed.

“I’m sorry!! I tried...and it was on my hand, then I touched your back. It's messy.”

“Ugh…” I roll my eyes. “You're not supposed to use half the bottle! What is this? Your first time doing anal?” I joke but he remains silent as he cleans me off. “Louis?” He kisses a cheek.

“So cute.” He coos. “I can touch it all day.” What?

“Um...you can you know.” I reassure. “It's um...all yours.”

“Mmmm.” He kisses my other cheek and throws the towel to the ground.

“Can we snuggle now?” I lay on my side, look up at him.

“You mean you're not up for round two?” He waggles his eyebrows.

“Two!?” I pinch the bridge of my nose. “Louis...I haven't had sex since... ugh I'm embarrassed to even admit this...” I divert my gaze.

“When?” He presses.

“Ugh really? Do I have to?” He pinches my stomach. “Hey!!”

“Tell me!!” He playfully nips at my skin.

“Owe owe owe! Come on!!”

“Say it, Harry!!”

“College!! Alright!?”

“Oh...is that so?” He crawls behind me and I nod.

“I was so busy with the bar and-”

“You took over when your parents left. I remember.”

“Um...yeah and then we opened Jellybean.” I shrug. “I was a busy man.”

“Busy indeed.” He kisses me on the lips. “Face the window.”

“Sir, yes sir.” I lay my head down and oblige.

“I like the sound of that.” He slides in behind me.

“Shut up.” I yawn and grip his arm around me.

“So you said fuck and cock. How do you feel?” He kisses my shoulder.

“Dirty.” I snort. “I didn't mean to.”

“Yes you did. You were in the moment. There is nothing wrong with losing your inhibitions from time to time.”

“I feel like with you I always do.” I admit.

“I want to witness your unabashed side, hear you curse, cry out my name.” He pushes against me.

“Hmmm...and I will again.” My eyes droop. “And again, right?” But he doesn't respond. “Lou?” Silence. “Louis?” Nothing still. I peer over my shoulder and he's sound asleep against my back. “Oh...Louis you're so precious.” I grip his fingers. “I love you.” Too much I think.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I lost my edited last chapter.  
> I want to cry!!! I want to scream!! I want to give up on this damn story!!!
> 
> It's been such a long process, Jellybean, in fact I didn't think I'd ever make it. Honestly, it's not doing as well as I would have hoped and am losing interest in it all together. I want to scrap the entire work and call it a day because this took hours, countless hours of writing, proof reading, editing, dealing with lost chapters and just everything in between.  
> It doesn't seem worth it anymore.


	11. Magic and Mockery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If it's that important, he will tell me! I don't want to find out anything from second hand sources...I want to hear it...from his mouth. The truth. The whole truth. And if I have questions, I'll ask and he'll tell me. There will be no loops holes.

I'm clutching onto something warm, my fingers are intertwined with it, refusing to let it go, protecting it at all costs because...it's small and fragile...and...it needs me, needs my strength, my affection, my endless love. My shoulder to cry on, my being.

Or maybe it's me.

Maybe I need the reassurance, the attention, the confirmation it'll be here when I awake. Because I'm tired of being alone all the time and facing the world without someone by my side.

So I tug it closer to my chest, squeeze tight, and hope...just hope.

.

.

.

.

“I'm here.” He kisses my cheek. “Don't worry.” I relax my shoulders, release the tension in my arms and legs. I'm a ball of nerves. “Harry, it's okay.”

“Are you _really_ there?” I choke. “You're not...a dream?”

“No.” He kisses me again. “Open your eyes.”

“Louis, I'm afraid.” I squeeze my hand.

“There is no need to be. I am here, we're lying in my bed, cuddling.”

“And that seems like...a dream I've had in the past.”

“You dream about me?” He kisses behind my ear.

“All the time.” I admit because there is still a fifty percent chance he isn't actually next to me. “And when I woke up...you weren't there. I was alone.” I scrunch my eyes shut. “I was _always_ alone.”

“Not now.” I squeeze my hands. “That's actually quite painful.” He pulls.

“Louis-”

“Harry it's okay really.” He turns me over, kisses my lips. “Silly. Now come on. Open up.” He runs a hand through my curls.  “One eye at a time.” I open the left first, see his bright irises within inches of my face.

“Oh thank goodness.” I release his hand and wrap my arms around him, pull him to my chest, silently thank the heavens for this precious gift.

“See? Told you.” He says against my skin, his voice muffled.

“I know...I _know_ but you...you said those exact words in my...in my…head.” I tighten my hold. “Sleep was meant to be relaxing. But for me it was torture. I hated coming home because it gave my brain free reign to over analyze everything and think...and go off the deep end.” I relax my hold. “Come up with these ridiculous scenarios...ugh I need to shut up.”

“No. I'm listening.” He looks up at me.

“Yeah but I'm embarrassed so no?”

“I'm here to listen-”

“Sorry no.” I shake my head. “I've said too much.” I kiss the tip of his nose.

“And you say I withhold information…” I playfully smack his arm.

“This is like... _really_ humiliating though! And sort of childish...and ugh!!” I cover my face in shame. “Can we talk about something else?”

“Sure. I'm starving.”

“Oh your stomach. Thats a good distraction.” I smirk.

“I want to eat.” He sits up.

“Sure, I've got something.” I thrust my hips up into him.

“As enticing as that sounds…” He rubs his belly. “I meant actual _food_.” He kisses my lips. “I'm calling room service.” He jumps off the bed, bare butt and all, and runs from the room.

“Where are you going?” I call out but he returns.

“I needed the menu.” He's holding up the binder. “Super fancy.” He winks and traipses on over and graciously _plops_ down next to me. “What would you like?” He flicks through the pages.

“I don't know.” I shrug. “Anything you're having.”

“You'd eat that much?” He winks. “It's on.”

“Uh... I'll try.” He reaches over to the nightstand and dials.

“Yes, hi. I'd like to order lunch.” _Lunch!?_ I look to the analog clock and nearly topple over. It's well past 3pm! “Two burgers, curly fries, a Caesar salad...mmm, throw in a side of bacon too….yeah and a Sundae. You can choose the flavor.” He looks over and winks. _Winks_. “Just bill it to the room. Thanks.” He hangs up. “Okay I ordered something simple-” I practically tackle him into the pillows for some reason. Maybe it was the wink, maybe the smile, maybe it's the way his hair rests against his forehead. Who knows but all I want to do is...touch. “Woah.” He stares at me through the fringe, gasps as I situate myself between his legs. “What are you-” I connect our mouths, feel his body move underneath me, feel his fingers graze my back. I suck feverishly at his lips, envelope him in my arms, show him my love through my actions. He cups my rear and massages my skin, ignites the soreness, the annoying sting I'd forgotten about. But I don't care. I continue anyway, pin his tiny frame against the bed, and move to his neck.

“Fuck.” He grunts, arches his back. “ _Harry_ .” I bite at his flesh, keep my grip firm. “Ah!!” He squeaks. “W-wait...wait wait!” He twists his torso, pinches my rear. _Owe!!!_

I release my lips.

“What's wrong?” I look down at him.

“As much as I enjoy your mouth…” A knock comes at the door. “I can't have marks on any visible skin.”

“Oh.” I roll off of him and face the window.

“Don't take it personal.” He leans over me. “It’s...come on don't be upset with me.” The knock comes again.

“I'm _not._ ” Just ashmed. That's all. And wanton...and fine horny.

“Then look at me?” The knock is persistent, hurried, frenzied almost. “Wow.” He looks to the living room. “Be right back.” He hops off the bed and throws on my sweats. “That couldn't be the food...there's no way.” He disappears around the corner.

“Yup.” I swipe at my eyes. “No way…”

“Dude!!” I hear the voice and I want to crawl out of my skin. “What are you doing? We have to close on that property.”

“I know...I had...I was preoccupied.”

“Doing what?” Me. He was doing me.

“That's none of your concern actually.” He doesn't want my hicky.

“It is my concern when it conflicts with the schedule.” Maybe this is meant to be a secret.

“I wasn't made aware of any _schedule_ . So excuse me for filling in my free time.” Ha! I'm like a piece of furniture. _I fill in free...space._

“You're responsible for a multi billion dollar company. You never have free time.” _Billion?!_ My hands begin to sweat.

“And that's why I have overpaid blokes like yourself to do the dirty work.” I snort. “So, be my guest and go to the closing. My presence isn't necessary.”

“You're distracted.” Stan says. “There is something going on and _I think_ I know what it is. But I'm telling you, be careful. They won't accept it.”

“I…”

“You remember what happened.”

“I...do. But I can't let that dictate my future. I've grown, learned, _lived_. I-”

“You need it. So _don't fuck up_.” The door slams closed and I hear his hand slap against the wood, hear...the puffing of his breath, the... silence.

“What was-” I whisper.

“Fuck you.” He snaps. “Fuck... _you_!” He growls. I gasp at the tone and the slamming of his fist, the cuss words spilling from his mouth. I've heard this tone in the past...heard it when he was... wielding a knife. I shiver at the thought because what's his problem?

What was that all about?

What do I do?

Does this involve me?

Do I need a shield?

What if I can't handle it?

He stomps back in and his face is beat read, his hands are clasped, eyes downcast.

“Are um…” I'm speaking to the top of his head. “You okay?” He hesitates a moment, wrings his fingers once or twice. “Louis?” He quickly shakes his head. “Oh. Alright well, is there anything I can do?” He nods. “What's that? What do you need?” I watch him intently, feel the anger radiating from his small frame, his anguish.

“You?” He chokes. “I need you ” He intertwines his fingers, lowers his head, sniffles. My stomach twists in my gut at the admission. “Your strength. Bravery. You...I need you!” He practically shouts and my eyes widen.

“You do?” I sit up, really take him in. My heart is slamming in my chest.

“Like _right_ now. Actually.” His shoulders are quaking, his head is dipping lower than before, his legs are losing their strength to carry his weight. “Please?” He grips the wall for support, cries into his hand.

“Oh no!” I throw the sheet off my legs and rush over to him as quickly as possible. Suddenly my concerns dissipate, suddenly his needs supersede any doubt in my mind. Suddenly I realize…

My pettiness does not compare to what he's dealing with.

I envelope him in my arms without question, protect his heart and soul, and hold him close. All of his bravado from just before is gone, his light heartedness non existent, his smile replaced with tears.

“Is that better?” I kiss his temple but he shakes his head no, wraps his arms around my neck, and cries into my shoulder. “It's alright.” I rub his back, feel the weight of his troubles resting heavily against me.

“N-no...no it's not.”

“I meant to cry, Louis. You're allowed to cry. Let it out.”

“I...I am...I just...I want to be left alone...m-make my own decisions. Be who I want to be.” He nuzzles my neck.

“You can. You're free to be who you-” He shakes his head.

“I can't. I'm...not allowed.”

“That's preposterous. We all have free will-”

“I _don't_. Not anymore.” He swipes his nose. “I may have money coming out of my ass but the simplest of luxuries is out of reach.” He looks up to me. “And all I wish to do is lay next you.” I remain stoic, hide my fond.

“You can...we can. I want to.” I walk him over to the bed.

“Forever.” My heart swells, the butterflies in my stomach flutter to life.

“I'd like that.” He sits on the mattress as I reach for my boxers. “We can start now.”

“We can?” He rubs his eyes.

“Yes.” I kiss his cheek. “Right now.”

“Okay.” He nods. “Why did you put your undies on then?”

“Because if we have another visitor I'd rather they not see my...stuff.” I smirk, touch his cheek. “Are you better?”

“I will be. I just suffer from these... moments.”

“How did you handle it in the past?” I sit next to him.

“I rarely experienced them.” He admits. “It's worse now...now that...that we're growing.”

“You mean your company? I can imagine that being stressful.” He looks at me with glassy eyes.

“Um…” He bites his lip. “Uh... yeah my job...sure.”

“You have a skilled team right? Over paid blokes as you call them?”

“Yes...yes I do.” He rests his head on my shoulder.

“So no worries.” I take his hands and squeeze.

“Yup...none at all.”

.

.

.

.

“Okay but...wow I am full.” I sit back against the couch cushions and hold my distended tummy.

“Harry, you ate half a burger and barely touched your salad.” He scoops up the last bit of his sundae.

“Oh...well I had my fries! See?” I point to the empty side of my plate.

“Those don't count.”

“What!? It's carbs!”

“Doesn't matter. That's the side dish, not the main course.” He places the empty cup down. “Ah...now that's what I call lunch...or dinner. Damn it's late.”

“Louis I have to feed Ed.”

“Sure. When did you want to go?” He lays his head in my lap.

“Few minutes?” I suggest.

“Absolutely.” He reaches his hand up and pinches my nose. “Cute.”

“That's all!? Cute? I'm appalled.”

“Yes. You're quite cute actually.”

“Well you're fun sized.” I tickle his abdomen and watch him convulse with laughter.

“No...no...no!! Not the tickles!!! Please!!” His eyes are crinkled, his mouth open expelling his cries. “Come on!!! I just ate!”

“Call me beautiful then I'll stop!” I can't help it as I continue to tickle his more sensitive parts, see him come undone, witness him relax.

“You're _fucking_ beautiful!!” He pushes my hands away the moment I cease my tirade.

“Thanks.” I clutch a pillow to my chest.

“God! That's painful.” He runs a hand through his hair. “Now my stomach hurts.”

“Best to remember to never call me cute.” I smirk.

“You're a beast.”

“You're a munchkin.”

“A hairy... _beast_.”

“Ah not anymore.” I point to my crotch. “Fixed that problem.”

“Hmph.” He folds his arms across his chest. “Your curls are wild and unkempt.”

“You're the one who told me not to cut it. So here we have it. A mane.”

“It's lovely if I'm honest.” He enricles a finger around a ringlet. “Very much.”

“T-thanks.” I can't help but watch his face. “You're love-” His phone rings then. “-ly…”

“Ugh…” He sighs. “Let me get that.”

“Why?” I reach for his arm but he slips away.

“It's Stan. Prick can't even handle a closing…Hey.” He's silent, turns away from me, places his hand on his waist. He seems intent on listening to his colleague, too focused. “I see. Alright...I can't believe he managed to fuck that up...no I don't they're at the office...wow calm yourself! I'll go back today… _”_ That was short lived. _“Yes_ I will...fuck off.” He hangs up. I slump my shoulders, mask the sadness. “Harry, I'm sorry. I have to leave.”

“It's alright. At least I know what it's for.” I admit.

“I always told you. I never hid-” I give him a droll stare. “Yeah...so let me...I have to get ready?” He points his thumb over his shoulder.

“I'll wait here.” Like always.

.

.

.

.

“Those boots again?” They're the black leather ones with the silver buckle.

“Unfortunately.” His cheeks are smooth, hair styled to perfection, and he's adorning a simple black, pinstriped three piece suit. And here I am in my Sunday's best: sweats and a dirty t-shirt. He checks his watch. “Fuck. I have to run.”

“How do you book your flights on such short notice?”

“I...I have a private jet.” His face flushes.

“I knew it!!” I throw my hands in the air. “So who were those woman you spoke to?” What? Am I jealous now? Seriously? _Of a woman?_

“I still have a flight crew, Harry.” He pulls on a light coat.

“But why lie about it?” I adjust his tie even though it's perfect.

“I didn't want to reveal too much.” His tone is hushed, filled with apprehension.

“Oh…” I shake my head. “Well, cool. Private jet.”

“Yeah.”

“It means you don't have to rush right?”

“Technically no but I still have-”  I cup him between his legs. “ _Okay_.” He coughs as I gently back him into the kitchen counter.

“Hmm?” I palm him gently. “Still in a rush?” I capture his mouth, pull at his lips but he stops me.

“Actually...I am.” I frown and drop my hand. “I'm sorry. I actually sort of fucked up this deal and Stan is pissed at me.”

“How so?” I follow him to the door.

“My attorney overlooked the variances on one of our new properties and I failed...well I missed it I suppose."

“Ah...sure.” I roll my eyes. “Well great. Good bye honey see you soon.” I say in a sing song voice.

“Oh shush.” He kisses me on the lips, fills my nose with his scent.

“You smell incredible. Can I bottle you up?”

“Yes.” His tone is sensual. “I'd like that.”

“Me too.” I kiss him again and push him towards the door. “Just go before I jump your bones.” I smirk.

“I'll see you soon.”

.

.

.

.

“More flowers!?” Dani blurts the moment she sees the three dozen roses.

“Yah.” I say as the words to the poem swirl around in my head.

_From dawn to dusk_

_I can still feel your mouth and touch_

“Dude goes all out!” She smells a pedal. “They're beautiful.”

“...the rest are upstairs.” I blush.

_From morning to night_

_Without you I lose my might_

“Wait what?” We're in the bar searching  the internet and newspaper for a new adoption center.

“...there are three more upstairs.” I confirm. “All filled with thirty six roses.”

“Holy crappola!!” She throws her hands in the air.

_And when comes the twilight_

_I may hold you near_

“Yeah...it was a bit much.” My face is probably the color of the flowers.

“It's not!!! Wow Louis means business.”

_Hold you close to my heart_

_And be forever sincere_

“He... he's the developer, Dani.” I confess and attempt to gauge her mood.

“Oh I know.” She waves it off.

“ _What?”_ I snap. “You... you knew!?”

“Um...yeah, Harry. We all did.” She shrugs. “Ben told Mrs. Winston, who then told the bellboy, who fibbed to Natale, who proceeded to tell Ann and she can't keep shit from her husband Peter and-”

“Okay okay okay!!! I get it!!” I shout. “My God...it's like you and Brett are cut from the same cloth!!”

“But really. Just telling you the timeline of events.”

“Which I was magically left out of. How convenient.” I snort.

“We wanted to tell you. But couldn't…you kept saying how you wanted Louis to open up to you. So we agreed to keep our mouths shut.”

“What, you guys had a grand council meeting about this!?”

“Sort of.” She shrugs. “Oh well…so let's-”

“But Dani, it's not just _oh well_ . You guys seriously knew?” My head aches suddenly. “And I was literally left in the dark? _Again_?”

“Well you were never left in the dark before. It's the first time.”

“When did you find out?”

“The day he came to the center I started to realize he was something... _more._ ” She admits as if there is nothing wrong.

“The...that _first_ day!?”

“No! But I put two and two together. I wasn't completely sure but eventually everything fell into place.”

“That's...how-”

“Harry, he came to the hotel! Of course I had my suspicions! And he was coming and going for weeks before construction started. I didn't realize he was _part_ of the developer...not until later that is.”

“Holy...holy-” I choke on the cuss word. “Grrr!!! Why didn't you-”

“You told me not to! Don't get mad at me! You specifically said _I don't want to read it from a stupid book._ ” She mocks. “ _I want Louis to open up to me_. Yadda yadda.” She dismisses me with a wave. “Stop.”

“Wow you're so unfeeling.”

“I am not! This is what you wanted.”

“But...but as a _best friend_ you would tell me the _enemy_ was the guy I was interested in!?”

“He isn't...the enemy anymore, Harry.” I freeze.

“Uh…”

“You don't still believe that...right?”

“I mean...no! Of course not.” I clear my throat. “He's much more than that. But in the beginning he was! And you knew.”

“I had inkling, but nothing solid.”

“Did Brett?”

“He didn't want to be involved. He was upset with Natale for a while too.”

“Oh…” I twist my fingers. “He told me he read an article about him.”

“Which one?” She raises her eyebrows. I shrug. “Who wrote it?”

“Some journalist... Wattpad? Dave? Ugh…Brett read it, encouraged me too as well but since Louis opened up-”

“You should still read it.” She rushes out. “Where is it? Do you have it? I want to read!”

“No. What? No way. No one-”

“I'll ask Brett, he'll give me a copy.”

“No. He won't. It isn't for-”

“Let me read it!”

“No!! We all know his secret-”

“There could be more gossip! Come on please!”

“So you can know more about him than I do!? Absolutely not!”

“Just because you don't want to know...doesn't mean _I_ am not allowed to know.” She pushes her stack of paperwork together. “In fact, I'm going to Google him right now.”

“Wait! We need-”

“Nope ! I have some digging to do!”

“I looked him up there's nothing there.”

“What name did you search?”

“... _his name_? What else would I-”

“It's not his real name, Harry.” My heart literally plummets.

“What…?”

“Oh my God.” She runs a hand down her face. “What exactly do you know?”

“He owns the development company that took over our town.” I stop, watch her face and she's not convinced. “Um…he...he is from California.” I add. And nope still nothing. “Right...he likes to eat...a lot actually.” I make a face. “Like, the guy is a bottomless pit.” Yuh... she's...not… “He exercises all the time! You have to see his muscles.” I nod.

“Harry.”

“He also knows a lot about constellations!”

“Oh... really now?” She mocks her interest. “What's his father's name? Does he have siblings? Where did he go to school? Is he into sports? What's his favorite color?”

“Uh...um...well you see-”

“Do yourself a favor?” She approaches me, stuffs the pages underneath her arm.

“What?” She pokes my chest.

“You're cheating yourself, falling for this guy... waiting for him to open up and be honest with you. But Harry, it isn't coming. He isn't opening up!” I divert my gaze, bite my bottom lip to hold back my tears. “He's...I don't know what he's doing! He's busy. So busy with work...and really, he doesn't... _god_ he doesn't have time for a relationship!” She grips my forearm. “Please. Be fair to your heart.”

“I...I just…” I scrunch my eyes closed. “He doesn't...he isn't...he is so...he works...Dani I don't know.” I resign. “I wish I did. But I don't.”

“That's what I'm saying! You're letting him off the hook too easily. You need to give it to him straight. Lay it out there. Or else.” I wait for her to continue but she's...not.

“Or else what?”

“It's over.” She nods. “It's done. Finito. Kaput.”

“Alright I get it.” I pinch the bridge of my nose. “I...will...speak to him-”

“When?”

“I don't... when he comes back?”

“When is he coming?”

“I don't...know.” I hide my face and the imminent tears. “He just appears when he wants to.”

“Okay yeah no you need to really get a handle on this relationship.”

“Is it one though? I feel like it's very one sided.”

“Well it's something.” She points to the roses. “The man has it bad for you. _Obviously_.”

“Well I don't know sometimes that's all. He's a difficult read.”

“Not really. He's pretty transparent.”

“When?!”

“He's very candid when he's drunk.” _Where have I heard that before_? “So spike his drink.”

“Are you nuts!? He'll never trust me again!”

“Well, he doesn't trust you now so I dont see the difference!”

“Ugh!!! Don't you have some place to be!?”

“Yes. As a matter of fact...I do.” She kisses my cheek and leaves the bar.

.

.

.

.

“Harry?” There's something warm against my lips. “Darling?”

“Hmmm?”

“Oh please wake up?” A hand drapes over my torso, pulls me backward. “You're naked.” I giggle.

“Mmhmm. I always...sleep...in the nude.”

“You're the devil.” He whispers into my ear.

“Am. Not.”  I push my butt back into him.

“Yes you are.” He trails a single finger down my chest past my stomach and straight to the junction of my thighs. I groan instantly, am stirred to full alertness. “Manscaping feels good on you.” I begin pulsing my hips.

“Y-yes...yes I do it...for you.” I whine. “The lady I go to...is...now _she's_ the devil.” My mouth is ajar, eyes cinched shut, mind at ease. “Please...touch me?”

“So needy.”

“No...horny. Very horny.” I admit and push my rear back again.

“Yes, I can…feel it.” He touches the base, grips with his delicate fingers, rubs and...rubs...and _rubs_.

“Ugh…” I moan aloud. “D-don't...don't stop.” I turn my head to face him, to lay on my back.

“No...no Harry I want you like this.”

“But I-”

“Can I take you again?” My eyes fly open.

“ _Yes_!!” I sober immediately. “I mean...of course. I just...I want to face you this time.” He grips me rather ferociously between my legs, makes my body numb, paralyzes my speech and brain functions.

“I want to take you just like this.” He grunts into my ear. “I want to feel you quiver, feel your legs shake with ecstacy, listen to you fall apart in my arms.”

“I...I…” His hand is working me, jerking me off, stirring my arousal. “Louis my goodness... I'll cum right here-”

“ _No._ Harry.” He pushes against me, pokes me with his erection. “Do not cum yet.” He bites my ear. “Give me your hand.”

“Huh?” I turn my head.

“Give me. Your hand.” He pulls my arm, tugs it towards him. “Now don't let this drip. I'm still fully clothed and I do not want to ruin another suit.”

“You are? You're going to...to…” Make love to me dressed?

“No I will not fuck you like this.” The air is forced from my lungs as if I were punched in the gut. I feel empty...dirty, useless... what!? “Hold your palm still.” I do as instructed, keep my face buried in the pillows as he shuffles about. Something greasy hits my fingers then. “Steady…” He moves my hand towards my rear. “Good. Now prepare yourself.” He said...he said... not love? Not...wait-

“What!” I sputter on my saliva.

“I want to watch you finger yourself.”

“W-watch me!?” I'm mortified... absolutely stunned... petrified! “What if...I don't-” I shake my head.

“It's okay. Just pretend I'm not here.”

“That's...Louis I can't.” I drop my hand.

“Oh no.” He guides it back. “You said you never give up.” He takes my moistened fingers. “Now do it.” I swallow a sob.

“Lou-”

“Fuck yourself. Come on.”

“I don't-” I don't eff anything!!! I have sex or get it on or...make love. Never...eff anything. I'm not that crude.

“I won't ask again.” He stands from the mattress. “If you do not try I'm leaving.” I turn towards him, feel my heart beating through my ears.

“No.” I nearly sob. “Don't _go._ You always...leave.” I face forward again hating this internal battle I'm fighting. The YES in my head versus the NO in my heart, the two contenders. Who will win? Will my fear consume me?

“Just do it!” His tone is direct, slightly domineering, condescending. “Let me watch-” I take a deep breath and sink my finger in. _Stupid. You're stupid_!! My heart screams at me, my subconscious, my... most fragile part. I hate myself right now...so much because I am forced from my comfort zone, forced to perform an act I do not feel confident enough doing especially in front of him. “Fuck. Oh my God. That's hot.” I sink slowly in, feel a twinge of discomfort, a slight sting but I continue anyway. “That's right. All the way. Right down to the knuckle.” I begin to sweat profusely. “Yes, that's right. Imagine it's me. Use that cute brain of yours and picture my fingers shoved in your tight ass.” I nearly cry out at his words, at his brashness. It's too forward...too dirty! “You’re so beautiful like this.” I hear him stripping behind me, the smacking of his boots against the wood floor, the zipper on his pants. “I may explode right here.” The snapping of a bottle cap comes next followed by a dip in the mattress. I move my fingers slowly in and out, pray I am doing a sufficient job. “Okay keep that pace.” He moves behind me, pushes his arm underneath my body. “Now hold still.”

“What? Why-” He sneaks his finger in next to mine, forces a strangled moan from my throat, holds me close to him as I push back. I cant even speak, cannot even form a word never mind a sentence. I am falling apart, crumbling, breaking down...being stripped bare. He's in control now, moving our hands in sync, working me open...wider...and _wider_ and my goodness I need a release.

“That's right...how does that feel?” His hips are pulsing forward, his finger massaging and curving ever so slightly, sending little jolts of pleasure up and down my arms and legs.

“W-wow...what...are…” I squeeze my lower region, feel these foreign sensations coursing through my body, feel his every curve touching my skin. “Louis?” I whimper. I love you.

_I love you._

I LOVE YOU.

“Yes...feel it. Let it go.” He whispers in my ear. “Relax... don't over think it... just-” He slips a second finger in, makes me jump at the intrusion, the pressure. “-enjoy.” His voice is soothing, sultry.

“I c-can't…” I'm outwardly panting, gripping at his hand that is grazing my chest, focusing on his hips as they move. “ _Think._ ” I can hardly finish my thought.

“Don't think. Feel. Touch. Explore. Use your senses.” He pushes deeper, stirs something in the pit of my stomach, hits a sensitive spot.

“Ah!!” I whine into the air. My forehead is sweated, my body most likely covered as well...and it's all too much. My own member is screaming to be touched, is so erect I can feel the weakness in my limbs from the loss of blood.

“Do you feel that?” He pokes my lower back, excites me further. “I'm ready for you. So ready…” He kisses my neck, thrusts his fingers in, shows me no mercy. “I want you to remember this...feel the discomfort when you sit...be reminded of where I've been.” I am breathing so heavy, probably hyperventilating. “Yes that's right...feel it!” He pulses our hands a few more times, digs...and delves…drives further in. I'm blinded by the ecstacy, deprived of my senses, consumed with my love for him...lost in this sea of emotions.

“Oh my God...Oh my-” I love you. He pulls out, including my hand, leaving me on the precipice of my orgasm. I'm aching. I'm confused. I need him. “Where did you go?”

“I can't...I can't wait anymore, Harry.” His arm disappears. “I need you.” He says from behind me. “So bad.” I wrap my hands around my pillow and wait, hear the foil wrapper and bottle.

“That's okay... because I...need you too.” I say. “I need your warmth, your reassurance...your-” Love. He returns and I can't help but flinch in anticipation.

“Here’s to round two.” He slips his hand underneath me once more, grips my chest. “Steady now.”

“Dont...go too fast?” I ask. I want to savor this moment.

“Anything for you.” He kisses my shoulder.

“T-thanks.” He's at my entrance, pushes his way through the barrier, sinks himself in...slowly...even _slower_ and it's purposeful. He took my word to heart, is making this entire moment memorable. “My _God_.” I cry as he moves, stretches, invades my personal space, saturates me in his aura. “You f-feel bigger than b-before.” I moan as he continues to penetrate.

“You want this?” He asks as he dips further... _further..._ when will he stop!? “Harry?” His body is pressed against mine, his chest grazing my bare back. “Harry!” He jerks his hips one final time, fills me to capacity. “Do. You. Want. _This_!?” He pulses his hips, forces a yelp from my throat from the burst of pleasure radiating from my core.

“Yes!! I...do!” I whine. I am clutching at the bedding for dear life, awaiting his next move, adjusting to his size.

“What's the magic word?” Is he serious!?

“Please!?”

“...nope.” He holds steady, pinches my torso.

“Ugh... pretty... pretty please!?” I can't...what is he doing!?

“Harry!” His fingers dig into my chest. OWE!!

“I don't...I can't…” I wiggle my rear, feel him occupying the small space, and his breath hitting my skin. What is he looking for? Why is he doing this? Making me beg for him!? I shouldn't have to even _think_ it through at a time like this.

“What do you...want me to do to you?” His voice is directly in my ear, filled with this vehemence, this...lack of compassion. I want to cry because isn't it obvious?

“F- fuck me?” I whisper. “Is that it?”

“ _Yes_.” He hisses as he begins to move. “I will.”

And that's all it took.

His hips are thrusting now, grinding into me, smacking my legs as he moves. He wraps his free arm around my torso, holds my back as he drives forward, proceeds to shatter my dreams into a million pieces because they do not come close to what is occurring. My little fantasies of us kissing in the woods and holding hands on the beach are gone. The romantic love making now a distant memory. The sweet gestures and kind words...vanished. Everything. Devoid of any kindness.

Because this?

This is...this is raw, carnal...this is...fucking.

This is what he wants.

This is…

_Not what I was hoping for._

“Yes! That's right!” He says from behind me as he exerts his small frame. “Feel it!!” I use my arms to steady myself and force my will to not crumble.

I am a mess.

I want to cry.

“Touch yourself.” He grunts. “Now!” I wince at the demand, take hold of my member and begin jerking my hand, move the length of my erection, and forget this moment.

“Louis, I...I-” Forget the fucking.

“Just _work_ yourself!!” Forget the way he's holding me.

“I _am!_ ” I shout in anger... frustration... annoyance.

“Ugh... you're...you're-” I focus on the penetration, the stretching, the pressure... _his body_. The lack of fondness.

“Tell...me...when.” I whisper as an unrelenting thought of us watching the stars forces its way through.

“Huh!?”

“Tell me when to go? Y-you're in charge.” I remind him, stifle a sob. My arm is on fire, my rear more so. But this image... it's pure...it's beautiful...it's us on a blanket watching the sky turn from a deep purple to black speckled with little white dots.

I can remain here forever.

“Right...now!” He shouts.

In my mind he kisses me gently, holds me close, whispers how pretty I look and how nice my hair smells. Reminds me how in love he is with me and of our trip to the countryside. It's such a picturesque moment, a real tear jerker if you're a sap like I am. And it surprisingly brings me to  my climax, allows me to ride this high of pure bliss and sunshine, and roses and delicateness. But instead-

“Fuck...fuck you're so... fucking delectable...so... fucking tight.” His hips are moving, his fingers digging into my flesh, his moaning too loud in my ears. “Harry! Fuck...push back I need...more friction.” I grip the bedding as best I can, remain as still as possible, fight the wetness pouring down my cheeks. “That's right...yes it's... perfect... you're perfect…hold it! RIGHT-” He whines into my sweated back, thrusts once more...and another...and he stills, pants, chokes on his breaths. “Shit…” He squeezes his hands, holds me close. “That was so... _good_.” He grunts. “Jesus, I'm fucking hot.” He chuckles. “I'm not accustomed to...well your size I suppose.” My face is buried in the pillow, my eyes swimming with tears. “But that's okay.” He kisses between my shoulder blades. “You're worth it.” He kisses again and again.“Hey. You're quiet.”

“Oh I'm fine. Just tired.” I force a laugh, steady my breathing to appear calm. “You know my sleep was disrupted again.” I hiccup. “Yeah so...uh goodnight.” I announce and turn all the way over, hide my face. I cannot bring myself to look at him.

“Um...what?” He swiftly pulls out, relieves my soreness, allows my body to breathe. He's moving around again doing... _I don't know_. I never know. “What's wrong?” He's on the bed again, touches my shoulder but I accidentally shudder at the touch, reveal my unease. I didn't mean to though. “Hey.” His voice softens. “Are you…” He crawls over me, touches my curls. “What's wrong?” His voice is alarmed. “Are you crying?!” He touches my cheek, attempts to rouse me from my sobbing session. But... I'm in the too deep, too far gone at the moment. “Please! Talk to me. What did I do? Are you okay? Did I hurt you?”

You _fucked_ me.

I'm not okay.

You hurt me emotionally.

“I didn't... whatever I did…” He's smoothing back my hair, pushing my shoulder to turn me over but I'm not having it. I can't move. “Harry!!”

“What!?” I explode in his face, reveal the tears, my diffidence.

“Why are you so upset? Was it me? What did I do? You were fine...we-” He gestures between us. “-were fine! I don't understand? Was I too rough? Did I hurt you?” My ego. “Are you in pain?” My heart hurts. “I get excited….you make me excited.” He diverts his gaze. “I can't help it sometimes.” I'm silent. I can't think. “Talk to me? Something? _Anything_?”

“I have nothing to say right now.” I lay back down, swipe my dirtied hand on the sheet and turn over.

“Oh.” Yup. “I see.” Yup. “I guess...I'll…” He hops off the bed and I can't remember much else.

.

.

.

.

“Just wake up?”

“Mmm.”

“Harry, you ignored me all night! At least give me a reason.”

“I have... nothing to say.” I repeat as I continue to lay there with my eyes closed.

“Well I'll clean the apartment while you rest.” I mask my frown. “I have a few hours before I have to head back. I didn't want to spend my time with you sulking.”

“Whatever.” I turn over.

“Ugh…!” He disappears and I cry all over again.

.

.

.

.

“I have to go. Can you...Harry! Look at me! Something!” Now it's his turn to shed tears. “Tell me what's wrong?” He cups my cheeks, kisses me square on the lips. I can hardly react. My heart is paralyzed.

“If I do, I'd have to kill you.” I mock.

“Now that's-” He starts.

“ _And I like spending time with you_.”

“That's mature... _really_ mature-”

“Now you know how it feels!” I admit.

“And it's awful. I feel terrible, so out of sorts, so confused because I don't understand...we had sex-”

“You mean... _fuck_ . We _fucked_.” I spit and it tastes bitter on my tongue. He recoils.

“I...I didn't...what?” His hands drop.

“Are you aware of the words you spew on a daily basis? Do you even care when you say the eff word in a certain context it could really offend someone? Or maybe demean them? Make them feel unworthy!?” I watch his facial expression and it's grim. “That when maybe you said that you're not _fucking_ me in your suit I didn't feel like a used rag? Or some _booty call_ as Stan so graciously puts it!? Do you have _any_ idea how harsh it sounds? How degrading it is!?” My eyes are misty again. “It _sucks_ ! Like...you travel all this way for a quick _fuck_ then leave to run back to your life!” He's unreadable, closed off. “Like right now. _Gotta go, be back when I can to fuck your brains out! Bye!_ ” I turn away from him. “You can be so kind, so generous, such a beautiful person but then be... callous, unrelenting, merciless.” I take a deep breath. “It kills me when I witness that side of you especially when we're about to be... close. It turns me off.” Shatters my heart. Breaks me in two. “And...and I don't know if that's something you're accustomed to but to me...I enjoy holding hands, kissing under the moonlight, holding one another close.” I rub my eyes. “And here you come like a freight train, rob me of the tenderness I seek, the simplicity I long for.” I dip my head. “I can't even face you in bed either or stare into your eyes.” I shrug. “It’s those small gestures that mean the most.” He sits at the edge of bed, clasps his hands and faces away. He's dressed in a maroon suit vest and matching slacks, white button down folded at the elbow with his tie hanging loosely around his neck. It's honestly the first time I've seen him this disheveled. “So...that's it.” I say. “Took awhile to figure it out.”

“I'm sorry.” His tone is hushed. “I once again overstepped my boundaries and...I can't apologize enough for making you feel this way.” He sighs. “I wish there was more I could do to make you feel special.”

“But you do! You do...it's not all the time.”

“I see...so I only make you feel like shit when you're most vulnerable. Got it.” He abruptly stands, proceeds to rip his tie from around his neck.

“I didn't say that! It's just...don't call it... _fucking_. It sounds cheap.”

“Then I guess I'm the cheapest.” He mutters.

“I'm telling you what's wrong. I'm being honest.” I pinch my nose. “This is how you get to know someone! Right?”

“Silent treatment and all? Save it! I don't have time-” He flips his collar.

“ _Make time._ If you want this to work then you have to make time for me! Not just send me one hundred roses and a poem! Or buy me thousands of dollars worth of clothes! It doesn't make up for it!” He turns on me, begins tying his tie.

“Then...what does!? What do you want!?”

“You.” I say simply and honestly. He stills. “You and only you. None of the frills, fancy underwear, unnecessary floral arrangements.” He once again reaches for his tie, licks his lips. “You're all I need.”

“What if I'm not enough though? What if one day you decide...you want flowers and I don't know because I'm too busy? Or forget an anniversary or...or-” I shake my head.

“You're missing the point! I don't want material things! I want you and those baby blues.” I reach for his hand and tug him. “Okay? That's all.”

“No flowers?” He looks utterly lost.

“Sometimes is nice.” I nod. “Maybe on a birthday or anniversary. Random times are cute too.”

“How random is random? Once a week? A month? A year!?”

“How does every six weeks sound?” He drops to the mattress.

“Why six?” He adjusts the tie.

“One and a half months. Perfect amount of time.” I nod.

“Oh...okay...yeah sure.”

“Did I clarify everything?” I tentatively reach a hand out, touch his incredibly smooth cheek.

“I think so.” He looks away. “Do me a favor?”

“What's that?”

“Do not ignore me? If there is one thing I refuse to tolerate...the fucking silent treatment. It's ineffective.”

“I honestly didn't have the words. I was hurt.”

“Are you still?” He crawls over to me, suit and all.

“You'll get wrinkled.” I hold his hand.

“Fuck the suit. Are you still hurting?”

“No... I'm better now.” I smile. “Well sort of.”

“Sort of!?” His face falls.

“You're leaving.”

“Oh...yeah... board meeting.” He whines. “I don't want to go.”

“It'll be okay. Just think of my butt.”

“I do. Too often...” He sulks. “I'm not the naughty type.”

“You can be.” I shrug. “We all can be at times.”

“I suppose.” He sighs. “Alright, I'm actually on a schedule.”

“What time is it?”

“1pm.” He stands.

“What time is your meeting?” I follow suit.

“Four.”

“How will you make-”

“Time difference. It's technically ten back home.”

“Oh. You should definitely go then. I don't want to make you late or have your _friends_ hate me more.”

“They don't hate you. They're just assholes.” I throw on a pair of sweats.

“Agreed.” I head to the kitchen. “Did you seriously clean? There is not a speck of dust...any where.” I take a quick look around my small living room.

“I did. It distracts me. I clean my house when I'm home too.” My mouth drops open.

“Seriously!?”

“Every bedroom and bathroom, yeah.”

“And how many do you have?”

“Too many. Makes me regret my decision.” He smirks. “But I still pay the maid. She deals with enough of my shit.” He unravels his shirt sleeves.

“I wonder what _that_ could be.”  

“You know the usual crumbs, sprinkles, dried jizz on my suits.”

“Typical Louis antics then?”

“Precisely.” He nods, checks his watch. “Ah! I better go.” He throws his coat on.

“I'll see you soon?” I ask.

“Yes. In a few days.” He nods. “Friday is a possibility.” I walk him to the stairs. “I'll let you know.”

“O-okay.” When!?

“Oh you know what? It'll be Saturday. I have a fundraiser Friday night.”

“Mmm…” Maybe invite me!? “That could be fun.”

“Yeah. A real thrill.” He closes his eyes, takes a deep breath. “See you later.”

.

.

.

.

“See you later?” Brett and I are in our usual spot by the bakery.

“Those were his words...after he mentioned the fundraiser. Which annoys me because...don't you like...bring a significant other to these sort of things?” I tangle my fingers in my lap. “I'm free...sort of. _I could be_!” I clear my throat. “I can have Ben fill in, you know? I don't understand.” I sit back, look to Brett and he's stone faced. “Um... not really? Too soon?” I ask but there's only silence. “Okaaaay. I guess it's a good thing I didn't say anything.”

“Did you read the article?” He keeps his eyes diverted. I take a deep breath.

“No.” I confess. “He told me everything.”

“ _Everything_!?” He turns to me, eyes me with trepidation. “Oh...wow I didn't...you're not...livid? Because fuck I was for you.”

“Of course I'm annoyed!! He took my business, tore it down...I told him. But he claimed the building couldn't be salvaged...it was a _death trap_.” I mock. “I still thought there was hope honestly.”

“Uhm...uh, yeah of course but Harry, what about-”

“And I know, asbestos is really _really_ bad for you and the lead paint...I just...if he wanted to give the town a facelift...why not include our small house?”

“Yes, I agree but Harry-”

“And the fundraiser!” My brain cannot seem to give this idea up! It's trapped. _I'm trapped_. “It's in two days! I could have flown out today! Or tomorrow morning even! Could buy a suit or...whatever you wear to those things-”

“Harry!!!” He slaps me across the face, leaves my cheek stinging, and eyes watering. And in disbelief because what!?

“Owe!!! What the hell-” He grips my shoulders, gives me a slight shake.

“There was _more_ to the story than just the company!” I touch my cheek, refocus.

“What else is there?”

“God damn it!” He drops his arms, runs a hand down his face. “I can't do this. It shouldn't be me!” Brett seethes. “That fucker.”

“Woah, wait watch it there!” I defend my... boyfriend? Whatever he is.

“Harry there is something else about _Louis_ he failed to mention.”

“What? There's more?”

“Harry!!!!” I hear the frenzied voice in the distance, turn towards the sound and spot Dani running up the street. “Harry holy shit. I Googled him!!” She's breathless, panting for air when she reaches us. “He...he…” She touches her chest.

“What?” I question. “Are you okay-”

“This isn't good…” Brett plants his face in his palm.

“He...he has a fian-” She starts.

“What's the c-commotion?” Natale approaches, tucks that piece of hair behind her ear.

“Oh for fucks sake.” Brett grunts.

“What did I s-say?”

“If you'd let me speak!!” Dani shouts at her.

“Hey! Don't you dare yell at me!” The baker counters. “I just want-”

“If every _one_ here could _be quiet_ I have exclusive information regarding-”

“But there is no n-need to be such a bitch!” Dani rounds on Natale.

“Who are you again? Oh that's _right_. NO ONE. So please go back to the kitchen and bake a cake or something!!”

“Why you little-” Natale lunges towards the brunette then with her hands extended as if ready to fight. Brett and I both react, jump to our feet to stop the unnecessary argument.

“No!” I cry as I grip Dani's shoulders. Brett easily subdues his girlfriend.

“Broads be running wild.” He says.

“Let me at her! I got this!!” She fights him as Dani sticks her tongue out. “You haven't seen n-nothing yet!!”

“Stop interfering with our business!” Dani says as she struggles in my grasp.

“Stop!! Both of you!” I start. “Right now or I'll leave.” I warn.

“We really should talk about this in a calm demeanor.” Brett's tone is sarcastic. “A _calm_ fucking demeanor!!”

“Yes, exactly. We need to calm ourselves.” I turn Dani around, look her in the eyes, implore her to _stop_. “Listen-”

“But you don't understand!!” She blurts, her face masked with concern. “Louis is a slime ball!!” My anger surfaces then.

“No he is _not_ .” I say between gritted teeth. “You don't _know_ him! How dare you say that!” I drop my hands, turn away to refocus.

“I hate to be the bearer of bad news...but you don't either.” Brett whispers but I disregard him because...well.. _.because-_

“I do!” _It's. True_ . “Whatever it is you saw was probably fake to sell magazines or destroy his image!” His _very_ important image.

“He made a statement about it!” Dani confirms. “You didn't-”

“What statement was _that_!?” My voice is becoming progressively louder. “That he is forced-”

“He's a real piece of _shit_! And I think it's time you realize who it is you're dealing with!” Her tone is furious. “You'll be heartbroken and I refuse to see you continue down this path with him when he'll only hurt you in the end!”

“He won't! He... he'll... _he won't_.” I grip my curls as my confidence wanes.   

“Yes!! He will! And when he does-”

“We'll be there for you.” Natale speaks up and I look to her then, find her sincerity. “We will listen and...and be a s-shoulder to cry on.”

“I...I...but I won't need-” One. I'll be okay.

“Please just listen to me! You have to!” Dani tries but I throw my hands in the air out of frustration.

“No! I _do not need_ to do anything!! I'll be FINE!” I take a deep breath. “He will _tell me_ in time. If it's that important, he will! I don't want to find out anything from second hand sources...I want to hear it...from his mouth. The truth. The whole truth. And if I have questions, I'll ask and he'll tell me. There will be no loops holes.”

“But what if he doesn't? What if he strings you along like some lost puppy?” Dani grips my shoulders, forces our eyes to meet. “And you'll allow him to I know it.” She sighs, hesitates a moment. “You were upset when we didn't tell you about our suspicions, when we kept the truth from you and now we're doing it again but this time we beg of you...to listen.” I scrunch my eyes closed.

“I...I...don't…”

“It'll be difficult to hear.” She clears her throat, touches my cheek. “But we're here.” She whispers.

“...no.”

“I suggest you sit down.” Brett's voice startles me.

“W-why?” Dani leads me to the bench.

“It may be easier to digest. And…” He shrugs. “It'll be less messy if you lose feeling in your legs.”

“How?” She forces me down.

“Ignore him. He's being a jerk.” Dani says and sits beside me. “So…It turns out Louis has a-” My phone begins to buzz. “Seriously!?” She grunts.

“Ugh…” Saved by the ring tone. I pull it free from my pocket.

“Who is it?” Natale asks.

“...the man of the hour.” I sigh.

“Wait but shouldn't we continue?” Brett interjects.

“No. It's...okay.” Because I'm not ready to listen, unprepared for whatever they're about to tell me and honestly, I don't think I ever will be. So  I answer on the third ring, block them out, pretend. “Hey.” My tone is light, relaxed. I stand from the bench and walk away. “What's up?” I'm sweating all over, my chest is tight, my limbs weak. I guess sitting down was the better option.

“Hey I...uh have some bad news.” I halt in my tracks.

“What?” I snap. Is he never coming back? It's done? Does he hate me? “What's wrong?” God I hope not.

“There's been an emergency.” And I instantaneously think the worst.

“Are you okay!? Did you get hurt? Oh my God...Louis-”

“I'm fine! I'm... physically okay but my emotional state is not.” I grip my curls.

“Thank goodness.” I touch my chest. “You scared me.”

“That was not my intention.” He clears his throat.

“So then, what's wrong? What's hurting you?”

“I fucked up I think.” He starts. “...and...and I _tried_ Harry please know that. Please know I did my best to help.”

“Help what? Who? What's happening?” Because really if it were Stan or Oli I wouldn't feel terrible.

“Lukie.” I shake my head to clear it, ensure I heard that correctly. But it's... it's not going away. Louis is sniffling, sputtering into the phone, falling apart. “I tried!!” He sobs. “I tried okay? He was...he was-”

“But I...wait…” I pull my scarf free from my neck as my body begins to sweat more. “He…” I feel slightly light headed, lethargic. “Wait, Lu-Lu?” I choke.

“Yes!! Yes..he may not...he isn't-”

“Lucas is... Lucas will...” I close my eyes as the world begins to tilt.

“My house keeper found him, he was on the couch, shaking. Supposedly he wasn't eating...drinking...just-”

“He...he…” The tears are instant, the throbbing in my head piercing. “Where is he? Is he alone? Is he being held? Are you holding him!? He liked to lay on your chest, be close to your neck where it's warm...he...he cannot be alone!!” A small arm encircles my waist. “P-please tell me he wasn't alone!?”

“He isn't...wasn't...my housekeeper-”

“ _You said_ you'd take care of him!! Hold him...bring him to your job!!” I snivle  “You promised me!”

“I know.” He whispers. “I know what was expected. I remember what I said!!”

“Then why did he _suffer_ alone!? How could you do this!?”

“I'm so sorry.” He chokes. “I'm sorry he was by himself.”

“Where is he!? I want to see him!” I rub my eyes.

“He's at the vet... they're... they have him on a respirator.”

“W-wait why? He can't breathe? He never had that issue! Why is he on one and not home! The medicine... what about the medicine!?”

“It’s... helping him, Harry.” I lean into my friend's small frame, drape my arm over her shoulder. “They believe...it's the end.”

“... Lu-Lu?” Black spots are dotting my vision then.

“I'm so sorry.” He says into my ear. “I'm keeping him alive for you so you l-”

“Alive? He's... alive?” I sob as a touch of hope creeps it's way in. “He's okay? He just had an episode?”

“No...no...You need to say...goodbye.”

“ _Goodbye?_ ” I sink to the ground as my legs give out, drop my phone, bury my head in my hands. “Lu-Lu! He's...he's so far away!!! What am I going to do!?”

“It's okay...it's okay.” My friend rubs my back, holds me close.

“No...no it's not! It never will be!!”

“Brett can you get that?”

“You bet.”

“Lu-Lu...no...nope. It can't be...it's the wrong cat...maybe they have the _wrong cat!”_

“No, Harry. It's probably him.”

“But...he…” I grip my curls.

“Hi, Louis. Yes...when? Tonight?...Sure.” I hear his voice. “I'll help him get ready...yes. As long as you don't hurt him... really now? We'll see about that.”

“D-Dani...he can't die!! He can't!! He's too young...too sweet! He needs me... _he needs me_!!”

“He does...he needs you. He always did.” She reassures but I only cry harder.

“He'll be ready by six.” Brett says.

“He's dying... _he's dying_ and I'm not there to hold him!!” I'm inconsolable, so far gone.

“In spirit Harry, you're there in-”

“I need to physically be with him!!”

“You’re going.” Brett says. “Louis booked your flight. You leave in two hours.”

“Alone!? He can't go alone!!” Dani shouts.

“I'm…I need to see him.” I cry into her shoulder.

“You are! Did you hear Brett? You are...Louis purchased you a plane ticket.”

“To where?”

.

.

.

.

“Are you sure you're okay traveling on your own?” Brett asks.

“I have Louis. I'll be fine.” I neatly fold a few shirts.

“That's my fear.” He clears his throat.

“Why?” I ask as I shove a few more items into a duffle bag. “He'll make me feel better.” Right?

“Will he? Are you sure?”

“Of course. He always does.” I head to the bathroom for my toothbrush, avoid my reflection. I grab a tissue to clean my eyes.

“I'm looking out for you.” I return to the bedroom.

“I know and I appreciate it.” I pull out some boxers, socks, shove those in too. “But I think I need to figure this out on my own. Like, this is his last chance.”

“Good. I think you should too.” I can feel his eyes watching my every move.

“And, if there is some ridiculous secret then maybe it's best if I find out through his actions and not from you guys.” I twist the strap to my bag. “That maybe if...I witness it, it'll be more believable.” I take a deep breath.

“We wouldn't lie.”

“I'm not saying you are. But the journalist could and I think it's proper to find out certain information...from the person themselves.”

“I agree.”

“Yes and if whatever is happening, whatever this secret may be, I have to be strong, show my indifference.”

“You can do it. You're stronger than you think.”

“Am I? Because lately I've never felt weaker.” I release my bag, sit ungraciously on the mattress. “And I know it's my emotions. It's oppressing, placing unnecessary stress on my head and heart...and it makes me wonder if it's worth it knowing I may get hurt.”

“It is worth it.” He approaches slowly. “If it works out, well you'll realize how incredible it all is. The aching, the pain. It is completely overwhelmed by the good, the positive, the love.”

“Is it?”

“I think so.” My gaze is trained on the hardwood floor.

“Are you talking from experience?”

“I may be.”

“Oh. You're in love too?”

“Yup.”

“How does that feel? You know, to have them reciprocate?”

“Fucking scary as hell.” He sits next to me.

“It's not magical?”

“Um….I wouldn't say _magcial_ , I'd say more debilitating.”

“Huh?” I look to him. “How so?”

“It's all you can think of. Every step you take, every action you choose to do. It directly effects the both of you.” He says. “It's not just you anymore, it's _us_.”

“I like the sound of that though.” I _want_ it.

“It's a beautiful thing too. _Us_ is what we strive for. _Us_ is what gives you hope. _Us_ is what keeps you whole.”

“Us makes you happy.” I frown.

“Not always.”

“It's paralyzing otherwise?”

“Yes.” His tone is hushed. “One wrong move and really, everything you've worked for will crumble.”

“I...feel like the foundation I've built started to crack a little.”

“That's not possible.”

“How do you know?” Who is this guy? Ghandi?

“You haven't even mixed the cement yet let alone built a wall.”

“I thought... you think?” He nods. And here I'm thinking our little home had curtains hanging in the window.

“Absolutely. You're not in a relationship yet. It's still _dating_. You're feeling one another out-” I snort. “-literally and figuratively.” He adds. “In limbo honestly.”

“Tell me about it. I never know what to expect.”

“But he comes back.”

“To...have sex with me or do something physical.” My cheeks redden. “That's it.”

“I don't-"

“No, I'm starting to think it's true.” I say. “He sneaks in, excites me, whispers empty promises in my ear, and slips out when I'm half asleep.”

“Slips out, eh?”

“Ugh!!!” I slap his arm. “Shut up.”

“You said it.”

“You _kno_ w what I mean.”

“I do but it's still entertaining for me to bust your balls.”

“You do it well too.” I sigh. “He can be so charming too. Such a gentleman. Say the perfect line. Reel me in like some love sick fool.”

“But you are.”

“Ugh I am.” I resign. “And it's awful because I'd do anything to please him.” I bury my head in my hands.

“Even when he hurts you?”

“Especially when he hurts me.” I choke.

“Even though he may be stringing you along?” That stung.

“I'd take anything to be close to...him.” A lot.

“Even though you know he'll leave?” Because it's reality.

“Especially knowing he'll leave! It makes me work harder for his affection!” I steady out my breathing before I continue. “I'd literally do anything to get close to him regardless of his feelings because I know... I'll have that time with him.” That tasted bitter on my tongue.

“So you'd basically let him use you.” My heart sinks. “Explains the outfit.” I look down at my white jeans and... _the blouse_ with the hole.

“I...yes.” I cringe. “I would...do...I do it. I do it, Brett. I let him use me until I'm in tears, until I'm filled with such dread that I question my motives... aching until my limbs go numb.” I stand then. “And I'll do it again.” I swipe my eyes. “...and again.”

“Why not fight it? Maybe try to convince yourself it's not a good idea?” I pull on the black boots, shake my head.

“Not possible.”

“You're giving up.”

“No, that's my problem. I can't give up. Not on him.” I throw on my coat.

“It may have an unsavory outcome.”

“So be it. Maybe it'll teach me a lesson.”

“You're risking a lot you know.”

“I am.” I loop a scarf around my neck. “But for some reason... he's worth it. Regardless of his true intentions.” I sigh, shoulder my bag. “Alright, I'm ready to get hurt again.”

“I think you enjoy it.”

“I do...I do enjoy it... because I'm in love with him.” I swipe at my eyes that have since been filled with unshed tears. “And I'm fighting for _us_ even though I'm certain he isn't aware.”


	12. Whirlwind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I barely mixed the cement. I am attempting to build a home with crude tools and no nails, using my hope to keep the walls intact and my love to maintain the foundation. But it's not enough. It will never be enough because... because Louis...he...isn't holding up the other side. He's allowing it to fall, to fail, to shatter into pieces before my eyes and its beyond my control.

“Hey.” I answer on the second ring.

“Did you land?” His voice is clipped.

“Um...yes-” I attempt to say as I make my way through the gate.

“How was your flight?”

“It was fine. Long...very long and turbulent.” I grip my bag tighter as I move with the crowd. “Are you-”

“One of my drivers is picking you up.” He sounds preoccupied, rushed, a little out of sorts.

“Uh...oh.” I choke. “I see. Where are-”

“I'll meet you at the vet's office.” His tone is devoid of any emotion.

“O-okay?” I squeak as my heart begins to race in my chest. I have this sudden urge to burst into tears, to breakdown in the middle of the airport because I'm too late. I'm here. I'm alone. I'm afraid. I'm _stuck._

What's wrong with me?

“Yes. See you there.”

He hangs up then leaving me at a loss, places yet another layer of anxiety on my shoulders. I stop in my tracks with the phone pressed to my ear unable to comprehend our pathetic exchange, proceed to get bumped from behind once...twice...a fourth time. _Sure_ . My bag eventually slips down my arm from the momentum too, drops to the ground with a loud _thump_. I'm in such a fog I hardly notice really.

“Bad place to stop, buddy!” Some random man in a suit snaps at me, eyes me with disdain.

“I'm not-” Your buddy. But he's out of ear shot and speed walking towards baggage claim, moving with an air of confidence I wish I was able to possess. “An excuse me would have been nice.” I mumble as I watch him disappear. “Must be the air.” I rub my eyes and shoulder my duffel. I look at my phone once more, sigh, and pocket it as I begin to decipher his mood. It could have been anything...he may have been busy, in a meeting, working with a client, making deals... doing... whatever it is he does exactly.

I make my way slowly towards the exit, bypass the overpriced shops and boutiques, ignore the couple's holding hands, and the butts and boobs that are shockingly enough still on display for the world to see.

“I hate this city.” I whisper because why can't people just wear clothing that is appropriate for the season? Why do they find a need to be half dressed? Is it for attention? Do they think it’s appealing? Are they aware they look desperate? Easy? _Stupid_!? So fake!? So dumb and pathetic and dirty and slutty and-

I steady my hand on the wall to reorient my senses, to focus on anything I am able to grasp onto, something solid, dependable, welcoming... loving. But it's no use. My brain is already trapped in a whirlwind of emotions, succumbing to my sadness and uncertainty and without a helping hand to pull me out, I fear I'll remain here...

“Are you Harry?” Forever.

Why didn't I bring Brett? Why was I so dumb to believe I was strong enough to handle this? To face Louis’ world alone? What am I going to do? What if he is always brusque towards me and treats me like one of his employees? Snaps at me like he did his driver? Or cuss at me like he does with Stan? Hangs up on me without a goodbye? _Oh wait._

“Sir?” There's a tap on my shoulder.

What if he doesn't kiss me hello?

“Harry?”

What if I'm ignored?

“Hello?”

What if he doesn't share a bed with me?

“Are you okay?” The hand comes again. _What if he sends me home tonight without…_ “Sir?” _Giving me any?_ Because is that what I'm really concerned about? “You're turning pale.” Tap...tap...TAP!!

“What!?” I shout as I lift my head, stare blankly into this man's face.

“Are you Harry?” I flinch the moment he says my name.

“Um…” I swipe eyes.

“Mr. Tomlinson sent me to drive you to the veterinary office.”

“Who?” I question as more tears flood my eyes.

“Mr. Tomlinson?” He pulls his phone free from his pocket. “You are Harry, no?” He asks. “I'm certain this is you.” He shows me the screen displaying a dork with stupid curls, a dumb dimple and plastic smile. It's an older photo, too old….too...how did he find that?

“Um...uh…How did...” I point to the phone in disbelief, feel my legs weaken.

“All of our guests are subjected to a background check.”

“A what?” I grip my coat. “Guest?”

“We have to make sure you're not a criminal or in possession of drugs of any kind.”

“I don’t do drugs…and I stole a pack of spearmint gum when I was ten. Does that count?”

“Not that I’m aware of, sir.”

“Um…okay.” I shove a hand in my jeans pocket and wait... awkwardly.

“Since we’ve established your identity, let’s get going then. I'm double parked.” He reaches for my bag. “There isn’t much time.” Why are we rushing?

“That's mine-” I shy away from him.

“I can carry it for you.”

“That isn't necessary.” I quickly rub at my cheeks to rid them of any residual tears.

“Well, it's become more of a habit at this point.” He pulls my duffel off my shoulder and turns away, reveals more of his salt and pepper hair. “Let’s be off.”

“I don't...what?” I follow him to the doors anyway, feel the butterflies in my stomach flutter to life as I trail behind the driver. _Who is Mr. Tomlinson?_

“The car is idling by the curb. And may I suggest you remove your coat and scarf? It's quite warm today.”

“Um...what?” We walk outside and it's instant. The sun. The heat. The dryness of the air. It's suffocating. “Oh.” Sucking the air from my lungs. 

“Hopefully you brought shorts with you. We’re experiencing a bit of a heatwave.” He opens the door to an SUV. “In you go.” His smile is crooked and in this lighting, I am able to take in his kind features and warm eyes.

“I don’t need-” You waiting on me hand and foot.

“But you do.” He insists. “So please get in?”

“Uh…but how do I know you won't kill me?”

“I understand your concern.” He smiles. “But you need to say goodbye to your cat, to Lucas.”

“How did…” I divert my gaze to the ground. “How do you know?”

“Again, Mr. Tomlinson gave me specific instructions to pick you up.” He persists. “And here I am.”

“But...but I-” Oh what the hell. “Fine.” I hop inside and allow the man to shut the door. “This is insane…this is…” Who is Mr. Tomlinson? How does he know about Lu-Lu? The driver rounds the car, places my bag in the trunk, and proceeds to climb into the front seat.

“Mr. Tomlinson will be meeting us there. He was stuck in a meeting all afternoon.” He says. “He cannot stay long either. There's supposedly a dinner he must attend with Ms. Briana. Some of his investors...” I ignore the man, dip my head low, and block out the world. Is this happening? Am I really here to simply say goodbye to my beloved cat and then be shipped back home? And for what? What’s the point? “So you’re a friend of Mr. Tomlinson’s?” I'm pulled from my wayward thoughts.

“I don’t even know who you’re referring to.” I say mindlessly as I stare out at the palm trees, the beach, and the ocean beyond.

“Louis Tomlinson?” I bite down on my lip, taste the copper on my tongue. “Are you not his friend?” A friend? _A friend!?_

“I…” My fingers are intertwined in my lap. “I didn’t…” _It’s not his last name, Harry._ I choke on a sob, feel the blood draining from my face.

“Are you the person who Mr. Tomlinson adopted Lucas from?” I feel lightheaded, feel the hysteria consuming me. My forehead is sweating suddenly too.

“Um…” I close my eyes to allow my anxiety to pass. “I uh…yes?” And we kissed occasionally. Had sex a few times. You know. Acted as if we were in a relationship. Nothing pressing.

“You must really have had quite an attachment to Lucas you know…to come all the way to California from…where are you from again? West Virginia?”

“Y-yuh.” I had…well _am_ attached to your boss too.

“That’s a long way.” My fingers hurt and are most likely turning purple from my deathlike grip.

“W-well...Louis...I meant _Mr. Tomlinson_ paid for my flight.”

“Ah look at that. That's very kind of him.” Not really. “I’m sorry by the way.”

“M-me too.” I’m so sorry.

And so stupid.

.

.

.

.

The car ride is pure agony.

My heart is crumbling.

My head is aching.

My blood is running cold.

I need my bed, a box of tissues, and Ed.

.

.

.

.

“Here we are.” The man stops by the curb and exits. “So.” He opens the door, reveals my reddened cheeks and glossy eyes. “Oh, dear boy. I’m sorry. Take this.” He hands me his handkerchief. “It’s clean.” He smiles.

“T-thank you.”  I rub my eyes with the soft cotton, attempt to compose myself.

“You should really take off your coat.” He implores. “It's warm.”

“I…” I turn away, curse myself for wearing this ridiculous blouse and for what really? “I just…” I swipe my nose feeling at a loss.

“I cannot force you, son.” I eye him and he's sincere, caring, obviously concerned for my comfort. Or is he being paid to do this? To treat me with respect? To fake his compassion?

_Paul doesn't. Didn't. Never cared._

Never mind.

“I'll leave my scarf on.” I resign.

“Very well. Follow me.” We head inside the three story building and stop at the elevator. “Are you okay?” I take a deep breath and nod once, pray I am convincing because I have nothing much to say. “I understand. This cannot be easy.” I shake my head no. “It’ll be over soon.” He leads me into the car.

“I hope so.” I mumble. Or do I?

The elevator doors open all too soon, reveals the small upscale office. It's something you'd find in a movie with it's white walls, decorative furnishings, and modern edges. _It's a tomb_.

“Hi! How can I help you?” A blonde bombshell approaches us.

“Yes, hello. We are here to see Lucas.” The driver says.

“Lucas...Lucas? Hmmm…” She taps her manicured finger against her overly plump lip. “Give me just a sec!” She bounces back to the reception desk.

“Oh Lord.” I roll my eyes.

“I'm certain Louis called.” The man reasures.

“He's dying-”

“Hello. You're here for Lucas right?” Another lady approaches. We both nod in unison. “This way please.” She says and leads us down a hallway.

I can feel the tears surging the further we go, find my hand is lonely and in need of something to hold. I just wish he was here with me, giving me support for once, being my shoulder to cry on. But he's not... he's...out being a billionaire.

And lying.

_Too busy being my friend._

We stop at a nondescript door.

“Oh no.” I choke. The driver surprisingly grips my forearm to steady me.

“He is in a sleep like state so you may not get any sort of reaction from him.” She opens the door revealing a large metal table, a heart monitor, and other various instruments most likely keeping my kitty alive.

“I…oh my god.” I sob into my hand the moment I find the small lump laying lifeless on the table.

“You can go to him.” The lady instructs.

“C-can I hold him?” I slowly approach, hear the heel of my boots scuffing the floor, feel my sanity being sucked away.

“Well…not yet. Not until-”

“Harry?” I hear his voice the moment I sit beside Lu-Lu.

“Hello. Good to see you again.” I hear the lady. “I’ll get the vet for you.”

“Thank you…George I’ll meet you outside.”

“Yes, sir.” The driver responds and I can assume leaves.

“Lu?” His little face is relaxed, his eyes closed, stomach rising and falling…body limp. So limp. The energy he once had is gone. He’s not the same. “H-hey.” I gently touch his head. “It’s…it’s me. I’m here to say goodbye, Lu. Do you hear me?”

“He is not completely coherent.”

“I need for you to listen to me.” I say into the feline’s ear. “I love you. And…and I’ll never forget you, okay? You were so strong all the time, hid your pain, protected me.” I sniffle. “You…you were so rambunctious, full of life and energy, such a positive aspect in my life and…and now you’re…” The door opens.

“How are you?”

“I’m well.”

“Is this your friend?”

“Um…”

“You’re dying Lu-Lu and I’m devastated. So unprepared to say my goodbye because…our time together was cut short, robbed from us. And I know…I know you needed more care…better treatment but I gave you unconditional love and affection, never turned my back on you.” I smooth down his fur, stare at his closed eyes. “And I hope…you found solace in my comforting. I hope I was able to draw some of that pain away from you.”

“Is it time?”

“I think so.”

“Okay.”

“I love you so much, Lucas. I love you.” I rest my hand on his tiny stomach, hold him close. “You’re my light.”

“Harry?” I feel a hand on my shoulder but I shy away from the touch.

“Mr. Tomlinson, we’re ready.”

“Harry the vet has to...uhm...you know…”

“Oh…uh…” I wipe at my eyes. “C-can I hold him now?” I ignore Louis completely, look directly at the vet’s sweet, apologetic face.

“Absolutely.” She removes the small tubes from Lucas’ little munchkin legs.

“Is…is he in pain?” I wipe at my face.

“Not right now no.” She smiles at me, wraps him in a blanket. “Here you go.” She places him in my arms and he’s…so thin.

“My little one.” I slowly sit back in the chair, watch his face. “What happened?” I whisper. “Where did I go wrong?”

“Harry-”

“You became so sick... You had your entire life ahead of you.” I sob. “You could have found a home with a lovely family, children, endless supplies of food and love.” He feels like nothing, his little frame cannot compete with Ed. “I wish there was more I could do.”

“Excuse me? But I just need to administer this.” The vet approaches.

“Oh...right.” I lift my head, attempt to appear calm, but there is just no chance, I'm a sobbing mess. “Don't hurt him.” I snivle. “Please?”

“Never. Now hold still.” I look away then, hold Lu-Lu close to my chest, wait for what feels like ages. “All done.” She smooths down the fur.

“Oh...” I look down and his eyes are open, the beautiful little blue irises watching me. “Oh my goodness you’re here.” I sob. “I’m here. It’s me, bud. Do you remember me?” He moves his head and jerks his paw underneath the blanket. “Hey.” I allow the tears to run freely down my cheeks. “I’ve got you, okay? I’m holding you close. You won’t feel a thing. It’ll be…it’ll be…quick and painless. Completely painless, okay?”

“How long?”

“Any minute.”

“And...and I'll miss you. So much.” I sob. “And I'm sorry I walked away. I wasn't angry at you. I wasn't mad...I was hurt. I was being dumb. I didn't want to see you leave because I had such a bond with you.” His eyes are dulling. “And...and I needed you.” I cry, dip my head closer to his chest, listen for his heart beat. “I love you, Lucas. I love you so much. You'll be so happy in heaven...your suffering will be over.” His limbs begin to shake. “It's...it's okay.” I grip him close, find his eyelids closing. “Yes, it's fine. You'll...be pain free. Full of spunk and sass.” I sob. “You'll have your own food bowl.” I swipe my tears. His movements are slowing, his eyes nearly shut.

“Harry?” I feel an arm on my shoulder.

“Lucas. It's okay. It's...let go? Let it go. Be free.” I choke. “I love you.” I say with as much strength as I am able to conjure. “I _love_ you. I love you so much.” His little body ceases his movements. “I'll see you in my dreams, think of you always...think of your sweet little paws on my chest…” His eyes close, he stills, he's...not here... “ _Lucas_!” I hold his body against me, search for his heart beat and any sign of movements... anything really. “Lucas...Lucas... I...I…” I dip my head and bury my nose in his fur, feel its softness against my cheek...feel... nothing but cold. He's no longer with me. He's gone. He's now just a memory. “No...no...I...it... I thought-”

“It's okay.” A hand touches my shoulder, a smallish hand with spindly fingers, and a tight grip.

“I can take him.” I refuse to lift my head.

“Harry, give Lucas to the vet.”

“But I…” I sniffle into his fur. “He still...he might-”

“He isn't waking up. He's... he's gone.”

“No…” I shake my head in disbelief. “No...I…” He's taken from my arms then. “But please I want-”

“Harry, it's okay.” Those fingers are digging into my skin. “He's in a better place.”

“But…” I rest my head in my hands. “It wasn't enough.” I whisper. “I didn't give him _enough_!!” I grip my curls. “He should...he should be alive.”

“There was nothing you could do. His death was imminent. We knew it would-”

“I could have found the cancer sooner, gotten him diagnosed right away...but I didn't... know!!” I cry. “I swear. Dani and I...we had no clue. He just stopped eating one day, slept constantly, avoided the other cats.” I swipe my face, lean into the touch on my shoulder. “But we didn't think anything of it!”

“How could you possibly blame yourself?”

“Because I was his care taker and I failed to do my job effectively. I let him _die._ ”

“Harry, no. You are not responsible for his death. You did what you could, exhausted your resources, went into debt to pay for his treatment.”

“I couldn't...I was stubborn. I took him out against Dani's wishes, allowed him to play with the cats, treated him as if he wasn't sick.” He kneels in front of me, runs a hand through my hair. It feels real, genuine, comforting.

“Look at me? ” He grazes my cheek, continues to massage my curls. “Please?” I keep my head down to suppress my anger towards him, to properly mourn the loss of Lu-Lu. “Don't beat yourself up over this, okay? There wasn't a clear indication he was this ill. Cats hide their discomfort, their pain.”

“I _know_. But I didn't read into the signs. I pretended he was under the weather, waited to the last possible second to take him to the vet when I should have gone immediately.”

“No. No. No. Stop.” He kisses my cheek, awakens a side of me I managed to push aside when I saw Lucas. And it's angered. It's hurt. It's...so in love with him I can't even think straight. “No more negativity.” He kisses me again, this time at the corner of my mouth. “I refuse to believe you are the reason for Lukie’s untimely death. There is no one at fault. It was an unfortunate turn of events but these things happen and the best you can do is to remember Lucas, think of the happiest of times for his sake.” He kisses me... _again_ . “Dwelling on it will prevent you from properly healing. You'll be running in circles, searching for the answers that do not _exist_ , put this blame on yourself when in the end you were simply loving him with all of your heart.”

“I do.” Love you with all of my heart.

“Of course and...you will forever.” Goodness will I, Louis. “His spirit will always reside in you.” I want _you_ to reside in me. “You'll feel the loss, of course but just think of the wonderful memories you shared.” I do...feel the loss. “That will brighten your mood.” You can...you will. You always do. “Okay?” He touches my cheek. “Now look at me.”

“Why…” I whisper.

“Because-”

“...did you tell your driver I'm your friend?” My tone is neutral, chilling, impassive.

“What?” He drops his hands. “I didn't-”

“Sir? Are you ready?” My head is still down but I recognize Paul's voice. “Your reservation is in fifteen minutes.”

“Fuck.” He snaps. “Yes...yes I am.” He stands.

“George is waiting outside.” To take me back to the airport I'm sure. Stupid of me to bring a bag.

“Good.” He hesitates. “Harry, I'll...see you later.”

“Yup.” I choke.

.

.

.

.

“I said goodbye.”

“Little man.” Dani cries. “I will always love him.”

“Me too...me too.” I sniffle. “But I have to go okay? I'm being driven back to the airport.”

“What? ALREADY!?”

“I think so. I'll text you.”

“Oh, Harry. I should have came along with you.”

“I agree. I'm not handling any of this well.”

“Where was Louis?”

“You mean Mr. Tomlinson?” I snap.

“Uh...yes. I guess-”

“I have to go. The driver is coming back. We'll talk okay?”

“Alright. Text me if you need me.”

“I will.”

.

.

.

.

I'm back in the car with George driving down the coast. It's nearly dusk but the beach is still teeming with people, the boardwalk illuminated by the vendors, rides, and colored glow sticks. It looks so inviting, so _welcoming_ and with the sweet smells permeating my nose, I almost want to ask to stop but I know I have to leave and taking a minor detour may impede on _Louis’ plans_.

“What time is my flight?” I ask solemnly. “I need to let my friend know when to pick me up.” I hope Tony doesn't mind.

“It's at eight-”

“Eight!?” I look at my watch and it says… “Seven thirty!! It's Seven thirty! I'll never make it!” I begin to sweat.

“...your flight is in two days sir. I believe we have ample time.”

“How will I get through security? That airport is so crowded... I'll have to run and I can't in these stupid shoes and….wait what?” I do a double take.

“Your flight is not until Saturday.”

“I...uh…oh.” I take a deep breath. “Oh okay. I thought-”

“Looking to leave so soon?”

“I just...wasn't sure what the plan was.” And I was certain I wasn't welcomed.

“You said goodbye to your little cat and now I am taking you to Mr. Tomlinson's residence “ My mouth drops open.

“His...his...what?” My body tenses with worry, my mind runs rampant with the possibilities of what could occur...what may _not_ occur, and everything in between. Why am I so unsure?

_Mr. Louis Tomlinson._

“His home.” George turns down a series of roads, then drives up a steep hill.

“Oh my...why? I thought…” He didn't want me?

“It was his request. I didn't ask for details.”

“I see.” I resign to my fate. “I guess...if that's what he wants.” I'm so confused. I'm so excited. I'm...afraid. I'm angry. I'm hurt. I'm slowly dying on the inside.

“And he gets what he wants that's for sure.” I flinch at that last statement.

“He...what?” I sink into the seat, clench my knees together.

“He's persuasive.” He says. “That's what makes him a very successful business man.” My fingers are in knots along with my nerves.

“I uh... I'm...I see.” I bite my bottom lip, feel a slight discomfort in my lower back, an ache in my bottom that I know only exists in my head.

“He was an adoring child though. Everyone loved him.” Oh no. “His father raised him with such care and love….a little spoiled but that's how parents are these days.” I stare out the window to distance myself from this conversation...a conversation I am uncomfortable having for some reason. “We were all surprised the business was handed over to him at such a young age.” No. No. No. No. No. “He was only twenty two! Literally took off the cap and gown and was handed a company worth millions. But the kid had drive, some real ideas. He gave life to a dying business.” Twenty...two? What? “His father had faith in him.” Please...please... please!! “Still does! He isn't around much anymore, but it practically runs itself at this point.” I may hurl myself from this vehicle. “Now all Louis needs is to settle down and focus on a family.” My heart is pumping, beating, rattling in my chest. “Maybe allow his investor's to do their job. But he never will. He has too much ambition and energy to let it go.” Oh my GOD, save me. “We think he found someone. But I'm not so sure. The maid knows the details of _that_ fiasco.” I cant... breath or think or...grasp onto much of anything. “Anyway... enough chatter.” Holy... Thank you. “We're here.” I turn my head towards the gates before us.

“Woah.” My eyes widen as they open revealing an impeccable landscape and a Tuscan inspired mansion in the distance. It's probably the biggest home I've...ever seen and _will_ ever see in my lifetime. “I uh...he lives here?” I lean forward towards the driver, stare out the front window, note the stucco exterior and stone accents, the striking red terracotta shingles, the brushed bronze encasing the arched windows. “Wow.” My mouth drops in astonishment.

“Lovely isn't it? He had it built last year. He recently moved in.”

“Um...yuh...yeah it's...he said he cleans it when he's home. I don't believe-”

“Oh yes, he does. All six bedrooms and twelve bathrooms. I'm surprised he doesn't do the landscaping too.” He snorts. “He claims he gets too tired when he's finished with the inside. But the staff is convinced he doesn't have the skill to properly prune a bush.”

“Um...he makes messes in the kitchen too.” I say randomly.

“That he does. Kid can't even make a peanut butter sandwich without smearing it all over the counter.”

“I know. My cat ate rainbow sprinkles for days after he was...over.” I sigh. “He's clean otherwise.”

“Yes I agree.” He rounds the circular drive. “The steward will be taking your baggage to your room.” _My room?_ “And dinner will be served promptly at eight.”

“I'm...not hungry.” I sit back in my seat.

“The chef will be non too pleased. She hasn't cooked for a guest in ages.”

“Are you trying to make me feel bad?” I frown.

“Yes and no. She's a nice lady and can whip up a mean lasagna.”

“A mean...lasagna? How can food be...mean?”

“Delicious. It's delicious. Even the noodles are homemade.”

“Ah... alright. I'll...try?” I touch my stomach, feel the unease just underneath.

“You will not be disappointed.” He exits the vehicle and opens my door. “And absolutley stuffed for days.”

“I guess.” I join him on the driveway. “Wow this place is so big.” I take in my surroundings. “And the sunset is gorgeous.”

“It's even prettier from the back of the house. It overlooks the Pacific ocean.”

“...oh.” I grip my coat, smash it against my bare chest.

“Welcome!” I turn around then to find a smallish man with dirty blonde hair walking towards us. He looks like a Butler right out of a movie with the black suit, coat tails, and distended tummy. Luckily he has most of his hair steering him from the stereotype. I can't help but chuckle anyway. “My name is James. Such a pleasure to meet you.” He extends his hand, smiles a large toothy grin.

“Um…” I reluctantly release my fingers that have since twisted into the fabric of my jacket to hide my... skin and shake it. “Hello.”

“It's such an honor to finally have a guest! Come! Your suite awaits you!” He turns on his heel and practically hops back inside.

“Suite? I get a suite? I'm here for...like a day.” And I am so out of my league.

“Oh yes, every room is a suite.” The driver says. But I...I was hoping to be with...I shake my head.

Ridiculous.

“I suggest you go inside before you lose sight of James. He can be a bit eccentric.”

“Great.” I roll my eyes. “Thank you.” I begin to walk away when I remember tipping the taxi driver...well was forced to _pay_ the taxi driver. Is he the same? Does he get tipped? “Oh...I um…” I reach for my wallet and pull out a five...then a ten...I shake my head with uncertainty. No a twenty. Right? “Here. I hope that's enough. I can go to the bank tomorrow for the rest.” George eyes my hand, shakes his head. “Another twenty. I promise.”

“Sir. I am not allowed to accept tips.”

“...what? Why? You drove me around it's the least I could do.”

“No, Harry. I work for Mr. Tomlinson.”

“Just please take it!” I shove it into the breast pocket of his coat. “I know what it's like to work for tips. Just.. uh...” I eye the older gentleman. “Don't tell anyone.” I swiftly turn away and head into the house... mansion...estate.

Oh I don't know anymore!!

“What am I going to do?” I mumble to myself as I walk through the _grand foyer_ that's absolutely the size of my apartment. It smells too florally, almost like a perfume, nothing like the scent I am used to that accompanies Louis. “Woah.” I look up and there's a chandelier hanging from above. “For such a large light source, it's awfully dark in here.” I note. I round the table situated in the center of the room, find an intricate flower arrangement resting in a terracotta vase. “Well that explains-”

“There you are!!” The Steward...John? Jacob? He's approaching me in a flurry of arms and black coat tails. “We haven't had a guest...well an appreciative guest since we moved in! It's difficult to entertain oneself when there is no one to wait on.” Oh no.

“I really don't-" He wraps an arm around my back and pulls me forward. “-need much.” I reassure as he drags me further in. “Please it's not necessary.” I smash the coat to my chest, pray the scarf is hiding the rest of it.

“Yes it is! We are here to make you feel right at home.” When I couldn't feel less at home...I sigh and follow the man.

We walk through a small, poorly lit corridor, pass two more tables that are occupied by vases and the same flowers I found in the entryway. It's overpowering really, the scent. But I continue on, quicken my pace as...whoever this guy is, speeds ahead.

“And here we are!” He throws his arms up in a V, tugs his lips into a huge grin. “Isn't it beautiful!?” He twirls once, does an about face and heads into what appears to be some sort of great room. And it is great. And bright. And has floor to ceiling windows overlooking the ocean. It's breath taking.

“This is insane.” My eyes widen at the sight. I barely notice the room surrounding me, I just walk mindlessly to the view before me. “Oh my goodness.” I'm about to place my hand on the pane when-

“No! No!” My arm is slapped away.

“What!?” I turn to face the man.

“Mr. T will have my _head_ if there are any finger prints on his clean windows.”

“Uh…” I look back out at the ocean. “I...okay.”

“Let's find your room.” He pulls my coat from my arms to reveal the stupid shirt.

“Wait!” I clutch at my scarf, feel my nerves bubbling in the pit of my stomach.

“I'll just…” He takes in the state of my jacket, sniffs the fabric, makes a face. “I'll get this washed and pressed.” He disregards my skin.

“What!?” I go to rip it out of his hands feeling a twinge of regret in my gut. “It's not dirty!” I shriek but he moves out of the way.

“Oh but it is.” He scrunches his nose. “It smells like... _cat._ ”

“What!?” My face blushes.

“Leave the poor boy alone!” A smaller lady with blonde hair approaches then. She has a dirtied apron wrapped securely around her waist. Is she the cook? She's younger than I expected. “He traveled a long way, lost a pet.” She shoos the man away. “Hi, hun.” She smiles up at me, takes my hand. “I have dinner for you.”

“Oh.” _Food_. I cringe. “I'm actually-”

“Great!” She leads me to the kitchen. “Have a seat and take off that scarf. It's too warm.” I nearly collapse into a stool.

“Everyone here is so...pushy.” I grip a chunk of my curls, reluctantly remove the scarf from around my neck.

“I hope you like shrimp and grits!” She says.

“Huh?” I take a seat at the counter...or island. Whatever it is, it's massive.

“It's a southern staple, no?” She begins filling a bowl with...too much food.

“I don't need-” That much!

“Clare! I've placed Mr. Styles’ belongings in his room.” The chubby man approaches and I nearly fall over.

“How did you-” Know my name!?

“That's fine. Let him eat? Then you can drag him around the estate for a tour.”

“Wait but my name-” She ladles more food...and _more_!! “Oh God.” They're talking amongst themselves, ignoring me completely, disregarding my questions...my concerns!

“Yes, Clare!! I told you it _smelled_!”

“That's not nice! Do me a favor-”

“I am _doing my job._ I was instructed to give this man my undivided attention!”

“Yeah. But not to tell him his coat smells like a cat!!” She squeaks.

“I am stating a fact.” He grunts.

“It's rude!!”

“Wait but I-” Can hear you.

“He needs a haircut too. Look at that mane? It's disheveled and messy.” I bite my bottom lip.

“It's how Louis liked it.” I mutter.

“James!!! You beast!!” She shoves the man away. “Go away. Take your anger out on a pack of cookies.”

“That's _not nice_ !” The man sticks his finger in the air, clicks his heels. “I am off to _properly_ attend to our guest.” He winks at me and proceeds to stomp down another hallway.

“Jesus that man.” She smiles and wipes her hands on the apron. “I apologize. He's...an interesting character.”

“How does Louis handle him?” I ask honestly and out of all seriousness but she's hysterically laughing.

“He used to work for his father so he felt sorry letting him go.” She places a massive bowl in front of me, along with a cloth napkin and fork. “Eat up!” She smirks.

“Oh... this is all for me?” She nods. “Yikes.” I hide my unease. “Alright.” I take a small bite, savor in the heaviness of the dish. “It's good.” I compliment.

“Thank the heavens! You know, Mr. T said you're from West Virginia and I was like... _oh_!!! Southern cooking!! I haven't tried that before. I'll have fried chicken and waffles tomorrow!” My stomach churns at the thought.

“Ah...this should be sufficient I don't-”

“No way. Don't be silly. Eat up. You need your strength.”

“W-why?” I wipe my mouth with the cloth, note the initials...LWT embroidered in a neat script.

“Long day, sweetie. Now what would you like to drink?” I gulp down a shrimp and I know I'll be sick tonight.

After force feeding myself, _James_ takes me to the opposite end of the home, points out the indoor/outdoor pool, the gardens, the small gazebo that sits just by the cliffs. It's a ways down from the house but I know that's where I'll be once I'm left alone. He also points out the gym and sauna.

“And _this_! Is yours.” He opens a set of double doors. “Well, temporarily.” He smirks but I simply sigh.

“That's fine. I prefer my home anyway.” I say.

“Not until you've slept in this bed!” We enter the suite and I squash down my astonishment as I take it all in. It's absolutely gorgeous. A king sized four poster bed sits in the middle of the room and is flanked by two identical night tables decorated tastefully with an assortment of trinkets and matching brushed bronze lanterns. Another chandelier hangs above the mattress, is tinted black, and offers little to no light which leads me to believe they're simply for aesthetic pleasure. Simple cream blackout curtains hang in the window along with a sheer, nude drape. They pair perfectly with the bedding and armchair situated in the corner, along with the cream colored walls. It's a little muted for my taste but it's still lovely.

“What do you think?” The man asks.

“It's nice.” I walk over to the window. _More ocean_. “We're surrounded by water.”

“Well, not really. We do not live on an island... although Mr. T _does_ own a small beach home in Capri.”

“Capri?” I question. I keep my eyes trained on the water, the ripples, the waves.

“It's off the coast of Italy. It's a small island for the _rich_.” He accentuates. I roll my eyes again.

“Alright.” I move from the window to test out the bed. “It looks comfy.” I lean into it, then proceed to _jump_ into the middle, and lie back on the decorative pillows. “Ah…This is-” I hear the man shriek.

“What are you doing!?” He pulls at my ankle. “Those are two thousand dollars a piece!!” He's pulling me again...and again!!

“Quit it!!” I kick out my leg to release his hold.

“This is no way to treat your host's belongings!!”

“I didn't know!!” I grip a pillow from behind me and smack him in the head. “Let me go!” I hit him until he releases me.

“So disrespectful!!” He smooths down his coat and hair.

“Chill out.” I snort. “It's a stupid pillow.”

“No! It's Mr.-”

“ _Tomlinson's_ pillow….blah blah.” I mock. “I get it. I'll be more careful.”

“And keep those filthy boots off the comforter! It's made from imported silk.”

“They're technically your bosses.” I roll off the bed.

“What do you mean?”

“He bought them for me.”

“He...what?”

“He purchased _these_ boots and _gifted_ them to me.” I find my bag and begin to rummage through it in search of a toothbrush.

“Why would he buy you shoes?”

“He wanted to impress me.” Lure me in, ravish me... excite me.

“Impress!? That's unnecessary! Why should he impress anyone except-”

“James!” The cook appears in the doorway.

“What!” He stomps his foot. I can't help but watch their exchange.

“Let the poor boy sleep? I'm sure he's tired.”

“He put his filthy boots all over the comforter then proceeded to lay on the pillows!” James points directly at me. “He has such little respect for other's belongings!” I chuckle to myself.

“...oh will you shut up! Leave him alone.” She says and turns towards me. “Are you okay?”

“I'm fine.”

“Good. If you need anything, let me know.”

“Thanks.” I pull my sweats free. “Ah I can't wait…” I go to make my way to the bathroom but they're both standing there, watching... staring... observing. “...can I help you?”

“It's just…” Clare hesitates. “We're not used to having guests.”

“Oh...well I'm very quiet.” I reassure. “I won't make much noise I promise. In fact I'll probably hangout in the gazebo outside.” They remain stock still. “If that's allowed of course.” I finish.

“Oh yeah. Absolutely! It's all yours!” She says with enthusiasm.

“No! Absolutely not! That's Mr. Tomlinson's favorite place to-” She smacks the man in the arm. “Owe!!”

“Be _nice._ ” She barks. “Yes, Harry. You're allowed to go anyplace you want.”

“Except Mr. Tomlinson's quarters.” James says. “The rest of the home is yours to explore.” I feel a jolt of pain radiate in my chest.

“O-okay.” I quickly turn around and pretend to look for a piece of clothing in my bag. I bite my tongue, hold back the well of tears. I should have known.

“We'll be off.” I hear the cook. “If you need anything...you can call us on the phone. The extensions are labeled. The maid is back tomorrow but I'm here if you…” Her voice trails off. “Anyway. I'll let you settle in.”

“Thanks.” I whisper.

“Remember to place the pillows on the ottoman! And take off your shoes-”

“Come _on_ James _!!!”_

“Don't wrinkle the comforter, fold it in quarters!!” The doors slam closed and that's my cue I suppose.

I grip the sweats to my chest and feel tears instantly.

.

.

.

.

I'm lying amongst the pillows, sinking deeper into the bedding as this choking sensation consumes me. I can't really breath properly as the tears and sobbing wrack me from head to toe, as my body longs to be held and soothed. I feel betrayed, so unwelcomed, so expendable as if what we've built meant nothing to him, as if _I meant noting_. It's difficult to ignore the burning in my eyes, the pain from the fissure in my heart from being split in two. I've never experienced such a sensation before, such emptiness. And it's devouring me whole, hurting me...completely destroying any progress I assumed we made.

Or the lack of progress.

Or the lack of...being more.

Being us.

Because Brett was right.

I barely mixed the cement. I am attempting to build a home with crude tools and no nails, using my hope to keep the walls intact and my love to maintain the foundation. But it's not enough. It will never be enough because... because Louis...he...isn't holding up the other side. He's allowing it to fall, to _fail_ , to shatter into pieces before my eyes and its beyond my control. I can't pull it back to steady it. It's useless.

“Why?” I choke into the tear soaked pillow. “Why do this to me? What have I done to deserve this?” I cry. “I want to go h-home.” I beg. “I want to…”

Love you.

Wholeheartedly.

Completely.

.

.

.

.

“Harry?” Not yet. “Harry?” Please. “I'm here.” I need more sleep. “I want to lay with you.” I just fell asleep. “I didn't get a chance...to hold you close.” I can't move. “Make room for me.” No. “Let me kiss your tears away.” I wasn't...crying. “I can see the wetness on your cheeks.” I've recently stopped crying. “You're upset.” Si. “With me.” Yup. “Because...well because you're...not sleeping in my room...with me.” Partly. “Please? I want to speak to you.” I'm ready... I think. “I want to... explain.” I'm tired of the excuses. “You deserve it.” I do. “And I don't deserve you.” You do that's just it. “I am a fucking prick.” I can't deny it. “And...there is so much you need to know.” This bed is comfortable. “About me.” The pricey pillows especially. “About what I've done.” The sheets too. “About...who I've…” Are they silk? “Done.” Yes you've done me dirty. “I'm... an awful, bombastic, selfish human being.” Sometimes. “And I've hurt you over and over.” Yes and yes. “And I'm exhausted.” Really now? “From fighting it.” What's that? “From lying.” Lies? “Holding you close yet not close enough.” It's never close enough. “And... refusing to look into your eyes when we're intimate.” I thought you preferred _doggy style_ . “I...I can't. Because...if I see your eyes, watch the euphoria displayed on your precious face... I'd fall apart.” Isn't that the point? “I'd be incapable to pretend anymore.” What? “To lie.” To who? “To be who they expect me to be.” The investors? “To...control my voice from calling out your name when I'm not close to you.” ...what? “To _not_ see your face on every person I meet.” How? “To prevent my facade from faltering.” It does? “I _can't lose_ focus.” How does that involve me? “You disorient me.” I have that affect on people apparently. “You make my heart sing.” Especially with alcohol. “Encompass my being with such joy.” You're drunk. “Bring me hope.” I don't smell the alcohol. “My brightest star.” Only... something pungent. “A magnificent orb of light.” Something...floral. “My light.” It's strong. “My flame.” It's...fresh. “My-”

I turn away as the foreign scent floods my senses. It's...wrong. Something is wrong.

.

.

.

.

“What's... what's that smell?” I bury my face into the pillow to cleanse my nose. “It's all over!!” I moan. “Make it stop.” I go to turn my hips, find I am trapped in place by a foreign object. “W-what-” My eyes fly open and the arm is there, resting against my abdomen, the hand gripping my torso, the fingers digging into my flesh. “Who is…” I pull at their arm, pray it isn't James because that would be weird, and why me!? “Get off!” I twist my hips, wiggle away, force this person to stop touching my bare skin. “Hey!!” I'm free from their grasp, I'm panting, I'm upset, I'm overwrought, I'm...who is lying in bed with me!? The room is pitch black, the person is still, this entire situation is creepy! “Who are you!? And why are you-”

“It's me! I'm sorry. I…” My heart is slamming in my chest, my body reacting on its own, being pulled towards this person... because... because… “Harry?” It _knows_. My subconscious knows.

“How...why-”

“I had to come to you.” I flick on the lantern and he's there dressed in another suit, eyeing me with trepidation. “I needed to hold you.”

“W-why? Because that's what...friends do? Cuddle!?” I take a step back against my heart's wishes.

“No.” He shakes his head, emerges from the bed.

“Then what? Why are you here?”

“I...live here. This is my home.”

“Then why am I here?” I point to myself. “Why am I not on a flight home?”

“It's too much traveling-”

“Or not in a hotel!?” I cry. “ _Louis_ what's the point!? You're...what are you doing to me?”

“N-nothing…I just…” He sighs. “I wanted to-”

“Drag me along, use me knowing damn well I couldn't stop even if I tried?” I pinch the bridge of my nose. “Is that it? You know my weakness?”

“It's not…” I turn away, stifle a sob.

“Then tell me!”

“I want you! Isn't that obvious?”

“Could have fooled me when you _kept leaving_.”

“I know...I _know_ I had other obligations-”

“I didn't even know your last name.” I whisper. “You lied. To _everyone_!!” I grip my curls. “To me!”

“I had to protect-”

“Your _stupid_ image!?” I face him then, display my anger. “While you were emotionally hurting someone? That's shallow. The lowest of the _low_.” I snap.

“I said...I wasn't...I admitted this to you! How selfish I am. How-”

“This isn't selfish. This is something more... Something more idiotic.”

“It's not my proudest of moments.” He slowly approaches. “None of this is.” A humming sensation radiates in the pit of my stomach then. “You entered my life and it wasn't expected. I wasn't _meant_ to act on it! I should have walked away, left the job to Stan, came back home to _forget_ your existence.” I flinch at his choice of words. “But I _couldn't_ . I was unable to stay away. My drive, my persistence, my vacillation between what's wrong and right.” He continues to approach. And I'm stupid. So _stupid_. “I was powerless to stop it...and still after all of this time.”

“You...you're hurting others. Dismissing their feelings.” He removes his coat, reveals his vest. “It's like you don't care. It's only about what you want.” He's unbuttoning his shirt. “What you need _when_ you need it.” His vest too. “I never mattered I suppose.” What is he doing? “I was a vessel to you.” Why is his shirt off? Why am I not stopping him? “An in. A way to be accepted with the town?” He stands before me, basks me in his scent, feeds my desire with just a look. I'm struck. I'm lost. “A way for you to get off?” I swipe at my eyes. “Did I ever mean anything to you?” He nods once.

“You do. More than I wanted to admit.” I feel...how do I feel? Hollow. “So much that I...that I risked the success of countless deals. Probably lost half a billion since I met you.” He grips my waist, trails his fingers up my back. “And I don't care.” He reaches the nape of my neck. “Money is temporary.” I am drowning in his irises, so consumed in his being. “You're... you're...” He leans up into me.

“What am I?” I close my eyes.

“Everything I can't touch.” He presses our lips together suddenly, awakens a multitude of emotions in my body, my mind, and soul. I can't stop it either. He's pulling at my lips and tongue, drawing me in further, securing his hold on my neck. “You're going to hate me.” He mumbles against my mouth. “And when the day comes…”

“Why-” He doesn't allow me to respond, covers my mouth with his, tugs me backwards towards the bed.

“Just kiss me.” He demands and resumes his movements.

I want to stop him, push him away and escape the confines of this prison, run far from him and never return because this shouldn't be my fate. I deserve so much more than a one night stand...yet here I am. Hurting myself and my wounded heart, obeying his every desire, allowing him to do this to me.

Opening up.

Giving into him.

 _Loving_ him.

Encircling my arms around him.

Allowing his _persuasion_ to dictate my every move.

He grips the waistband of my sweats that I failed to remove, tugs them down past my rear, and cups me between my legs. I release a gasp, moan into his mouth, shutter from the chills radiating through my limbs. I can't fight him, the feelings, the need, the want, the longing, the hurt! It's becoming far too difficult to stave off his taste, to believe I am able to control myself even with the anger I feel towards him. I knew this would be the outcome.

I'm too dependent on his being.

His palm glides swiftly over my length, excites me further, ignites the pleasure in my abdomen. I'm alive, fully alert, anticipating the feel of him on my body. He'll feel heavenly inside, will undoubtedly graze every sensitive part, use me until he's sated and content.

And I don't-

“Jesus fuck you're ridiculously erect already.” He groans. “Miss me?” He purrs and I literally melt into him, drape my arms over his shoulders for support.

“Yes.” I kiss his jaw, his neck, his collar. “ _Yes_ I do.” My hips thrust into him.

“You wore that shirt.” He groans into the air, lulls his head to the side. “Why?”

“I...I wanted…” I kiss his delicious skin. “To look...pretty for you.” I admit.

“You always do.” He admits. “You...you were on my mind...engrained actually...and-”

“I need you.” I whine.

“I know.” His tone is softer, saddened.

“Move faster. Move your hand faster.” He captures my lips, releases his hand, leaves me on the verge of an orgasm. “Wha-”

“No.” He grunts and swiftly turns me away. “Grip the column.” He instructs.

“W-what?”

“Shhh.” He pinches my rear. “And do not let go.” He orders.

“I...I don't-” Know?

“Do it.” His voice is domineering. “It'll feel glorious.”

“Will it?” I look behind me, find his beautiful face.

“I promise.” He tugs my waist towards him, spreads my legs.

“Do you? Will you keep it this time?” He nods once and kicks off his boots. He pulls again.

“So beautiful.” He whispers from behind me. “I've missed you.”

“You have?” I rest my head on my forearm, flex my fingers.

“Mmm.” He's shuffling around, drops an item on the bed. “I always do.”

“Really?” I hear the bottle top snap.

“Yes.” He pinches my rear. “Sh, no more talking.”

“Uh...sorry.” He does it again, this time with more purpose. “Owe!”

“Harry, you need to be quiet.” He leans over my back, unabashedly pokes my legs with his member.

“Why?” I peer over my shoulder and his face is inches away, so close I can easily claim his lips. He licks at them.

“You'll wake up the entire house with your screams.” His fingers graze my skin.

“I…” My cheeks redden. “Sorry.” He kisses my shoulder. “I can't...help it.” His hand is moving south. “You... you make me feel good.”

“How good?” He whispers, his hand ceases it's descent.

“Mind numbingly good.”

“Numbing, eh? I make you go numb?”

“Y-yes-” He slips his finger in then without warning, inches further and further, makes me squirm into the post. “J-just...like that...yes... _please_!” My arms buckle.

“What did I say?” He pulses his finger deeper.

“I...I won't…” I scrunch my eyes closed, allow him to work me open. His free hand is gripping my torso, piercing my flesh with his fingernails.

“I want you...sore for days.” His tone is sensual.

“D-days?” He pumps and pumps...drives further in, makes me quiver from head to toe.

“Yes! Days.” He grunts. “Confirms I worked you right, made you feel your best.”

“I always...f-feel my best when I'm with you-” He adds a second digit into the tight space. “Ah!!” I cry out.

“Keep it _down_ !” He crooks his fingers, thrusts his hips, pinches my side in warning. “Your screams are for my ears only. _No one else._ ” He hisses. “Do you understand?”

“I'm...I…” His dominance is turning me on, seeping under my skin, spiking my arousal. _I want it._ “ _God_ , Louis-” I'm yours. I'm _all yours_! “They are...they are for you! You make me...like this.” I pant.

“Every time you sit...” He penetrates my walls, purposely pokes my legs with his hard on. “...I want you to feel where I've been.” More and more. So much more. “Remember the way I held you.” He grunts. “The way I tasted against your tongue.” His hand is twisting, turning, his fingers scissoring me wider. “The way you begged for it.” He adds a third finger unexpectedly.

“W-wha...Oh my-” I'm grasping the post as he moves within me, slowly succumbing to his will.

“The way I made you feel.”

“Feel?” I curl my toes as a slight burn creeps it's way up my abdomen.

“The way you _cannot_ say no to me.” He grips my shoulder then, drives his fingers further than before. I stifle a moan as the pleasure erupts in my core and surpasses any discomfort I may have felt, creates such immense pressure I cannot think straight. See straight. _Feel_ straight!

And it's out of my power really.

It's all bubbling over, seeping from my pores, rushing to the surface to be released...and it's crippling. It aches. It's such an intense emotion I fear it's a figment of my imagination. But it couldn't be. It's impossible because I love him. This is the end for me. He is my end. My beginning, my in between...my forever and that is not something I can simply imagine. He does this to me. He has the ability to strip me raw and leave me begging him for more.

“I c-can't...I'd...I would...do anything for you...I...I love…I know-” His fingers cease their movements then, are removed from the tight space leaving me on this precipice once again. I'm lost. Confused. Empty. “Louis?” I turn my head, find his eyes downcast and chest heaving from his exertion. “What's wrong?” I want to touch his cheek, kiss his lips, hug him close. “Did I-”

“It's nothing.” He bites his bottom lip. “Really.” His smile doesn't reach his eyes.

“No you're-”

“Turn around.” He motions with his slick finger.

“Um…shouldn't we-” Talk!?

“Later? Okay?” He kisses my back. “Just...face forward?”

“But I-”

“Nope.” He shakes his head, stares directly into my eyes, stakes his claim over me.

“I…” It's too much to witness so I comply to his wishes.

“Good.” He busies himself then, opens the foil wrapper, flicks open the bottle. “Now remember.” He says. “Do _not_ make a sound.”

“Still!?” He slaps my rear, sends me forward into the column. “Hey!”

“Sh!”

“Ugh...you're so... you're so-”

“Intimidating?”

“No!! Mean!” I cry.

“You enjoy it, yes?” He says directly in my ear.

“I am...I always do.” I admit. “You have that-” He dives right in before I am able to finish my thought. “Oh!” I cry out as my body screams in protest at the instrusion. “My goodness...my...I can't…” I scrunch my eyes closed, gasp around the pain, feel him buried inside.

“God you feel so fucking good.” His fingers are grasping my waist. “So _good_.” I can sense the urgency in his grip, feel him shaking from the sensations. He pulls back gently, works his hips in a figure eight, and plunges right back in. “Perfection. You're pure perfection.” I bite my tongue to prevent any noise from escaping my mouth.

“H-how...how could…” I whine into my forearms. “You're…” He does it again...pulls out slowly…slams back in…

Pulls out slowly.

So slow.

Agonizingly slow.

And pushes into me with such force, I can't lift my head.

Again.

And again…

And too many times!!

“Louis!” I moan. “G-god... just-” His hips are moving in a smooth motion now and touching every part of me, setting my climax in motion. His fingers are at the junction of my thighs, are lifting my torso up as he thrusts down, delving deeper and deeper. My body is igniting with euphoria, my mind stuck in the moment, my limbs going numb from his precision and skill. He knows what I want... _he knows_.

He has to! Because I can't even form a coherent thought!!

“How does that feel?” He jerks his hips, grips my erection, and I'm seeing stars. I accidentally release a moan as he glides over me from hilt to tip and back. “Too good? I can let go you know...especially for making that noise.” He threatens but I grip his hand preventing him from doing so.

“ _No!_ ” I whisper. “Go... don't…” _Stop. Don't stop!!_ He jerks me as he continues to move. “P-please I won't...last I wont-” He's in sync once again, moving his hips along with his hand, arousing me from all angles, giving me everything he has. He's panting into the space between us, squeaking occasionally as if he himself cannot contain the pleasure, as if...his body is affected just as much as mine.

“ _Harry_ .” He whispers between breaths. “Do you _feel_ that?” He snaps his hips forward.

“Y-yes!! I...do...I…”

“Do you _see_ just how badly I want you?”

“I...I... can't-” Deny it. But-

“You do this to me….this...is what... you _do_!” His free hand is piercing my flesh, holding me so tight.

“I know...I…” It's climbing, building, preparing, about to explode-

“Then fucking cum already.” His tone is serious, filled with lust.

“Y-yes...yes I feel it... I'm-” He releases my waist, pulls at the sheets on the bed. “I...I... don't-”

The stars.

The simple kiss.

Our hands linked.

Our bodies touching.

Love.

All the love.

My love.

His love.

Our love.

Us.

Us.

Us.

“It's here... It's...I can't wait!” I release onto the... bedding Louis expertly placed under me, ride my high until I am exhausted, spent, dried up. And it feels so satisfying...so comforting knowing this is it, knowing I've found him. The one. The one for me.

My legs weaken as I feel these flood of emotions swim in my tummy, find my mind is coherent once again.

“Harry?” He continues to move, releases his hand and the sheet, continues to plow right in. I hold myself up, push back as he pushes forward, help him find his own climax. “Fuck...you just...I wasn't-”

“Louis?” I swipe away my stupid tears.

“I won't... I'm almost there!”

“L-Louis?” I ask again with more urgency.

“ _Almost!!_ Don't stop!” He grips my shoulders, uses his hidden strength to finish. “Yes!! Yes...fuck I... can't... it's-” And he's there.

“I love you.” I admit the moment he releases, the moment I feel him tilt forward in exhaustion.

.

.

.

.

“It's not possible.”

“... what's not?”

“ _Love_. You can't love me!”

“It is...I do.”

“I will not allow it! I can't!!”

“...I love you-”

“Shut up...just shut up!!”

“Nooo. I want to shout...it from the rooftop!”

“They'll hear you! No!”

“I love you...I love-”

“If you say it again I will leave for good.”

“Nope...no you can't.”

“As a matter of fact I can and I will if you do not stop this!”

“Mmhmm. You'll come back.”

“No-”

“Y-you will... you'll be back at my door... ready to use me.”

“I don't use you...I just...you're an addiction.”

“...and I'll let you.”

“But I don't-”

“Because I love you.”

“No-”

“Because…

“Huh?”

“...you make me happy even when I'm…”

“What?”

“Hurting.”

“Hurt?’

“I hurt...all the time.”

“All...the time?”

“I'm lost.”

“Why?”

“Without you.”

“That's not-”

“When you're gone...a piece of me is missing.”

“This must stop!”

“I love it. Makes...me whole. When you're here.”

“No-”

“I love you.”

“Fuck.”

.

.

.

.

I should be used to it by now. It wasn't the first time. It was...I lost count. But it doesn't hurt any less. It _kills_. And the more I cry, the more unhinged I become. The more I try, the quicker he slips between my fingers.  The more I love him, the faster he leaves.

And there's nothing I can do.

My heart already made up it's mind and I'm trapped in this whirlwind of back and forth. I try and fight it, attempt to think rationally but it's always a devistating loss because you can't convince it otherwise. I'm struggling to stay afloat as my heart longs for him.

How could I love him though? How could my heart be so gullible? Even after he left me lying in _his spare room_ to cry myself to sleep, to feel the ache of loss and the pain of ultimate suffering?

It still wants him!

It still sees the good in him, can sense the mutual attraction, the longing...the...the... _no._

I'm just dreaming. It's my brain wandering off in it's fantasy world, losing itself in such a place where anything is possible.

And it's convincing.

So real.

So compelling.

So confusing.

But love always wins.

Therefore my heart has succeeded.

 


	13. Blame

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My eyes widen in horror at the sight, my body goes numb, my heart begins to beat wildly in my chest as everything comes full circle.  
> It knows.  
> It feels.  
> It's hurting.  
> It's instant.  
> It's bleeding, spewing it's agony, choking me, obstructing my vision. How could I feel such desolation? Such an emptiness? It's worse than ever and more concentrated...more deadly.

“I'm leaving.” I wipe my eyes, bite at my chapped lips. “Today.”

“Are there any available tickets?”

“Um...last...last I checked the flights were booked. But I could go on stand by.” I sniffle. “It'll be-”

“What if you're at the airport overnight?”

“Then I'll wait. It's better than being here. _Anything_ is better than...being here.” I hold my stomach, feel the nausea tingling in the back of my throat. “I just-" I grip my curls as the hollowness returns. “What did I do?”

“Nothing, Harry. You did nothing, okay?”

“But I did...I didn't _try_ hard enough. I should have accepted his gifts, worn the stupid clothes without protest...allowed him to fuck me more...be-” _Who he wanted!!!_

“Alright I will hang up on you if you continue demeaning yourself.”

“It's true! It's just like Lu-Lu. _I killed him_. I did! It was my fault!!” I sob. “I didn't try my absolute hardest...I let everything turn to mush.”

“Wow, remember when I said I'd hang up on you?”

“Brett, I'm a mess.” I place my head in my hands. “I w-want to come home. That's all.”

“And to what? Be a sobbing mess here?”

“Yes.” I choke. “At least I can be in my own room.”

“But you'll leave with questions! It'll be the same song and dance!”

“I don't care anymore. I've had it. I just need to get over him already. I've wasted so much time.”

“Harry-”

“No, I've made up my mind. I'm coming home.”

“You'll regret it.”

“It'll spare my sanity.”

“It'll make you feel worse.”

“...No it won’t-”

“There's more you need to know about him.” I hesitate.

“...more?”

“Yes, more, and this will...cause-”

“He keeps saying I'll hate him.” I swipe angrily at my cheeks.

“You will. I have no doubt.”

“Oh my God.” I shake my head. “I don't think I can take anymore.”

“This is the cherry on top.” I blanche.

“W-will...he tell me?” I stare out at the ocean, sway with the waves. “Will he!?”

“I wish he would, for your sake but it seems he's kept most of his life private.”

“From me. Only me.” I sob.

“If he doesn't though... promise me you'll read the article?”

“I…” I take a deep breath, resign to my fate. “Yes.” I nod. “I will.”

“I'll be there for you, okay? I'll read it with you.”

“Thanks.” I look down at my bare toes. “I appreciate that more than you know.”

“Anytime, friend. Anytime.”

.

.

.

.

“The maple syrup goes over everything! It's just the right balance between salty and sweet!” Clare says to the maid. “I didn't think it would be this good, but let me tell you.” She points to the dish. “Sarah, That's gold.”

“I suppose. The fried chicken isn't heavy?” The maid asks.

“Nope...Oh! Harry.” The cook waves me over. “I was wondering where you ran off to. You missed breakfast and lunch...almost.”

“I was...um…” I close the door behind me and approach the two women. “Sorry.” I shrug.

“James was looking for you.” Sarah says. “I told him you went for a walk.”

“Why-”

“You don't want him following you. Trust me.” Clare pushes a dish towards me. It's piled high. The chicken and waffles. “For you.” Oh dear.

“It's just...so much though.” I sit at the counter. “I'd hate to waste it.”

“You can have the rest later, how does that sound?”

“Okay. Fine.” I shrug and take a piece of the waffle.

“I hope you don't mind but I made your bed and added some fresh towels to your room.” Sarah begins dusting the mantel.

“Oh...yeah...um...thanks.” I take a bite of chicken next and I must say...it's…delicious.

“There you are!!” James comes prancing in, startles me half to death. “Sarah said you went for a stroll. Did you enjoy the grounds?” He plops down next to me, eyes my plate.

“Yes.” I lie.

“Do you have allergies?” He asks. “Your eyes are all red!”

“Um…” I duck my head and proceed to eat my lunch. “Sure.”

“Leave him alone!!” Clare scolds. “Let him enjoy his food in peace.”

“It's two in the afternoon. How many times did you circle the house?” James asks. I think he started drooling.

“A few.” I continue to lie. “Do you want some?” I offer.

“Oh...well since you're being so kind-” He reaches over to take a piece but is whacked in the head with a feather duster instead. He flinches.

“Stop!! You had yours!!” Sarah says. I look to her and she's watching me closely...too close. _She saw the soiled bedding I'm sure_. She has to know. I turn away from her to hide my cheeks.

“Who is retrieving Louis’ tux?” James says after a few minutes of silence.

“I thought Paul was going?” Clare asks from the sink.

“No, he's too busy trucking Briana around town. Supposedly she needed a new _mini skirt_.” He mocks. I look to him with a questioning look.

“Oh she's such a pain-...oops.” She turns red.

“It's the consensus.” Sarah points out. “No worries.”

“Who is that?” I take a sip from a glass of water, eye each of them. “A sister?”

“HAAAAA!!!!” The Steward bursts into laughter then, slaps at his knee, keels over as he continues on.

“What?” I ask. I look to Clare and Sarah. “Did I say something?”

“No. James just has no _manners_.” Sarah pinches the man's arm.

“Owe!!!” He cries, rubs at the soreness. “No! It's not his _sister_. It's-”

“Oh look at the time!!” Clare drops her towel. “Come James, we have that thing to do.”

“What thing?”

“Remember!? The thing!!” She drags him off the stool.

“I honestly-” She tugs him down the corridor leading to the gym.

“Yes!! We promised Louis we'd teach you how to do burpees!”

“Oh...in this? But how...!” And they're gone.

“What was that about?” I ask.

“Who knows.” The maid smiles and continues with her chores. “They always bicker. It's annoying actually.”

“Yeah I guess.” I finish the glass of water and clear my plate.

“I wouldn't do that if I were you.” She says from across the room.

“It's a habit. I'm a bartender so I clean as I go.” I rinse out the glass, wrap the plate with aluminum foil, place it in the refrigerator. “Plus I miss having control.” I cringe. “You know...not being waited on.” Having my life.

“Yeah all of the attention is on you.” She says. “I hope you're enjoying your stay.”

“I…” I watch her, attempt to gauge her personality. “I won't lie...I want to go home.” I return to my seat.

“Mmm…” She sprays a mirror down. “Your bag is packed I can tell.”

“I was going to sneak out this morning but...I realized I have no clue how to open the gate without alerting the entire household.” I sigh. “I didn't want to make a big deal.”

“Are we overwhelming you?” She asks.

“No! No it's not...you guys are great.” I say. “I just had...a rough night.” I shift in my seat, recoil from stabbing pain in my lower back. _He wanted me to remember._ “And um…”

“Couldn't sleep?” And now I can't stop thinking of him.

“Yes.” Because of that stupid sting.

“Why? Something on your mind?” She continues to clean.

“Sort of.” And it brings me right back.

“Do tell.”

“But...I hardly know you. And besides, I don't want to be a burden.” It brings me to that moment.

“Your secret is safe with me.” She finds my eyes. “I swear.”

“Oh…” I swallow, lick at my lips.

“I'm on your side.” She nods.

“There are sides?” I question. “Who are we against?”

“You’ll know soon enough. Now by all means.” She turns back around and continues cleaning.

“Um...uh...well you see, there was this person...who…” I pinch the bridge of my nose. “Right...where do I begin?”

“Cat got your tongue?”

“You could say that.” I rub my palms together. “Alright...so I admitted my feelings for...someone and it didn't go as planned.” Good enough.

“Why's that? What did they do?” She's cleaning the crevices of the mirror, swiping away every speck of dust I'm sure.

“I guess your boss didn't do a good job cleaning that?”

“He never does. But we keep that small fact to ourselves.” She snorts. “Now go on.”

“Oh right.” I whisper, grip my fingers in my lap. “He…” I shake my head. “They became angry.” I correct.

“Did _they_ give a reason?” And I shake my head.

“They...they um…” _He left._ I turn away from her, pinch my inner thigh to remain coherent, to avoid breaking down. _He pulled out and left_. “No.”

“I see. Have you tried speaking to him...uh them?” I feel the weight of her stare on my back.

“I haven't the strength to...approach them.” I haven't seen him all morning. I purposely woke up early to catch him but, he's gone. “I just... really _really_ want to leave.” I pinch harder as a wave of anguish consumes me.

“I think you should go to them, try and figure out what happened.”

“Every time I do I get the run around. I'm sick of the lies.” I take a deep breath, find the courage to make eye contact with her. “I have to learn to forget I think and move on...well...try to.” I say. “It won't be easy because...I think it was something more with him...ah I meant-”

“No need to correct yourself.”

“Oh.” I sigh. “Okay.” I grip my hands into fists. “I really felt something towards him.” I love him. She nods once, places her rag down on the counter, sits next to me. “He doesn't feel the same. I think he was using me actually.” I admit solemnly. “I don't know why.”

“Using?”

“Um...yeah to you know...um…” I pray I don't have to _explain_.

“I get it. But why use? There wasn't any feelings involved?”

“In the beginning I thought so but after confessing...what I unfortunately feel, it wasn't anything close.” I say, my voice barely above a whisper. “That's my best guess.”

“What made you believe he felt something? You know, when you first met?”

“He surprised me with flowers, gifts, sought me out when I was adamant about _not_ being seen with him.” I bite my lip. “He was chasing me I thought. He even took me on a date, kissed me on New Years Eve, made his attraction... obvious.”

“So what do you think changed?” Her voice is soft, tender, kind.

“I fell for him.” I sigh. “Bad too. And I'm guessing I scared him off.”

“I see.” She diverts her eyes a moment, chews at her painted nail, stalls a moment longer. “So when did you fall in love with Louis?” My eyes practically bulge out of my head.

“Wait...what?” I can feel my face burning up.

“You're in love with him.” She points out. “Right?”

“I didn't...I...No? No not him...it's someone at home-” I'm flustered, panicked, _freaking out!!_ “Never. He was...he came-”

“Clare heard you.” I place my head in my hands.

“Well, that changes things.” The tears come again. “What did she hear?”

“Enough.”

“So now the staff knows? Including the landscaper?” My body is shaking suddenly.

“Just me.” She places her hand on my shoulder. “Your secret is safe with us.”

“God please don't tell anyone? The last thing I need is to be known as the person who made Louis fail.”

“He already failed.” Her tone is neutral.

“I knew it...” I groan

“Harry, there's a fundraiser tonight and I think you should go.”

“Huh? What does that have to do-”

“You _need_ to go.” She insists.

“I wasn't invited.” I rub my eyes.

“Doesn't matter.” She nods. “Yup. You need to go.”

“Why?”

“There's something that needs...to be witnessed.”

“W-what?” I hiccup. “What's there-” She takes a deep breath.

“Just know he failed you.”

.

.

.

.

“I can't drive this thing!” Clare has the keys to a slate black Lamborghini. It's probably worth more than my life. “It's...he doesn't have like...a Toyota?”

“No, this is his ride.” She thrusts the keys into my hands.

“Why can't George take me? He seems very friendly.”

“We can't have Mr. T find out.” She confirms.

“Yeah so get in before James sees!” Sarah says, pushes me towards the car.

“Why...what's going on?” I ask.

“There is no time to explain! Just go!”

“Oh man...if I crash, this is on you two.”

.

.

.

.

I'm in front of the Ritz Carlton waiting, contemplating, crying, determining why I am here and not on a flight home. Why did Sarah and Clare send me here? To the fundraiser I wasn't invited to? Am I crashing? What's the point? Is this some pathetic attempt to make Louis love me? Because I've lost the will to. I've succumbed to my sorrow, allowed it to take over, to teach my indefatigable heart a lesson. So why am I here!? Why am I breaking apart? Why am I still in love with him!?

A tap on the glass startles me then.

“Sir?” I lower the window and it's some kid dressed in tacky dress pants and a cheap white shirt. “Do you need this valeted?” I note his name tag.

“Mitch…can I leave it here?” His face falls. “For now? I'll be right back.” Because I'm not staying. No way. “I promise.”

“You're not supposed to. This is for drop offs only.”

“Please? I won't be more than ten minutes.” I reach for the keys. “Here. Just in case I'm not back you can move it.”

“Woah.” The kid cautiously takes them.

“Yup. Go for it.” Crash it for all I care. It's not mine.

“A-alright.” I climb out of the car and head inside.

“How may I help you?” A woman greets me before I am able to look around.

“Um…” I quickly scan my surroundings. “I'm here for the fundraiser actually.” Her facial expression doesn't hide her perplexity which leads me to believe I went to the wrong venue.

“That's by invitation only sir.” She eyes my white jeans, and denim button down. “It's a black tie event too. You're not-”

“I _know_ you!” A man dressed in a black suit approaches seemingly out of nowhere. I tilt my head in confusion.

“I don't…” I shake my head having no recollection of meeting him. “Recall ever meeting you?”

“You wouldn't.” His smile is devious, smug. “That's because we've never met. But I've seen your face...all over.”

“Right…I bet.” I turn towards the woman to finish our conversation. “May-”

“The fundraiser is in that direction by the way.” The suited man points to his left, interrupts our conversation for a second time.

“How did you-”

“You're here to see _Louis_ of course!” I wring my fingers in exasperation.

“Yes? I think?” I shake my head in defeat. “I don't know.”

“Of course! Why else would you be in California? Certainly not on vacation!”

“Well-” He drapes his arm across my shoulders, leads me away from the worker. “I didn't-”

“It's wonderful to finally meet you!” His grip is firm.

“Is...is it?” I stumble slightly as he picks up his pace.

“Oh yes! You started quite the commotion!” What!? I may be sweating right through my shirt.

“...how? When? I didn't do-” Anything!

“Just should have said no.” I hear music then, a live band, something jazzy...something-

“Booty call!!” I stop dead in my tracks, feel the momentum of this man's strength pulling at my shoulder. “Luke! You brought him!?”

“Nah, man. He just showed up on his own.” Stan comes into view with this incriminating look.

“Looking to get the boss in trouble I see. I figured you'd be bitter.”

“Me!? _Never_!” I fight this man's hold as they exchange words.

“Please let me go?” I want to leave. Why they sent me here I'll never know...why...why!? “I want to go-”

“Come! At least have a drink.” Luke implores.

“I'd rather not I have to drive-” I point my thumb behind me.

“Nah a drink won't hurt.” He winks and I want to believe it's meant to weird me out, not give me comfort.

“I really just don't-” He tugs me forward against my wishes.

“I'll have the bartender teach you a thing or two!” Stan says.

“No! I'm fine really-”

“The Singapore Sling!” He claps me on my back. “Remember that!?” We pass a dozen or so bodyguards sporting black on black suits with sunglasses masking their eyes. They're menacing, they're huge...they are totally armed!

“Nope...I want to-” We enter the ballroom and it's massive...filled to capacity with people dressed in formal attire...so many... _so many_ bodies wearing multicolored gowns and suits. I want to run and hide, break this guy's arm, be left alone!

“What's he doing here!?” My eye catches Oli. “Stan! Why did you let him in!” I shutter at the remark.

“Luke found him. Not me.” Stan shouts over the music.

“He was wandering the foyer! I felt bad for the kid.” Luke says, keeps his hold firm on my shoulder.

“I'm not a kid! Now let me go!”

“Just...calm down! Everyone!” Oli pulls his friend away. “Luke walk him out.” He barely acknowledges me. “This can't happen-”

“Yes please!” I push myself backwards towards the door. “I want to go…” _Huh_?

I spot someone familiar in the crowd suddenly. Their arm is encircled around a taller woman with long brown hair and chicken legs. She's dressed in a black and white miniskirt and _fuck me_ pumps that look to be rather painful and obviously only meant for show (or to get lucky). I want to snort because she looks desperate, easy...so snooty. _Bitchy_.

“Get him out!” It's Oli. “Luke!” I can't stop watching them though. I'm drawn to that particular couple for some reason. “Or I'll get the guard!”

“That will cause more of a commotion…” Stan mumbles. “Alright... alright. Come on, Harry.” They're still talking, that arm is still secure around the woman's waist... they're...They share a peck on the lips and I see it. The hair, the jaw, the smooth cheeks, the mouth...the...the...I look down at his shoes, find a pair of black and white leather boots, the squared toe...the…

“W-what?” My eyes widen in horror at the sight, my body goes numb, my heart begins to beat wildly in my chest as everything comes full circle _._ “Is...is…”

 _It knows_.

It feels.

It's hurting.

It's instant.

It's bleeding, spewing it's agony, choking me, obstructing my vision. How could I feel such desolation? Such an emptiness? It's worse than ever and more concentrated...more deadly.

“It couldn't b-be?” They share another kiss and that's when I know.

That's it.

_You're going to hate me._

It was never about the shelter. It was ...never _about losing Jellybean_ or the town. I flinch, fight the urge to shout, to cry, to... display my sorrow. He's...he has...a girlfriend? He was with her while I was being played, _used_...was the secret. Me. I was the secret. Not his career, not his apparent selfishness. Me.

_I was the secret._

“Oh...oh no.” My stomach clenches, my throat closes, my eyes well up with tears. “He's...you-” I point over at him. “He's...how?” I sob. My lower back is screaming at me, my lips tingling from where he kissed me, my neck on fire from his touches...my entire body protesting his affection.

“Get him out!!” Oli is shouting now, attracting the attention of a few of the attendees. “Stan!” Including Louis.

“No…” I shake my head as I feel a tug on my arm. “No...no it can't-” My heart is pounding in my ears, the blood rushing to my head, my legs weakening the longer I stare at his wild eyes, his smile...his...his… “How could you?” I whisper. But he doesn't hear. Does he care?

“Let's go.” Stan turns me around the moment our eyes meet, saves my heart from falling for him again, saves my fist from accidentally connecting with his perfectly sculpted jaw.

“W-why?” I stumble out of the ballroom, take one last look behind me to find the girl with greasy hair watching, smirking. _I remember her_. She was...she was…she approached me.

_What the fuck are you looking at?_

_You with the fedora and crap sneakers._

_You could be cute too._

_Too bad._

“Holy shit.” My fingers tighten into fists, my body comes alive with anger. “Holy _shit_!!!” I shout because they were together since...then!? When he was chasing me!? When...how long!?

“What's his deal?” Luke asks but I twist from Stan's grip, weasle my way back into the ballroom against my better judgement. I'm not confrontational. I hate dealing with any sort of conflict, in fact I avoid this sort of thing. I avoid all of it!! But right now? No. I can't. _I can't!!_ I'm seeing red, seeing the way they held on to each other outside of LOUIS’ office building, remembering Louis’ obligations, remembering the _floral scent_ ! Remembering why...he could _not look at me_ when he _fucked_ me.

And I let him.

I believed him.

I was too blinded, too stupid, too ignorant to really read into the signs. I was in love with him. I thought he was it. I was certain I'd spend the rest of my days with him. I had our life laid out before us.

And what?

It was all a lie.

“No! Don't do it!” Oli says but I simply glare at him, push him out of my way and continue. “It's not worth it!” I block out his voice, focus on the poor excuse of a man before me. “I'm calling security!”

“Go ahead...do it!!” I shout. I'm approaching him with purpose, squashing down my anger, masking the real pain because he'll never see me faulter again.

“Harry, look-” He attempts but I speak over him.

“It’s safe to assume you're into... tall brunettes?” I eye the woman maliciously. “Right?”

“No-” He puts a hand up as if to dismiss me but I slap it down.

“ _Fuck_ you.” I spit. “I'll never believe a word that comes out of that putrid mouth of yours again, you mendacious swine.” I turn on my heel and walk swiftly out the door and past the guards, continue to hold it all in place even as I stomp by Oli, Stan, and the other man in the hallway. “Fuck _all_ of you!!” I point to each and every one of them. “You're all pieces of scummy shit and I hope you rot in fucking hell.” I quickly turn back around and pick up my pace.

“He curses?”

“I suppose?”

“He must be pissed.”

“No!! Wait!!” His voice is grating to my ears. “Please!” _Nope._ I make my way to the front and to the valet.

“Oh! Sir, here you are.” Mitch hands me the keys. “I was just about to move it too. Actually I was looking forward to it...anyway. Have a great night!” He smirks.

“Thanks.” I wink and climb in. I find a fifty dollar bill in the middle console and hand it over. “Here you are. Don't spend it all in one place.”

“Wow!!! Thanks Mister!!”

“Wait!! Please!” _Mr. Tomlinson_ shouts. “That's...mine? Hey that's my car! What are you-”

“Um...no sir. You must be mistaken.”

“No! He stole...he...Oh fuck I don't know.”

You stole my heart. It's an even trade.

.

.

.

.

Now I know what Sarah meant.

She's on my side.

I'm on my side too.

But my heart not so much.

.

.

.

.

I'm lying on the beach staring up at the sky allowing the tears to stream down my face. It's not the clearing back at home and it's most certainly not a comforting moment but I need the silence, the crashing of the waves to mute the doubts circling my brain, the chance to release my misery without interruption.

To essentially make sense of everything.

I wanted to believe it was fake, willed my brain to piece it all together and see the flaws, the inconsistencies, anything to make it less... _hurtful_ . But it's all there...the memory of them kissing, holding one another, smiling, laughing, conversing...dating... touching... _loving_...being in love.

Are they in love?

I roll over in the sand at the thought, cover my head, forget the world exists outside my poor, deflated bubble. It's getting smaller and smaller, suffocating me, sucking the very air from my lungs... leaving me barren and struggling to catch a breath. And where's the relief?

I ache so badly.

My heart especially.

It's torn.

It's torn because...well, I wanted the truth, I wanted him to bare it all to me, open up, not fear my judgements because I'd never do such a thing. I would have loved him no matter what, learned to accept the fact that he was the one who closed down my business, has moments of weakness, anxiety. It's what makes us who we are, shapes us and our future, sets our lives in motion.

And it wouldn't have mattered! I'd be there for him, hold him when he needed, protected him at all costs, whispered sweet nothings in his ear, reassured that everything will be okay and that whatever he was feeling was temporary. He'd overcome it, strive from his downfalls, prevail over any obstacle...make me proud.

But not anymore.

The dream is dead.

And my fantasies dried up.

He was with someone else, a woman, _preoccupied_ with her, stuck in _another meeting_ with her... probably making love to her while I...while...I was used for fun.

I shudder.

I tug at the sleeves of my shirt, tuck my hands underneath my head and thankfully succumb to sleep.

.

.

.

.

“Holy _fuck._ There you are.”

“N-no...I need-”

“Harry, you scared me. I couldn't find you.”

“W-why? You…dont care!”

“I will always care about you.”

“You're with...that _woman_.”

“...yes. I am but-”

“No _but_. Not my butt. No! Go away!”

“Harry, when I saw your face...so hurt-”

“G-go away!!!”

“I can't. I can never let you go.”

“I'm...I want more.”

“As do I. I want more.”

“With that _slut._ ”

“She's...not a slut but you're angry so I'll let that slide.”

“You...want her. To kiss her. To...to...you _love_ her.”

“You're wrong. You are _so wrong_.”

“Y-yes!! You love her.”

“I don't.”

“Then...why-”

“I am in love with...”

.

.

.

.

There's a light shining in my face. Even though my eyes are closed, I can see it seeping through. And it's warm. Too warm. Too warm and bright.

I thought I was sleeping.

“Sir!” I'm nudged in the arm.

“Stop!! Don't... I can handle it.”

“Are you sure about that? He nearly clocked you in the face with his hand.”

“That's because...he was turning over in his sleep. Yeah...he was... please open up?” There's a tugging sensation on my arm and leg. _What's happening_!?

“I think it's because he hates you.” I do hate someone, yes.

“Possibly.” Another tug.

“We found your car, are we arresting this kid?”

“No!! I mean...no...no it's fine. He was a guest and uh…needed a ride... whatever.” I wanted to ride...ugh...

“Shake him again.”

“He's such a sound sleeper. It took me nearly ten minutes one time to fully rouse him...until I figured out what awakens him.”

“What's that?” Pass along the secret!

“He may not appreciate it now.”

“Well, we're pressed for time so...do it! They're coming!” Do what!?

“I don't....” I feel a hand on my shoulder, a light touch, a caress on my cheek. It's comforting, a taste of home, tender...I want more. “Harry?” There's more. More touching. “Darling? Please wake up for me?”

“ _Darling_!?”

“Fuck off.” The finger on my jaw is enticing... it's…

“What are you doing!?”

“You said we're in a rush, so this will...this…” I feel pressure on my mouth then and an instant warming sensation floods my veins. The hint of alcohol hits my tongue first, followed by the familiar scent I've come to crave, then it's the world, my universe, my entire being...my life. And it's so close... it's so real. It's...I can't hold back.

Because it's here. He's here.

And I'm complete.

I instinctively cup his cheeks, savor in the slight bit of stubble underneath my palms and open myself to him. I can't let go. My body is not my own. It's his. All his. And I love him. I love him.

I love you.

But he pulls away.

“Oh, Louis.” I sob as I blindly reach for him. “Come back to me?”

“I...I don't…” I stir into full alertness.

“Wow...it worked.”

“What worked?” My eyes fly open and the sun is pelting down on me. I'm sweating all over, excited for some reason, my limbs are tingling too. That's odd. I look to my left and _he's_ there with this astonished expression. And...he's disheveled looking. His coat is missing, his vest unbuttoned, tie hanging loosely around his neck, his shirt sleeves tugged up to his elbows.

Deserved. Well deserved.

“Harry?” His tone is filled with mock distress.

“No.” I spit and sit up in the sand.

“No what? I barely said anything.”

“ _That would be the issue_.” I stand on my wobbly feet and find Stan a few feet away. “Ugh you!?” I swipe at my sweated forehead.

“Just a moment ago you were quite content. What happened?” He asks.

“Huh?” I tug my shirt free from my jeans.

“Shut up, Stan.” Louis says from behind me.

“He doesn't remember what _just happened_!?” He points to me and God I want to break that finger in half.

“ _What_ just...you know what?” I throw my hands in the air. “I don't care.” I conclude and walk towards the boardwalk without glancing back at them. “God I hate you...I hate you... _I hate you._ ” I repeat over and over, pray my head convinces my heart. “I hate you, Louis. I hate you.” I check my pockets for the keys to the car as I contemplate my next move, quicken my pace when I hear that _man_ shouting after me.

“Harry, wait!! There's-”

“I hate you.” I shut him out. “I’m going home. No more games.” Done. That's my plan. And probably my best decision to date. I just should have left last night. Why I listened to Sarah and Clare is beyond me. “Stupid. I'm stupid.” And hopeful, and a dreamer, and a damn idiot!! “Ugh…” I swipe my forehead again wishing I could take a shower, but, priorities take precedence at a time like this. So I'll have to deal with the stickiness during the flight.

“Please!! Just let me call security!!”

“No!!” I cover my ears, stumble over the remaining sand dune when a line of cars come into view. “What?”

“Sir! Sir!” A video camera is shoved into my face, a band of reporters following soon after. “How does it feel-”

“Did you know-”

“Look this way!”

“Sir! I need a photo!”

“There are stories-”

“...part of a cheating scandal?”

“Sir!! This way!!”

“The third wheel?”

“...used?”

I cover my face, attempt to steady my breathing, feel a cold sweat creep up my spine. I'm drowning in a sea of bodies, flooded with nonsensical questions, tugged in every direction. What's it all for? I lose my footing, drop heavily onto my hands and knees as they close in. They don't care either. Not one person extends a helping hand. They're just shouting, asking questions, bombarding my personal space, shoving their phones in my face!

 _But they completely disregard personal space, especially when they shove their cameras in my face_.

“Harry!!!” I hear his stupid voice. “Leave him alone!!”

“We want answers-”

“One more shot!”

“You owned the adoption center?”

“Are you the bartender?”

“We need your reaction!”

“Oh no. Oh no. Oh no.” I cover my head.

“Excuse me. _Excuse me!!_ Back away or I'll have you all arrested! Watch it!!” There's a hand on my back and I cannot help but flinch.

“Oh dear God.” I whisper.

“George!!”

“D-don't touch me!!” I shy away.

“Come on, son. Let me help you.” I lift my head and the driver, the sweet, caring, older driver from yesterday...or two days ago...I don't even know. “It's okay.” I reach out to him for support.

“Sir! We want another-”

“W-what’s happening?” I ask.

“Just ignore the clicking.” He lifts me up, wraps his arm around my torso.

“What c-clicking?” The sound fills my ears then, the shutter of a camera lens, the snap of a flash. All of it. It's all over. It's maddening. “Oh…God.” The _voices_.

“Yes come. We'll get you home.”

“Home?” I choke.

“Yes, home.” He secures his arm around my waist, leads me to the row of cop cars and SUVs.

“We wanted answers!”

“Mr. Tomlinson! How could you effectively manage your company while juggling two relationships?”

“Juggling?” I grip my curls.

“No comment.”

“Sir!! Do you think-”

“I said... _no comment!!!”_

“Focus on me, okay? Don't listen to them.” George says.

“But they... they're right.” I sob. “I was...what was I?”

“Nope. They haven't a clue.” He opens the car door as the flock of reporters follow behind.

“George?” I grip him back. “Make it stop?”

“Get in. We'll protect you.”

“Please?” I dip my head.

“Yes, Harry. All of it.”

“Okay.”

I lick my lips and I'm back at square one.

.

.

.

.

“I...I was the other man. I was...the manstress. Me. ME!!!!”

“...yes, Harry... unfortunately.”

“W-why? Why, Brett? How could he do this to me? To her? He was unfaithful. He...he was living two lives!!! Pretended to care!”

“Some people feel empowered and...he-”

“Thought he was better than _all of us_ .” I snap. “He thought he could just...hurt me, use me, reel me in, confuse his heart with his _cock_.”

“Harry!!”

“What!! Fuck him. Fuck _him_!!” I shout. “He deserves all the hate, the negativity... everything...Brett he...he…” I lie on my side, curl into a ball. “Why?” I cry. “Why did he do this?”

“I cannot answer that.”

“How come he chose me? Was I that easy?”

“No. You were a difficult catch.”

“He was determined to win me over, so dead set on making a point!! And what? He got me, used me, pretended to be interested, then it turns out he was in a relationship already?”

“Again-” A knock comes at the door then.

“Harry?” My body tenses. “Can we talk?”

“No!” I shout.

“No?” Brett asks in confusion.

“He's... he's at the door.” I choke.

“Speak to him. You need answers.” He says. “You need to figure this out okay? Don't come home with _questions_. You have the right to know.”

“It'll hurt too much.” I choke.

“Yes...yes it will but you'll be okay.”

“No I won't. This has changed me forever.” The knock comes again.

“Harry, give me five minutes.” _The man_ pleads.

“I will never recover from this.”

“But you can and will.” Brett sighs into the phone. “Talk to him. I know it'll hurt you but you _need to do this._ And when you come home we'll chat.”

“Are...are you sure?” I sit up.

“God, Harry please?” More pleading.

“I am sure. Do it. For you. Never for him. This is your closure, a way for you to move on. Figure out what you need to do.”

“Okay.” I nod.

“Be strong. Be adamant. Be yourself.”

“I...I am not strong.”

“You are. Harry you are and always will be. Now...speak to him.Hold your ground. Dont let him win.”

“I...Okay...I won't.” Never again, even if it kills me.

“Good luck.” I nod.

“B-bye.” I reluctantly hang up and find _he_ hasn't shut up.

“I know. I was wrong. I was so... fucking wrong and weak.” He smacks the wood. “Just let me...talk to you?” I swipe my cheeks, rub at my eyes for what feels like the one hundredth time. “Harry...I...I knew this would be the result. _I fucking knew it._ Your hatred is warranted...I don't...I never was good enough for you.” He hiccups. I quietly head towards the door, feel my heart jumping out of my chest, feel my fear obliterating any anger I had earlier. “I just... couldn't...let you go.” He snivles. _Why am I afraid_? What do I fear? The unknown? A life without him? “I can't even begin to explain myself.”  The truth? “Because it was selfish.”

Yes.

The truth.

The cold, hard truth.

I take a deep breath.

“Just... anything? Are you listening? Do you...” I unlock the handle and back away as swiftly as possible. “Oh.” I sit at the foot of the mattress, duck my head, shiver as the door opens because this is it. _Oh no._

It's okay.

I'm strong.

I've got this.

I can…

I will…

I won't-

“Harry?” I burst into tears anyway, hide my face as the grief rattles my bones, forces ugly sobs to escape past my lips. I've never felt so saddened before, so emotional, so unbalanced that I fear I'll be unable to recover. “God, Harry. I'm so sorry.” It doesn't even phase me, the apology. It barely skims the surface. “That was pathetic...so fucking inadequate.” He sighs. “I had every intention of coming clean, being honest, telling you the _whole_ truth, but I was so afraid of your reaction. I couldn't face you sometimes especially when you asked questions…” He's pacing back and forth, cutting up the rug with his boots. “I couldn't...this entire arrangement was fucked up and I thought if I held on long enough, I'd be able to make it work.” _I need patience._ “Be able to...live my life the way I wanted to.” _Don't run away from me._ “Not pretend anymore.” I smash the heels of my hand to my ears. “I'm sick and tired of the charade…you know?”

“No... because I wasn't _fucking_ pretending!!” I shout. “I don't know what it feels like to be a piece of _shit_.”

“You don't. You have no idea. You're too kind, too generous, too... innocent.” I lift my head then.

“I am not _innocent_ .” I bark. “Just because I have morals, standards, a heart...doesn't make me innocent! It makes me truthful, a good natured person, an honest individual!!” My eyes land on his flushed face and red rimmed eyes. “ _You are the liar_ , Louis. You!!” I point to him. “Not me. This is on your conscience now, the burden, the hate, _everything_ . And I hope you're satisfied. I hope you are satiated, spent, fucking _exhausted_ from the deceptions you've spewed from your filthy mouth.”

“I…” He looks away, pulls at his tie, _grips his fringe._ “I am not-”

“A deceitful _prick_!?” His eyes widen in horror.

“Uhm... satisfied. I was going to say satisfied-”

“Good!!! You don't deserve to be.” I stand from my place on the bed, shoulder my bag. “You and that woman deserve one another. But _not me_. You never will.” I turn away from him, feel my heart crying in my chest, hear the sobs with every beat, feel the crack widening the further I walk away from him.

“Harry, don't go.” His voice is weak, strained, filled with longing. I stop short. “Please? I...I need you.” I scrunch my eyes closed, feel the tug of war in my chest, my head!! “I need your strength.” _But I needed you too and you just left_. “Your bravery.” You never cared- “Your heart.” You crushed it.

“I saw you kissing her, holding her, showing your affection-”

“I c-can't sustain the weight anymore. I need...I _need you._ ” I grip my curls, then pinch my nose, shake my head to clear it of everything but my defenses are long gone. He's a permanent fixture.

_How?_

“You said...I took up residency in your heart. You bought me flowers...thanked me for giving you a chance...you told me to _never_ let you go.”

“Yes. Yes I did.” His voice is strangled. “I _did_ because I meant it!! I couldn't hold back...you brought this need out of me, pushed it to the surface. Harry please! I...I can't do this anymore! I'm tired of being...alone.”

“I was though. I _suffered_ alone.” I snap. I reluctantly  turn towards him, find his head in his hands, his legs on the verge of collapsing underneath him. “I still am. While you hold _your girlfriend_ at night, I'll be alone. Dreaming. Hoping. Praying….for the pain to dissipate. To _get over_ the person I love.” I watch him crumble to the ground, feel his sobbing reverberating through my chest, find my body responding to his aching. But I can't. Not anymore. I refuse to go to him. “ _Goodbye_.” I turn around and leave, will my legs to move forward, and my heart to cease beating.

.

.

.

.

_A Modern Day Richie Rich_

The impossible has been achieved, the challenge accepted, the fight to be number one accomplished! A dream come true even! And all at the ripe age of twenty-six. That’s right folks, you too can become a successful business person by the time you’re thirty and living the luxurious lifestyle of a Hollywood actor! That’s if you inherited a multi-million dollar company, are on the cusp of graduation, and happen to be quite the looker…than of course! Your success is predestined, your path laid out before your very eyes! It’s a no-brainer! You will…win!

But not everyone has such good fortune, right? It’s more or less the luck of the draw, the hand you’ve been dealt from the moment you were born, the _effort_ one puts forth to succeed. It’s in your blood, the tenacity you possess, the _eye_ to see the victory! That’s what determines the outcome! Right!?

“And drive.” _Louis, 26, LT Development LLC, Los Angeles, CA._ “Cannot overlook that minor detail.”

“And that’s all it took?” I ask. We’re seated in his Beverly Hills home overlooking the Pacific, taking in the light salty breeze, and the California sun, sipping from crystalline wine glasses. It’s a superb afternoon.  

“Yes, mostly.” He nods.

“You’re a humble person so it seems.” He laughs at that. “Why so funny?”

“Have you seen my latest shoe collection?” His fingers are encircled around a cigarette. “My father would be appalled.”

“As with your smoking habit.” I point out.

“Yes well, that’s in the works.” He clears his throat.

“But out of all honesty…drive?” I ask again with more persistence.

“Yup. And a lot of coffee and sleepless nights.” He flicks his cigarette into the ashtray.

“What was it like to you know, be given such an opportunity? And being as young as you were?” He’s in thought for a moment. “What was your initial reaction?”

“Fuck.” He chuckles.

“Okay! Well how about something more…substantial for our readers?”

“That was it. My old man just decided that he wanted me to take over, to pass on the burden he could no longer handle.” He picks up his lighter, another cigarette. “It was a surprise at first. I mean…more of a shit storm if I’m honest.” He slinks his arm through his shirt, lights the cigarette underneath the collar.

“Don’t burn yourself.” I warn as he takes a pull, lifts his head.

“It’s a skill I’ve mastered long ago.” The smoke bellows from his lips. “So…um…wait where was I?”

It was the start of a new life, Louis turned twenty-two, graduated from Stanford University and was gifted with his father’s real estate company worth nearly half a billion dollars. It was on the verge of failing however, was listed as one of Los Angeles’ least successful landlords and even earned the golden “LA’s Slumlord” award back in 2010.

“It was a mess. The books were a mess…the staff? Let’s just say I put a new lock on my office door.” He takes a deep breath. “There wasn’t a common goal, everyone was scattered, the staff, the management, everyone. They all seemed…determined to follow their own path, to make their own decisions, shunned any sort of supervision. It was a difficult few months.”

“But then what happened?”

“I managed to weasel my way in, worked from the bottom up over the course of a year, learned each and every task involved, even down to the filing. I wanted to be part of the staff, earn their trust, actually _understand_ what they see on a daily basis because really…they’re the driving force of the company. They make the wheels turn, are the inner workings of the success I was striving for.”

“Did they know who you were?” I ask.

“No!” He snorts. “I was too young for them to take notice so I went to work in cheap slacks and Polo's to blend in. I even dropped my father’s surname.”

“Which you ended up keeping.”

“Yes. I did.” He nods, smiles, diverts his gaze to his hand.

“So, drive.”

“Oh yes, that’s where I was heading.” He takes a pull from the cigarette. “I convinced myself, from day one, I would not allow this company to fail. I saw the way my father worked, saw his lack of ambition, his unrealistic expectations, his…need to be the _best-_ ”

“But wait, isn’t that what…you strive to be?”

“The best? No, absolutely not. You strive to be _different_ , to stand out, to take risks, be the one your direct competitor's fear. Being the best is miniscule, provisional, a damn head ache because really, it’s impossible to hold such a title.”

“Do you really feel the risks you took were the reasons for your success?”

“Yes! Of course. Especially when I built in under privileged neighborhoods, fundraised, kept rent at an affordable rate. It was unheard of really. Well low income housing is nothing new, especially with the tax exemptions as an incentive, however it was more than simply saving money…we were improving lives, giving a chance to smaller municipalities that were essentially doomed! It brought a lot of attention our way.”

“And that’s when…”

“Yeah we grew. Well, doubled actually.”

“Tripled you mean.”

“Remember when you said I was humble?” He smirks.

“So now what is the driving force?”

“I wanted to continue down this path, aid the smaller towns, build apartment complexes, develop a place where people can live and thrive.”

“But what happened?”

“The investors…well _my investors-_ ”

“What was the need for them?”

“Didn’t we mention my age?” He laughs again, but the smile…never reaches his eyes. “I needed help. I won’t deny it. I still do! I refuse to sugar coat anything, hide the truth. I need help. We are _huge_. It’s difficult for one person such as myself to carry a tremendous burden on my shoulders. I was losing focus, running out of places to venture to! I only knew so much. But them? They were wise.”

“There were some controversies though.”

“Yes...yes there were many. Too many.” He finishes his cigarette, goes for a third.

“Care to elaborate?”

“Oh...well...yeah so my _team_ wanted to expand and felt they'd make the biggest profit by constructing luxury condos and apartments in areas that were viewed as…” He lights the cigarette. “Let’s just say I made a lot to enemies.” He sighs.

“I see. Why do you think that is?”

“Well…” He takes a sip from his glass of wine. “We were essentially taking away beauty, well destroying beauty…”

“How so?”

“We built on reservations, sanctuaries…” He shrugs. “It's not something I was proud of. People are angry. And rightfully so.”

“Why not put your foot down?”

“It's...not easy. It's difficult to say no when you placed your trust in a group of people _you've_ hired. They are the ones with experience, understand how businesses work, can foresee future success and prosperity.” He smokes vigorously, takes drag after drag. “I don't have that ability yet. I really only understand so much. Hence the reason why I hired them.”

“But have you stopped them? Altered plans?”

“Yes. My next venture is out of state, a small town with a population of about fifteen hundred. They wanted to completely overhaul a historic village. I said absolutely not or I refuse to put my name on it.”

“You were insistent?”

“I sure was. I wanted to expand, make the town come alive and it will be beautiful I can guarantee.”

“Is that so?”

“Yes. I want to hire locals too, have them be part of the change. It will give them a sense of accomplishment.”

“How do you think they will receive this news?”

“I...I don't know yet? Most of the town is close-knit. They're all friends, know one another's personal business, work together, hire one another.”

“Have you done your research?”

“Of course I did. This will be a wonderful home to working class families.”

“Is this your new focus?”

“Yes. One of them.”

“Why families? Are you planning on starting one of your own?”

“Well... I'd like to eventually.”

“Really! Is that so?”

“Yup. That could explain where my idea stemmed from.” He smirks, finishes his third cigarette. “But who knows. I'm constantly coming up with new ideas.”

“Is there... someone special in your life?” He hesitates a moment.

“Yes there is.” He smiles.

“I see...may we have their name?”

“Yes, Briana. Her name is...Briana and we're engaged actually.”

“An engagement!? What a lucky lady!!”

“I'd like to think so, yeah.”

“Have to kick the smoking habit.”

“I know. I am. It's a work in progress.” He smirks.

“So this next project is family oriented, on children specifically?”

“They were the primary focus.”

“Why is that?”

“I didn't have a typical upbringing because of who my father was, so that realization spoke to me, basically sparked this idea. I needed to focus on parents who commute." He takes a sip from his glass. "Usually they want to live as close as they are able to their employer but not break the bank, maybe live off of one salary. Therefore location was important." Another sip. "What I'm trying to say is I want these future children to be raised by both parents and not just...one like me. I suppose." He shrugs.

“So why is this such a challenge for you?” He reaches for his pack of _empty_ cigarettes.

“Ah really? Damn.” He smirks. “Interviews always make me fidgety.”

“Sorry I don't smoke!”

“That's fine. It's for the better. Anyway... this will be a challenge...we are not just concentrating  specifically on Harper's Ferry. We are moving to surrounding towns, refurbishing existing buildings, constructing where we can.”

“This is historical land though.”

“I know...it has caused a bit of an uproar but I believe we won the hearts of _most_ of the... natives.”

“Do you think?”

“Um…” He nods. “Yes. I think so.”

“So what are your next plans? Where do you see yourself in a year?”

“Oh…well yeah I mean I go wherever the wind takes me, to follow my dreams, maybe start on a new project.”

“Like perhaps a child of your own?”

“Oh well I still have time before any of that.” He shrugs.

“Sure! You're still a young man. Tell me when is the wedding?”

“June. Next June.”

“Look at that...wow...well Louis, I appreciate your time. Hopefully next time we'll be discussing your success with Harper's Ferry.”

“Yes, yes of course. Anytime.” He pauses. “And bring an extra pack of cigarettes next time. You know, to celebrate.”

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“What's…” Brett hands me a magazine then. His face is grave, his eyes downcast. He looks exhausted. “What's wrong?” I ask as I tentatively open it. “You look like-” My eyes widen in absolute horror, my heart ceases to beat momentarily in my chest, the hair on the back of my neck stands up at attention. There, in the centerfold is a photo. _No_ . A series of photos. _A collage_ of MY FACE!? Of...me at home...at work...in the clearing... _Including California_!? “Huh?!! Why...whom...what's... what's going on!!” I grip my curls, nearly collapse into the bar top. “Brett!!! Why!!” My face is soaked with tears suddenly, my eyes blurred, my heart crying out in pain and humiliation. “What-”

“Harry, I don't know. Natale found it first. She was reading it...and couldn't find the strength to show you.”

“I...I... didn't do _anything_ !!!” I can hardly read the caption. _Fanatical Fan caught ogling billionaire heartthrob._ “Oh...oh...no.” I drop it to the ground, feel my knees buckle, and wheep at the unjustness.

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I couldn't stop the tears.

I can't find the will to forget.

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“Harry, dear.” I look up from my novel, find Ann standing above me. “How are you?” She smiles.

“Okay.” I shrug and stare back at the pages before me.

“Democritus again?” She questions.

“Yeah.” I swiftly swipe at my eye. “Yeah I uh...took an interest in Greek Mythology and um...wanted…” I clear my throat. “To you know, read more?” Maybe not be so dumb? “S-so...I decided to start with philosophy and stumbled upon him.”

“Ah I see.” She sits next to me on the floor. We're hiding deep in the stacks, leaning against the furthest wall from the entrance. “It's good to keep your mind sharp.”

“Yeah.” I nod. “A lot of his work didn't survive the Middle Ages but...but he was responsible for formulating the theory on atoms. Well along with his mentor Leucippus but...he-”

“Why don't you take that home with you?” She asks.

“That's fine I'll just continue reading here and come back tomorrow to finish.” I murmur.

“But dear, we closed fifteen minutes ago.”

“Oh.” I close the book with a snap. “I didn't-” What time is it?

“Take it home and the stack you have right there too.” She motions towards the pile. “You can read there without interruption.”

“I don't…” I shake my head to clear it. “I like it here.”

“But what about Ed? Surely he misses your company?”

“H-he...he does.” I snivle. “I just-” I cuddle him every chance I have.

“We _all_ miss you.” She clarifies. My eyes widen in horror.

“I'm trying.” I hold the book to my chest. “I'm occupying my time in a constructive way.” To forget.

“You are! But you need to spend time with your friends, honey not by yourself.”

“It helps me.” My eyes are diverted to the floor. “You know, reading? Expanding my mind? Not being so closed off?”

“Of course. It's very important-”

“And maybe I can have an intelligent conversation with someone, impress them with my intellect rather than my butt.” She snorts.

“By theorizing?” She touches my shoulder. “Harry, you need companions, friends!” No, I need love. I shiver. “This is wonderful what you're doing, Harry, truly but I think there's-”

“He read about cats. He f-found...a way in. He _knew_ how to succeed...how to persuade me.” I choke.

“Harry?”

“So I'm trying to do the same. To persuade, convince! To...to-”

“You have to be yourself!” She pulls the book from my grasp, gently places it down. “Right?”

“I'm boring.”

“No. You're a beautiful person inside and out.”

“Nope.” I shake my head. “What do I have going for me?”

“A future, Harry. A future filled with happiness, love, and cats.”

What love though?

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“Are you sure about this?” I'm adjusting the collar of my white button down.

“Yes. It's really pretty.” Dani checks my reflection. “Especially the flowers.”

“Ugh...I don't know. I don't want to seem desperate.”

“You're not!! You're _dating_. This is what you do. You impress.”

“But I'm like…” I face her. “I look like a nurse.” I spread my arms, gesture towards myself. “White on white?”

“Well he's a vet tech and wears scrubs all day so you're the perfect match.”

“What if he pokes fun?”

“Oh!! Stop.” She smacks my arm playfully. “You look incredible...and I must admit I'm happy you kept those.” She points to my booted feet.

“Yuh well...I couldn't let them go to waste.” I shrug and fight back the sob lodged in my throat.

“You're hair looks superb!” She smirks, adjusts a stray curl.

“Yuh... about that…” I turn back to the mirror, take in the too sheer blouse, the flowers adorning the lapels and sleeves. “I don't...where did you find this again?”

“The woman's section.” She confirms.

“I guess I know where to look for my next outfit.”

“At least you'll never have the same clothes as your date.”

“I never thought of that actually.” She sighs.

“So you're good then?”

“I…” I find my reflection again, really take in my appearance, find my eyes and pray they are able to hold a semblance of normalcy for the night. “I hope.” I shake my head.

“It's been two months, it's time okay?”

“I know.” I rub at my nose, ignore the stinging in my gut.

“Make the best of it tonight. Get to know him. Be open minded. He's been flirting with you from the moment he started working for Dr. Cowell.”

“Ugh...I know it's just-” There's a knock at the door.

“Oh he’s here!”

“Oh God. Okay...I can do this. I've got it.” I've been on dates before, this is a no brainier. Right? “No big...deal.” My heart is racing anyway, beating at an alarming rate. “Wow I'm nervous.” I run a hand through my hair.

“It's okay just...breathe. it'll be fine. Don't overanalyze things.” She grips my hand. “Be your charming self.” She smirks.

“Yuck…” I frown. “I'll try.” I walk to the stairs, watch Dani pick Ed up and wave his paw at me.

“ _Bye Daddy.”_ She says in a goofy voice.

“He wouldn't sound like that!” I pet his adorable head. “Love you bud.”

“ _Have fuuuun!”_

“But that's just it!!” I mentally freak. “What if he...wants to you know... do it?” I pinch the bridge of my nose. “Is it too soon? Should I wait?”

“If you're not ready for that, then tell him no thanks.”

“But what if he becomes angry and calls me a prude?”

“Then he wasn't worth your time! But don't think like this!” She warns. “Just have fun!!”

“Ugh…” I groan. “ _Fine._ ” I snap. “Lock up when you leave.”

“ _Yes sir!”_ She waves Ed's paw again.

.

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“Wow.” Nick's eyes widen the moment he sees me and I cannot help but feel…

“Hi.” _Dirty_. “How are you?” I give him a quick side hug, smell his pungent cologne and instantly recoil.

“Great.” He smiles. “Are you ready?”

“Um…” I look both ways down the sidewalk, find it's filled with the usual tourists and locals, devoid of the paparazzi and reporters. _Finally._ “Y-yes. I think so.” I nod.

“Let's go!”

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Our conversation is light, nothing substantial, nothing invasive shockingly enough especially with the debacle I found myself in because of... _him._ It's okay. He's okay.

He's... mediocre.

“What are we seeing?” I ask as we approach the theater.

“Well...I was thinking maybe uh-” He figets with his hands, knots his fingers.

“What is it, Nick?” I press.

“Avengers?” His voice is hushed.

“A superhero movie!?” That's not... _that's what two friends see._

“No good?” His voice faulters. “We can see something else...you know something more...I don't know.” He shrugs.

“Something more suitable for a date?” I suggest with a little humor.

“I mean...I don't even know what qualifies as a good date movie honestly.” We reach the doors. “How about the Incredibles?” He finds the billboard.

“A child's flick?” I make a face, stick out my tongue. “No!”

“Then pick something.”

“Fifty Shades.” I joke, as in seriously joke because-

“Okay.” He walks to the counter. That's awkward.

“W-wait...what?” He purchases the tickets. “I was kidding though.”

“Nah, it's fine.” He waves it off, grips my hand. _Huh!?_

“But...this is...do you _know_ what happens in this though!?” He looks to me, waggles his eyebrows.

“Yup.” He tightens his hold. _Ouch_. “Want popcorn?”

“Um…N-no. I'm okay.” We walk towards the theater _hand in hand_ , are silent save for my heart hammering in my chest. “Are you sure this is what-”

“You look great.” He compliments and I lose my footing then, clip a piece of the uplifted rug. _Or so I thought_.

“Ah!!” I trip over my two feet, release his hold, and land on my hands and knees.

“Harry!!” He comes to my aid instantly. “Are you okay?” I shake my head to clear it, anticipate the looks from passersby, the staff, the cameras hidden in the shadows... anyone eavesdropping or looking to document my faults...to use my face in their magazines, to destroy my life! But no one cares, no one notices. We're just two people on a...on a...date. We're normal. Average Joe's. Nobodies. _We're just us_.

And he's not-

I close my eyes for a moment, will my brain to remove _his_ face from my memories, to move past the nonsense. _He cheats_. I take a deep breath.

“Yeah I'm just such a dope.” I recover, reach for his overly sweated hand and allow him to pull me to my feet. “Thanks.” I blush, adjust my shirt.

“You're welcome.” We head down the aisle. “Want to sit in the back?” He asks as we make our way to the seats.

“Um...” I look around, find it to be nearly empty. “Why not over there towards the middle?” I point.

“But this is perfect.” He sits down without another word, looks to me expectantly.

“Oh...alright.” I reluctantly join him. “Why all the way back here though?”

“No reason.” He shrugs. I eye him wearily.

“If you... whatever.”

“So…” He taps his fingers against the arm rest.

“So what?” I turn to him, really take in his features, attempt to feel him out, pray he doesn't mention the... paparazzi.

“Dr. Cowell hates you.” He chuckles. _Oh thank goodness._

“That's some icebreaker.” I join him. “I know. He better be prepared, because we'll be back soon enough.”

“Really? You're reopening Jellybean?”

“Yup. I mean we're still looking for a location but it's in the works.” I nod. “So Dr. Cowell better get over himself. He's lucky we recommend him to our adopters.” All except for one of course.

“You're lucky enough he deals with your payment plan.” He jests. “Unless you still depend on...that rich dude.” My blood runs cold.

“No. No he's no more.” I reassure because I don't cheat!!

“Right….right. But Dr. Cowell, he can be a nice guy.” He takes my hand again, runs his thumb against _my_ thumb. “Hmmm…” I want to pull away suddenly. Its too intimate of a touch, too forward. I watch our interlocked fingers, feel my grip loosening.

_Am I being too forward?_

I flinch.

“Are you chilly?” Nick asks.

“Huh?” I clear my thoughts.

“You're shivering.”

“I am?” I feel my teeth chattering. Why? “Oh I guess I am!” I sit back in my seat. “I didn't-”

“I can you know...warm you up a bit.” I face forward, feel my cheeks burning up.

“Um…” The lights dim and he drapes his arm across my shoulders. _Oh crappola._ “Oh okay. Sure. Yeah…” I attempt to get comfortable, feel his fingers gripping my bicep. He leans over, invades my personal space.

LORD.

“You look hot.” He whispers in my ear and I shiver again. His scent isn't the same...it's too strong. Too... artificial.

“T-thanks?” I force a smile. “I mean...so do you...you look…” I take in his ripped jeans and polo...with the popped collar. _Oh GOD._ “Handsome.” I turn away at a loss, pinch my outter thigh.

“Your hair looks incredible too.”

“Yeah I needed the change...oh look previews!” I redirect the conversation because I don't want to discuss the hair, my clothes, _his clothes_ , his awful smell. _Mistake...this was_ …

 _Stupid_.

About half way through the movie, _my date_ begins to fidget, and I mean like full on leg bouncing, free hand tapping the arm rest. His once calm demeanor has seemingly dissipated.

“What's wrong?” I whisper to him, find his forehead beaded with sweat. “Are you okay?” His eyes are wild, lips tugged into a smirk.

“Um…yes.” Our gazes meet. “Actually there was something…” He leans into me, tightens his hold on my arm. _Oh no_. He inches in further, puckers his lips, closes his eyes.

The world is moving in slow motion then, my will to move away robbed from me, the strength to escape his grasp an impossible task. Is it paralyzing fear? Is it the thought that _he_ will appear out of the woodwork and witness me in the act? That maybe I have no desire to move on? That I'd rather pine for a man I can never have then do this? Have _him_ pictured the way I dreamt of him in my heart and pray for his return?

What is it?

He kisses me harshly on the mouth all too soon, knocks our teeth together, sucks too feverishly at my lip. _Owe!!_

Wrong.

It's wrong.

His taste, his moves, his _tongue_ . It's not appealing, he's not... _him_ . No where close. Not even a smidgen. _His_ scent used to fill me up, consume me, take my breath away, breathe life into my lungs, flood my senses. This? No. I'm losing oxygen, feel my lips just moving with the motion, feel nothing towards this person. It's a falsity.

I break away first, discreetly wipe at my mouth.

“Real smooth.” I whisper, fake a smile.

“I'm not known to be.”

“Mmm.” I sit back in my seat to watch the screen, to engross myself in the movie, to ignore the fingers now resting on my thigh. What could possibly happen now!? I place my hands in my lap to cover my non existent arousal and to stave off his _next_ idea. “What are you doing?” My voice is harsh.

“Nothing.” I look over at him and his lips are pulled into a smile. I roll my eyes.

“Whatever.” I turn my full attention to Jamie Dornan. _Now he's_ cute-. His hand is inching up my leg now, moving well past my comfort zone. “Stop!!” I screech, push him away frantically.

“Shhh!!!” Someone turns around. “Shut up!!” I duck my head, stand up and run from the theater.

Why do men want to grope me in a movie theater!? WHY!!!

I make my way to the exit, stumble a few times on the carpeting, feel the tears in my eyes, and the ache in my chest. _He_ wouldn't have done that...he wouldn't have made me feel cheap.

He cheats.

He fucked me.

He didn't care.

But.. but…

“Harry come back!” I hear that man's foul voice, pick up my pace. “Don't be like that!” I reach the exit and take a deep breath the moment I'm outside.

“Like what!?” I turn on him, swipe my eyes. “What you were trying to do was inappropriate! I didn't want that! Not here...not so soon!” I shout.

“It was stupid alright? The damn movie got me in the mood.”

“Well use your hand!” I turn away from him and walk back to town on my own.

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That night I dreamt of the stars, of the universe, of _him_ , of us. And it was lovely, crippling, yet achingly beautiful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's almost finished!!!!  
> Are you enjoying it so far? Is it what you expected?
> 
> I sort of had a meltdown at the end of chapter 8. It's frustrating losing a chapter that I've worked so hard on and especially it being the last chapter, the final words that close the story and tie up loose ends. It's hard to sit down and write it out. It takes days and possibly a read through of the entire story to make sure it flows and answers any questions you may had. I don't have someone reading it for me so it's even more of a challenge. I've reread this monster over and over and probably missed an important detail and honestly, I've tried! I did my best and I hope you can appreciate that too!
> 
> I thank you for taking the time to read my story. It means a lot actually.  
> Thanks


	14. Sense of Peace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Besides all of that, you're a magnet, a genuine person, pure. You have such an exhilarating aura, an amiable soul. Every person you encounter sees it, adores it, wants to internalize it. It's difficult to ignore.

“I miss you.” The sobs are unrelenting.

“I know, sweetie. We miss you too.” She says. “We wish you came with us.”

“I know... _I know_ . And it's...it hurts, momma. It hurts so bad.” I hold my chest, breathe past the void in my gut. “And...it took too many years to finally realize that...I should have left. I should have came with you, squashed my pride, forgot all about my freedom and independence because this was _stupid._ I'm stupid.” I grip the short strands of hair on my head, give a slight tug.

“Do not call yourself stupid. You made a choice, felt you could handle the bar, managed to work a second job...Harry, you're a success. You've overcome so much. Why are you feeling such doubt?”

“Because.. _.because_ …” I wish I never met someone. “Momma, I was involved in something that I am not very proud of.” I admit.

“We make mistakes. _Huge_ mistakes! You learn from them.”

“But I'm hurting. I ache.” My legs are quaking. “I loved...well...I... I'm in love and I don't _want to be._ ” I sob. “I can't be anymore! Not with them.”

“But that's beautiful. Why do you-”

“He was with someone else...well still in a committed relationship and will be married by the end of next month.” I swipe my eyes. “And...and all I feel is hurt, agony, such resentment. I know it's my heart mourning and my brain fighting against it. But I'm being spread thin across a multitude of emotions and I don't...I can't think straight anymore! I can't find peace within myself.”

“Oh my dear boy. I wish I could be there with you.” She sounds saddened. “Give you a nice warm hug.”

“M-me too. Me too.” I snivle. “Now more than ever.”

“You're so much more than this. You have to believe that whatever happened to you was for a reason and you'll learn from it. Be wiser, stronger, more intuitive.”

“He was…” I bite my bottom lip to stifle a sob. “He was perfect.” I admit and the flood gates open all over again, the pining to be with him making my limbs weak. “He...he was s-so perfect. So beautiful, intelligent, well-spoken, affluent, hard working. And...and he-” _Selfish, canniving, deceitful._

“Sounds like a slime ball for cheating.” Mom says. “You don't want a man like that. You want someone who is honest, a person you can love freely, someone dependable.”

“He…” I swallow back a sob. “...was special.” I cry into my hand.

“Heartache is probably the most difficult challenge for anyone. But it's also the most rewarding.”

“H-how? What's the reward? I feel like... I'm being split in two.”

“Yes, I know. But if you can, remember how it felt when you _were_ in love. How was that experience?”

“I was so...happy.” I pinch the inside of my thigh. “So _happy_! He brought out a side of me I never knew existed, tested my limits, made me a better person. He did, Momma. And now I'm vacant, full of stale air, and nothing.” He stole my heart and soul.

“That's not true. You're still my compassionate, most precious son. I love _you_ , my handsome boy. And I hope you realize soon just how special _you are_.”

“I'm a mess.” I counter.

“No, you are learning to live without the person you love, prevailing over the most gut wrenching of feelings ever to exist. You're surviving.”

“B-barely. I'm hardly making it out alive.”

“For now. But you'll see. You'll find your match, your soulmate.” He was my soulmate, my heart...my oxygen!!!

“He’s irreplaceable.” I admit.

“No. He is. He cheated. How do you expect him to be faithful to you?”

“I...I…” I shake my head. “You're right but-”  He was so much more.

“Facts are facts.”

“I wish they didn't have to be.”

“Harry, focus on the bar and the adoption center. Use the money your father and I sent you, you'll forget about him in no time.”

“...what money?” I swipe at my eyes.

“The ten thousand dollars, sweetie.”

“The...ten thousand...wait!!” I grip my curls, rub my nose. “You...that was-”

“Yes, we sent it anonymously because we weren't sure how you'd react.”

“Momma!! How...why…”

“We paid off the mortgage too, son.”

“...what!?” I nearly shout. “How could you afford-”

“We've been saving, dear and that was our gift to you. You deserved it...you were alone. You managed the impossible.”

“Oh my goodness...how do I even repay you!?” My body is tense, weighed down, exhausted.

“Make us proud. That's your payment. Don't leave something you’ve worked so hard on.”

“Even with my horrid mistake?”

“It's not a mistake.” She reassures. “It was a mere bump in the road.”

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“He did, eh?” Brett asks. We're in our place, our usual place, our meeting place. It feels good.

“Yup.” I nod. “He did.” I cringe at the thought of Nick's tongue in my mouth.

“Guys got a set the size of Montana.”

“Huh?” I look to him in confusion as he slurps from an iced coffee.

“A rock, Harry!!! A goddamn rock.” He flicks my arm. “His _balls_. He's got balls for feeling you up on a first date.” He rolls his eyes.

“Oh!! Ha...sorry.” I shrug. “He did...He had guts. He was an awful kisser too. His lips were all over the place, uncoordinated, too...harsh.” I make a face.

“Nice. He got a good whack at your tonsils.”

“Yeah! He dove right in.” I'm squeamish now, appalled. “I want to crawl out of my skin now! Thank you!” I rub at my arms.

“Maybe just use mouthwash. That sounds painful.”

“You have no idea how many times-”

“Harry!!!” We look up in unison, find Natale running over with Dani trailing behind her. “Harry holy shit!!” She stops short before us.

“My God girl you run like a beast!!” Dani follows behind huffing and puffing.

“I run...like all the time. Anyway…” She turns to me. “You need to r-read this article.” She hands me a magazine.

“Nope.” I shake my head. “The last time I read something like this I was in tears for _days._ ” I recall the long days, the even longer sleepless nights, the unrelenting sobs, the... seclusion. Never again.

“You'll be... surprised. Harry you must.” She insists.

“I can't!!” I say in earnest.

“You’ll cry from pure happiness. I wouldn't lie!” Dani says. “Brett?”

“What?” He sips from his cup.

“Why aren't you adding anything?”

“I didn't read it and I wasn't included in the conversation.” He grunts. “I'll read it if Harry does.”

“What!!” The girls say together.

“Yup. Hear that Harry?” He nudges my elbow.

“Right.” I nod in agreement. “Sorry ladies.” I sit back in my seat.

“Grrr!! I'm just saying it!” Natale says.

“No!!!” I shout, grip the magazine from her hand and slam it down to the ground. “ _Don't_ !” Her eyes widen in horror, her facial expression falls, her demeanor changes. “I can't... _I don't care._ ” I convince myself. “I don't want to know what _Louis_ is doing, don't _care_ about the lastest scoop into his _multi-million_ dollar wedding, couldn't care less about his next venture. I am moving on from him. I'm healing, I'm learning to live without him and improving day by day. So I'd really appreciate it if you would _stop_ meddling in my business and move on from this ludicrous idea of him coming back to me. Because it's _not_ happening!! And if you'd stop coming here and waving around your stupid chick magazines in my face, maybe I could find a sense of peace within myself and _forget all about him_ once and for all!!” I shout and quickly leave my stunned friends behind.

.

.

.

.

I read that night. Cuddled under the sheets with Ed and simply... read.

I read about the constellations, learned of their meaning and correlation with Ancient Greece and the Roman Empire.

I read about Aphrodite and Venus, Ares and Mars.

I read more in depth of the theory of atoms.

I read about Greek Ontology and studied the meaning behind... existing.

I read until my eyes were bleary.

I read past the blurriness of tears.

I read through the sniffling and depression.

I read even though my brain could no longer comprehend the words.

I read until my heart could accept the pain.

.

.

.

.

“I'm sorry.”

“What for?” I turn towards Ben who is standing by the bar top with his head low and broom in his hand. He shrugs.

“You know...for everything. For not being honest, for keeping secrets from you, for not being a good friend.”

“Oh…” I nod and accept graciously. “It's okay.”

“Wait seriously?” His head snaps up. “You're not pissed?”

“No.” I shake my head. “It wasn't your fault.”

“But I was talking to Louis, befriended him, made excuses-”

“You were _being_ a friend, Ben. I get it.” I shine a couple of shot glasses. “I shouldn't have put you in a position where you'd feel torn. I should have respected what you were to each other and let it be. I obviously was not meant to be in the know because... because it would have hurt me. And in the end I'm relieved it happened the way it did.”

“Why?”

“I was able to...tell him off, make him feel sorry, watch him crumble with hurt.” I sigh. “It was nice to see...that he was truly sorry. That he understood his actions were deplorable, that he made a mistake.”

“Oh... I thought you were happy to see him...you know upset.”

“Without a doubt I was. Don't get me wrong because that's how I feel. Well...felt...now I'm just lonely.” I say. “And the article with my pictures well let's just say...that was really the tipping point.”

“That was awful.” Ben shakes his head. “They made it look like you were chasing him!”

“I know. But it's okay. So be it. I know the truth. We-” I gesture between us. “-know the truth. The town knows the truth. The people who matter most know _the truth._ ”

“Yes! Exactly!”

“So yes Ben, I appreciate your apology. And yes I do forgive you...and _no_ I never was angry with you. I was merely upset with the situation. That's all.” I conclude.

“Really? Like you never...wanted to punch me in the face?”

“Um...well maybe this one time…” I joke.

“Oh my God!!!”

“No I'm kidding!” I laugh. “No. It's all good.”

“Wow...okay I nearly had a heart attack!!”

“Please don't! I'd miss you.” I hand him the glasses. “As would our patrons.”

“Okay good...so you won't be angry when I tell you Louis is coming to the grand opening of the apartment building.” He sighs.

“...what?” My heart sinks.

“Yeah! Funny right? He told my mom he'll need a block of rooms at the hotel!”

“Oh...oh okay.” I turn away from him. “Cool.” I swallow past the lump in my throat. “Alright well...let's get cleaning.”

“Okay!”

.

.

.

.

“Your mother?” Dani asks as she pets Zayn's head. “Your _parents_ were responsible?” I nod, watch her expression. “Wow...that's...I can't believe it.”

“Yes. I was surprised too... I thought they hated me for sure.” I sit next to her.

“They do not hate you! You're all they have!”

“And I simply watched them leave! Told them I didn't need them! Yet I broke down...I went against my promises to myself to _not_ be the one to do it first.”

“What's that?”

“Call.” I shake my head, feel the tears in my eyes. “I called her. A few nights after my awful date.”

“What happened?” Her voice is low, cautious. “You haven't spoken about it.”

“He...he tried to grope me during the movie.” I admit and her gasp is my confirmation: he crossed a line. “I know. I was mortified and felt so violated. He didn't want to build anything substantial...just wanted to jump into bed.”

“That's awful, Harry.” She touches my hand, squeezes her fingers.

“And...and it made me think... certain things.” I confess.

“What's that?”

“Louis wouldn't have done that.” I look to her, feel my eyes blurring. She remains silent. “He was...a cheater, Dani. He cheated on his fianceé, made a fool of me, used me. He did the _unthinkable_. But making me feel like I wasn't worthy was not one of them. He wanted me comfortable, wanted me to feel good. He was always... thinking of my needs especially when we were intimate. Even when I thought he was genuine...even when he...forced me from my comfort zone.”

“Yeah…” She agrees. “I guess.” She looks away. “So you won't see Nick again?”

“No. He wasn't for me. He was too forward I think. I need someone on my level, someone I know who will make me feel special.”

“But why did you call your mom?” She continues to pet her cat.

“I was at a low point. Had no one to speak to. And she was on my mind so I ran to the clearing and...reached out to her.”

“How'd that go?”

“Made me realize...that I didn't make a mistake by staying here.” I nod. “I finally came to that conclusion...well with her help but I feel like I've found closure.”

“That's wonderful. You must feel so proud.” She smiles.

“I am. For the most part.” I smirk. “I wouldn't be heartbroken but you know you win some you lose some.”

“You'll...over time Harry. You'll be able to move on.”

“Sometimes though I don't want to.” I sigh. “I feel like, he was always meant to be part of me. Does that make sense? Like he was supposed to come into my life. Whatever reason that may be, but he was there to teach me a lesson or have me overcome my hatred towards my parents. I don't know.”

“Or maybe he was meant to love you too.” She says. My stomach clenches.

“What?”

“He's coming here with news. _Huge news_. And I know you screamed at Natale and I... which by the way she's a mess over.”

“Oh no!” I pinch the bridge of my nose. “That wasn't my intention!”

“Yeah, she didn't see it like that! You better speak to her. Anyway, we were right. He'll be here for the ceremony.”

“Ben told me. He confirmed it.” And I may vomit.

“Yup, every suite is booked.”

“Oh god.” My arms break out in goose flesh. “Really?”

“Yup.”

“I don't want to go now.” I admit. “Maybe I'll hide out.”

“That's a stupid idea! You have to go!”

“Nope. I'll be in an undisclosed location until everyone leaves ”

“You can't! Harry!”

“I am, Dani! I can't see him. If I do I'll fall further down this hole. And I can't. I _can't._ It'll crush me. Literally.”

“What if you need this!?”

“No.” I shake my head. “Not…” I close my eyes. “I won't be able to control myself.” I grip my fingers at the thought of him kissing me, at the fantasies my brain will conjure, at the... sadness strangling my heart.

“You'll cry in front of him?”

“U-um…” I divert my gaze, think of my will power dissipating before my eyes as his lips come in contact with my skin. “It's best if I stay away.”

.

.

.

.

“Hello?” My voice is filled with uncertainty, so weak to my ears. “Natale?” Nothing. “I wanted...I want to talk.” Silence. “Please? I wanted to apologize to you. Please?” I'm in the bakery waiting for anything really. Any sign. Any indication-

“Yes!! They're finished!!” I hear her from the back.

“Natale?” I make my way towards her without hesitation.

“No sudden movements!!” She turns to me the moment I come into view. “They could fall at any second.” I look at the work counter and see mounds of…

“What are those?”

“Yorkshire pudding!!” She points with a smile. “Not easy to bake.” She shakes her head. “This was my th-third attempt. I think...I got it though.” She tucks her hair behind her ear.

“They look... interesting.” They're little mounds of lumpy dough. “How do you eat them? Are they soft in the middle?”

“Nope! You use your hands!” She pulls one out with her fingers. “Wow!!! Look at that height!” She holds it out to me. “Want one?”

“I...yes.” I reluctantly agree even though eating makes my stomach churn.

“Cool!” She runs to the fridge, pulls out a block of butter. “They're still w-warm.” She places it on a plate. “Mmm...here.” She cuts it in half, smooths some butter over the top and holds the plate out to me. “Enjoy!” She takes a bite of her own piece. “Woah!! Woah!! Woah!!” Her excitement is contagious. I try a small bite and it is...quite good.

“It's savory.”

“It's amazing!!” She takes another bite. “So good!!”

“Natale.” She continues to chew, obviously ignores my tone of voice, my sincerity.

“Mmm…” She chews.

“There's something I've been wanting to say to you.”

“What's up?” She avoids my eyes, picks at the bread.

“I'm sorry.” I blurt. “I didn't mean to lose my temper. You're the last person who deserved that reaction and I never meant to direct it towards you.” She sighs.

“I shouldn't have pushed you the way I did.” She replies. “It wasn't n-necessary. And I realize now, that you need to figure this out on your own. W-what I mean is...you'd _prefer_ to hear it from Louis himself and I didn't take it into consideration.”

“I guess...I honestly want everything to _go away_ and be forgotten, maybe be a figment of my imagination.”

“It'll never go away though b-because...you loved him right?”

“Yes.” I still do, am very much in love with the sniveling pig.

“That sort of feeling will be with you for a long time.” She admits. “It's learning to deal with it is the d-difficult part.”

“I've come to notice. I'm not doing such a good job, am I? I just lash out at people.”

“No we're making it harder for you by constantly bringing him up! We need to learn that you're still grieving! We need to mind our own business!”

“You're looking out for me.”

“We're opening existing w-wounds.” I can't help it either sometimes. Talking about him makes me...warm, helps my subconscious cope I suppose.

“You care about me.” I say instead.

“We want what's best for you! Always.” She smiles. “And the article was meant to b-bring you comfort.”

“I...see.” I look away. “I still don't want to read it though.” I cannot believe in false hope because God knows I'll take it and run with it.

“And that's okay. You need to do what you feel is right.”

“And being ignorant is the way to go apparently.” I snort.

“That's not how I look at it.”

“I guess we all have our point of views.” I shrug feeling at a loss.

“Hmm…I suppose.” She continues to eat. “It won't happen again.”

“I...okay.” I look to her. “Thanks.” I offer a smile.

“You're welcome!” I take another bite of the pastry bread thingy.

“Okay but this is fantastic.” My taste buds are singing.

“I made them for the event today! I found out Louis’ family l-lineage! They're from the UK!”

“Ah I see. Don't want to waste anymore.”

“Nah, I have three other trays in the oven b-baking away.”

“Oh wow, that's awesome.”

“Yup!” She finishes her half and swipes her hands on her apron. I watch her closely, note the sparkling ring on her left finger, feel the jealousy piercing my skin like a knife. She deserves happiness. Both her and Brett deserve the world. Right? They worked for their relationship, fought for Brett's sobriety and Natale's insecurities with her speech. They both found the light. They made it work and I'm standing here admitting to being jealous!? What's gotten into me? Why am I allowing my sadness to take over? Why can't I simply see the positive!?

 _Where's my light_?

I shake my head.

Wrong. It's wrong.

“So do you...you know forgive me?” I ask after a few moments.

“Harry, yes. I couldn't stay mad at you anyway. You're too kind and I'd miss your f-friendship.”

“Me too.” I chuckle. “I'd miss _our_ friendship.” I correct.“Hopefully once this day is over I'll be able to finally breathe again.”

“Maybe you'll set yourself free.” She smiles and pulls a cookie sheet from the oven. “Since you're here, help me roll out this d-dough, you know as repayment.” She winks at me.

“Sure! How many do we need?”

“Oh...you know...five hundred. N-nothing crazy.” My eyes widen.

“Lord... alright well…”

“I should have you shout at me more often!”

“I'd rather...not lose my temper thank you.” I offer a weak smile.

“Oh stop. This is nothing! I had Brett making b-baguettes all night!”

“This is better than that!?”

“Your just rolling out dough!! Stop being a baby and help me.” She smiles wide, tucks that stray piece of hair behind her ear.

“Fine...only for you, okay?”

“Yes!”

.

.

.

.

I'm on the trail once again, taking advantage of the sun and clear blue sky, avoiding the _newly completed_ apartment building and the crowd that has since formed. I couldn't care really, it's not going to bring me any joy, so to celebrate its construction is a waste of time. It'll only be an eyesore, a bitter reminder, an ache that will never cease to pain my heart. It's an atrocity to this town, an _omen_ , a way to destroy the old, a way to push us out.

Regardless of _Louis’_ intentions, it still hurts. He has no _idea_ how traumatizing this is for us, how life altering! Our days will never be the same. Our small town vibe will now be masked…

“Stupid...stupid.” I mumble as I find my clearing. “So _dumb_ .” I grumble. I sit in my usual place, rest my back against _the tree_ , and wish for anything really… “Who cares at this point?” I close my eyes and let fate take the reigns.

.

.

.

.

“You need to stop hiding.”

“W-why? Who sent you?”

“Me. I sent myself. I'm my own boss remember?”

“You're a menace. Evil...a real piece of work.”

“Oh good, you've stopped cursing. Although I must admit-”

“ _Fuck_ you.”

“Spoken too soon…Alright well I've come-”

“To say goodbye?”

“...no.”

“Then...what?”

“I've come to say hello.”

“Hi. Good _bye_.”

“I wanted to introduce myself to you.”

“You're...a liar.”

“Give you a proper introduction.”

“You cheated on your...your…”

“Tell you about myself.”

“Fianceé.”

“Give you the details.”

“Cheater.”

“Not hide a single one.”

“I loved...you.”

“Loved? Oh…”

“I'm... moving…”

“Where?”

“On... I'm moving on.”

“Ah...I was too late then?”

“My heart can't...take it.”

“I can't either. Never could.”

“My soul...needs…”

“As does mine. I need as well.”

“You.”

“ _You_. I like the sound of that.”

“It needs you. But...I…”

“Harry-”

“Am trying...to fight it.”

“Harry, don't.”

“I have to!!!”

“Please don't cry-”

“I...I can't...love another.”

“Why?”

“You make it... impossible to…”

“To what?”

“Move on.”

“But I thought you were moving on?”

“I lied.”

“So now you're a liar too? We can be liars together.”

“I only... loved.”

“You did and it was wonderful.”

“I only wanted you.”

“...you did.”

“Never your...money, fame.”

“You seem to find my lifestyle abhorrent.”

“...wanted you only.”

“Yes. You are a kind person.”

“Your affection.”

“I'd like to try again “

“Your touch.”

“And make it right.”

“Your kiss.”

“I'd kiss you every chance I was given.”

“Your heart and soul.”

“You'll have it. Whole heartedly.”

“I’ll miss you.”

"I've missed you too.”

.

.

.

.

I feel pressure on my arms, fingers encircling my biceps, a wetness against my lips. It's...the taste on the tip of my tongue is intoxicating, my undoing, my _wish_!! And it's here, right before me, crippling me even in my dreams, slinking it's way into my subconscious to blanket me in its lies. I open myself to them anyway, kiss back feverishly, welcome their tongue, moan into their mouth. I can't stop...I won't-

They pull away.

“No! No don't... don't leave me.” I reach my hands out for their touch, hope I can be immersed in their scent, forget life.

“I...never plan on leaving you again.” My eyes are cinched shut.

“You've said that before.” Too real. It's all too real.

“But this time...I mean it.” He leans in again, touches our lips, cups my cheeks. “I've dreamt about you. Tasted you. Felt you.” He kisses me again. “Saw your eyes on every face I’ve encountered.” His lips feel...so right. “Felt pain in my chest when I awoke and you were not lying next to me.” He kisses me again, deepens our contact, raises my body temperature with just his mouth. I wrap my arms around his neck. “Right here.”

“Yes.”

“This is where I belong, Harry. Right. Here.” I crush our lips together, tug him closer to my chest, forget all of my inhibitions, believe in this moment...take it for what it is. _Dream...this must be a dream._

His smells are too real, too invigorating. My mind is confused, stuck between my sleep state and reality, malfunctioning as my taste buds explode with these sensations. It's too much. I can't wrap my head around anything!

He pulls away a second time.

“Harry, please. Open your eyes.” I focus on his fingers digging into my face, focus on the puffs of air hitting my cheeks, the _close proximity_ of his body.

“No.” I shake my head.

“Why!?” His voice is panicked. “Look at me!”

“I'll...I'll see the cheater. And I _can't_!! I can't handle it.” His fingers disappear.

“I know I've done you _so wrong_ , played out this charade to appease others, watched my team approve a fucking story about you.” My body quakes from the truth. “I was too dense to see...too ignorant to really piece together what my _investor's_ wanted from me.” His voice sounds strained. “I trusted in them, in their knowledge, their... ability to see success and I thought it was what I needed. I believed every word they said.” He sighs. “They wanted a _straight_ man to be the business owner, Harry. A young, relatively good looking, _straight_ man to be in the spotlight. To be the success of a billion dollar company. To be seen as desirable. To be _fucking_ boisterous and loud. Help with the _numbers_.” He continues. “But I'm none of that!! I'm quiet, a real simpleton, a cheap date who prefers cheeseburgers over cavier. Prefers men over women.” He touches my cheek. “Prefers true love over artificial sweeteners.”

“What?” I scrunch my eyes closed.

“Harry!! I need to face you. Open your eyes.”

“I'll want to scream then, release my pent up anger.”

“Please?”

“Louis-”

“God...say my name again? Over and over? Give me life? Breathe a second chance into my lungs?”

“What?”

“Harry I need you.” I'm pulled into full alertness against my desires, forced back into reality where my anger supersedes any love I feel towards him.

“Why!?” I push him away, reluctantly open my eyes, catch his scent all over my clothes. I rub at my face, hate the fact that there are tears staining my cheeks.

“There's no other way for me to say this to you.”

“God...just save it? Maybe go on another interview? Spew your feelings to a journalist instead? I'm sure they'd love to hear it!” I grunt, rub my mouth with the back of my hand.

“No. I don't want to. I want to speak to _you_.”

“Well, that's too bad!!” I shout.

“We were fine a moment ago! What happened!?” I glance his way and it's so... painful. Agonizing!!! My body is betraying me... easily submitting to him.

“My brain caught up.” I turn away from him. “Just go away! Please!!” I grope at my t-shirt for comfort.

“I can't walk away again.”

“Then the story should have been about you chasing around some nobody, or maybe cheating on your fianceé, acting impulsively, being...a _prick_.”

“You're not-”

“Yeah I'm now known as a stalker!! Can't get any worse than that!!” I'm sweating, I'm crying, I'm aching. “Leave me alone. I don't care what you have to say.”

“I left her.”

“Good. You deserve to be alone.” I conclude.

“Um...She wasn't...she was meant to be-” Why isn't he shutting up!?

“I don't care what she was to you! You still _cheated_ , left me at night to hold her, watched me fall apart!!” I place my head in my hands. “You treated me like an object.”

“I never meant to be so callous. I was acting on instinct, looking to appease _everyone_ while I was _suffering_.”

“From...what!?” My voice is gruff, devoid of any feeling. I cannot bring myself to look at him either. It's too difficult a feat.

“I was pulled in every direction, constantly monitored, forced to abide to a strict schedule. My days were planned out to the _minute_! I even had to pencil in a bathroom break!!”

“Then why keep this from me? Why watch me suffer, avoid my questions when you knew... _you knew_ the entire time what was unraveling? What I was going through!?”

“I was forced to hide, Harry! I had to hide who I was!”

“So what changed now!? You'll just run back to your life and forget me!?”

“I came out.” My mouth clamps shut. “I said it in my last interview, broke it off with Briana, and admitted my feelings for...well I opened up.”

“Oh good. So I'll have to read an article to find out how you feel. Nice.” I roll my eyes. “Next time, maybe you should consider a billboard. At least people will be forced to see it.”

“I admitted who I love.” My eyes are downcast.

“Goody.” I spit. “Who is it then? Stan? Oli? That other man...Luke?”

“No.” I hear his boots shuffling against the dirt. “I fired Luke.”

“...he deserved it.” I huff.

“He was the one who wrote the story about you. So I had to let him go.”

“It was still released under your supervision.”

“Harry, I want to-”

“I don't care remember!?”

“I know but I have one last confession.”

“Why are you so determined to tell-”

“I love you.”

“I don't care what you have to say-” My stomach sinks, my eyes flood, my mouth goes dry. “Now I know I'm dreaming.” I pinch my arm multiple times, feel the sting, await reality to come forth and crush me further from this stupid fabrication.

“You're not.” He sinks to his knees, touches my shoulder. But I recoil from him. “I know what it must look like. I know you probably want to punch me in the face, hate me forever, but I am begging you. Please just reconsider. I need you. I always have. I always will. I know that now. Actually, I've known for a while.” He touches me again. “Since the day I first met you, chased you around town to simply...be with you.” My heart is hammering in my chest, suffocating me, beating this intense feeling through my veins. “I was falling for you.” I pinch the bridge of my nose. “I had come to the realization that it was most likely love when...I called out for you when I was alone.”

“What?” I swipe my eyes, steal a glance in his direction but he's turned away.

“The night I came to the bar, the night I showed up-”

“You've popped in on many occasions.” I sit up, feel his fingers tighten their grip on my arm.

“The night I was _too exhausted_. Remember?” He looks to me and I nearly gasp from his beauty, from the intensity in his eyes, the hollowness in his cheeks. He's too pale.

“You were...out of sorts. I've never seen you like that before.”

“That’s because I knew.”

“Knew...what?”

“I couldn't pretend anymore. I was willing and able to live my life with this person, with a beard, with a woman who meant next to nothing to me, a person only seeking wealth and fortune, a luxurious lifestyle and endless supplies of money. I was accepting of it actually.” He inches towards me, sits down, crosses his legs.

“How so?” I take in his black and gold stripped suit, the matching tie and handkerchief, the glittering vest.

“I was unable to back away. From that moment on. You were all I wanted.” He touches my cheek. His eyes are such a stark contrast against the darkness surrounding us. “I wanted you regardless, wanted to spend my time with you, my life even.” My breath hitches in my throat. “And unnecessary obstacles were placed in my way, _our way_ rather to prevent us from doing just that.” He touches my thigh, sets my desire aflame. “They're gone. All of it. It's a done deal.”

“...gone? They're gone?” I whisper, glance at his mouth, watch his tongue react.

“Yes.” His tone is sensual. “They have no choice but to accept what I've done.”

“Oh.” I finally look away from him, feel his penetrating gaze weighing me down. “So...so Louis what does this mean?”

“Everything.” He leans towards me. “And anything in between.” He touches my cheek, turns my face towards him. “It means...I want to be with you.”

“Y-you...you do?” I swallow past the lump in my throat.

“Mmm.” He nods, licks at his lips. “It means I want to love you unconditionally. It means-”

“I can kiss you anytime I feel like.”

“Yes, Harry. I would like that.”

“It means we could...be a real couple?”

“Yes.” He nods.

“It means...it's means-” He reaches over, closes the distance between us and presses our mouths together, gently tugs at my lower lip. I feel the difference within me, within my heart and soul, within my very being. This was meant to be. He was meant to love me.

He was meant to be my light.

I pull him closer, touch his stubbled cheeks, feel his jaw working underneath my fingertips. He's perfect, he's everything, he's all mine?

I pull away.

“You're...you-” I shake my head.

“What Harry? What is it?” He grips my shoulders. “Tell me.”

“You really love me?” I choke.

“Yes, I do.” I bite my tongue.

“B-but...how did you…” I turn away again, feel the doubt seeping its way in.

“Please look at me?” He begs. “Just-”

“You could never face me. Y-you...you were turning me away. If you loved me, if you despised that woman-” I grip the short strands on my head. “You were busy...held up... running _late_. What did you-”

“Harry, I don't understand. You're rambling.” He kisses my cheek.

“You were making love to her and fucking me!” My voice is strangled, my insides burning up as these words escape past my lips. “You...you were _held up for another round_ you... Louis tell me!” I sob. “Tell me I wasn't an object? Tell me I was more? Please just...say anything to make me feel special?”

“You are so special, Harry, the most kind and loving. You are a rarity. I never thought in my wildest dreams that I'd encounter someone as selfless as you. Never.” He cups my cheeks. “And...and I said we were... fucking because I had to remember, essentially remove myself from the moment or else I'd faulter. I'd lose that ability to lie to the world.”

“...what?” I feel my heart plummet. “You...you were-” I go to push him away.

“If I didn't portray the image my investor's envisioned, I would have lost... _everything_ .” He accentuates. “They had their spoons in the pot, had their greedy hands on my wallet. _They_ didn't care. They wanted money.” _His life isn't his own_. Ben was right.

“You…”

“I had to convince myself or at least try to.”

“W-why not...stay away?” I question. “If I was the reason for-”

“I loved you. That's why. I physically couldn't stay away from you.” He says. “I fought this inner battle, left when you were asleep because it was the only way of escaping. If you were awake, holding me, touching me, reminding me how strong willed I am, I… stayed. I couldn't help it.”

“You left me in tears, Louis. You left me wondering!!” I practically shout. “I thought I did something wrong! I thought you were using me! I thought…” I close my eyes. “I was your booty call.”

“I thought you were too.” He admits and it's like I'm back in the movie theatre being groped.

“You thought-”

“Harry, remember when I said I love you? Do you recall that very fine detail?” He swipes my cheeks. “You hated me and I couldn't stop trying to attract your attention, I refused to...lose. It was something stupid but then I learned _Harry_ . I learned about _you_ and when I saw you in California...spotted your curly head outside my office building, I…” My body shivers from the memory.

“You...you saw me?” I choke.

“I did.” He confirms. “And I knew. Harry I knew from that very moment.”

“But then what about the girl? You were with her-”

“I never loved her, never touched her at home, kept my distance, cleaned the house to occupy my time. We hardly conversed unless outside the house.” My eyes widen. “I even avoided the master bedroom.” He sighs. “I slept on the very bed you laid in when you stayed over those few nights.”

“I...I... what?” I find his eyes once again. “I was...in a spare-”

“You were in the room I used when I was home.”

“B-but...your annoying butler-”

“He was too blinded by the tabloids, so wrapped up in those sensational stories that he had no clue.” He kisses me again.

“George called me a friend-”

“He listens to James too much.” He runs his fingers through my short curls. “He didn't know either.”

“I...your maid and chef-”

“Are wonderful women. They could see through me like a pane of glass.”

“They...knew how you felt?”

“Before you came, absolutely. I put my trust in them...ensured you _found out_ about me.”

“But why not say it to my face?”

“Harry, I couldn't.” He sighs, looks away. “If I saw you hurt, if I...was alone with you admitting I was... _with someone else_ , I would have faltered, kissed you until we passed out, loved you forever. But I couldn't. I had to have you come to the fundraiser and _see_. It was just luck that Lukie became so ill making it the perfect excuse to have you come.”

“But...but you wanted to show me?”

“I was too weak.” He bites his lip. “I still _am_ and always will be.”

“I…” I stifle a sob.

“It was a horrid way for you to find out especially in front of my staff, the attendees...but I had to. You had to hate me even though it killed me on the inside.” We make eye contact.

“I did. For about...five seconds.” I clear my throat, swipe at my eyes.

“Five seconds?” He asks. “I'm certain it was longer than that.”

“No, Louis I was in love with you. My heart wouldn't allow it.” I admit. “I was incapable of hating you.” He watches me closely. “I walked away from you because I was aching so badly, so hurt by your deceit, and lies. I thought I would be... longing forever. And, I resented that. I would be stuck on you while you lived your life thousands of miles away. I didn't understand how to cope, how to _live_ without you.” He swipes his eyes then, loses his well placed façade in a matter of seconds.

“Then...then how have you been...lately?” He leans into me, encircles his arms around my neck. His eyes are glossy, filled with unshed tears.

“Awful.” I admit. “I’m doing terrible. I shouted at Dani and Natale, secluded myself, read history books to occupy my time.” I wrap my arms around him, tug him close. “I am a hot mess.”

“But…” He licks his lips. “But, Harry I'm here. I want to be here. I love...I love you.” My body responds instantly. “And you're...still terrible? Still a mess?”

“About thirty seconds ago I was, yes.” I kiss him gently on the mouth.

“But what about-”

“Louis?”

“Y-yeah?” He tugs me closer. “Please don't say... you're...you can't...do you still love me?” He pleads with his eyes. “Say it? To my face? Fill this void I have in my chest. I need you!” His breathing is erratic, his fingers clutching at my t-shirt for dear life. “H-Harry...I...I can't do any of this alone.” He sniffles. “I have such uncertainty about the future, about...my fucking sanity. If I continue like this-” I kiss him on the lips, breathe him in, eliminate the negativity he's feeling.

“Of course I love you. I never stopped because these feelings are so much more than a casual crush. They're life altering.” I say. “They're now part of my existence. _You're_ part of my existence.”

“I am? You really...you mean that?”

“Yes. I want to be your strength, your support, your everything.” I swipe away a tear from his eye. “And face you when you make love to me.”

“You...you will. We will!” He reassures. “I'll give you anything your heart desires.”

“You though. Just you.” I reiterate.

“Yup. Yeah and...and I'll kiss you and hug you and...watch the stars with you.”

“And eat crappy burgers and fries?”

“And make sundaes even though I'm insanely messy.” He leans into me. “And I'll send you flowers every six months. Right?”

“We agreed on six _weeks_.” I chuckle.

“R-right.” He swiftly rubs his eyes, adjusts his jacket, composes himself within seconds. “I…” Or at least tries to. He seems off kilter, slightly unhinged. “Harry.”

“Yeah?” My voice is low, just barely above a whisper.

“Let me love you?” He grips my curls. “Right now?”

“I am. I want your love. I want-”

“Come with me.” He tugs me to my feet.

“Huh?” I adjust my jeans, hide the excitement underneath the denim. “Where are we-”

“Follow me.”

“O-okay?”

.

.

.

.

I unlock the lock.

“Whats happening?” I question as we enter the bar hand in hand. “Louis-” He silences me with a kiss, wraps his arms around my neck and sucks vehemently at my mouth. I follow his lead without question, grip his cheeks, feel the need with every swipe of his tongue. He pushes me backwards towards the stairs, takes complete control.

“Harry.” He grunts between kisses. “Fuck, Harry I've been awaiting this moment…” He pushes me against the wall, slinks his fingers beneath my shirt, runs his fingers along my flesh. I whine into the air, take hold of his rear and push him flush against me. “ _Fuck_ , I feel you.” He says as he moves to my throat.

“Your...it's your fault.” I close my eyes as his mouth works my neck. “You make me...this loose.” I grip his torso suddenly, lift him up off his feet.

“W-what are you doing?” He wraps his legs securely around my waist.

“Taking you to my bed.” I confirm and climb the steps.

“You're killing my ego right now.” He stares into my eyes.

“I wanted to speed things along.” I smirk.

“So do I but-”

“You'll have your control. I promise.” I reassure.

“I...I don't mind.” He nuzzles into the crook of my neck, takes a deep breath. “Right here. Is perfect.” He sighs.

“You better not fall asleep.” I say the moment we reach the landing. “In fact-” I release my hold, hear his booted feet clatter against the floor. “You're walking the rest of the way.”

“My stop was the bedroom not the living room!”

“We have to say hi to Ed first.”

“Oh, right.” We find the orange tabby on the couch. “Hey bud. I love your daddy.” He pets the cats head.

“Okay that was totally adorable.” I croon. “See, Ed? Our family is finally complete.”

“That it is...but I hope you don't mind...I need him for a few minutes. I want to make him scream in ecstacy-”

“Okay enough with our hellos!!” I pull him towards the bedroom feeling my arousal take precedence.

“So impatient!”

“No!! I'm horny!!” I beg. “Now love me!!”

“I thought you were undressing me first?” He grips my shoulders.

“I am just don't...poke me in the leg with those boots.”

“These are my favorite.” He eyes his feet and the spikes protruding from the heel.

“I thought the silver ones were?” I remove his coat and begin unbuttoning his vest.

“These are now.” His fingers are running just beneath the waistband on my jeans.

“They look incredible.” I remove his jacket and vest, begin to work on his shirt next.

“Thanks.” He unbuttons the top button on my pants, then the second and third. “Find these in the women's section?” He whispers. I remove his shirt.

“Yes.” I touch his impeccable skin, trail my fingers over his tattoed chest.

“I never knew high waisted jeans could look this good.”

“Me either.” I say. “Take them off.” I lean into him.

“I am.” I work on his slacks next, pull them past his rear.

“Hurry up because you're naked and...I'm _not_.” I groan.

“Lay down on the bed.” He quickly removes my shirt.

“Yes.”  I turn around to go lay on my tummy.

“No Harry. I want to face you, forever.” He says and I think my insides melt. I flip over without any hesitation. “Perfect. Fuck you're...so beautiful.”

“So are you especially standing there naked in my... bedroom.”

“You're next.” He unbuttons the last button on my bottoms and pulls them down, revealing… “Wait? No-”

“I went commando.” I feel my confidence swell the longer Louis takes in my nudity.

“Obviously...yes. Yes you did.” He clears his throat. “W-wow. I thought...were you expecting someone...you know…” He removes the denim, bites at his lip.

“You were on my mind.” I wrap my legs around his torso, tug him towards me. “I was... inadvertently thinking of you I suppose. Even when I purchased these jeans.” He rests his elbows next to my head, leans closer. “Every time I dressed in the evening before work there was a small inkling of hope that…” I touch his cheek.

“What, Harry?”

“You'd surprise me and kiss my lips.” I sigh. “But I was angry. I pretended to hate you, insisted I was okay.” I shake my head. “I wasn't though. I never recovered because I blamed others for my suffering, became jealous of my friend's happiness, kept that fantasy of you showing up and sweeping me off my feet alive in my thoughts.” I divert my gaze. “I was my own worst enemy.”

“I think we both suffered enough.”

“Me too.” I find his irises, his beauty and perfection. “Now we can love one another.”

“Mmm…I'd like to.” He jerks his hips forward, rubs himself on my inner thigh, ignites my pleasure with one simple motion.

“Ah!” I cinch my eyes shut at the feeling.

“You look fucking incredible, so content, so...turned on and I...I honestly can't wait to see more.”

“You do?”

“Your flawless skin is drawing me in, you lips enticing me, your little noises seeping under my skin...I need...I need to have you.” He captures my lips, tugs at my hair, snaps his hips. He's unraveling me inch by inch, revealing my need, my desire to be with him and it's pathetic. I'm succumbing to his every desire, allowing this man to take over, to...mark me.

I whimper into his mouth then at the thought, tighten my hold around his small frame, and kiss back with equal fervor. I break away from his mouth, use my own strength and flip us over on the bed.

“Hey!” Louis eyes me wearily as I contemplate my next move. “I thought...I was-”

“I need to do one thing first.” I state matter of fact.

“What's...what's that?” His eyes widen as I run my tongue along my bottom lip.

“This.” I take hold of his hands, secure them to the mattress, and slowly lower my mouth to his neck. I grip the sensitive flesh, suck at the skin where his throat and collar bone meet, feel his body tense with excitement and anticipation.

“Fuck!!” His body convulses beneath me, reacts to my tongue and lips as I leave my mark on his body. “W-wow...what...fuck...I can't...think... you're-” His hips are dancing beneath me, his legs shaking uncontrollably. I bite down with enough force, make him squirm and beg for more, feel his member pulsing. “You're... you're-”

“Unfinished business.” I confirm and resume my sucking. I want him. I want every inch of him. I want his mind. I want his breath...I want-

“Ah!!” You're…” He fights my strength. “Giving me a hickey!?” I suck some more, bite the skin, only release when I know I've staked my claim.

“You're mine.” I swiftly kiss his lips. “All mine.” I look at his now blemished skin.

“Fuck.” He relaxes his limbs. “I didn't know-”

“I said I wasn't innocent.”

“But…” He looks to me. “But...fuck it must be that dimple.”

“Mmm.” I kiss his lips once more. “Now, make me feel special.”

“I don't know now... you've sort of taken over.”

“Feels good, no? To relent control?” I lie next to him, run my finger along his abdomen.

“Yes.” He nods, turns his attention towards me. “It does.” He seems saddened though.

“What's wrong?”

“Nothing. I've just…” He sighs. “I'm finally free.”

“Isn't that a reason to be...happy?” I reach the base of his erection, savor in the smooth skin.

“Y-yes.” He closes his eyes. “But...I've wasted so much...time.” I inch lower, reach his upper thigh. “And...and here we are... finally-”

“Open your eyes, Louis.” I kiss his cheek. “There's no need to worry.”

“Are you sure?” He asks.

“Yes, you're allowed to think of me. Always.”

“Always?”

“Always.” I kiss his lips. “You are _allowed_ to love me, to touch me, to face me in bed, to give your all.” I release my hand. “To show me your light.”

“You are my light, Harry. You're the stars, the galaxies, the cosmos, the constellations... everything. You're my universe.” He opens his eyes, swallows me whole with his blue irises and affection. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” I rest my head next to his, kiss his shoulder. “And never stop either.”

“I won't. I'm incapable.”

.

.

.

.

“Okay. Now open your eyes.” Louis says.

“Ugh…okay...fine... _fine._ ” I take a deep breath, calm my nerves, and do as instructed. I blink a few times at the sun shining in my face, find the sign affixed to the facade, the large picture window before me. I am able to peer inside to see the modernized adoption center, the cat climbers and condos, storage closets and bins, window perches, and endless...beyond _endless_ amounts of stuffed mice. “What...what…” My mind is paralyzed as I take in the beautiful space. It's surreal. The space is...it's...what? “Lou...you...what? How...we can't...whats going on?”

“Welcome to Jellybean.” He says from behind me. I turn to him then, feel a surge of emotions choking my heart.

“In...it's in...the apartment building?”

“I made a commercial space just for you.” His face is flushed, his hands are wringing, his legs shifting his weight.

“When?” My voice is just above a whisper.

“The day I visited. The day I knew it wasn't salvageable.”

“So you built...this?” I gesture towards the building.

“Well, not me per se, but yes it was my idea to have it included in the final design.” He nods, smiles a crooked grin, twists his fingers..

“Why?” I'm in utter shock. He shrugs.

“Do you really have to ask that?” I grip my hair.

“We…it's a beautiful place but we can't afford it though. The rent will be-”

“You are most certainly not paying a dime in rent or any utilities for that matter. It's been taken care of.” He confirms and my mouth falls open.

“...what?” My eyes are welling with tears, my heart is slamming in my chest, the butterflies in my stomach are alive and fluttering. “Louis...Oh my God, Louis.” I close the distance between us, encompass him in my arms, hold him so close to my heart. “You...you did this for me?” I kiss his cheek, savor in his scent. _Home. I'm home._

“Yup.” I feel his head bounce, feel his hold around my neck tighten. “I hope you like it.” He says directly in my ear.

“Like it? Louis, I absolutely love it.” He pulls away.

“Let's look inside.” He takes my hand.

“S-sure.” I swipe at my eyes. “Has Dani seen it?”

“Yes.” He nods.

“Did she know about…this?”

“No one knew except the workers.” He smiles towards me. “And me of course.”

“Oh...so you kept it quiet?”

“I had no choice. But Harry, it doesn't matter anymore okay?” He looks me in the eyes. “ _None of that matters_ .” He reassures. “I own this company and I will do what I feel is right. And this...well, felt _right._ ”

“I see...okay.” I follow close behind him as we approach. “I am ready to move ahead and…” We reach the entrance. “A double door!!!” I squeal with delight and open it up. “Louis!!!” I take in the small vestibule, the shiney floor. “Is this...wood!?”

“Nope! It's tile. It's meant to mimic wood but with the cats, it's much easier to clean and maintain.”

“Oh my...it's lovely. And the color palette you've chosen is homey and warm.”

“I had this vision in mind, wanted to veer from the modern edges you're not appreciative of.” He snorts. “So I kept it rustic. A little country.”

“I can't...oh my…” I open the second door and walk into the large space. It's a cat oasis, a place where felines can wander and play, grow and mature. “You even put shelving on the walls for them to climb on!!”

“Yes! It goes all across the room.” He points. “There's a bridge too.” I look up and see the beam suspended from wall to wall.

“Oh wow... they're going to love it.” I'm in disbelief. “That's...that's perfect...I cant...I cant even express my gratitude.” I walk further in, admire the cleanliness, the fresh paint, the beautiful flooring and murals on the walls. “You've...went all out.”

“I wanted to.” He follows me. “The cages are on wheels so you are able to roll them to the window. Or maybe you can leave the cats roaming all the time.” He suggests. “But that's your call.”

“They'll have a great view of the children playing at the park...and the passersby.” I look out the front, find the wooden sill just below the window, feel this feeling of uncertainty creep it's way in because it won't be just us anymore. These streets will be filled with transplants, unknowns, people with no knowledge as to what this town once stood for...what _we_ stand for still! They will never understand what we went through to make it thrive and grow, never have inkling of the time and effort we put in to avoid the craziness during the off season. And it's just unfair...it's not what we wanted... everything will be turned upside down and inside-out. Harper's Ferry will be unrecognizable...it will be a modern day city, a cookie cutter town...a place for families and a hard working class of people to live...and mask all the effort we put in.

But why now? Why am I feeling like this? I knew it was coming, had months to mentally prepare myself, be ready to face this moment head on. And I have everything that I want.

So why the anger? Why am I having this need to resent the change all of a sudden? I should be grateful I was given a second chance, take for granted of the success I've had, the charity of others to help us along, the friends I've made, the love...well the love I'll be able to share. So why?

“Hey.” He touches my arm, rouses me from my thoughts. _Why can't I be... thankful?_

“Hi, sorry.” I rub my eyes. “Yeah sorry.” I nod and turn towards him.

“Everything okay?” In this lighting his eyes are brilliant, so blue, so pure, so perfect.

“Y-yup. Just had a moment.” I admit.

“What kind of _moment_? Bad moment? Good moment?”

“A moment of uncertainty actually.” His face falls, his eyes expressing his insecurities.

“What? Why? About what?’ He rushes out. “Are you still...are you still angry? I mean...you're allowed to be because I fucked up. Really...really botched everything we-” I silence him with a kiss on the lips.

“No.” One more peck. “Not about us.” _Just one more_. “That's set in stone.”

“Then what-”

“Everything will be different and I'm still trying to wrap my head around it all. It will take some time and effort but I'll get there some day.”

“Oh...oh okay.” He grins.

“Yeah.” I look out the window towards the town. “I'll be fine. I have exactly what I was searching for.” I nod.

“I'm...I hope so.” He takes my hand.

“And I can't even begin to thank you.” I swipe my eyes. “For doing this for Dani and I, for breathing a new life into our mission...for you know…” I shrug, offer him a small smile. “Being you.” I add. “For caring as much as you do.”

“I do and always will.” He squeezes his fingers. “I'm determined remember?”

“Yup. You are...and it's a good thing too because boy am I stubborn!”

“That you are! But hey we all have our faults.” He takes me to a desk situated in the corner. “So here's all your adoption paperwork and such, phone, tablet-”

“We get a tablet!?” I squeak. “Really!?”

“Yes.” He chuckles. “It's easier for payment, keeping track of supplies, and payroll.”

“Oh we don't get paid. It's a not for profit organization.” I remind him.

“But your staff will.”

“Dani and myself…?”

“Oh no, I've hired two part time workers.”

“Huh?”

“I want you off two days a week.” I make a face.

“...why? Why do you need-”

“Well, when I go to California I want you to come with me.”

“I...uh...wait...what?” I pinch the bridge of my nose. “I'm confused. Like really...you hired two people for us? To do what? I love working.”

“Okay that leads me to my next surprise. Follow me.” He grips.my hand and takes me out a side door that leads into the lobby of the building.

“Louis please explain…” I take in the size, the elegance, the beauty. “Woah.” I'm stunned into silence.

“It's certainly a pretty entrance.” He says as he presses the call button for the elevator.

“More than...pretty. it's magnificent. You really put a lot of time and effort into it.”

“Again, I only shared ideas. I designed Jellybean but this was all the designer.”

“You...were the one who...that was all you?” I squeak.

“Yup.” He looks to me, astounds me with his sincerity. “Jellybean has a special place in my heart.” He nods and leads us into the car. “So...this next surprise...well...this is also for you.”

“There's more?”

“Yes. A lot more.”

“Oh... Jesus.” I grip his hand. “Will I cry? Because...I'm a blubbering mess already.”

“You're lovely.” He kisses my cheek. “I mean you may cry.”

“Ugh!” I groan. “I can't...oh man.” The doors open into a foyer, a beautiful marbled foyer...and holy cow!! “What's this?”

“Yours?”

“Mine!?” We walk into the space. “How...but...I...huh?” I turn to him, find it difficult to suppress my perplexity. “What's going on?”

“This is your home.” He confirms, nods, pulls me further in. “Well, technically it's mine as well, but you're the rightful owner of the pent house.”

“Yours!?” I search the space, eye every corner, note the warm tones and impeccable attention to detail. “B-but you live…you built...your home-”

“I want to live here with you, Harry. No more back and forth alone.”

“W-wait...but I…” I have my apartment. “I can't afford to live here.” I blurt. “We're not all billionaires like yourself.”

“No need to worry.”

“I refuse to take anything more.” I shake my head. “The adoption center was enough. But this!? I can't...this is...out of my league!!”

“No it's not. That's what you want to believe about yourself but I know different, Harry. You're not here for the money... you're here for...well, me. You're here for me and I _want_ you to be lavished and content...and happy with me.”

“But I am happy especially with my simple way of life, my torn jeans and crappy sneakers. I can't…” I take in the windows, the draperies, the living room, and kitchen. “This isn't me.”

“So then you don't want it?” His voice is small, ashamed, hurt.

“I want _you._ I've always wanted you.” I confirm. “The accessories were never important to me.” I meet his eyes. “You're enough.”

“But...but I want to live here with you.” My heart stutters in my chest. “I want to _be with you_.”

“You will. I can guarantee.”

“But where will I stay?”

“It's small, and most certainly not as luxurious as this, but my apartment above the bar will do just fine.” I smile, pull him into a hug. “Rent this out to some rich snot and make some money.” His shoulders are shaking, his arms becoming impossibly tight around my waist. “Okay I'm sorry. The snot joke was mean.” I rub his back.

“N-no it's not that.” He squeezes again.

“Then what is it? I can make room for your boots I swear. I only have like...three solid pairs of shoes.”

“Harry!” He pushes me away and continues to sob into his hands. I'm at a loss, so confused, so hurt?

“Why are you crying? Please don't...I...I'm sorry I don't want to live here...I'm sorry I insulted you. But you know how I felt about this. I don't need the frills. I want you!” I touch his back.

“Th-thats just it...you want me, solely me. And...and that's irreplaceable. My love for you is enough.” He snivles. “And it's boundless really.”

“Can I please hug you? Like right now? Because I need to comfort you.” I reach for his arms, pull his hands away from his wet cheeks. “Oh Louis.” His eyes are glassy, lips chapped from biting at them. “Come here.” He practically falls into my chest, transfers his weight over to me and just cries.

.

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.

.

“You're seriously wearing those?” Brett asks with mild disgust. We eye my black tattered Vans.

“Yeah so?” I shrug.

“You're dating a billionaire, Harry. A damn _billionaire_ and you're walking around in shit sneakers and ripped jeans?”

“I refuse to be someone I'm not.”

“Is that why you're living in your apartment still?”

“Yes. Of course. Louis understands. In fact, he welcomes it.”

“Because you're not using him.”

“Precisely. I'm here for him, not his money.”

“Good for you.” He sips from his cup of coffee.

“Thanks.” I smirk, look his way. “And thank you Brett.”

“For what?” He looks to the bakery the moment Natale appears. “Being a friend, supporting me, watching me fall apart but managing to keep me in one piece. How could I ever repay you?”

“Well…” He stands, takes his fiancees hand in his. “You have already.” He turns to her. “Hey.”

“Hi!” She smiles sweetly, kisses him on the cheek.

“Oh…” I whisper.

“I'm ready to adopt some kitties!!” Natale nudges Brett. “Please?”

“Absolutely.” I nod. “I have just the feline for you!”

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.

.

“Ah!! He's so cute!!!” Natale is seated at the bay window with Justin, a brown tabby, and Charlie, a white and grey domestic short hair. “Brett!!! I can't choose!!!”

“You're in trouble.” Dani says as she picks up a rather large Maine coon. “She's eyeing the two cats who fight over this beauty right here.” She motions to the feline in her arms. “Isn't that right Selena?” She coos. “You're a real catch!”

“She sheds too much.” Louis approaches, makes a face.

“She's still beautiful.” Dani reassures.

“Brett!!!” Natale screeches.

“Yes dear!” Brett grabs my arm, tugs me backward. “You’re in trouble.” He pinches my bicep.

“Owe!!!” I whine. “You're lucky she only wants two. Last we spoke she said she was looking for five!”

“Five!?” Brett gasps. “Shit. That's a lot of poop.” He grunts.

“Mmmm and a lot of litter.” I wink.

“And a lot of hair.” He plants his head in his hands. “I'll hire you to tend to them. How does that sound?” He drapes his arm across my shoulders.

“Nah. I've got plenty here.” I pick up a ragamuffin named Shawn. “Right buddy?” I gently pet behind his ear.

“Harry, our flight is in an hour.” Louis reminds me.

“Oh...oh okay.” I frown.

“We'll be back in a few days, okay?” He kisses my cheek.

“I... alright.” I hand Shawn to Brett. “He's a good boy, try and convince her-” I motion towards his future wife. “-that he's a good choice.”

“They're... biting each other!!” Natale yells.

“Ah no!!” Dani runs over to her to subdue the fight.  “Stop! Justin!! Charlie!!! Stop...stop!!!”

“Let's go!” I smile towards Louis. “Like now!!” I push him to the exit. “Bye guys!!!”

“Get back here!!!” Dani shouts.

“Nope! Bye!!!” I run to the door with Louis in hand.

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.

.

“There isn't much to see tonight.” Louis says.

“I know but I've wanted to do this for… a while now.” We're gazing up at the sky, watching the small dots twinkle to life. “And I want to savor this moment.”

“Okay.” He grips my hand.

“I never want to take anything for granted either. I want to appreciate these times we have together, enjoy every second.”

“That's fine, Harry.” His voice is laced with humor. “Anything you want darling.”

“Are you mocking me?” I look to him and he's staring me down, smirking a crooked grin.

“Never.” He bites his lip. “I could never-” I move quickly, smoothly, with such precision Louis isn't able to react. “What are you doing!?” I straddle his hips.

“Pay back.” My smile is devious.

“Huh?” His face falls as I slip my fingers beneath his shirt. “W-wait!! Wait wait!!!” He convulses with laughter as I begin tickling his torso. “Noooo!” He attempts to fight me off, cries in absolute joy. “Harry!! Harry stop!!!”

“Nope! I love seeing you so cute and squishy!!” His skin is divine, his scent a God send, his very being the most precious gift.

“B-but...but...Harry...I...I-” He throws his head back into the grass and squeals with delight. “I love...I love you!! Please...please I can't...breathe!!” He pushes at my waist, at my arms, thrashes his legs about but I'm simply too heavy! “I'm sorry... I'M SORRY!!!” He cries and only then do I cease my tickle fest.

“Okay.” I lie back down next to him, feel his chest heaving from his exertion.

“Fuck!! That hurts!!” He whines.

“Stop being a baby.” I look to the darkened sky.

“I'm...I'm not!”

“Yes you are now let me tell you about the constellations.” I say.

“Huh? I thought that was-”

“I've read a lot remember?” He glances my way.

“Y-yes. I do but I wanted to impress _you_ with _my_ knowledge.”

“You had the cats. It's my turn now.” I take his hand. “So... Hydra.”

“Hydra!?” His tone is incredulous.

“Oh yes, Louis. Hydra, a water serpent. It's the largest constellation in the sky, spans over thirteen hundred square degrees.” I nod. “Its brightest star-”

“Okay but seriously!?” He sits up, stares me down. “Did you like memorize these facts or something?”

“No, Louis. I studied. I learned.” I hesitate. “I wanted to prove I have a brain.” He smiles at that, squeezes his fingers. “I'm more than a _sweet ass_.” I reiterate.

“You were always more than a beautiful person, Harry. Yes your physical attributes are quite appealing and I will not deny my attraction towards you but you have this gift you see-”

“Oh _please_.” I snap. “Long legs and a curly head of hair.”

“And a dimple.”

“Ugh!! See!?”

“Besides all of that, you're a magnet, a genuine person, pure.” He touches my cheek. “You have such an exhilarating aura, an amiable soul. Every person you encounter sees it, adores it, wants to internalize it.” He kisses my lips. “It's difficult to ignore.” I look back to the sky.

“So you're saying I'm actually...more than a nice rear end?”

“Yes!! “ He slaps my arm. “You were always more than that.”

“Oh.” I frown still unable to fathom Louis’ confession. “I don't see it.”

“Of course you wouldn't. You're too humble.”

“I suppose.” I sigh. “I'm just relieved others see it too.”

“They do. They adore you.”

“I hope so.”

“Nothing to hope for when it's a fact.” He reassures.

“I suppose so…” I take a deep breath and release it slowly.

“So, Hydra. What can you tell me about this serpent?” He asks as he lays down next to me.

“Um…well it's not like you _don't_ know.”

“You're right I do but come on, enlighten me anyway.”

“Ha- _ha_ everyone is a comedian…” I'm studying the sky, the small dots, the blackness, the tail of a shooting star!? “Louis!!!” I shout.

“What is it!” He freaks.

“Look!! There! A shooting...it's a shooting star!!” I gasp, I cry, I sob. “Oh my goodness!! Make a wish! Make. A. Wish!” I close my eyes, imagine my wish as clear as day, pray to the constellations in the sky and the universe beyond, hope my one true desire will be granted. And it's beautiful really. It's so beautiful because…it's everything I could ever dream of.

I open my eyes suddenly to find he's watching me with this agonizing expression, a look of fear easily on display. It makes my heart stutter.

“What's your wish?” His voice is just above a whisper. “What piece are you missing? What did I fail to do to make you happy?” I eye him quizzically, commit every dip and curve of his face to memory, admire his beauty. “Harry?” I clear my throat.

“I did. I wished.” I smoosh my face into his neck, drape my arm across his chest.

“...and? What was it?” He tentatively touches me back.

“This actually.” I say. “It was this very moment.”

“Huh?”

“Exactly.” I sink further into his being. “You are my wish.”

“Oh. I thought-”

“Yeah, remember when I said I only wanted you? That large...significant detail?”

“Yeah...yeah.” He holds me tighter.

“That still stands. Now and forever.”

“Oh.”

“Speechless?” I ask.

“No, just...happy that…” He trails off.

“That what?” I urge.

“That you did not wish for your underwear back.” He chuckles.

“What!!” I sit upright. “You took _another_ pair!? When!”

“Enhance your calm, Harold.” He bursts into a fit of giggles.

“Louis you're in deep-”

“What? Poop?”

“No shit!! You're in deep shit!” My mock anger turns to happiness, utter happiness. “Now you'll be tickled some more!”

“Noooo!” He cries. “A-anything but that!! Please!”

“Too late.” I straddle his hips once again. “My fingers are just _itching_ to touch you.” I croon.

“Oh God.” He rests his arms above his head in defeat. “Get it over with.” His eyes are brilliant, impossibly blue, so bright and beguiling. They have me entranced.

“Mmm prepare yourself.” I entice him, touch his waist, his warm skin, graze my nails across his stomach. “You're not stopping me.” I continue my ascent.

“I'd rather you not actually.” He waggles his eyebrows.

“Boys!!!” We hear the cook in the distance. “Dinner is ready!!”

“Oh, Clare.” Louis groans. “Always interrupting.” I pinch his abdomen. “Ah!!!”

“She's a good person.” I say. “Leave her alone.”

“I know she just-”

“Stop with your shenanigans and get your butts in here!” She sounds more adamant.

“Better listen to her.” I warn.

“Alright alright…” He takes my hand. “We can make sundaes afterwards.”

“As long as I can use the regular whipped cream.”

“Don't worry about that, you'll be having _plenty._ ” He tugs me forward.

“I will?”

“Oh yes.” He smirks and tugs me further up the path towards home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey!  
> You made it :) I hope you enjoyed reading and for getting past my slight outburst.
> 
> But honestly I never thought I was going to finish. Between life and trying to make everything perfect, it was becoming a burden. I did it though and I'm certainly no where near perfect so that's okay.
> 
> I never thought I'd be back here and writing something new *sigh*. I guess I can't get enough? I was actually inspired by an album I listened to recently from Jimmy Eat World entitled Clarity. It's filled with so many emotions and feelings I can't stay away from it. I couldn't imagine an album that was written 20 years ago would be my muse but here we have it folks. "Just Watch the Fireworks" will be here who knows when.
> 
> For now. Have a wonderful day. <3


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